Oh, Brother!

by Cochran, Peg

  Unfortunately Clementine had to choose this afternoon to bring me a present. Why she thinks I would want a mouse corpse, I don’t know, but you know how cats are. It was on the front doorstep when we got there, and Amber began to scream as soon as she saw it. Clementine came out of the bushes then to see what the racket was and kept brushing up against Amber’s legs.

  “Get it away from me. It has mouse cooties. Eeek!” She was dancing all around and actually looked kind of stupid, but I didn’t say anything. Finally Clementine got bored chasing her around the yard and went off to stalk some birds or something.

  Amber was still shaking when we got inside. Unfortunately all the noise had woken Rufus up which is pretty amazing since I’m convinced that dog is stone deaf. Although what is so particularly deaf about a stone, I don’t know. They don’t even have ears.

  Anyway, Rufus was doing his good-dog-guarding-the-manor thing and stood in the foyer growling at us with bits of saliva dripping off his chin.

  Amber had another spazz and was clawing at the front door to get out.

  “Hey, what’s going on. Rufus, come here.” Travis came out of the kitchen. He whistled, and Rufus backed down although he kept making these growly noises under his breath.

  Amber was trying hard to look normal and calm in front of Travis, but you could see how flared her nostrils were, and her breathing sounded like the wheezy old accordion my uncle Jarvis used to play at family picnics.

  Amber held out her hand to Travis.

  “Thank you for saving me.” Her voice was all breathless and low.

  Travis laughed. “Don’t worry, old Rufus wouldn’t hurt you, would you Rufus?” He chucked Rufus behind the ears. Rufus just sat there slobbering on himself.

  Amber was still being all fluttery and feminine in a way that made her look helpless but would probably make me look like a spazz if I tried it.

  “You want to come downstairs and watch the video Kristen made of the band last weekend?”

  At the mention of Kristen’s name, Amber’s lips tightened up like my mother’s do when she’s annoyed at something, but she quickly changed it to a smile, and I don’t think Travis even noticed.

  We all trooped downstairs to the family room. This was not what I had expected. I had pictured us all curled up on my bed trading beauty secrets and dating tips and such. It made me kind of wish I had invited Celia and Emily over after all. Although all Emily ever does anymore is stare at Travis. She thinks that just because she’s started to wear eyeliner, she’s some kind of femme fatale.

  Amber, Laurel and Tory spent the whole afternoon talking to Travis while I ran up and down the stairs fetching Cokes and chips and stuff. Amber only nibbled at the corner of one chip and then claimed she couldn’t eat another bite or she’d get fat. Which of course made Travis look at her, and then declare there was no way she could be fat, ever. And then Amber giggled, but in a very pretty way—not real giggling like when you can’t stop, and your nose starts to run and dribble leaks onto your chin.

  I finally went up to my room to start my homework, and they didn’t even notice.

  My life has become so totally ridiculous. I used to walk around and around the school halls every morning with Celia and Emily hoping to catch sight of Travis. Now I can see him pretty much anytime I want, and all I do is hide from him.

  It was right after dinner, and I thought the coast was clear. I opened my door and stepped into the hall. I was thinking about the Snow Ball and how I might never get a date. And then I’d be stuck handing my hundred dollars over to Amber. Which would mean I couldn’t go see Life Cycle with Celia and Emily. And I guess I wasn’t looking because I ran right into Travis.

  Like literally.

  “Hey, watch it kid.” Travis playfully shoved me.

  “Quit it.” I rubbed my shoulder.

  “Oh, come on. I was just teasing. Now that I’m your brother, it’s practically my job to tease you.” He grabbed me around the waist and started to tickle me.

  It really was tickling so I shoved him back.

  “I was really excited that I was going to have a sister you know, but all you do is ignore me.”

  “No, I don’t.” He was tickling me again, and it was really hard not to laugh. I tried to pull my knee up to protect my stomach.

  “Oh come on. You do, too.”

  “Do not.” I squirmed away from him and gave him a shove. He banged into the wall.

  “Do, too.”

  “Do, not.”

  “What’s going on up there?” We heard my mother call up the stairs.

  “Nothing,” we yelled back in unison.

  We both looked at each other and started to laugh.

  I took advantage of the moment to launch my attack. Travis is even more ticklish than I am which is amazing considering that tickling pretty much makes me feel like a big blob of gelatin with rubber legs.

  “Stop, stop.” He was doubled over holding his stomach. “Seriously, that tickles.”

  “Yeah? Well you started it.”

  “No I didn’t. You’re the spazz who ran into me.”

  “A spazz, huh?” I tickled harder.

  “Stop!” Travis yelled. He slithered away from me and turned around. He went to grab me but must have tripped or something because the next thing I knew, I was on the floor with Travis on top of me.

  We were both breathing hard, and when I looked up into his eyes, I realized again how blue they are, and I noticed those black flecks around the edges. And how his upper lip is a lot fuller than his lower one. And how incredibly long his lashes are which is so unfair since he is a boy.

  And I realized that he is most definitely not my brother.

  “Get away from me.” I shoved at him and tried to get up.

  “I’m sorry, okay? I was just kidding around.”

  “Well then, don’t.” I scrambled to my feet and pulled down my shirt. “I don’t need an older brother. Things were just fine the way they were.”

  “Yeah? Well I don’t like this anymore than you do.”

  Travis went into his room and slammed the door.

  I went into mine and did the same.

  Emily is always talking me into things. I don’t know why I said yes, but here I am helping with the sets for the talent show. They are going to try to make it look like one of those television programs where people who can’t sing get up and do it anyway and are made fun of by some stuck-up host. You couldn’t pay me to go on stage. Even if I could sing, I would have heart failure or a stroke or become paralyzed or something, I’m sure.

  I was holding this one piece of wood, and Celia was trying to hammer another piece onto it. She is really scary with that hammer. So far she has hit just about everything except the nail.

  “I thought I saw you with Amber yesterday. Walking through the parking lot.” Celia swung again, and the hammer bounced off the wood leaving a small dent.

  “Me and Amber? Are you kidding?”

  “It looked just like you.” Emily was dancing around trying out her new steps while Celia and I did all the work.

  “Hey, did I tell you what happened with me and Travis yesterday?” I hadn’t wanted to tell them. I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, but I had to stop them from talking about me and Amber.

  Emily tried to act bored and like she didn’t care, but I noticed she had stopped jumping all over the place and was listening for a change.

  “You won’t believe it.” I told them about goofing off in the hall with Travis and how he had landed on top of me.

  Emily stared at me, and Celia just knelt there with the hammer still raised in the air. I wish she would put it down—she is making me nervous.

  “Wow, that was just like...well, like...when you have sex or something.”

  Emily can be so unbelievably stupid sometimes. I rolled my eyes, but carefully just in case my mother is right about them getting stuck in the back of my head. “No, it wasn’t. We had our clothes on and everything. It was completely different.”
r />   Leave it to Emily to come up with something stupid like that. Even if Travis had been on top of me, I’d hardly noticed a thing. Except maybe how heavy he was and yet not really all that heavy at the same time. And how different his face looked up real close. And how sharpish some of his bones were.

  “Still, I would die if that happened to me.” Emily did this little jig around me and Celia. “You are so lucky having Travis live with you.”

  “No, I’m not.” I took the hammer from Celia since she wasn’t getting anywhere with it. I slammed it hard against the nail once, twice, three times. And then again even though it had already gone in. “I hate it. You wouldn’t like it either. I have no privacy anymore. I have to share the bathroom. My mother makes Travis pancakes although I could starve for all she cares.”

  “Why don’t you tell your mother to get a divorce?” Celia let go of the wood, and it kind of wobbled but held.

  I shook my head. “She’d never do it. She’s unbelievably selfish. All she cares about is herself.”

  “Maybe you should try to fall in love with someone else.” Emily’s face was red from all that dancing around.

  “Then you’d have a date for the Snow Ball and everything.” Celia pushed her glasses up her nose with her middle finger.

  They had a point. The only problem is that Travis is still the only guy I can even imagine being in love with.

  I don’t think Mark likes cats. Which is why Clementine makes a big fuss over him. She rubs up against his legs, jumps into his lap when he’s trying to read the paper, runs to the door when he comes home. He just stares at her as if he’s afraid she’s really a snake in a cat’s costume or something.

  We were having dinner and Clementine was lounging on the chair in the corner, one leg dangling over the edge. Rufus was right by the table drooling all over the floor although Mark never gives him anything.

  “Eat your lima beans, Mac.” My mother pointed at my dish. I wondered if Rufus liked lima beans, and if I could slip them to him on the sly. I also wondered why no one told Travis to eat his lima beans. They were still on his plate although I noticed he pushed them around occasionally with his fork. Maybe that was the secret.

  I poked at the lima beans a bit. Made a pile of them. Then made two different piles. Finally I arranged them all around the rim of my plate.

  “Eat them, Mac. Don’t play with them.”

  My mother does not seem to get that I’m fourteen and not a baby anymore. Fortunately I can now eat in front of Travis without choking so it doesn’t look like I will starve to a slow, withering death. Just as long as I don’t look at him. But I still worry about dribbling or getting things stuck between my teeth. It doesn’t seem to bother him, though. Yesterday he knocked over his glass of milk and wasn’t even embarrassed.

  Of course lately we have both been ignoring each other which is fine with me although I think my mother is beginning to notice. I just hope she doesn’t try to talk to me about it.

  Rufus finally decided to go away. Or maybe he just ran out of drool. He walked past Clementine’s chair, and she reached down and swatted him. Rufus let out a squeal like a pig and lunged at Clementine. Clementine flew off the chair before Rufus even came close to getting her and jumped onto the counter. Unfortunately she knocked over the platter with the chicken on it. The chicken fell on the floor and went skidding across the kitchen like a baseball player sliding into home base. Rufus caught it just as it was about to disappear under the table and ran into the living room with it.

  My mother went ballistic and started screaming that Rufus was making a mess.

  Mark slowly folded his napkin and put it down next to his plate. “That cat is a menace, Susan,” he said in a voice-of-God sort of way.

  “It’s not Clementine’s fault.” I had to stand up for my cat if no one else was going to.

  “Well she started it.” Travis was taking advantage of the diversion to scrape his lima beans into the garbage can.

  “She did not!”

  My mother’s face got that frozen look it does when she’s furious.

  I suspect Mark is going to be sleeping on the couch tonight.

  Chapter 12

  Dear Lucy Love

  I think I’m ugly, but my mom says that’s not true. Who do I believe?

  Sincerely,

  Depressed Teen

  Dear Depressed,

  The mirror never lies.

  Yours,

  Lucy Love

  Mr. Lasick wants to find someone else to take over the Lucy Love column. He doesn’t think my answers are appropriate. On the other hand, he can’t find anyone else to do it, and besides, my column has become so popular, it’s the first thing people read when the paper comes out. So there, Mr. Lasick.

  I am going shopping with Amber. She invited me. She’s picking me up, and we’re going to spend the afternoon at the mall. My mother had a bit of a spazz when I told her Amber had a car, but I assured her Amber was a careful driver. I didn’t tell her about Amber looking in the rearview mirror to check her make-up every ten seconds.

  We didn’t do the usual things at the mall. Amber doesn’t eat fries or chocolate chip cookies. She says it’s the price she has to pay to be beautiful. I don’t think Amber really is beautiful. She just has very blonde hair which boys seem to like. And a real bosom. And no stomach at all and no hips or thighs either. I could be that thin, too, if my mother wasn’t always trying to force feed me lima beans.

  Amber said she wanted to talk to me about something, but it could wait till later, over lunch. Meanwhile she was having a party and wanted me to come, but I needed something decent to wear.

  I couldn’t believe she was inviting me to her party. This might be the perfect opportunity for me to meet some boys.

  We grabbed a handful of things off the racks in Abercrombie. The guy behind the counter let us in to the dressing room ahead of all the other people in line because Amber batted her eyelashes at him. The people waiting were pretty mad, and we could hear them grumbling. Fortunately the dressing room doors have locks because I was worried they might try to come in after us.

  We had lunch in the food court. Amber had a garden salad although she took out anything that was really interesting like the chunks of cheese and crumpled bits of bacon. She was left with lettuce and a couple of carrot shavings. I felt weird eating my hamburger in front of her, although she didn’t seem to mind.

  We had barely started when I heard someone calling “Yoohoo, Mac, hello,” in this really fluty sounding voice. It was Mrs. Axelrod and Emily bearing down on our table. At least Mrs. Axelrod was. Emily looked more like a prisoner-of-war on a death march or something. I just hoped she wouldn’t break into any of that Irish step dancing stuff around Amber.

  “Helloooo Mac,” Mrs. Axelrod trilled. “And who is this?” Mrs. Axelrod is very round in the middle. She was wearing a woven leather belt that reminded me of the Equator.

  “This is Amber.” Amber gave Mrs. Axelrod and Emily a nod, glared at me briefly and then turned all her attention to her salad.

  “How is your mother, Mac? I heard she got married?”

  I wished Mrs. Axelrod would leave. Emily was just staring at me like I had committed treason or something. Like Judas.

  “Tell your mother I said hello,” she said without waiting for an answer. “Come along, Emily. We need to get some new bras,” she whispered the word, “my little girl is growing up.”

  Amber made a noise like a snort, although maybe she was just choking on a carrot shaving or something. Emily’s face got so red, I was afraid she might be having a stroke.

  “Who IS that woman?” Amber said when they left.

  “Oh, no one really.” I shrugged.

  “Anyway, there’s something I want to ask you.” Amber gave me this intense look and focused all her attention on me. I noticed that her eyes aren’t exactly the same size. The right one is a little bigger. I don’t know why all the boys think Amber’s so perfect.

  I nodded for h
er to go ahead since my mouth was full of hamburger.

  “You know I have my eye on Travis.” Amber twirled the paper from her straw around and around her finger.

  I nodded because my mouth was still full. Maybe my mother is right about that taking-smaller-bites business.

  I finally swallowed. “Travis is dating Kristen though.”

  “I know.” Amber was rolling the paper into a circle. She put it on her finger like a wedding band and held out her hand to look at it. “That’s why I need your help. I want to break them up.”

  I swallowed my soda too quickly, and it made me hiccough. “How?” was all I could say before I hiccoughed again.

  “You know that friend of yours? Alex-something-or-other? The one who’s a computer genius?”

  I nodded.

  “I want you to get him to hack into Travis’ computer and get his email password.”

  I was eating the last bite of my burger and nearly spit it out all over the table.

  “Why do you want him to do that?”

  “Because you’re going to send Kristen an email from Travis saying that he wants to break up with her because he’s fallen in love with me.”

  “Rise and Shiiiiine,” my mother trilled up the stairs.

  I pulled the covers over my head and pretended I didn’t hear her. In other words, business as usual. Except not quite. I had this thing with Amber on my mind. I hadn’t given her an answer. I didn’t say yes, I’d do it. But I didn’t exactly say no, either.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Mr. Lasick kept bugging me about not paying attention during class. It’s impossible to make decisions if you have to be in school all day listening to the teachers going on and on about stuff that happened hundreds of years ago. I am sure when the president has to make a decision everyone leaves him alone and lets him think.

  Amber wanted me to sit with her at lunch. Emily and Celia kept turning around to stare at me, but I pretended not to notice. I am sure they will understand when I get the chance to explain things. After all, I know they won’t want me to miss seeing Life Cycle with them. And hanging out with Amber is my only chance. There are always boys dropping by her table or coming up to her in the hall. Maybe one of them will notice me and ask me out. Especially now that Amber is giving me beauty tips.