Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Madi stood, flipped on her lamp and scooted back into her desk chair. Madi stared at her book for a few more seconds before releasing a frustrated groan and glancing back out the window. The approaching darkness of night made her think about the pain Jake still had over the mistakes of his past. He still blamed himself for not protecting his sister, Gina, when she was abused as a child, and he still felt so guilty over the death of his teenage girlfriend, Tessa, who’d died in a car accident after fighting with him. Although she’d gotten through to him, she knew deep inside that his fears of hurting the people he cared for were still hiding just beneath the surface, on the other side of his heart. She made a mental note to remind him that the best things were always worth fighting for.

  The rustle of leaves on the ground made her wonder if fall would be just as cool in Los Angeles. Would she be able to leave her family and Kendra behind to move closer to him at the end of the year? She shook her head and pulled out her notebook, flipping through the pages. She needed to focus on school. She was procrastinating yet again. Madi inclined, stretching her arms above her head. Thinking about Jake wouldn’t get her work done.

  She flipped the page to another side of her notes before glancing at her phone once more. In a few short hours, she would hear his voice and get all the reassurance she could ever need.

  JAKE PACED IN his tour bus as he held his cell to his ear. He wasn’t good at being patient, and Dave, the head of security team, had left him on hold for the last five minutes. Jake had just finished a concert in Wyoming and was anxious to get a shower and change his clothes. More than that, he was worried about what Dave was about to tell him.

  Jake flexed his fingers through his thick hair as he remembered the day in June when Madi had been attacked by one of his security guards. The attack wasn’t random. It turned out the guard was acting under an alias and had a vendetta against Jake for some reason. He’d been locked up in jail since then, and Jake was on hold, waiting for Dave to tell him the latest, maybe even a court date. What in the hell was taking him so long? Jake felt a twist in the pit of his stomach. Usually his instincts were on the money. Something was telling him there was a bad reason he had to wait.

  They’d been able to keep Madi’s name out of the news, but the guard seemed to know who she was when he attacked her. Dave had been gathering background information on him, but Jake wanted to know more. He was considering hanging up, but Dave finally clicked back on the line.

  “Shit, Dave, I was just about to hang up. What’s going on?”

  “Umm… Is Caleb there with you?” Dave asked cautiously.

  “Why in the hell would I be with Caleb? Just spit it out. You work for me, remember?”

  “Listen, Jake, you’d better sit down.”

  Jake walked frantically back and forth across the bus, then stopped suddenly. “Just tell me.” Jake could feel his heart leap into his throat. It had to be bad. Dave had never coddled him before.

  “I just spoke to the attorney. There was a problem during his arrest. Apparently, the officer never read him his Miranda rights before they questioned him. His confession is inadmissible.”

  Jake sat down, then stood up, then sat down again. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “His attorney filed a motion to have him released on bond. Apparently he has enough money in the bank to cover the hefty fee. It looks like he may be out in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Now he’s saying that Madi consented—that it was mutual. I’m sorry, Jake. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.”

  Jake caught the nervousness in Dave’s voice. He knew it wasn’t Dave’s fault, but Jake wanted answers. He could feel his body tense as the anger began to build. “I want to know who is responsible for this. I want to know the names of the arresting officers who came to the bus that day. I want a full report on this security guard, Peter Markum. I want to know how someone with prior arrests for battery, forgery and theft could have secured a job as a guard for me. Explain to me how someone with a record like his could have gotten out with a failure to read Miranda rights?” Jake paced around the room with his hand on his head.

  “Jake, I—”

  “Tell me how I’m supposed to live, knowing that the man who tried to rape Madi is probably walking free tomorrow? Tell me how I’m supposed to tell Madi that I broke my promise to her that she would never have to worry about him? How do we know he won’t go after her again? I want to know everything there is to know about him, including where he lays his head every night. I want to know if he stands up, how many breaths he takes and every move he makes until I can put him away for good. I want to know why he has it out for me and what he thought he would gain by working for me. Do you hear me? Do you know how fucking pissed I am right now?”

  Dave cleared his throat. “I was hoping I could bring you better news. He’s not exactly free, just for now until the actual court date. I was finally able to get some more information on him. It seems this Peter has a slew of aliases that he’s used. If you remember, he came to us with the name and social security number of a Tom Rose. He checked out. We had no reason to doubt him. I have my guys running reports on all his known names. It’s going to take us a while to put it all together. It seems he also may have had a juvenile record. I’m going to talk to some people and try to get the info, if it’s not sealed. It may take some time, but...”

  “Time? I don’t have time to wait for him to do something else. I want a tail on him the moment he’s out of police custody. Hire the best, most trustworthy PI there is, and get all the information on him you can. I want this tomorrow, Dave. Do you hear me?”

  “I’ll get right on it.”

  After his call with Dave, Jake took a long, hot shower. He walked from the bathroom to the bed and dropped the towel from his hips, pulling on a pair of boxer briefs before sitting on the edge. He bent down at the waist and placed his fingertips together, making a triangle with his hands. What was he going to tell Madi? It was ten o’clock in Chicago and almost time for him to call her. He imagined the expression on her face when he told her he’d failed her and that the man who had tried to hurt her would soon be free to try again.

  He practiced the words over and over in his head, telling her he was sorry. Madi would probably tell him it wasn’t his fault. He shook his head, knowing she would try to ease his discomfort when he should be easing hers. He would remind her she was safe in Chicago. For the first time since they’d found each other again, Jake was glad Madi wasn’t in L.A. If she were in L.A., she’d be in danger. Maybe if he had Peter Markum watched twenty-four hours a day, then she’d be safe no matter where she was. It would be like he wasn’t even out. After a moment, he considered whether or not he should even tell her. What good would it do her? She would be worried and stressed, and he wouldn’t be there to make her feel protected. She would worry about him, and she’d constantly be looking over her shoulder. Her grades would suffer. She would suffer.

  He stood and paced the room with his hands in his hair. After several minutes, he picked up his cell and dialed a number.

  “Haster Surveillance, this is Rob.”

  “Rob, it’s Jake. I have something to ask you and it’s big. It’s going to require several of your best men. I don’t care about the cost.”

  “Whatever you need, Jake. Just name it.”

  “Do you remember when I told you about the security guard who attacked my girlfriend?

  “Yep.”

  “Well, he’s getting out. I have my personal team tailing him, but I need you for something even more important. I need you to protect my family and my girl. Do you think you can do that?”

  “We’ve been friends for years. You’re like family to me. Just tell me what you need.”

  “I need you to arrange for a guard in Chicago. The thing is… she can’t know you’re there. I need you to protect her from the shadows. She doesn’t know, and I’m not going to tell her until I can speak to her face to face, or until the threat becomes more severe. I
’ll fax you the details.”

  “Consider it done. I know some people there. I’ll take care of it.”

  Jake quickly threw on a pair of sweats and walked out his door into the main area of the bus, looking for his manager. “Caleb, he’s getting out. I want you to call a staff meeting when we arrive in Denver. I want everyone watching out for this guy, but I don’t want a word of this to get back to Madi.”

  Caleb nodded, but Jake didn’t allow him time to speak before he turned and closed the door. He knew he should tell her, but he didn’t want to frighten her. It wasn’t like he was lying; he just wasn’t worrying her needlessly—at least not until he knew more. As far as he knew, this guard had no idea where she was, and he wanted to keep it that way. He would tell her when he saw her at Thanksgiving, after he knew for sure Peter was being tailed every second of the day and that he had a definite court date.

  As he leaned against the doorframe, he could feel the pain creeping in. How could this have happened? Madi would have been better off if she’d never even met him, but it was too late for that. Jake’s chest ached at the thought of never seeing her again. She was a part of him and he needed her. But one thing he did know for sure, he would give up everything he had to keep her safe, even if it meant he had to lose her in the process.

  He made a mental checklist to make sure every angle had been covered. Madi would have a shield first thing in the morning. His friend Rob was ex-military and ran his own security firm. He would only use his people from now on. Jake knew Rob employed mostly military men and conducted background checks like the secret service. He should have used him from the beginning, instead of going off Caleb’s recommendation. Never again. Jake would trust his instincts from here on out.

  He took a deep breath and glared at the clock: five more minutes. He needed to calm down and attempt to act normal. No one knew him better than Madi, and she would be able to tell he was tense if he wasn’t careful. As he thought of her, his lips curled into a smile. It had been way too long since he’d held her in his arms. If he hadn’t been completely booked on tour, he would have flown out to see her immediately. His final concert was scheduled for November. When he saw her face to face, he’d tell her everything. He just had to put on this charade for a while longer. She had school to think about, and he knew she would worry about him. Peter was bound to screw up, and they’d be there to catch him. Jake would never let him near Madi ever again, no matter what he had to do.

  ***

  MADI YAWNED AND closed her book before glancing at the clock for the third time in ten minutes. Why did the last few minutes of waiting always go by so slowly? Madi scuffled to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She had an 8:00 a.m. class in the morning and would need to go to bed right after she finished talking to Jake. She smiled to herself before she spit out her toothpaste. She loved hearing from him right before she closed her eyes. His voice was so sexy. Sometimes it would rile her up and she’d lie awake for hours, thinking about him. Other times his voice would soothe her and make it easy to fall asleep. Considering she needed sleep, she hoped for the latter tonight.

  Madi threw on her oversized t-shirt, brushed out her hair, removed her contacts and lay down on the bed. She remembered their last night together; the last time she saw him. Ang had tricked her into coming to his concert so he could tell her how he felt. She remembered every word he had said to her, especially when he told her he loved her too. She’d flown into his arms and he had kissed her without a second thought. It wasn’t a chaste kiss, either. His mouth had fed on hers with a desperate hunger, one she felt as well. They must have stood there devouring each other for over twenty minutes before Ang knocked and asked if they were okay. When she unlocked the door and peeked in the room, they were laughing while they kissed and waved to her, but they never left each other. Ang chuckled and closed the door again. Madi had heard her tell Dave not to let anyone disturb them.

  As Jake’s tongue had expertly explored her mouth, his hands had begun to explore her body. Madi had been unable to help herself; she’d reached behind him and grabbed his ass, and he’d smiled through his kiss.

  “You always did like my ass,” he said as he kissed her.

  “It’s true,” she replied. “It is a fine, fine ass. I’d like to touch it without so much material covering it.”

  Jake immediately stopped smiling as he slid his hand around her waist and pulled her firmly up against him. “If you’d like me to drop my pants right here, I’d be happy to grant your wish.”

  Madi’s faced blushed red at his words. He was so damn confident. The idea of him dropping his pants made her feel limp and needy. Just as quickly, her mind wandered to thoughts of the future. He’d just said he loved her. Now what? She felt herself chewing her bottom lip as her eyes fell to the floor.

  He lifted her chin until her eyes met his. “Are you biting that lip because you’re thinking of me naked, or because you’re worried about something?”

  “Both,” she said through a nervous smile.

  Jake pulled back slightly and smirked. Madi had to catch her breath. His smile made her weak in the knees. She found herself staring at his lips and wishing they were pressed to hers again.

  “There’s nothing to worry about, baby. We’ve already done all the hard stuff. Now all we need to do is be together.”

  Madi inhaled deeply, taking in his scent. Her hands rested on his forearms and slowly made their way to his chest. She played with the buttons of his shirt and suddenly wanted nothing more than to remove him of it. The only time they’d been together had been amazing, but she didn’t get to touch him the way she’d wanted to.

  His eyes trailed her face down to her fingers. She was staring at his buttons and licking her lips. Jake moaned softly, “You know those little round things in your hands? Well, if you push them through the holes, they actually come undone. Would you like me to help?”

  Madi grinned, “You think I’m so taken with your hotness that I can’t hold a simple conversation without wanting to remove your clothing?”

  “I can’t speak for you, but I would love to remove my shirt, your shirt, my pants and your pants. There’s just too much clothing between me and the girl I love.”

  Madi’s breath increased as she felt her body tremble at his words. She wanted him.

  “Please tell me you can stay with me tonight. Please don’t tell me you need to go home. I’ll do anything to be with you before my concert tomorrow.”

  “Can you stay here tonight?” Madi didn’t care how frantic her words sounded as she said them. She’d forgotten where they were and who he was. He was still on tour. Did she have to say goodbye already?

  A crooked smile traveled across his face and his eyes lit up with excitement. “I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight, anyway. I’d hoped you’d forgive me, so I planned a little surprise for you.”

  “A surprise?” Madi couldn’t hide her enthusiasm.

  Jake’s brilliant blue eyes dilated as he seemed to ponder a thought. His eyes turned dark as his expression changed. He squinted slightly as he studied her and his lips pressed together. His finger reached up and gently pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Madi Ryan, will you spend the night with me?”

  Madi thought she was crazed before he’d spoken, but there was something about the intensity with which he stared at her. “Yes.” It was all she could manage to say.

  “Do you trust me? Can you trust me?” he asked urgently.

  “Yes, of course. Completely.”

  He tilted his head down and whispered, “Come,” as he held out his hand.

  Jake insisted they walk out the doors separately. Madi went out the side door and into a dark limo. Jake came from the back toward the area where the tour bus was waiting. The limo pulled around, and Madi watched from inside. The flashes were blinding as Jake left the building, signing autographs and posing for pictures all the way. She was hidden from sight as he entered the car. Once the door had closed, he immediately lifted her hand in
his, bringing it to his mouth. Madi studied the way his lips parted before he kissed her knuckles. Her breath hitched and she longed for his lips on hers. Her hands tingled at his touch.

  Madi was staring at the ceiling with a ridiculous smile on her face at the memory when her phone rang. She picked it up before it finished its first chime.

  “Someone’s a little anxious tonight,” he said in a deep, throaty voice.

  Madi felt a wave of relief at the sound of him. “I was just thinking about that night after the concert in Chicago.”

  “I see…” Madi could hear him smile as he spoke. “Which part were you thinking about?”

  She twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. “There are so many parts to remember.”

  “Yes there are. One of the best nights of my life.”

  Madi noted how deeply he sighed, like remembering made him ache. She liked reminding him of what he was missing, being so far away. “One?” she asked with fake concern.

  “Babe, all my best nights are with you.”

  “How was your concert tonight?” she asked through her smile.

  “Good. I think they liked me.”

  “You think?” she laughed. “You’re kidding, right? Everyone likes you. Everyone loves you.”

  “I’m not concerned if everyone loves me. I’m only interested in the love of one girl.”

  “Allison Gregory?” Madi said on instinct. She immediately regretted the words and squeezed her eyes shut.

  Jake sighed into the phone. “You’re not reading smut again, are you?”