Inseparable

by Missy Johnson

  “We’re good, Lily. Really good, and Steffy is getting better every day. It is so good to have our little girl home.” She said, smiling.

  “So, Dane’s not here?” I asked quizzically. His mother looked puzzled.

  “He left the cabin yesterday, heading home.” She said, her face clouding with worry. “I hope he’s okay.”

  “I spoke to him just before. Maybe I got my wires crossed.” I said, forcing a smile. Something was going on, but I didn’t want to stir up trouble until I knew what it was.

  “Maybe.” His mom agreed, not looking convinced.

  “Mom?” Both she and I turned. Steffy stood in the doorway, wrapped up in a robe. She glanced at me, a small smile on her lips.

  “Steffy, come here.” She patted the couch next to her. Steffy hesitated, then joined her mother on the couch, glancing curiously at me. “Steffy, this is Dane’s girlfriend, Lily.”

  “Hi Steffy.” I said, smiling as my heart pounded. I couldn’t quite believe I was sitting here, face to face with Steffy. In the week since I saw her last, she looked remarkably better. Looking at her, you’d think she was just like any other teenager. It was only once you looked past that, and into the fear and uncertainty in her eyes that you realized she had been through something traumatic.

  “You’re the one who helped find me,” she said softly, her words barely audible. I nodded, not really sure of what to say. “Thank you,” she added, her eyes sparkling with tears.

  “I’m just glad you’re home, safe.” I smiled.

  We talked for a little longer, when Dane’s father came in with the drinks and a selection of cakes and cookies. I was surprised at just how comfortable I felt around Dane’s family, even Steffy. We had been talking for nearly an hour, when I finally thought I’d better leave. I still needed to figure out what the hell was going on with Dane.

  Steffy reached out her arms and embraced me. I hugged her back, not expecting such a show of emotion from her. “Thanks for coming, Lily, and thank you again for finding me.” She whispered. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dane’s mother lift her hand to her mouth in shock. “I might go and lie down.” She told her mother. We watched as she left the room.

  “That was the first time she has instigated any contact with anyone.” Mrs. Hansen cried, wiping her tears away with a tissue. “That was such a big step forward for her.” She walked with me down to the gate. “Thanks for coming, Lily. I know it meant a lot to Steffy finally getting to meet you.” We hugged again. Kissing me on the cheek, she opened the gate and let me out.

  The whole drive home was spent with me trying to come up with excuses as to why Dane lied to me. I just couldn’t let myself believe that he had lied to me without a good reason. As I neared home, I found myself driving in the direction of his house. As I pulled up outside, I saw his lights were on.

  So he was home. Why had he lied to me?

  I was torn between driving home and crying over the possibilities, and running up to his door and demanding an explanation. I had no idea how to handle this. Before I could lose my nerve, I got out of the car, and walked to his door.

  The look on Dane’s face when he opened the door and saw me standing there made me feel sick. Someone who looked that shocked had to be hiding something, right?

  “Lily.” He said, his face white.

  “Hi.” I said. “I went to surprise you at your parents.” I stood there, feeling like an idiot, but at the same time, angry for an explanation. What if this whole thing, him being in love with me had just been an act so I’d continue to help find Steffy? No. Dane wouldn’t do that. I refused to believe he could do that to me.

  “Come in.” He stood aside. I shook my head.

  “I don’t want to come in, I just want to know why you lied to me.” I said evenly. “Why did you tell me you were at your parents when you obviously weren’t? And before you try and tell me you just left their house, I know you left the cabin for here yesterday.” I so badly wanted to be able to control my emotions in front of him, but I was on the verge of losing it. I brushed past him inside, not wanting to cause a scene on his doorstep.

  “If you needed space, all you had to do was tell me.” I said, not looking at his face. If I saw his eyes, I’d cry. There was no doubt.

  “Lil, please let me explain-“

  “So do it then. Just tell me, please!” I shouted, shocking myself and Dane by the tone of my voice.

  “Lil, for fucks sake, let me talk!” He cried, grabbing hold of my hand and sitting me on the sofa next to him. He took a deep breath. “I was at the hospital yesterday, having a biopsy and blood tests. Something I need to have every six months to make sure the cancer hasn’t returned.”

  I yanked my hand away, positive I must have misheard. Cancer?

  God no, please, not again. I wiped my eyes, determined not to cry. What if he was dying? After losing Abby, I couldn’t handle losing someone else to the same stupid disease.

  “Lil. Look at me.” Dane urged. I couldn’t, only able to stare at the coaster sitting on the edge of his coffee table. Dane crouched down in front of me, so he was in my line of sight, blocking the coaster from my vision. My eyes met his as I searched them for answers.

  “Lil. I’m fine. I promise you I’m okay. I’m not going to leave you.” He held my hand tightly, with so much pressure my fingers were beginning to go white. I wiggled them softly, until he loosened his grip.

  “Why a biopsy, then?” I asked. “They don’t just do that for no reason.”

  “Lil, I promise you it’s just a follow up. Every six months.” He explained.” He sat back, as if he were trying to figure out what to say, and my shocked expression probably wasn’t helping much.

  “The reason I was away from college last year, was I had cancer. They found a tumor on my kidney at the beginning of last year. They removed the kidney and my lymph nodes, and I had to do the whole radiation and chemotherapy thing.” My mouth was hanging open in shock. That’s why he missed last year? What about the murder rumor? I think I much preferred that to this. “Lil, I’ve been in remission for more than eight months. They got it all, and they are confident it won’t return.”

  “How confident?” I asked, remembering a time when they were confident Abby’s treatment would work.

  “About eighty percent.” He finally answered. Eighty percent. That was great, if you were talking about a grade, but this was cancer, and cancer always seemed to worm its way into people’s lives and ruin them. For every eighty people that the cancer wouldn’t return for, there was another twenty that it would.

  “Lily, please, say something?” Dane begged me. Say something? Like he said something to me? Something along the lines of ‘Hey, I’m recovering from cancer’ would have been good before I’d fallen in love with him. Would that have changed things? If I’d known he was in remission for cancer, would I still have let myself fall in love with him?

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice was even, and controlled, which was far from how I was feeling inside.

  “You lost your twin to cancer. I didn’t know how to tell you.” He said helplessly. “At first, I wasn’t sure where we were even going, and then by the time I knew, it was too late. Every moment seemed the worst possible time. Then Steffy happened. I’m sorry, Lil. I’m so sorry.” He was crying now. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. The last thing I wanted was to punish him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it was okay when I wasn’t sure it was.

  “I don’t feel very good.” I said, standing up. His hand shot out to steady me, and I pushed it away. “I’m okay, I just need to lie down.” I said faintly. The truth was, I needed space, but I couldn’t send him away.

  “Do you want me to take you home?” He asked. I shook my head. “Do you want to go?” He asked, confused. I shook my head again. I needed to lie down.

  Standing up, I walked down the hall to his room. Closing the door behind me, I climbed into his bed, half hoping if I went back to sleep I could wake up and al
l this would’ve just been a bad dream. Dane would be next to me, tickling my arm. I breathed in deeply, all I could smell was Dane. His scent was everywhere.

  For hours I just lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. If I closed my eyes, would Abby come? Would she know how much I needed her? And would she tell me what to do, or would I figure that out on my own?

  Somewhere between crying over Abby, and crying over Dane, I realized something. How selfish I was. All through Abby’s treatments, I’d tried to stay strong for her, but inside I was a wreck wondering how I was going to cope after she had gone. Everything that happened I broke it down by how it was going to affect me. And I was doing it again, now. So Dane had cancer.

  So what? It was a year ago, and he was healthy now. Who knew what was going to happen, or what was going to take us in the end. He could be killed in an accident next week for all I knew, or die from old age when he’s ninety-five, with e by his side.

  I was so focused on that twenty percent chance of the cancer returning, because it had taken so much from me already. It had taken my best friend. My sister. A part of me. Dane saw cancer as something he had beaten, he had faced it and won. If he could see that in a positive light, I owed it to him to do the same. I owed it to myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Dane was curled up on the sofa, asleep when I walked in. For a moment, I watched him, the way his hand twitched, and his chest moved to the rhythm of his breathing. Sitting down in front of him, I placed my hand inside of his. He instinctively squeezed it as he opened his eyes. I watched as a range of emotions moved through his eyes. Surprise, shock, relief.

  Reaching out my hand, I brushed his hair from his eyes, stunning blue eyes that never left my own.

  “I love you.” I whispered, my lips encasing his. He kissed me deeply, shivers ran throughout my body. “If I get you for a year, or ten, of fifty, I don’t care. I love you.” I repeated, this time louder, and with conviction. Dane sat up, pulling me onto his lap.

  “I love you too, Lil. I love you so god dammed much.” He cradled me in his arms, kissing me over and over again. It felt right. Around him, I felt complete again. How could I fight something that made me feel whole again?

  “How did it start? What happened?” I asked softly, joining him on the sofa. He put his arm around my shoulders.

  “I was a state level boxer, and I woke up with some pretty serious back pain. At first I thought it was from a hit, but when it hadn’t gone a couple of weeks later, I went to the doctor. Blood tests came back with abnormal kidney function, so he wanted to do an ultrasound.” Dane played with my fingers as he spoke. “When they told me it was cancer, I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was for mom and dad. After what happened with Steffy, how could I tell them they might lose me too?”

  “What did the doctors say? Did they give you a prognosis?” I asked.

  “They told me that the rates for a full recovery were high if they removed the kidney and my lymph nodes. It would mean no competitive sport ever again, but in return it might save my life. There was no question for me. I booked in the surgery that week.” Dane shrugged. Going through Abby’s diagnosis with her, I couldn’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for Dane going through that alone.

  “When did you tell your parents?” I asked softly.

  “After I was discharged from the hospital, with the surgeon confident they got all the cancer.” He put his head back, his hand resting on his forehead as his eyes met mine. “It was hard, being alone through all those ‘what ifs’, but I just couldn’t tell my parents until I knew what I was dealing with.”

  “And your friends? College?” I asked, still not sure why he had kept it such a secret.

  “I just found I didn’t have much in common with my friends after I couldn’t box anymore. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want everyone thinking they had to feel sorry for me.” He tried to mask the hurt he still felt about his apparent friends abandoning him.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t know you earlier.” I mumbled, curling up in his lap. “I would have looked after you.”

  “You do, sexy.” He said softly, stroking my hair. “You’re the best thing ever to happen to me.” I turned onto my back, smiling up at the face staring down at me from above. I wanted to lie like this forever, in his arms. In all this uncertainty, we had managed to find each other, and neither of us was about to let go.

  Dane went out for some dinner while I had a shower, putting on one of his shirts after I had dried myself. The shirt hung down mid-thigh, my blonde hair hanging loosely around my shoulders. Meeting him at the door when I heard his car pull up, he breathed in sharply when he saw me standing there, half naked.

  “Hey.” Dane smiled, not taking his eyes off me. He moved forward, wrapping his arms around my waist, his hand creeping underneath the shirt. His lips sought mine for a long, intense, kiss that I was more than happy to return. “I missed you.” He mumbled, nibbling on my ear. Gripping his face, I led his lips back to mine and kissed him passionately.

  “Do I get to come in?” He chuckled, lifting me up and spinning me around so I was now outside. “That’s better.” He said as I laughed. I hoped none of his neighbors were watching this!

  He tugged at the buttons of the shirt. Swatting his hand away, I reached down to retrieve the takeout bag in his hand.

  “Mmm, Chinese.” I smiled, looking inside. “We should eat before it goes cold.”

  “I was thinking we might do something else first.” Dane replied, fingering the belt loops on my jeans, pulling my body against his. I didn’t need to ask him what he was thinking.

  “I guess we can reheat this…” I agreed, letting him lead me inside..

  “My whole family loves you, you know.” He smiled. I laughed.

  “Really? That’s what you want to talk about right now?” I giggled, as his mouth trailed kisses down my neck, the top button popping open.

  “What I want to talk about is how sexy you are.” He mumbled, undoing another button. He undid his pants, kicking them off, and lifted his shirt over his head. I breathed in at the sight of his bare chest, just how much I’d missed him the last week really beginning to hit me. I knelt down in front of him, kissing each freckle, every scar, every spot I could find.

  I looked up at him as I gently eased down his underpants, his erection rising like a coiled spring.

  “Someone’s excited.” I chuckled, curling my tongue around the tip of his length. He gasped, his hands curving around my neck, driving his length deeper inside my mouth. If it were possible, he got even harder, groaning as I worked his shaft.

  “Stand up.” He ordered. I stood, he eased the shirt off my shoulders, ripping apart the remaining buttons as he balanced me on the arm of the sofa. “Curl your legs around me.” He panted. I knotted my legs around his waist, letting out a squeal as he thrust himself inside of me.

  “Wow, Lil, you feel so damn good.” He panted, sweat forming over his brow. Letting my arms stretch back behind me onto the cushions, I groaned at the feel of him inside me. He was so damn hard. “God Lil, keeping stretching like that.” He moaned, his thrusts becoming faster, and more urgent. “I’m gonna come.” He cried. “Oh, hell Lil!” His body jerked back and forth as he came. He put his hands either side of me on the arm, and eased himself out from inside me.

  “Shit, that was amazing.” He said, shaking his head. He reached for my hand, pulling me to my feet. “You, are amazing, Lily.”

  The rest of the evening consisted of Chinese, sex, cuddling, more sex, watching TV in bed, and talking, which was followed by more sex. We had definitely made up for lost time. We were lying naked in bed, he was gently tickling my back, and I was enjoying it.

  “Mm mm.” I moaned softly, on the verge of falling asleep. I loved being naked in bed with him. The feel of my skin directly against his under the soft cotton sheets was one of the best feelings in the world.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, his fingers gently stroking my hair
.

  “I love you, Dane.” I mumbled, turning over to cuddle him.

  “Love you too, Lil. No matter what.”

  I breathed out deeply as my eyes flew open. The morning light momentarily blinded me, making me squint until my eyes adjusted. Rolling over, I saw Dane was awake, watching me. He smiled.

  “Morning.”

  “Morning.” I repeated, wondering how long he had been watching me sleep. I snuggled under his arm, breathing in his scent.

  “How did you sleep?” I asked him, as he kissed my forehead.

  “Good. You?”

  I thought for a moment. “Well.” I said finally. “I slept well.”

  Reaching for Dane’s hand, I wrapped it around my own. The feeling of waking up with him felt so right, I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. He worked his fingers around mine until they were in position for a thumb war.

  “What are you doing?” I laughed, the competitive side of me bucking to attention.

  “What, are you scared or something?” He said, raising his eyebrows at me, his blue eyes taunting me.

  Scared? We would see who the scared one was!

  “You’re going down, Hansen.” I said, sitting up on my elbow to get myself in a better position. He laughed as I screamed go, our fingers once again dancing around, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. My body curled around, trying to bend his elbow under me.

  “Hey!” He cried, laughing. “Not fair, you’re cheating!” He went for the move and I pounced, my thumb slamming down on top of his.

  “Yes!” I cried, laughing. “Champion.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me, and suddenly his fingers were everywhere, tickling me. I screamed, tears streaming from my eyes as I tried to get away from him. He was so strong though, and so determined to tickle me until I passed out.

  “Punishment for cheating.” He said, laughing as I finally broke free, collapsing in a heap, on the floor, totally out of breath.

  “That was cruel!” I gasped, trying my best to glare at him, my twitching lips giving away my amusement. I took his outstretched hand, as he yanked me back onto the bed, covering me with kisses as I laughed. Rolling over, I smiled at him, watching him watch me, thinking about how much I loved this guy.