SELFLESS
Copyright © 2016 by Alyson Reynolds.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations em- bodied in critical articles or reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
For information contact :
www.authoralysonreynolds.com
Book and Cover design by Alyson Reynolds
Edited by Cat’s Eye Proofing & Promos
ISBN: 123456789
First Edition: September 2016
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my Momma,
Thank you for encouraging me to chase my dreams
I love you
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Epilogue
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Letting Amanda Connelly go was the worst mistake of my life. She would always be the one for me. I couldn’t even say she was the one that got away because I was the one that left. God, I was such a fucking idiot.
I slammed the shot of Crown back and motioned for another. The bartender looked at me doubtfully, but I just stared him down. This was my fifth shot in thirty minutes. He put the bottle down next to the shot glass and I passed him a hundred dollar bill. It was more than the bottle was worth, but I would pay it if this guy left me alone to wallow.
I’d been gone for a month now, but the ache was worse than the day I left. Time wasn’t making things better. Everywhere I looked I saw Mandi. She was my entire life, the reason I took each breath, but I knew I needed to let her go. My asshole father made that perfectly clear to me. The evidence of the shiner he’d given me was finally gone, but it had taken forever to fade away. I could never let Mandi know how bad my life was at home.
My brother Micah had pulled me away before I killed our dad, but if he had been a few minutes later I definitely wouldn’t be sitting on this bar stool. We’d had words, some of his directed at me trying to marry up, which really pissed me off. He’d crossed the line when he threatened Mandi. I would never let him anywhere near her. The bastard had taken a cheap shot at me and landed it. I rubbed at my eye, feeling the phantom pain behind it for a few seconds. The reminder serving to piss me off even further, since I had lost the one girl for me because of him.
I pushed the shot glass out of the way and tipped back the bottle. I welcomed the burn. Maybe it would make me feel something. A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I groaned.
“My babysitter is here for the night, huh?”
“Rhys, seriously. How in the fuck are you supposed to show up for work in the morning if you’re hungover? Again.”
“Micah, I don’t really give a fuck about this stupid construction job.”
“You want to get her back don’t you?” Although there was two of him, so I glared more in his general direction. He held up his hands. “Sorry, stupid question. We just have to do enough to get the company started; six months as long as we stick to the plan.”
“Six months?”
“Yeah, then enough time for us to get things going. A year or year and a half tops.”
I sighed and pushed the bottle towards Micah. “Fine. I’ll do this, but I really fucking hate it.”
“I know you do baby bro. Write her a letter, tell her you’ll be back for her.”
I closed my eyes. If he only knew. I had written a letter, but it was to protect Mandi from ever finding me or attempting to look for me. There was no way I wanted her where my dad could touch her. That sick fuck deserved a painful death. I needed to make something of myself because as it was now, I didn’t deserve her. Eventually I would go back for her, but until then I had to make sure she wasn’t wasting her time waiting for me. If she found someone else, I would leave her alone because Amanda Connelly deserved to be happy, with or without me.
The key slipped into the lock and the door opened silently. My footsteps were muffled by the soft carpet underfoot. A soft yip filled the quiet house and a smile curled my lips. Little claws snagged on my jeans as my puppy tried to climb up my legs. She was determined to lick my face.
“Calm down, Lucy.”
I picked up the wiggling puppy and she immediately went for my nose. My new jack Russell puppy was adorable. Two weeks ago the silence got to me; I broke down and went to the humane society.
After putting Lucy back down on the carpet, she pranced her way around my feet as I set down my purse and keys. We made our way to the kitchen. By now, she knew the routine. The spoiled little girl led the way to get her afternoon treat.
I wanted my afternoon treat too. The wine was sweet and slightly tart on my tongue, a perfect blend for my day. Lucy followed me out onto the small deck. We spent most evenings out here because the quiet of the house was overwhelming, even crippling at times.
When I bought the house five years ago, I thought I would be filling it with a family. Now I was considering putting in on the market and moving to a small condo. There was a vacancy where my friend Gage lived. He liked his place, and at least if I was running late he could let Lucy out.
I snapped out of my pity party as Lucy jumped into my lap. Her soft tongue licked my cheek and I thought she might burst from excitement.
“Gross. No kisses.” I laughed as I said it. She looked pathetic and I buried my face in her soft fur. “I know how you feel, puppy.”
Damn it. I was running late again. Violet was going to freak out. This was the second time in a week that she’d had to wait on me. I ran into the restaurant and waved at the hostess as I went flying by her. Violet glanced over her menu and smiled as I sat down across from her.
“Again?” She smirked.
“Sorry. Sorry. Really sorry. Today has been awful.”
“Is everything okay? What can I do to help?”
Oh god, if she kept being nice to me I might cry.
“It was nothing. Just a bad day on set.”
She frowned. “What are you working on now? You finished up in Canada, right?”
I sighed. “Yes, thank goodness I’m done there. Canada itself isn’t bad, but the work was exhausting and if I ever have to work with that director again I’ll quit. He’s an idiot. I’m terrified that something will go wrong and I’ll have to go back out there to shoot something else. The last few scenes we shot, the lighting seemed off. I guess it’s just a waiting game now though.”
“So what are you working on now? I didn’t even know you had auditioned for anything.”
“It’s a new indie thing. One of my friends from a previous gig asked me to do it as a favor. I think I’ll really enjoy it, but you know how stressful everything is in the beginning.”
“I remember and I definitely don’t miss it.” A soft smile curled her lips, and I was instantly jealous. Here she was chasing her lifelong dream of law school, and I was doing the same thing over and over again. Her husband Jaxon was so supportive of her. It was enough to make a girl green with envy.
“So how’s Taylor doing? It’s been a while since
I’ve talked to her.”
“She’s in Vegas with Emmy this weekend. I think she needed to get away for a while. I’m really worried about her and Stephen. They’ve been all over the place. Honestly, I thought they would have figured it out by now.”
The waitress took our orders and I decided on a very strong vodka tonic. Violet stared at me in concern. Come to think of it, I don’t think she had ever seen me drink liquor before. I was normally a red wine kind of girl.
“I’m fine, I promise. It’s just been a long week and I want to relax.”
“Okay,” she said drawing it out. She totally didn’t believe me.
“Really. I promise I’m not developing a drinking problem.”
She laughed and I saw the tension go out of her shoulders. Alcohol was a touchy subject for her since her mother was an alcoholic. I know she worried about Taylor’s drinking more than she wanted to admit.
“So what’s going on with you other than this new indie thing?”
“I’m thinking about putting my house on the market.” I took a drink as she stared at me incredulously.
“You love that house.”
“I’m not home enough to enjoy it now. It’s time to get something smaller.”
Why did I bring that up? That was a bad miscalculation on my part. Violet knew what that house represented to me and why I loved it so much.
“How’s Harper?” She let me change the subject, but I could tell she wanted to say more.
“She’s wonderful,” she gushed. “She’s started talking more.”
Luckily Violet could go on for hours about her beautiful daughter. Harper had been a complete surprise, as had her secret marriage to Jaxon when we worked together a few years ago. I had escaped the questions for now, but something told me I wouldn’t be able to dodge them forever.
The call from Jaxon telling me that Stephen had been in a car accident left me in complete shock. I was in London for a premiere. It took me a while, but I caught the first flight back to the states that I could. Numbness took over on the flight. The first time I saw Stephen laying in the bed in ICU, Gage had to take me from the room so I didn’t break down in front of Taylor.
Today was supposed to be a good day. Gage told me Stephen’s color was returning and he seemed to be doing better. I just hoped that continued to be the case. Amazingly enough, Gage had pulled up beside me as I’d parked and we came inside together. Luckily the paparazzi had taken the hint that no one would tell them anything and had left us alone for the most part.
We turned the corner and Taylor was standing in the hallway talking to someone as we walked up. He looked familiar, but until he turned towards me I didn’t recognize him. My steps faltered as I saw the one person I never thought I would see again.
No.
Just no.
Absolutely fucking not.
“Rhys,” I whispered. He did a double take, like he couldn’t believe it was me standing in front of him. When he stepped towards me, I held up my hands quickly and took a step away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Mandi.” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat once. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m leaving,” I hissed. If I could have run and not looked like a complete idiot doing it, I would have. I peeled my fingers off of Gage’s arm and ignored the pitying look he was giving me. His pity was the last thing I needed right now.
I made it down the hall and down the first flight of stairs before he caught up with me.
“Mandi, wait up!” He called out from behind me.
I stopped and whipped around. “Do not call me that. Only my friends and family get to call me that.”
“I used to be your family.”
God, he sounded like he missed it.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “You haven’t been my family in a long time, Rhys. About the time you decided not to give me an explanation of why you were breaking up with me and disappearing into the ether was when you lost that title.”
He reached for my arm again and I smacked his hand away.
“I told you not to touch me.”
“Mandi—Amanda,” he corrected himself. “Will you please just let me explain? I was a dumb kid, but I had my reasons.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Two minutes, Rhys.”
“Dinner,” he countered. I rolled my eyes.
“You get ten minutes. That’s it. And only because I want a damn good explanation of why you left.”
“Let me buy you coffee downstairs. That should only take fifteen minutes.”
“Fine. Coffee. But I’m not staying a second longer than that.”
He let me lead the way to the cafeteria. I had to stop myself from looking him up and down like a piece of meat. The man looked good, and that made this all that much worse. Something told me I would regret talking with him, but I needed to know why he had left me all those years ago. Finding out why he had left was something that had consumed me for so long.
I sat down at the small table, and studied him as he ordered our drinks. He looked good. His black hair and killer blue eyes had always been one of my downfalls. Rhys could have had a job modeling or acting if he had wanted to. He was the reason I ventured into acting in the first place.
He sat down across from me and I looked at him wearily. “So talk. You’ve got me here for another,” I glanced down at my watch. “Thirteen minutes.”
Rhys stared at me for a few moments, long enough to make me squirm. “You look even more amazing than you did at eighteen, Mandi.”
“I told you not to call me that. No one has called me that in years.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’ve missed you so much. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Why did you leave, Rhys?”
He winced. “You know it was bad for me at home. My dad was a wife and child beater. I couldn’t convince mom to leave him, so we were stuck. The day he hospitalized Mom was the day I realized I couldn’t put you through that. You deserved so much better than my life.”
“Rhys, you hid so much from me. I never knew how bad it got until Micah told me.”
He raised his eyebrow. “Micah told you what?”
“Nothing important.”
He sighed and went on. “You deserved so much more than what I could have given you. If I’d stayed I would have gone to jail for killing my dad. All I wanted for you was for your wildest dreams to come true. I’m so proud of you. If we had stayed together none of this would have happened.”
“So you just left?” I asked, venom filling my voice. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”
“I did it for you.”
I shook my head adamantly. “You did it for yourself. I cried every single day for six months. I almost didn’t graduate because I was so fucking lost. You just left me and I couldn’t function because I loved you so much, Rhys.”
My voice was getting louder each time I spoke. People were starting to stare, but it didn’t stop me from continuing. I would never get this chance again, so I was going to get it all out now.
“Mandi, I’m sorry. I left because I couldn’t give you what you needed. You deserved better than what I had to offer you. Did you really want to spend your life with a kid going nowhere? My dad made sure to point out at every turn that I would never live up to my potential.”
I glared at him. “Seems to me like you’re doing just fine. Taylor’s told me all about you, but somehow she never mentioned your name. Otherwise I would have put two and two together and avoided you like the plague.”
“It’s not like that. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today.”
“You think I didn’t? I get that you worked hard Rhys, I really do, but I could have helped you get there. I wanted to do the work with you, but you never even gave me the chance. You made decisions by yourself that you shouldn’t have.” Rhys looked pained. He pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he’d had since he was a kid. “It’s been real great catching up, but your fifteen minutes is up.”
I stood on shaky legs. Seeing Rhys Brooks after twelve years was the last thing I expected to happen when I got up this morning. It was damn near killing me to leave him here, but there was nothing left to salvage between us.
He took a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
He reached out to touch my arm and this time when his fingers connected on my skin, I felt the spark between us. I sucked in a sharp breath and my mouth parted. My traitorous body remembered his touch, and I still craved it. Memories flooded me as we stood there…holding hands for the first time, our first kiss, and the night we lost our virginity to each other.
No.
There was absolutely no way I could ever go there again. Rhys abandoned me then, and I would never put myself back in a position in which he could hurt me. No matter how much I believed he was the one man I should have been with, it wasn’t going to happen. I wasted too much of my time and energy on him already.
I pulled my arm back and walked away. The need to turn back and look at him was strong, but I wouldn’t let myself. My heart was already shattered into a million pieces just by allowing him in that tiny bit. What would happen if I actually spent time getting to know the adult Rhys? From what Taylor told me, he was quite the catch.
Twelve years is a long time to reflect on someone who left you. I’d grown up with Rhys and his brother, Micah. They were like family to me, but six months before I turned eighteen, they disappeared. Rhys left me a letter behind to ‘explain’ why they left, but really it was just an apology for being weak. The memory of that dark time still stung.
At seventeen I thought he was the man I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life. Until he made the decision that we were over because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. His words, not mine, and I was absolutely heartbroken.
Instead of going to college, I decided to try acting. Rhys had always encouraged me to audition for our local theater because I loved it. I’d gotten several big parts even though I was so young. I had my first big role by the time I turned twenty. Now at thirty, I was a seasoned pro. I had plenty of awards to my name, but none of that really mattered. When Rhys left, he’d taken the only thing I had ever truly wanted.
Selfless: A Relentless Series Novella (The Relentless Series Book 3) Page 1