A smile curled his lips and a little dimple showed in his chin. God, whatever woman got this amazing guy would be so lucky. I sat up and turned to look at Gage, realizing our lips were only inches apart.
“Gage,” I trailed off. My fingers ran through the hair at the nape of his neck. Shock registered on his face, but he didn’t pull away. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He didn’t open to my tongue teasing the seam of his lips. I pulled away quickly and sat up, moving away from him on the couch. Embarrassment heated my cheeks and I couldn’t meet his gaze. His hands dropped to his lap and I turned towards him.
“Amanda, this isn’t a good idea. You don’t want me, you want Rhys, and I’m not willing to become a substitute.” He huffed out a breath. “Believe me, if I was lucky enough to get someone like you I wouldn’t fuck it up like he is.”
I looked away. “I’m sorry. I should go.”
He grabbed my arm before I could stand up. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t need to go. You’re confused and sad. God, I wish you actually meant that kiss, but I know you only did it because you just want to be close to someone right now.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. “I’m so lost.”
I sounded like a lost child. Gage pulled me into his chest and let me cry. Big heaving sobs wracked my body as I cried. He ran his fingers through my hair and held me tight to his chest as I finally broke down and let all the pain and frustration out.
I woke up to a dark living room. Gage had covered me with a blanket, but he wasn’t sitting with me anymore. My face flushed as I remembered the stupid decision I’d made kissing him. He was right though, I hadn’t wanted him; I had only wanted the comfort he offered. God, I owed him another apology and maybe a nice bottle of Macallan for putting up with my insanity.
The door opened and Gage was speaking to someone behind him as he came into the apartment. I glanced behind the couch and Rhys was standing there next to him. He pushed past Gage when he saw I was glaring at him.
“Mandi, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here earlier. Baby, I’m so fucking sorry. I missed my flight, then I had to try to figure out another way here.”
He tugged me up into his arms and my arms wrapped around his wide shoulders. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his neck. We could deal with the fact that he wasn’t there when I needed him later, right now I just wanted to soak him in.
Gage stood in the doorway looking at us. When I opened my eyes he smiled sadly at me. Was he wistful? I mouthed ‘thank you’ to him and he nodded once. I watched him turn and walk towards his bedroom. The door shut with a quiet click. Rhys’ arms tightened around me and I refocused.
“I thought you weren’t coming?”
“That was never the plan, I just didn’t know if I would be able to catch another flight out. Everything was booked and I was getting nowhere with the airlines. Gage called me and told me what happened. He also strongly suggested that if I didn’t get here by tonight he was going to kick my ass.”
Something inside me snapped. Rhys was making jokes when I was devastated. He didn’t know how bad it was earlier.
“He’s right though. I needed you and you weren’t here.” I pulled away and stared up into his eyes. “I told you how much having a baby meant to me, but we’re still in the same exact place we were two months ago, Rhys. You’ve cancelled two trips to visit and you almost missed this one.”
“Shortcake, I—”
“No, you need to hear this. I’ve never been this insecure person. A shell of a human? Fuck yes, when you left me the first time, I lost a big part of who I was, but I’ve grown since then. I’m not a kid anymore.” I threw my hands in the air in exasperation. “When do I become a priority, Rhys? You’re either going to act like you want to be with me and make some changes, or I’m done. I’m rescheduling my appointment on Monday. If you want to come with me you can, but I’m through waiting on you to figure your shit out.”
He grimaced.
“Amanda, that isn’t fair. You knew I traveled for work when we decided to be together. I make sure you know where I’m going to be and I call every night. This is my business that I’ve built from the ground up. Things are changing and I needed to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible for everyone.”
“What transition, Rhys?” I threw my hands up in the air dramatically again. “If you would talk to me, maybe I would have an idea of what you’re talking about. I travel for work too, but I made concessions to make sure you were included in my schedule. You come before work, not the other way.”
Our voices rose with each lashing we gave each other. His frustration was evident in every word, but so was mine.
“I said I was sorry, what else do you want me to do?” he snapped.
I glared at him with my hands on my hips. If looks could kill he would be dead on the floor. “Is that supposed to be good enough? You aren’t changing anything to make this relationship work. Why did you even bother coming after me if you were just going to run away again? You’re going to hurt me again and this time nothing will fix it.”
He stepped away quickly, like I’d physically slapped him. “Is that what you think? I’m pushing you away?” He laughed humorously. “I’m doing everything possible to be able to stay with you, but you only see that I’m not here. You don’t even notice that I’m trying to get here every chance I can. Micah is pissed at me because I’ve fucked up every plan we’ve ever made for our business.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Keep talking about fucking up every plan you’ve ever made together, Rhys. Go right ahead. I want to hear how bad our relationship is fucking up your plans. Did you forget you fucked up all of our plans too?” I hissed.
Rhys dropped his arms to his sides and the anger left his voice. “Amanda, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Fuck you, Rhys.” I stormed over to the door. “We’re done here. You no longer have to worry about your plans with your brother because there’s no need to change them.”
“Amanda!”
I slammed the door behind me and stormed down the stairs. There was no way I was waiting on the elevator when Rhys could decide to follow me at any second. Hot tears scalded my face. It infuriated me that I still had tears to cry. How much was too much? At this point everything was too much. My life hadn’t been perfect before Rhys came barreling back into my life, but it was steady and calm. Now my life was a soap opera, and I sure as hell didn’t like the script.
Thank goodness Gage’s apartment was right on the boardwalk because I was able to blend into the crowds easily as I left. I wanted time to think and this was the perfect way to get it. The sand was cool underneath my feet, but I slipped my shoes off and walked along the water. I might not have grown up on the beach like Violet and Taylor, but the ocean still had a way of calming me.
My house loomed in front of me, and I stared up at it in surprise. Had I really walked that far in two hours? I didn’t have my purse or keys, but there was a spare key hidden on my deck that I could let myself into the house with. Poor Gage was probably worried; I’d been such a great friend, mauling him on his couch, and then disappearing into thin air when my ex pissed me off. Sometimes I wanted to throttle myself into next week.
I started towards the deck, exhausted with the effort. As I climbed my gaze landed on Rhys sitting on one of the lounge chairs. He looked awful. His dark hair was disheveled and looked like he had been running his hands through it over and over. His head snapped up at the sound of my feet on the wood.
“What are you doing here?” I asked my voice emotionless.
He stood up and started towards me, but I held up my hands to keep him back. I wasn’t ready to go toe to toe with him yet, but apparently I didn’t have much choice. The least I could do was protect myself from his devastating touch. It would take me two seconds to cave if he put a finger on me.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s too little, too late, Rhys.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Am
I just supposed to forget everything that’s happened between us?” I snapped. “You need to leave.”
I moved around him, towards the sliding glass door.
“I’m trying to sell my half of the business to an investor, that’s why I haven’t been able to drop everything and come out here, even though I want to more than anything.” I stopped suddenly, my back still towards him. “I’ve been trying to figure everything out without worrying you, but it’s been harder than I thought it would be.”
“Why?” I whispered, too scared to hope for the best.
“It’s time.”
I couldn’t turn towards him, if I did, I would lose any composure I had.
“Why would you give up your business? The same business you’ve worked your whole life to build with your brother.”
He stepped up behind me, but he didn’t touch me or wrap his arms around my waist like I craved. This man was like a drug and I would forever be addicted to him.
“I want to be here with you. I don’t want to worry about not being here when you need me. It killed me when Gage called and told me what happened earlier.” For one brief second, I thought he meant the kiss. “You want a baby so bad and I want to give you that, but I can’t do it from two states away. I won’t be an absentee father. Shortcake, I’m trying to be here with you, but I’m going about it all wrong. I needed to get my shit together, but I should have told you what I was trying to do first.”
His finger ran along the palm of my hand so softly I could have easily missed it had I not been in tune with everything his body did. I intertwined our fingers and leaned back against him. “Maybe neither one of us is handling this right.”
His lips ran up the column of my neck. “I’ve missed you so much. Not just for the past month, the entire twelve years I was such a fucking idiot. I wanted you more than my next breath, but I couldn’t come back because I was terrified of finding out that you moved on. When I saw you in that hospital, my heart stopped because you were so beautiful. If I hadn’t already met Gage and knew he wasn’t with you I would have wanted to beat his ass down right there. Amanda, I’m scared of letting you down again. Fuck, I already have after today, but I want all of that to change. I don’t want to have half my life here and the other half in Seattle, or Vegas, or New York, or wherever the hell it ends up being that week. I can’t do that anymore.”
I turned to face him. “You don’t have to.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry too. I have been scared to trust you again, but all I’ve been doing is pushing you further away.” His lips brushed my forehead and I ran my hands up his muscled chest. “There has to be a way for us to figure this out.”
“I’ll sign everything over to Micah. I have enough saved that I can take the hit. Maybe I can get him to sign over the bar that’s here?”
“Rhys you’ve built that company from scratch, you can’t just give it all up.”
“I’m not going to worry about it right now. What I’m going to do right now is convince you that I’m worth the risk. I’m not leaving; I’m not running, and I’m sure as hell not going to let you push me away anymore. I love you, Amanda.”
His lips captured mine and I ran my fingers into his hair. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively. We backed up to the door and I realized I hadn’t picked up the key to unlock the door. I started giggling, breaking our kiss and he looked down at me curiously.
“It’s locked. We’re not going anywhere until I get the spare key.”
He started laughing too. I gasped when he sat down in one of the huge chairs and pulled me on top of him. “There’s no rush, Shortcake. I just want to be with you.”
I laid my head down on his chest and listened to the sound of his steady heartbeat. “I love you too, Rhys.”
We were laid out on the bed, resting after our draining evening. I rested my head on Rhys chest and looked into his electric blue eyes. He ran his fingers through my hair. It was relaxing and I could probably fall asleep if I let myself, but there were things I wanted to know.
“Tell me why you left.”
Rhys sucked in a breath. “Are you sure you’re ready for this, Amanda? It’s not a pretty story.”
I nodded and linked my fingers through his.
“My father was evil. He thrived on beating people down, both physically and mentally. There were so many times he used you against me. When he started threatening you physically, I knew I had to keep you safe.” I kissed his fingers and he closed his eyes. “Micah and I had come up with a plan, but the bastard decided to screw everything up the night he beat my mother so badly that we thought she was going to die.”
I sucked in a breath. “Rhys, I had no idea. I mean I knew he was abusive, but I feel like I should have known. You could have told me.”
He kissed my palm. “I know, Shortcake. I wanted to, but I was afraid that if I didn’t get us out immediately things would get worse. We took my mom to a hospital that was far enough away he couldn’t find her. Plus, we didn’t want everyone in town to know what was going on because we were afraid he would kill her if he found her again. As much as Micah and I tried, we couldn’t convince her to press charges against him though. Mandi, I tried so fucking hard to get her to send him away.” I squeezed his hand; the agony in his voice slayed me. “I hated leaving you, but I needed to keep you and my mom safe. It was sick the way he watched you. He knew that you were mine and he wanted to steal you from me. I left you the letter and I went to confront him for the shit he did to my mom.”
He ran a hand down his face and let out a shuddering breath. “If Micah hadn’t pulled me off of him, I would have killed him. The things he said were disgusting. I didn’t know someone could actually be so…evil isn’t a strong enough word for him. I swear I would have taken you with me, but you weren’t eighteen yet and I wanted to set up a life for us before I asked you to come with me. By the time I had my shit together, you were just starting your acting career and I didn’t want to screw that up for you. I’ve always wanted the best for you.”
I leaned up on my arm and rested my head on my hand. “You amaze me.”
He shook his head, but I stopped him. “No really. You’ve always taken care of everyone around you, even if it makes you miserable in the process.”
I placed soft kisses up his chest and up the side of his face, finally landing the last one on his lips. As I pulled back, his lips parted. He cupped the side of my face. My fingers wrapped around his and I leaned into him. Tears pricked at my eyes as I lay next to him. It wasn’t fair that we’d lost all the time we had, but now he was back and I wasn’t about to let that change.
“I want to make new memories to take away all of the bad one’s Mandi. Let me do that for you.”
I nodded and a single tear slid down my cheek. He leaned up, his lips capturing mine. As his fingers threaded in my hair, I realized that I was done fighting against Rhys. I should have forgiven him sooner, but until now, I’d still held on to a little resentment over our past. Now that he had told me everything, I didn’t have to. He’d had his reasons for leaving and I was sure we would talk about them again, but for now it was enough.
I deepened the kiss and pressed my chest to his. Making some new memories sounded perfect right about now.
I bounce from foot to foot as we waited to check into the hotel. No one knew I was bringing Rhys, and this would be our first official outing as a couple. It had taken us a few weeks to figure out the logistics of living together. Rhys couldn’t up and abandon his brother and their business. I wouldn’t let him give up something he’d worked so hard for. So we came to a compromise. Half of the year we would be at my house in California, and the other half we would be in Washington. Micah agreed he could start traveling more to help take some of the burden off Rhys.
We wanted to get married soon, but it was going to be a small ceremony on the beach. Only our closest family and friends would be invited. The ceremony was going to be as secret as possible, without pulli
ng a Violet and Jaxon and telling absolutely no one. I squeezed Rhys’ hand, and he shot me a comforting smile. He knew I was nervous. Maybe I should have told everyone I would be bringing him, but I assumed they had guessed as much already.
Rhys grabbed the room key and we went up to our suite. His mouth was on mine before the door closed behind me. I gripped his shoulders and gasped as he sucked on my neck. He lifted me up and my legs wrapped around his waist. Our lips never broke as he made his way to the bedroom.
I giggled when he threw me onto the bed. He stepped out of his shoes and unfastened his belt while looking down at me with hooded eyes. Need practically dripped from him as he watched me tug my shirt over my head. I leaned back on my forearms and crossed my ankles.
“What now, Rhys?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
He tossed my sandals over his shoulder and tugged my shorts and panties down my hips quickly. When his hands pushed my legs apart and he kissed his way up my inner thigh I sucked in a sharp breath. My head dropped back as he ran his tongue up my slit. I cried out as he slipped a finger inside.
“Rhys,” I gasped.
“Shhh, Shortcake. You’re going to enjoy this.” His eyes shined with humor as he looked up at me. My fingers tangled in his hair and I tugged each time he circled the tight bundle of nerves that would send me flying over the edge.
Each time we made love, Rhys was attentive and determined to make sure every second was bliss. He was working hard to make sure I got the baby I wanted so desperately and I was enjoying myself immensely.
Selfless: A Relentless Series Novella (The Relentless Series Book 3) Page 9