Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Jake slowly broke away from her and stared into her eyes. His forehead rested on hers. “I need to stop before I get carried away,” he sighed. “I want you to know that I’m happy being here with you and that I’m perfectly content to just hold you in my arms. I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing you in any way. I want to make that clear. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and a lot of doubts. I know I fucked up, and I want to explain anything and everything to you. I want you to believe me when I say how much I want this thing between us to work. You were never a one night stand. You never could be.”

  Madi’s head gradually pulled away from his as she studied his expression. Jake searched her face in an attempt to read what she was thinking but came up with nothing, as usual. She always beguiled him. It was one of the things he cherished most about her.

  A slow, devious grin crept across her lips, and Jake desperately needed to know her thoughts. “Mads, for the love of God, you need to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

  “Didn’t I just tell you that I wanted the steak?”

  Jake’s mind raced back to Madi, standing in red garter belts, drunk out of her mind in his apartment in L.A. He remembered her telling him she’d always had the chicken salad because it was safe. Back then she’d also said she wanted the steak. She said he was the steak. “Are you hungry?” he asked, motioning toward the table.

  Madi’s smile widened as she glanced over his shoulder at the table of food. “That’s not the steak I want.”

  Jake closed his eyes and smiled, shaking his head. He opened them suddenly when he felt her fingers begin to unbutton his shirt. He followed her trembling hands with his eyes as they deftly stripped his chest. Madi took a deep breath, and Jake smirked as her eyes traveled the length of his torso. She flexed her hand over his pecs before circling the nipples on his chest and running her fingers through the small amount of hair there. She smiled and sucked in her lip as her hand gently examined each one of his stomach muscles. That same electricity they had between them before was present like another force in the room. Her touch sent shivers through him, directly to his manhood.

  “You are a beautiful man, Jake Morgan.” She turned behind him, pulling his shirt down his arms. She skimmed her fingers over him, kissing his shoulders.

  “I assume you’re satisfied with the cut of your steak?” he asked with a mischievous tone as her hand reached around him and squeezed his stomach. Her tongue and lips kissed the area between his shoulder blades. He could feel a smile in her kiss. Jake closed his eyes and tried to remember to breathe. His mind went back to the morning he awoke with her hand on his stomach. He remembered her saying how tight it felt and how she had wanted to touch him. He also remembered her bare legs wrapped in the covers. He felt a twitch in his pants. They were suddenly becoming a little too tight.

  He almost said something, but he couldn’t focus on anything but the way her touch made him feel. He’d denied himself her for so long. He silently promised himself that he would never take a single kiss from her for granted. She continued to press her lips to his back as her hands made their way down to his belt. She quickly unfastened it, undid the button of his jeans, and gently pulled his zipper down. Jake could feel the effect she was having on him and wondered how long he’d be able to stand still. Her hand reached inside his boxer briefs and found him. He couldn’t help the sharp intake of air that left his mouth at the feel of her hands on him. She stood there for a few moments with her lips on his back and her hands knowingly stroking him from behind, as if she could read his inner thoughts and desires. Before he knew it, Madi turned and was on her knees in front of him. “Jesus... Madi…” He could barely get her name out as he panted.

  “I… want… the… steak. This piece of steak.” Madi pulled down his boxer briefs and gently flicked her tongue on him.

  “Fuck…” Her mouth covered him and all other thoughts, besides those of her lips and tongue, vanished. All he could think of was how expertly she had touched him, how knowingly her mouth savored him, and how she had turned his heat into a raging fire. His eyes bore down into her as she briefly lifted her eyes to meet them. The sight of her mouth on him made heat radiate through him. His eyes closed in reflex as the pressure began to build. She was good… No, she was amazing. Really amazing… He grasped her hair in his hand. His eyes trailed down to her and she glanced up, meeting his gaze as she sucked him deeper into her mouth. The sight and feel of her sent him over the edge, and he needed to stop her before things went too far, too quickly. He pulled her arms, lifting her, and kissed her mouth through his groaning desire. Madi’s body pushed into his as he began to unbutton her blouse.

  His lips left her mouth as he explored her neck and shoulders. The smell of her skin made him moan. His fingers pushed inside her blouse as he finished unhooking the buttons, grabbing onto her breast through her bra. He slid the shirt off her shoulders and ran his finger gently over her collarbone. Her head dipped back at the feel of his hands, and he bent down to kiss the center of her throat. He slid her bra strap down her arm as he sucked her shoulder and held her neck in his opposite hand. He could tell by the way her hands gripped him that he had done something she liked. He did the same with the other strap, but more slowly and deliberately.

  Madi squeezed his shoulder before moving her hand down to his ass. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra as he continued to nibble her neck. He worked his way down her until his mouth found her nipple. Gently, he flicked his tongue over her before kneading her breasts in his hands and gently sucking her into his mouth. He leaned down further and continued to worship her breasts with his lips and his tongue, pulling her nipple with his lips until she began to squirm and pant. Madi moaned as Jake’s hand trailed along the line of her jeans, stroking her from the outside with his fingers. His lips gently sucked, then pulled and twisted her nipple in his mouth. He had to have her. She was perfect. He would never let her go again. He kneeled in front of her as he slowly pulled her jeans down her thighs. He lingered at her stomach, gently inserting his tongue into her belly button while his hands reached behind her and pressed into her flesh. Her hands grasped his hair as she stepped each leg out, allowing Jake to run his tongue down the outside of her thigh and to her knee. He stood and lifted her into his arms, carrying her to the front of the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips tenderly. He pulled back the covers and gently laid her head on the pillow. He kissed her lips softly before he stood up and began to remove the last of his clothing. Madi bit her lip as she nervously watched him. The way her shy eyes surveyed his body made him want her even more.

  He angled himself over her as his mouth found hers, and his fingers felt the soft, lacy fabric of her panties. He slid his finger under her panties from the side as his tongue continued to dip into her mouth.

  “Jake… I want you now.”

  Her words incensed his fire. He hooked his finger in the lace and yanked her panties down her legs. She gasped, then giggled through their kisses. Jake climbed in bed next to her as his fingers trailed over her hips and stomach before finding their way to her most sensitive area. He loved how wet she was and how tightly she clenched his finger as he slid it inside her. He watched her face as she closed her eyes and focused on his touch. He pulled his hand to his mouth and licked his fingers before touching her again. Madi moaned and bucked her body as he slid two fingers into her wetness. He trailed kisses down her stomach before stopping at her waist. His fingers caressed her as his tongue tasted her tenderly with a pressing need. He licked and flicked his tongue on her before greedily pulling her into his mouth. Madi’s back arched as she grasped the covers of the bed. After several minutes of feeding on her, licking, sucking and caressing, when he could feel her muscle beginning to tighten and hear her breath begin to quicken, he descended on top of her. Just as his tip touched her entrance, he wondered if he should use a condom. He stopped and furrowed his brows.

  “We never discussed the protection thi
ng,” Jake managed through his panting need.

  “Still on the pill.” Madi moaned and shifted under him to pull him in.

  Jake pulled back slightly. “I want you to know that I’ve always used condoms. That first time with you… you felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I don’t want you to worry about me. I take my health seriously and I’m clean. Okay?”

  Madi smiled nervously at him and took a deep breath as her hands wrapped around his strong shoulders. “I need to tell you something.”

  Jake felt himself tense as he looked deeply into her eyes. He wondered if she could tell he was worried about what she might say.

  “I’ve… only been with one other guy besides you.”

  Jake felt the air expel from his mouth as if he were holding his breath the whole time. He felt relieved and suddenly jealous of the idea of another man being inside what he felt was now his. He slid next to her as he continued to brush his fingers over her stomach. How could she have only done this once before? The way she touched him... It was as if he had told her exactly what would turn him on the most. Jake struggled to find the right words to say.

  Madi smiled shyly at him. “If you’re wondering if I’ve only had sex once, then no. One guy, then yes. We always used protection. I don’t know what came over me in Germany. I think I was afraid you would stop if I let you get away from me.”

  Jake felt his chest pull tight. “Are you sorry?”

  “No! Being with you, in that way, it was a first for me, too. It felt… right. I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you.”

  He slid his hand through his hair as he lovingly assessed her face. “It kills me that you didn’t know how I felt about you when I made love to you. To think you thought I was only with you to get rid of you wounds me deeply. When I finally kissed you… I let it all go. I knew I couldn’t push you away anymore. It was the first time I felt certain. I was trying to show you how much I loved you. Tonight, I need to make sure there is no doubt in your mind.”

  Madi turned toward him. Her leg wrapped around his waist and her fingers and eyes trailed the lines of his chest. “You did show me. I think I was afraid to let myself believe what I felt. I’ve wanted this for so long. Just to be in your arms…” She smiled as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. “By the way, in case you didn’t already know, you’re an amazing kisser.”

  “I am, huh?” Jake smirked as he licked his lips.

  “You know you are,” Madi giggled as she rolled her eyes. “I knew your mouth was amazing from your singing, but boy did I underestimate your talent.”

  “You have beautiful lips.” His hand trailed down her stomach and his finger stroked her wet spot again. “Both of them.”

  Madi’s chest rose and she quickly inhaled as he surprised her with his touch. Her hand slid down his chest until she found him again, stroking him hungrily as they matched pressure and flow.

  Jake felt his eyes roll back in his head. He glanced down at her naked body and took a steadying breath. He couldn’t resist her any longer. He lowered himself onto her and his eyes searched hers. “Do you have any idea just how much I love you?”

  “Show me,” she replied.

  His mouth melted into hers as he eased himself into her. When he had entered her as deeply as possible, and he was completely buried inside her, he stopped moving and inspected her face. He balanced on his hands, arms outstretched, as his body rose but remained slightly against her chest. He leaned into her as his lips rested on her neck, planting small, soft kisses. He glanced up to see her eyes were filled with same desire and need he had for her. He bent down so that his elbows rested on either side of her face. His finger brushed a hair from her lips and he suddenly felt flooded with warmth as his skin shivered from her silkiness. His nerve endings stirred as he studied her face, her eyes probing his questioningly. He moved slightly and felt her insides clench him tightly, causing him to smile. Then, with no words spoken, she seemed to understand what he needed. Her hand reached up and touched his cheek. He knew she could feel the significance of the moment. He kissed her palm and lifted himself as he slowly thrust himself in and out of her, building with intensity and watching her face as she moaned and bucked her body in sync with his motions.

  He slowed as he concentrated on the way she felt around him. His mouth tugged her breast as his hand lifted her into him from behind. It suddenly felt deeper, and Madi groaned pleasingly into his ear. Her hands reached behind him and dug into his flesh. Their bodies rocked and grinded as if they were molding into one. He began to pick up the rhythm again and found himself moaning as he got closer to finding his release. He couldn’t hold on much longer. He could feel himself building as she lifted her legs around him and grabbed him from behind, pulling him in deeper. Madi’s breaths came faster and faster, and Jake could tell she was getting close.

  “Jake!” Her body shuddered in orgasm and Jake released, pouring himself into her. He lay there on top of her, and when their breathing finally slowed, he opened his eyes and looked into the big, beautiful windows to her soul.

  She smiled with her eyes “Best. Steak. Ever.”

  “You are always worth the wait.”

  “I love you, Jake.”

  He smiled. “Look in my eyes. Do you see how I’m looking at you right now? Right at this moment as I lie here still connected to you?”

  She nodded as her fingers trailed over the muscles of his back.

  “You are everything to me. I’ll never fuck this up again. I love you, Madi. You’re my steak, too.”

  Madi smiled as she pulled his mouth to hers. He’d never, ever let her go again.

  Jake’s phone rang and broke him from his memory. He recognized Dave’s number and his face turned stern. “What’s going on?”

  “I have an update.”

  ***

  SHE REREAD HER last three texts from Kendra as she thumped her foot in her chair in the campus grill. Madi was certain Kendra had asked her to meet her there for lunch, but Kendra was twenty minutes late. Kendra had been more preoccupied than usual with her music classes this semester. She could play several instruments beautifully, thanks to her affluent upbringing, and was working on her final composure for a class. Madi wondered where her inspirations came from. She was extremely talented, but sometimes lacked drive. Her texts sounded anxious as Madi read them, and they made her start to worry something was wrong.

  As Madi studied her texts for clues, she could feel Kendra’s presence from the sudden change in the room. A waiter dropped a tray and two guys tripped over themselves to get her attention. Madi glanced up to see heads turn as Kendra strutted toward her.

  “Hey, bitch. Sorry I’m late.” Kendra plopped down in a chair and her backpack fell to the floor.

  Madi frowned. “I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake. What’s going on? You have me worried.”

  Kendra’s eyes darted around the room. “I need to talk to you, but first I need food. I’m flipping starving.”

  Madi knew all too well that Kendra couldn’t focus when she was hungry. Kendra grabbed a menu and eyed Madi suspiciously.

  “You don’t need to see a menu?” she asked.

  “Nope. I know what I want.”

  “Let me guess: the standard boring chicken salad you always order?” Kendra rolled her eyes as she glanced around for the waiter.

  “No, today I’m having a chicken sandwich,” Madi said proudly.

  “Wow,” Kendra said sarcastically. “The fine piece of ass has really changed you.”

  “Hey… I thought you’d be happy I’m trying something different.”

  “It’s a real stretch, Mads,” Kendra laughed as she put her menu down.

  “I’ll have the steak the next time I see Jake,” Madi whispered with a smirk. Kendra rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile at the comment.

  After they placed their order, Kendra began munching on some chips at the table. “Okay, I need to ask you something, and you have to promise me that you’ll
be completely honest, no matter how much you think the truth may hurt me.”

  Madi broke a chip in her hand as she turned her head and thoughtfully glared at Kendra. “You know I’m always honest with you. What’s going on? Is this about that drummer from Louie’s or that selfish prick, Max?”

  Kendra waved her hand in the air. “No, fuck them both. This about me and my future.”

  “You have my interest. Spill,” Madi said as she leaned forward, focusing intently.

  “So, I’ve given it some thought, and I think that after we graduate, I may want to teach music. To kids… You know, like first graders.”

  Madi could feel her face scrunch up into a ball. “Umm… kids? First graders?”

  Kendra’s shoulders fell. “Yes. Why do you sound so surprised?”

  Madi clenched her lips together, attempting to keep herself from laughing. “You do realize that you can’t call them little fuckers, right?”

  Kendra chuckled. “I know, I need to work on my vocabulary, but I was thinking I might like to mold the little shits. You know?”

  Madi laughed. “Little shits?”

  “Little bastards?” Kendra questioned.

  “Little darlings might be better,” Madi giggled. I’m having a hard time trying to picture you talking to nervous parents at a recital.”

  Kendra sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She shoved another chip into her mouth and scratched her head.

  “Is that really what you want to do?” Madi asked, concerned.

  “I don’t know… My adviser told me I need to make a decision before next semester. I need to plan my final classes. He said I should go where the jobs are.”

  “What does your heart tell you?” Madi asked as she furrowed her brows.

  Kendra placed her hand on her forehead. “My heart tells me I want to score films, but do you know how hard it is to get your foot in the door in that business?”