Confessions of a Bad Bridesmaid

by Jennifer Rae

  Olivia smiled at him and his brain spun in his head. Deep dimples sank into her cheeks and she looked so happy. He loved making her smile and he loved making those small whimpering noises come from the back of her throat as he was doing now. She was still wet and dripping, so he leaned down and took one of those tempting buds in his mouth. He licked, then he kissed. Long and deep and hard. He knew he had to go slowly with Olivia, that she was cautious. But he also knew once he gained her trust she would respond.

  That thought made him press himself against her. He wanted her. Needed to be inside her. He flicked her nipple against his tongue. He had to touch her all over. Now.

  TWENTY-THREE

  ‘Edward...’ Olivia was sure Edward was trying to kill her. Slowly. Kiss by torturous kiss. She wanted him. With a hot desire she’d never felt before. As if she had to have him or she’d hit someone. But he was teasing her. Kissing her skin, playing with her nipple.

  His hands dropped to her backside and pulled her in to him and she gasped. She was pressed against him and he was hard and ready and his eyes were almost black. She recognised that look. The look of no return. A shiver vibrated through her body and she lifted her hands and pushed them against his chest.

  ‘I want you in the shower.’ Her voice came out all low and raspy and she liked it. She liked the way he made her feel. ‘Beautiful,’ he’d said. She had never felt more aware of her curves and her body than she did now. His eyes slid over her hungrily and his hands wandered, skimming over her skin with the lightest of touches.

  She stepped into the shower and tried to slow her breathing. She was losing control again, just as she had behind the stairs. He did that to her. The knowledge that he wanted her was like a drug and it was making her feel invincible. Behind her, she knew he’d be undressing. She wanted to see his body, take him all in, but she couldn’t turn yet. She had to take one step at a time.

  In less than a minute the door creaked open and she closed her eyes, her heart still racing out of control.

  ‘Are you ready?’ he asked with a wicked growl.

  She was more than ready. She was about to scream if she didn’t feel him against her soon. Then his skin hit hers and fireworks went off in her head. The tickle of the hairs on his chest, the feel of his hard stomach and the long, silky rock-hard feel of him pressed against her. All doubts evaporated. She was his and he was hers. Tonight she trusted him.

  She wanted to turn and look at him but his hands ran down her arms and came over hers.

  ‘Not yet. Don’t turn around.’

  Her heart was beating frantically now. He was in control and she had to keep trusting him. He put her hands against the tiles in front of her, then ran his fingers down her arms and over her waist before pressing his hands around her backside.

  His hands stroked almost lovingly, and she held her breath in anticipation as his hand came around her hip and dipped lower to gently explore underneath her. His fingers moved slowly and she tensed every muscle in her body until he found her slick opening and stroked. Olivia couldn’t move. She couldn’t think. All she could do was feel. His head was near hers; his lips were against her ear and his other hand held hers fast against the wall.

  ‘Fottutamente bello,’ he growled, and Olivia cried out as his fingers found the small nub that made her body shiver. He stilled, then stroked her again, kissing the back of her neck and nipping at her shoulder with his teeth.

  It was too much. The torture of the wait...the lingering doubt pressing against her ribs. She had to trust him. She wanted to trust him. She pushed herself against him, wanting to feel him against her skin. To make sure he was still hard and still wanted her because she wanted him. Badly.

  ‘Edward, I need you.’

  His mouth came to her cheek and his voice had turned deep—very deep. ‘I need you too. Turn around.’

  Olivia spun eagerly around, but she wasn’t prepared for what she saw. He was perfect. From his broad shoulders to the wide chest smattered with black hair and his torso, which tapered down to show off his hard earned abs. A lone scar ran from his hip into the hair that formed at the bottom of his abs. She wondered how he’d got that.

  She wanted to touch him. His skin was glistening from the water and he wasn’t moving. Instead he was watching her watch him. So she reached out and ran her fingers from his chest down to his stomach, until her fingers found the silky tip of his penis, long and hard like satin-covered steel. She shivered and her blood rushed to her core. He hissed at her touch and she felt stronger. Braver. He was enjoying her touch, enjoying her, and he could see her now. Every bit of her. He wasn’t running. He was pressing himself closer, whispering into her ear. Carefully she wrapped her hand around his length and closed her eyes.

  ‘I wasn’t sure if you would want to go through with this,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  His voice was gruff and raw. He throbbed in her hand but she didn’t move.

  ‘I wasn’t sure if you were serious.’

  He lifted his head off the shoulder he was kissing to look at her. ‘You want serious?’ he asked, a wicked glint in his eye.

  He moved, slipping himself out of her palm, and Olivia’s heart jumped in her chest when she realised where he was going. His legs were long, so even on his knees his head came to her stomach.

  She placed her hands on his head. ‘Edward, you don’t have to...’

  ‘How many times do I have to tell you to stop talking?’ He leaned on his haunches and looked at her. Assessed her. Then his hands came around her backside and he violently pulled her forward, onto his waiting mouth.

  Olivia wanted to scream. She wanted to call out—but she was too shocked to do anything. His tongue was inside her and he was sucking and kissing and then using his fingers to stroke and something flicked a switch in her brain. All rational thought left. All she could feel was the hard beads of water on her back, the joy of Edward’s tongue inside her and his fingers as they pressed her to him.

  She shifted a little and moved, allowing him better access, and he groaned. The vibration of his deep voice ran through her body and caused her to stumble, but he held her strong, lifting her until she was thoughtless and senseless and couldn’t move. Couldn’t move until the pressure built and everything went black...and then her body shook and she exploded.

  Her body spasmed and her hips rocked and she cried out, gripping the walls and wondering if she had ever felt this good.

  No. Definitely not. Not ever. Not once.

  Slowly Edward stood and pressed himself along her body.

  ‘Was that serious enough for you?’

  She let out a laugh, her boneless body barely able to stay up. But he held her still and shivering until she came to and realised he was still there, holding her body against his so she wouldn’t fall. She wondered if she’d ever get enough of him. The way he looked at her as if she was beautiful. The way he spoke to her in Italian—she had no idea what he said when he talked to her like that, but she knew it was dirty and she liked it.

  Aftershocks rocked her body but he stayed where he was, holding her and waiting. She couldn’t move—didn’t want to. She wanted him there for ever. But a blast of cold water made them both jump.

  ‘Leave it,’ she said as he turned to face her. ‘I need to cool down.’

  His eyes fired again as they swept across her body and she laughed.

  ‘What are you thinking, Edward?’

  He shifted in closer, his big body covering hers, and dipped his mouth to lick the water from her shoulder. She did the same to him and tasted the saltiness of his skin.

  ‘What am I thinking?’ he asked, his voice low and deep and raw. ‘I’m thinking that it’s my turn.’

  He pulled her in close against the hard planes of his body and she melted into him. Let him hold her up.
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br />   ‘I want you to come like that again,’ he growled in her ear, before turning the water off completely and pulling her dripping body out of the shower, out of the bathroom and over to the big, waiting bed.

  * * *

  It was late. Olivia wasn’t sure how late, but the house had gone quiet and a heavy blackness had settled outside. She’d slept a while, wrapped in Edward’s arms, and then slept a while with her body scrooched right to the side of the bed. Then the bed had shifted and Edward had got out, returning with a drink of water. Olivia was pretending to be asleep still, but she wasn’t. She was lying and waiting to hear his breathing change. But all she heard was a large intake of breath, and then a sigh, so she decided to turn and face him.

  ‘Edward?’

  He was lying on his back and his hands were tucked under his head. His large biceps bulged and Olivia felt a strange urge to bite them. She muffled a laugh and he turned his head.

  ‘What are you laughing at?’

  ‘Nothing. You.’

  She moved closer, comfortable now he was talking to her. As she snuggled against him her heart let out a sigh as one of his big arms came down around her body and pulled her in closer. He kissed her lips and shifted a little, so he was looking into her face.

  ‘What do you find so amusing about me?’ he asked. He smiled and Olivia snuggled even closer.

  ‘It’s not you I find funny. It’s me. And the things I think when I’m with you.’

  ‘What are you thinking right now?’

  ‘Actually, I was thinking about how I wanted to bite your biceps.’

  His forehead furrowed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re actually clinically insane?’

  ‘Well, not clinically. But I do have moments of insanity.’

  ‘Like tonight?’

  ‘No, tonight I am the most rational I’ve ever been. Tonight I made love to a man who makes me feel like someone else.’

  Edward shifted, his brow still furrowed. He propped himself up on one arm and used his other hand to trace a line from Olivia’s eyebrow to her chin. Her skin tingled at his touch and she shivered.

  ‘I don’t want you to be someone else. I like you. I like your beautiful eyes and your gorgeous smile and I like the way you bite your tongue when you come.’

  A hard, heavy ball of desire dropped to Olivia’s stomach. They’d been at this all night. Was he ready to go again? Because she sure as hell was. She sucked in her bottom lip and bit down. Hard. Trying to still the red-hot stab his look was generating in her.

  ‘Admit it. You hated me when we first met.’

  ‘I didn’t hate you. I thought you were ridiculous. And stupid. But I didn’t hate you.’

  Olivia shot him a fierce look. ‘You thought I was stupid?’

  ‘You told me the Prime Minister was “just a man”.’

  ‘He is.’

  ‘Just a man whose entire life revolves around running this country.’

  ‘Just a man who goes home to his wife and kids every night. Just a man who is probably lying in bed with a hard-on, like you are right now.’

  A look crossed Edward’s face that told her he’d never thought about the Prime Minister’s hard-on before and nor did he ever want to again. She laughed at him again.

  ‘Just like you’re just a man, Eddie. A man who saw a girl he wanted and couldn’t wait to jump in bed with her.’ She raised an eyebrow, expecting him to laugh, but he didn’t.

  ‘This isn’t something I do often. I’m not... I don’t...’

  ‘You don’t what? Have sex with women you find attractive?’

  ‘Find myself attracted to a woman so much I can’t keep my hands off her. I’m usually better at controlling myself.’

  Heat rushed to her face. He couldn’t control himself around her? That made her sit a little higher.

  ‘Earlier, behind the stairs, you lost control then, didn’t you?’

  The darkness made her bolder. She could see the shadows of his face in the moonlight but his face seemed softer, and it felt as if there were only the two of them in the entire universe.

  ‘I’m sorry about that, Olivia.’

  ‘Sorry? Are you crazy? That was the best time of my life. I mean—one of them. The time in the shower was pretty hot, and then earlier—when you swung me around—that was...’ She rolled her eyes, remembering the way he’d seemed even bigger and throbbed even harder from that position.

  She had to shift. Beneath the sheets she was completely naked; it would take no time for him to be inside her again.

  ‘But you were upset.’

  Olivia stopped. Upset? Yes, she had been. But not because he couldn’t control himself.

  ‘I was a bit emotional. Because it was so good. And you... I never thought you... I mean that you and me...’ She met his eyes and they were watching her. Waiting for an answer. She saw something vulnerable in them and realised he felt bad about before because he thought he’d hurt her. ‘I wasn’t upset. I was happy. Happy you wanted me as much as I wanted you.’

  ‘Of course I wanted you. Didn’t I make that clear?’

  ‘No. Yes.’ She realised she’d second-guessed him. She spent too much time imagining what he thought instead of listening to what he said. ‘I didn’t get it. But I do now. I know what you want now.’

  ‘Good. Because I want more of it.’

  His eyes were dark and his face moved closer. His scent was everywhere. On the sheets, in the air, on her skin. He enveloped her.

  ‘But only one night.’ Olivia was guarding her heart. She needed to hear from him now if this wasn’t going anywhere.

  His forehead furrowed. ‘There’s something between us, Olivia. A chemistry that doesn’t happen often. I was trying to resist it.’

  ‘Why?’

  He looked surprised.

  ‘Because you’re...vulnerable. And you’re easily spooked. And you need someone who’s going to treat you right.’

  ‘You make me sound like someone who can’t take care of herself.’

  ‘Everyone needs a little bit of help. There’s no shame in admitting that.’

  ‘What about you? Do you need help?’

  ‘No. I am a freak of nature and need no one else.’

  ‘What about James? Did he need help?’

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Edward went stiff. Even against the moonlight she could see him go pale. She wasn’t sure why she’d brought up James but she wanted to know. She wanted them to be honest with each other and she wanted to know.

  ‘James is gone. No one can help him now. All I can do is help everyone else.’

  ‘What happened to James was not your fault.’

  ‘How would you know? You weren’t there.’

  ‘Then tell me.’

  He didn’t speak for a while, so Olivia waited. She wanted him to talk to her. She wanted him to let her in. Even though he’d made love to her—over and over—she still felt he was holding back. As if he didn’t trust her. And that made her nervous. She wanted all of him. And that made her nervous too.

  ‘We were at the lake, playing in the maze. James wandered off...’

  Edward’s voice was quiet, barely a murmur. Olivia had to stay perfectly still to hear it.

  ‘Will had been teasing him about the fact that he’d never win because he couldn’t ever get the last riddle. The one in the lake—’

  Edward’s voice cracked and so did Olivia’s heart. Edward wasn’t himself right now—he was a twelve-year-old boy who’d lost his brother.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault, Edward. You didn’t tell him to go into the lake.’

  ‘But I didn’t stop Will from saying those things. I laughed along with him. I may as well have pushed James in.’

  ‘Why do you take all the guil
t on yourself?’

  ‘Because... Because... I don’t know. I was the eldest. I should have been watching. I should have known better.’

  ‘You were twelve. And you were mucking about somewhere you’d been hundreds of times before, saying things you probably said to both your brothers all the time. That’s what brothers do. You had no idea he would do that.’

  ‘I should have saved him.’

  His voice cracked again and he stopped talking. Olivia waited until his jaw stopped flickering.

  ‘Ed. What happened to James was an awful accident. He could have gone into that lake without you and Will saying anything. He was a little boy who was curious and unaware of the consequences. It wasn’t your fault.’

  Edward stayed stiff and still in the moonlight. Olivia drew closer to him and reached over to kiss the edge of his cheekbone.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ she whispered, and he turned to her. She kissed his forehead, then his eyes. Then she gently kissed his lips. ‘You are a good, kind man, Edward. A beautiful, strong, nice man. A man I want to make love to.’

  He watched her lips as she spoke, then leaned towards her and kissed her lips as gently as she had done to him.

  ‘You make me feel different, Olivia. You make me feel like there are only the two of us and nothing else matters.’

  ‘Nothing else matters,’ she repeated, pressing herself closer to the hard muscles of his strong body. She wanted to be close to him. She wanted to offer comfort and support and strength and to give him everything he’d given her.

  Her lips met his and his mouth opened, letting her in. Their kiss was deep and laced with something very different. Something intense that meant something. Olivia curled her arms around his neck, pressing his head closer, and his hands came around her hips, bringing them right into him.