Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Jake searched her eyes with desperate hope. “Do you really mean that? Because I’m afraid you’re going to hate me in a few minutes.”

  Madi pulled back and stared at his face. “Hate you? Jake, please. Please tell me this has nothing to do with Allison.”

  Jake released a breath as he pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “This has absolutely nothing to do with that piece of trash.”

  Madi’s shoulders slumped in relief, and Jake let a small curl of his lips form into a brief smile before he frowned again. “I love you. Please don’t forget that.”

  Madi traced her fingers over the lines where stubble met soft skin on his face. “I love you, too, Jake. This is killing me. I hate not knowing what’s going on in your head.”

  “Be glad you’re not in my head. It’s a fucked up mess in here.”

  “Jake… Don’t say that. I love your head and all the thoughts going through it. We’re two sides of a coin, remember?”

  The car slowed in front of Jake’s building. Madi looked up to see Dave and Greg, Jake’s security, waiting for them.

  “Please stay in the car. Felix, lock the doors as soon as I exit.”

  Felix nodded. Jake could see the fear suddenly flash across Madi’s face as he let go of her hand and slid out the door. The door locks clicked behind him.

  “Did you check? Is he here?”

  Dave shook his head as he spoke into a receiver. “It’s all clear. Rob’s in there now, making sure everything is secure.”

  “How in the fuck did you lose him?” Jake asked with rage in his voice. He glanced back toward Madi in the car and smiled, trying his best to reassure her.

  Dave peered around Jake to Madi in the car and smiled reassuringly as he stepped in closer to Jake, making sure to whisper. “He had a plan. It’s obvious now. He went into the men’s restroom at the mall. After twenty minutes, when we didn’t see him come out, our guy went in to check. His clothes were stuffed into the garbage. He must have been wearing clothes over another outfit. We think he had a mask. There were so many people with costumes coming in and out. We didn’t pay any attention to them.”

  Jake nodded his head as he listened and stuffed his hands into his pockets. There was a definite chill in the air. Just then, Dave’s phone rang. Dave answered immediately and sighed in relief as he gave Jake the thumbs up. Jake immediately turned toward Madi and was able to give her a genuine smile. She didn’t seem very reassured. Jake mouthed “one more minute” to her through the glass and she nodded.

  He turned his attention back toward Dave, who’d just ended his call. “He’s back at his apartment.”

  “Are you sure it’s him?” Jake asked with genuine concern.

  Dave nodded. “He knows he’s being followed. He stood in front of his window and stared out into the dark, like he was regarding my guys. Then he bent down and put on a mask and raised his hands like he was attacking. He tore it off and smiled briefly before his face turned cold and he pulled the curtains shut. He’s a sick mother fucker.”

  “What was the mask?” Jake asked. He wasn’t sure why he even wanted to know.

  “It was a wolf.”

  ***

  AS JAKE LED her inside, Madi could feel the squeaky wheels in her head twisting and turning. She desperately tried to place pieces of this puzzle together, but realized she was missing too many pieces to ever have it make sense. She watched Jake cautiously as he opened the door. Once inside, Madi jumped when a tall, muscular man came around the corner.

  “I apologize for frightening you, Ms. Ryan. My name is Robert Haster. I’m a security expert working for Jake.”

  Madi pursed her lips into a fine line as she glanced expectantly between Rob and Jake. Jake seemed to be lost in his thoughts and unconcerned about the man in his front room.

  “Please, call me Madi,” she said as she held out her hand.

  Rob shook it and glanced warily at Jake, as if he wondered what he was allowed to say. Jake rubbed the back of his neck before he noticed them both staring at him. He quickly widened his eyes before schooling his expression. “I’m sorry. Where are my manners? Have you two met?”

  Madi and Rob exchanged thoughtful glances before acknowledging their acquaintance. Jake smiled briefly as he excused himself and Rob into the hallway. Madi studied Rob as he and Jake exited the room. He was slightly taller than Jake, who was at least six two. His arms looked huge through the fitted material of his shirt. His hair was extremely short, like he’d recently had a buzz cut that was just growing out, and his jaw line was sharp and strong. Madi immediately sensed he was military. There was something about him that shouted courage and honor. Maybe it was the way he carried himself as he strutted into the hall.

  It was the first time Madi had been back to Jake’s place since she left L.A. Everything was exactly as she’d remembered it, except for the chill in the air. Madi wrapped her arms around herself as she made her way down the hall. She flicked on the light switch to her old room and smiled to herself as the memories and feelings of the past came flooding back.

  She heard the door close and meandered back toward the kitchen. Jake was standing with his back against the door and flipped the lock with his right hand. He eyed Madi cautiously as she inched closer to him.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

  “Yes, I am, but first let me just look at you for a moment.”

  His eyes were hesitant, as if he were looking at her for the first and last time. Then he studied her with such intensity that Madi felt her body begin to shudder. One look from him and the only thoughts she had were of being in his arms.

  She rushed toward him and crushed herself into him, linking her arms around his neck. He accepted her happily and held her tightly, as if her proximity gave him the air he needed to breathe.

  “I missed you,” she whispered into his cheek.

  His hand cupped her face as they separated enough for him to look into her eyes as he spoke. “I didn’t realize just how much I missed you until you were standing in front of me. I may never be able to let you go again.”

  Madi saw the returning pain in his eyes. She was instantly reminded of the events of the night.

  “Jake, talk to me.”

  He gripped her hand to his chest as he led her to the couch. “Can I get you something? Maybe water?”

  “Answers. That’s what I want. Give me answers.”

  As Jake slowly sat down next to her, she could tell he was practicing words in his head. His lips seemed to move in reflection. “Before I say anything, please tell me that you know how much you mean to me.”

  Madi nodded as she felt a tightening in her stomach that made her feel as if she may need to vomit in expectancy of a future blow.

  “There’s no need for me to sugar coat this, so I’m just going to lay my cards on the table and be completely honest with you.” Jake cradled Madi’s hands in his lap. She wasn’t sure if it was to reassure her or to keep her from making an escape.

  “Nate was hired to protect you, but not from the press. I found out that the security guard who attacked you was released on bail. He’s got it out for me, so I hired security to protect you and my family in case he tried again.”

  His words seemed to linger individually in her mind as she tried to process what he’d just said. “He’s out? How? I thought he confessed. Is he in Chicago? Was he here in your apartment?”

  “The officers who arrested him didn’t read him his Miranda rights once he regained consciousness. His confession is inadmissible. The judge set a ridiculous bail, but apparently he was able to afford it, thanks to an inheritance from his late grandmother. He’s not in Chicago. I’ve had him followed since he was released. I just didn’t want to needlessly worry you. And no, it doesn’t appear he was here.”

  Madi removed her hands from his grasp and could immediately feel a sense of emptiness from the lack of his touch. She stood as she tried to process his words. Jake sto
od as well, as if he might have to tackle her to the ground if she tried to run.

  “And now? What happened tonight?”

  “They lost him, but now he’s back in his apartment. They won’t lose him again.”

  “How long have you known he was out?”

  “A while.”

  “And you didn’t think I’d want to know?”

  Jake stepped toward her with his hands raised. His eyes were nervous, and Madi could see the veins in his neck strain as he spoke.

  “I knew you’d want to know, but I also knew you’d worry. I’d already given you too many things to think about, and I didn’t want fear to be another. I knew as long as you were in Chicago, you were safe, but I wanted Nate there to make sure. I never counted on the fact that you would trick him and manage to make your way here unnoticed.”

  Madi crossed her arms over her chest as she visibly shuddered.

  “Are you cold? Let me get you something. Just don’t move.”

  “Where would I go, Jake?”

  Jake sighed heavily as he turned to the closet and pulled out a blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders. “Please sit down,” he asked.

  Madi was overwhelmed by the smell of Jake from the blanket as he draped it over her shoulders. She slowly sat down and then scooted back as Jake sat a little too close. She needed a moment to process, and having him so near was not good for her ability to think clearly.

  “Don’t push me away. I know you’re angry with me. After I made the decision to lie, I regretted it. I convinced myself that I was doing what was best for you. I planned on telling you everything when I saw you at Thanksgiving. I would have told you sooner had I thought there would be any threat to your immediate safety. You have to know that I only did this because I thought I was protecting you.”

  “You lied to me, multiple times,” she stated in disbelief.

  “Yes,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off of her.

  “You like having control, don’t you?”

  “This isn’t about control,” he said in an aggravated tone.

  “Sure it is. You like knowing you’re in charge. You like making decisions for me, and for everyone, without giving anyone the chance to have any input of their own.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” He stood, lifting his hands through his hair in an exasperated huff. “I was only trying to do what was best for you.”

  Madi jumped up from her seat, tossing the blanket on the couch in anger as she began to pace the room. “You were trying to do what’s best for me? Don’t you think I would want to know you could be in danger? Do you think all those times I begged you to tell me what was wrong that I didn’t really want the truth? Didn’t we promise never to lie to each other? How could you lie to me night after night and not know that I would be heartbroken over your lack of faith in me? Do you think I’m so weak and frail that I would have collapsed and given up on my studies and school over some deadbeat loser? How many times did I ask you—beg you—to tell me the truth? How can I ever believe another thing you say?”

  Her brows furrowed as she spoke, and her hands flew around her in an angry huff. “Do you think I wouldn’t have been able to function? I could have handled it; I’m a big girl. I don’t need your protection from the truth.” Madi stood with her hands on her hips, awaiting his response.

  “I said I’m sorry. I knew it was wrong to lie. I hated myself for it. I really did what I thought was best for you.”

  “Best for me? Somehow you thought lying to me was best for me? Knowing that I question everything? That I question you? That I question every report of your infidelity? How am I supposed to believe anything you say? Are you lying to me about your little nurse maid, too?”

  She watched the frustration in Jake’s eyes slowly dissipate as she spoke. A slow smile tugged at his lips before he was grinning and trying to cover it up.

  “Little nurse maid?” he asked. His amusement made her angrier as he attempted to stifle a small laugh that escaped his lips.

  Madi leapt toward him and pushed him. He didn’t move an inch. “Stop laughing at me. This isn’t funny. I can’t believe you. You’re such an ass!” Madi pushed away from him once more and darted down the hall, locking herself in her old room.

  After turning the handle without success, Jake tapped his knuckles gently on the door. “Madi, I’m sorry for laughing. You’re just feisty and I’ve missed it. I miss the way you yell at me and tell me how faulty my reasoning is. There is not now, nor will there ever be, anything between me and any other woman. I know I’m misguided. I underestimated your strength once again.”

  There were a few seconds of quiet and Madi heard him sigh. “You’re right. I should have told you. When he was released, I felt like I’d failed you. I should never have lied. I was wrong. You can trust me. I’ve never lied to you before and I never will again. I should know better than to think you’d be scared by the truth. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. In my own messed-up mind, I really thought it was best. I can see now, especially after tonight, how important it is for you to know everything. From here on out, I will never keep anything from you. I wouldn’t blame you for never trusting me again.”

  Madi could almost imagine his hands in his hair as he spoke. She could hear the pain in his voice. Madi rested her head on the door as she listened to his words. He wasn’t laughing, and she could tell he was sincere. His last few words tugged at her heart and she realized she needed to see his face. She unlocked the door and found him leaning on the frame with his elbows, forehead most likely against the door. She glanced up into his eyes and found them staring at her intently. Not a shred of amusement was left in his expression.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You really thought you’d somehow failed me?” she questioned.

  “It’s what I do,” he said with a sigh. “I fail the people that mean the most to me.”

  Madi reached up and touched the soft stubble of his cheek, and he turned his lips into her touch, gently kissing the palm of her hand.”

  “I’m sorry for laughing,” he began. “This isn’t funny. I’ve been dreading this conversation for days, knowing I was risking everything by keeping this from you. I just can’t help myself when it comes to you. You bring out emotions and feelings in me that don’t make any sense.”

  “You didn’t fail me. You’ve never failed me and you never could.”

  Jake’s eyes closed, and Madi realized just how fearful he really was. She’d forgotten this side of him. Suddenly, everything fell into place. He was scared he’d lose her. His fear dictated every action he’d ever made, and this was no exception.

  “What else do I need to know?” she asked sincerely.

  Jake sighed heavily before joining her in her old room and sitting on the bed. Madi followed him and sat down on the floor next to him.

  “I’ve had him followed ever since he got out. Tonight he managed to give them the slip. Much the same way you did.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “He went into a bathroom at the mall and came out in completely different clothes and a mask. My guards didn’t recognize him. They thought he was someone else.”

  “He was wearing a mask?”

  “Yes. Dave called my cell to tell me they’d discovered his clothes in the garbage and that he was roaming free. I was with you and I didn’t want to take the call. When he couldn’t reach me, he called Caleb. That’s what Caleb wanted to talk to me about. He knew you didn’t know, and he couldn’t say anything in front of you.”

  Madi nodded as the details fell into place.

  “If it makes you feel any better, Caleb, Ang and everyone in my family told me I was wrong for not telling you. I knew they were right, but somehow I justified it all by thinking I was keeping you happy and safe, hoping you would forgive me later. Can you? Forgive me? Because if you can’t, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I won’t give up until I gain your trust again.”

  Madi si
ghed as she played with the edges of her garter belts. She glared down at the floor as she processed all that he had said. “Did they find him?”

  “Yes, he went back to his hotel room. He made sure they saw him in his mask and he taunted them, knowing he’d won. He must have known he was being tailed the whole time.”

  “He taunted them?” Madi questioned.

  “Yeah, he put on his mask and they could see him through the window.”

  “What was the mask?” Madi asked.

  “A wolf.”

  A sudden chill shot through her as a loud gasp escaped her lips. The events of the night rushed through her mind. She suddenly felt frightened, and for the first time in months, all the feelings of the night she was attacked came flooding to the surface.

  Jake crashed onto the floor beside her as he grabbed her arms, forcing her to look at him. “Mads, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “At the party…” she started, but the words wouldn’t come. “Wolf… spoke to a wolf. He… It was—I think—him…”

  Jake’s nostrils flared as his posture stiffened and his muscles went rigid. “He was there? Are you sure?”

  Madi swallowed hard and found her voice. “I bumped into a wolf. He called me Little Red Riding Hood. I asked him if I knew him. He seemed oddly familiar but I couldn’t place it. He wouldn’t respond; he just kept nodding or shaking his head. He said we’d worked together, so I thought he was Curtis. He asked me if I was afraid of the Big Bad Wolf. He pointed out Allison and told me I shouldn’t trust you. He ran his fingers down my back and I felt cold. I turned and he was gone. I went to find you, but Allison stopped me. She was such a bitch, I forgot all about it until now. Do you think it was him?”

  Jake jumped up and made a beeline for his phone. As Madi reached him, he was already speaking to Rob, reiterating what Madi had told him. Then he called Dave. Madi sat on the couch and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders once more, watching Jake pace as he spoke, pulling on the bit of length left in his shorter hair. As she watched him, the fear she’d had a few moments before slowly dissolved away, and she was reminded just how safe Jake made her feel.