Dear Drama

by Braya Spice

  Each day that went by, things got better. The strain on my heart was less. I tried to smile. And get excited about my baby.

  Two weeks before my due date we had my baby shower. James and I had wanted it to be coed. But since we had broken up, I didn’t expect his friends to show up, but a few of them actually did. They dropped off gifts for me and left.

  The shower was a lot of fun. My sister, Creole, and Kendra took care of everything. Sierra was the little helper. She passed out clothing pins, and any time someone crossed their legs, she collected the clothing pin from them. She giggled every time she caught someone. All I had to do was sit, relax, and eat. My mother cooked everything. There were pans of lasagna, barbecue, lemon-pepper chicken wings, pasta salad, Texas toast, and chocolate fondue with strawberries. Yummy! Everything looked so good. So while everyone played all the baby shower games, like finding the safety pins in the rice and guessing how much candy was in the bottle or what type of candy was in the diaper—I personally hated the diaper game—I grubbed down, having a really good time.

  “Okay, it’s time for the tissue game. Allure, get your fat ass up,” Creole said. She brought a roll of toilet tissue, and I stood so Kendra could wrap it around my waist. The goal of the game was for the guests to guess how many squares of tissue were wrapped around my stomach.

  I laughed at Kendra as she wrapped the tissue around my bulging belly.

  “Damn,” she joked. “This bad boy is going to split you wide open.”

  “A bust-it baby!” Creole joked.

  I continued to laugh.

  When Kendra had the squares of tissue wrapped around me, I stood still while people wrote down their guesses.

  Suddenly my sister walked up to me with a frown on her face.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

  Before she could respond, the living room door burst open and James walked through it.

  As he took steps toward me, I paused. Kendra unwrapped the tissue from my stomach.

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” Creole said under her breath.

  I ran a hand across my face and looked him over. He was wearing a white T-shirt, a pair of basketball shorts, and a pair of Jordans. His hair was disheveled, and it looked like he hadn’t shaved. He didn’t look like the normal clean and neat James I knew. I wondered if he looked this way because of our breakup. Did he really feel that strongly for me? I wondered. Then I wondered if he truly did, why he jeopardized that by messing with another woman.

  When he stood in front of me, I demanded, “What are you doing here, James?”

  Instantly tears streamed down his cheeks, turning everyone’s attention in the room on him.

  Before I could say anything else, he gushed out, “This month without you has been like dying. I’m sorry, baby. I don’t know what I was thinking. I got scared, and my midlife crisis came early in my life and was fucking with me. Will you please forgive me?” Before I could reply, he fell to his knees and hugged my belly, smearing his tears and rubbing snot-stained face on my pretty, hot pink, baby-doll maternity dress. My favorite one.

  “James.” But as I said this, I instantly felt my icy heart soften toward him.

  “And I brought you this.” He pulled away momentarily and took something out of his pocket, a small box. He popped it open. Inside was a shiny diamond ring.

  I gasped. He was about to propose to me.

  But that wasn’t the only reason why I gasped. Just as he slid the ring on my finger, fluid suddenly gushed out of me and ran down my legs. My water had broken.

  James saw it too. His eyes got buck wide.

  My sister screamed, “Allure! Mama!”

  My mom came out of the kitchen. “What is it?”

  James said, “She’s going into labor. I’ll take her to the hospital.”

  “Allure, are you sure?” my sister asked.

  As much as James had hurt me, I couldn’t deny him seeing the birth of his first child. I just couldn’t. I knew it probably made me look weak to my family and friends. But I would just have to look that way. So I said quickly, “It’s fine. But I want you guys there, too, if you can.”

  “I’ll stay here with Sierra,” Creole offered. “Fuck that. Call me when you pop that sucka out.”

  “I’ll come,” Kendra said.

  James grabbed me by one of my hands and rushed me to the door.

  “Allure, we’ll follow you over there. I’ll bring your bag,” my sister said.

  Creole handed James my purse and gave him a look like he was walking shit. He ignored her.

  “Come on, baby,” he said.

  I moaned as a contraction hit me. People were still talking to me. But as the cramp pulsated throughout my body, I tuned it all out.

  Chapter 19

  Once we got the emergency room at Community Hospital on Termino Avenue, James let me go momentarily to rush up to a nurse and yell, “My baby mama having my baby!”

  I held my belly and kept moaning after another contraction.

  The nurse gave him an odd look and quickly rushed off. She came back with a wheelchair. When she reached us, James helped me into the chair, and I was wheeled off to the labor and delivery ward.

  As soon as we got there, I was placed on a bed.

  James was all in my face. “You gonna be okay, baby.”

  I was in a whole lot of pain, and I was not going to have the baby naturally. James looked at me tenderly. I looked the other way. “Just get the doctor and tell him to shoot me up with something! Something! Something!” I yelled.

  “Baby, you don’t wanna have it natural?”

  “Medicine!” I screamed.

  The nurse rushed back in and stripped me out of my dress. She put a gown on me and hooked me up to an IV. They inserted something in it, and I was soon in la-la land, only to wake up again when I was hit by another contraction. I wasted no time asking for the epidural.

  Jeremiah ... That was what I named him. I didn’t give much thought to the names in the book I had read. As soon as I saw his little face, that was the name that came to me for my little cutie-pie. I counted his toes, his little fingers; looked in his eyes, which he was trying his best to keep open; inspected his tongue; let him smell me, his mama. I let him blow his sweet breath on me, let him try to suck my nose right off of my face. Hugged him to my chest close, cried those same tears I cried when I was able to hold my sweet Sierra for the first time. Then, when my arms were getting too loose and too weak to hold him, I handed him to his daddy, who held him up proudly. Then he was ever so gently snatched away by Creole, who looked at James like he was shit again.

  “Can I hold my grandchild please?” my mom asked impatiently.

  My mom, Crystal, and Kendra all got their moment with my little Jeremiah. Then, ’cause my work was all done, I went back on to sleep. Hell, with all that pushing I had done, I deserved it.

  When it was time to bring the baby home, James wanted to accompany us and I let him. I loved him, and I wanted him with me to enjoy these precious moments. I didn’t want to be done with him. Even if that wasn’t the best choice to make. I was willing to take another chance on him, hoping that he didn’t hurt me again. And I kept the engagement ring on my finger. I had never officially told him yes, but I hadn’t said no. I wanted to see if he turned himself around after that bullshit. I even let him move his stuff back in. He was so happy about the new baby. He went crazy, buying him all the new Jordans, which, of course, he couldn’t fit into. “My son’s gonna represent,” he said. I thought it was cute how he doted on Jeremiah.

  Little Jeremiah was keeping us both up at night, that was for sure. And he slept like an angel during the day. I was hoping I would get lucky like I was with Sierra, in the sense that after the first couple months, Jeremiah would adapt to a regular sleeping pattern.

  My family was definitely there to support me with the new baby.

  “So are you sure you can trust that fool?”

  I stared at my sister, Crystal, and Creole. Creole
was the one who’d asked me that question. They had come over to see the baby.

  Crystal was holding little Jeremiah, and I was putting pigtails in Sierra’s hair.

  “Hurry, Mommy.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  She was anxious for me to finish her hair so that she could lie near Jeremiah and look at him.

  I put a barrette on one of her pigtails. “To tell you the truth, Creole, I really don’t know. He said things would be different now.”

  “Well, have they been?” Creole asked.

  “He’s home. He gave me this ring. And he’s looking for a home for us.”

  “Make sure your name is on that home, too, Allure.” My sister said.

  I nodded.

  “I mean, if he decides to do right, that would be so good for you, because you been through enough,” Crystal said. “You don’t need any more heartache. You need to finish school. You’re almost done, and now you got an extra mouth to feed. You don’t need any more distractions.”

  And I hadn’t planned on having another baby while I was finishing school. James had admitted to me that that night in San Diego he didn’t put on a condom, so this shit was partly his fault—and fully my fault. Mine for trusting his ass. But every time I looked at little Jeremiah’s face, I couldn’t be angry with James. Little Jeremiah was far too precious to regret. I never saw a child as a mistake. But had I mentioned that part of the equation to my sister, Kendra, and Creole, they would hate James a whole more than they already did. But I forgave James for all his bullshit and hoped there was no more to come. I loved my kids, and I loved him. I wanted us to stay a family. I didn’t want to raise my son without his father. Sierra was also attached to James. So I was quiet, and I nodded again.

  “And he has such a beautiful family,” Crystal said.

  “Let that fool mess up this time ... ,” Creole said. “Sierra, cover your ears.” Once she did, Creole said, “’Cause I got something for his ass if he does. That something just got out the pen.”

  We all laughed at Creole.

  Everything was going so well for me. Greg and I had even been able to get along. Sierra was still going to his mother’s house on the weekends. I didn’t know how long it would last, this peace between him and me, but I enjoyed having less stress and fewer headaches from him.

  Just then James walked in the door. He was greeted with silence. I knew I couldn’t make my sister and Creole like him. He had brought that shit on himself. If it were my sister or Creole, and a guy had done to them what James had done to me, I would feel the same way. I knew that how they felt was completely normal. He had done me wrong, and they wanted me to be with a man who treated me well. I was sure that if he did right from this point forward, their feelings toward him would change. He didn’t bother speaking to anybody. He yanked one of Sierra’s pigtails, leaned over and kissed me, and took Jeremiah out of Crystal’s arms. Then he went into the bedroom and didn’t come back out until my guests had left.

  That summer I didn’t go to summer school so I could bond with Jeremiah. I spoke to my counselor, and he said I could still graduate on time. I didn’t have to worry about studying or running to class. I could stay home and get properly acquainted with my baby. He was now six weeks old. James seemed to be coming around slowly in terms of what his role was. He didn’t give me any indication that he was being unfaithful and was just being slick about it. I guessed that if he was doing something, he was really keeping the shit tucked under the covers. And the good moments never wavered between James and me. We did the family thing, and he even found the time to take me out on Fridays. We would go to Dave & Busters, to concerts, and even to an occasional club.

  He had another surprise for me when we went house shopping.

  “Do you like this one, baby?” he asked. It was in Lakewood.

  I walked around the big three-bedroom house, holding Jeremiah in my arms, while James held Sierra’s hand. We followed the real estate agent.

  “It’s nice. What do you think, Sierra?”

  She smiled, making her right dimple poke out of her cheek. “Ummm, does it have a backyard?”

  “Yeah, let’s go see it.” James threw her on his back, and they went out to the back.

  I cradled Jeremiah in my arms, thinking it would be a dream to have a house like this for my kids and me. I finally felt like God was blessing me. I had a man who loved me, two healthy kids, and I was almost done with school. What else could I ask for?

  When we got home from house hunting, I went into the kitchen to take out the ground beef for the meat loaf I was going to make.

  James came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me on my neck. “Let me do dinner tonight, baby.”

  I chuckled. “What are you gonna make?” I liked that he was being so considerate, because I didn’t feel like cooking.

  “Let me surprise you.”

  He rubbed his dick against my ass.

  I chuckled. I was just as horny as he was. He knew the last week of my abstinence had passed and I could be intimate again.

  “I’ll be back, baby.” He grabbed his keys and dashed out the door.

  Because it was kind of late and James was taking longer than I expected, I fed Sierra a TV dinner so her little behind could go on to bed. Then I fed little Jeremiah my titty and burped him so his little butt would go to sleep too.

  By the time James came home with Outback, I was buck ass naked. My six weeks was officially up, and I could get me some.

  “Baby, Sierra, the food is here,” he called.

  I tiptoed from my room, past the living room, and into the kitchen and slipped behind him. I let my tongue glide down his neck.

  He froze.

  “We can eat that later.” I turned him around so he could see my naked ass.

  His eyes widened, and he burst into a smile.

  I turned around and walked into the bedroom we shared, and he followed behind me like a puppy. Once there, I lay on the bed and split my legs open.

  “Baby, I been waiting for this moment for so damn long,” he said.

  I laughed when he leaped on the bed as I lay on my back with my legs thrown in the air. He started kissing me all over my body. Wet kisses, making me moan.

  Between kissing and groping me, he said, “Baby, I want you to know that I been one hundred percent faithful. That’s why I’m about to bust, waiting for your pussy to heal.”

  I shivered and moaned when he put his tongue on my nipples.

  I shoved him off of me and went to the dresser and bent over so my ass was all up in his face.

  “Come get this, then, and stop playing,” I said.

  He massaged my butt cheeks, stuck his fingers in my pussy until it was wet and just right for him. He then started eating me out from behind, driving me crazy. I became so weak that I almost fell. James carried me back to the bed and laid me down. I watched him put on a condom. Then he mounted me and slid his dick into my long-awaited and tight-as-hell pussy. It hurt a little at first as it stretched to accommodate his dick. He flipped me over so that he could hit it from the back.

  I moaned as he slapped my ass, making my cheeks jiggle. Thank you, Jeremiah, for giving your mama some ass! I thought. Finally, I had some rump. Who would have known I’d get it with my second baby?

  I moaned again as he swiftly entered me and excited me. It had to be good to him, too, ’cause he was damn near choking, and slobber was dripping onto my back, but I didn’t care.

  “That feels so good, James!”

  He flipped onto his back and let me ride him.

  I was surprised to see tears coming out of his eyes. “I love you, baby. I love you. Allure, I’m gonna be so good to you. I’m gonna do you right this time, baby!” He groaned loudly, and before he could stop himself, he came.

  I lay down on his chest. We both took a minute to catch our breath. James went into the bathroom. I heard water running and knew he was cleaning himself up. He came out and lay back on the bed.

/>   I peeked at Jeremiah’s sleeping face in the crib. Then I looked at his father. He was lying on the bed like he was king of the damn world.

  I crawled over to him and took his dick in my mouth.

  James moaned instantly and said, “Damn, baby. Like that?”

  I licked all around the circumference of his dick, before deep throating him again.

  He groaned, and I shushed him. “Don’t wake up Jeremiah, or you’ll be up with him.”

  “Sorry, baby.”

  I used my hands to stroke up and down his dick in quick movements. Then I licked between strokes until he was shaking. I placed a hand over his mouth when I squeezed my lips together because I didn’t want him to yell and wake the baby.

  When his cum busted out from his dick, I took it. I swallowed it like it was a smoothie.

  He threw his head back and said, “Man, I love you, Allure.”

  I just laughed and got comfortable in his arms.

  Later that night we talked.

  “Listen, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I am so happy you gave me another chance to make things right, Allure.”

  He traced the shape of my lips with his finger before kissing me.

  I smiled.

  “I’d be a damn fool, giving up a woman like you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m just glad I realized that in time. You helped me grow up and look at what is important in life. Being a man, being about my word. I always think when I look at Jeremiah, what if I didn’t have the chance to be in Jeremiah’s life?”

  “Whether we are together or not, James, I’d still let you see your son. I’d never take that away from you.”

  He kissed my forehead. “That’s why I love you so much. It’s the kind of woman you are. You work so hard. You take good care of Sierra and now Jeremiah. You have always had a lot on your shoulders, and you keep it moving without much complaining. Most women couldn’t handle all that you do, baby. Then it’s other things about you I love. How you really make a big effort to please me. I may not always say it, but I see it. Half the time I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, but you let me ride my point out without making me look stupid. You show me that you value me. You let me feel like a man. And you’re just so sweet. I see a lot of you in Sierra too. I can’t believe nobody snatched you up before I got you. I see why your baby father damn near lost his mind over you. I’d bet he’d do anything he could to get you back.”