Satan’s Lambs

by Lynn Hightower

  I shut my eyes and tilted my head up toward the ceiling. I could remember everything about the place but the name—that it was built in the 1700s, that the ceilings were impossibly low, the floors uneven, and the furniture of an age that puts the American concept of antique to shame. Each suite had a private bathroom (pricey in London), and competent plumbing (also pricey in London). The price of a room included a tea tray at the door each morning and afternoon. The hotel would have been ideal if there had not been scaffolding attached to the front façade and jack-hammers to greet us early each day.

  We stayed in a tiny suite on the second floor, solely accessible by a twisting and narrow back staircase. A four-poster bed took up most of the floor space and sat opposite a fireplace that had been sealed since 1910. Actually touching the foot of the bed were two worn but well-padded chairs divided by a small marble table that sat on the hearth. A mahogany bureau occupied the whole of the opposite wall.

  The bathroom was oddly spacious. A claw-foot tub squatted dead center on the yellowing tile floor. Rick and I, thinking ourselves wise, brought an electrical conversion kit so he could use his electric razor and I could use my hair dryer. The dryer lasted three minutes, then blew a fuse and shot flames. I can still see Rick’s stunned look as he turned from the mirror where he was shaving; I can hear him shout, “Bathtub, Lena. Throw it!” Which is what I did, chipping a piece of glaze off the cast-iron tub. With typical grace and panache, Rick spun like a dancer, ripping the dryer’s cord from the outlet before he bent over the bathtub faucet and turned the water on full blast, laughing so hard he stumbled against the tub.

  Rick and I are comfortable now, the after-marriage friendship no longer so edgy. I have Joel and Rick has Judith, and Rick is so far distanced from the feelings of our past that he recently asked me if I thought we would have stayed together if Whitney’s murder had not changed us—me, really—so that we became strangers to our life.

  An image of Miranda Brady came to mind; how she stared at her sister’s death car while I sketched out the final minutes of Cheryl’s life.

  I wished Joel would come home.

  I turned to the crumpled detritus on the floor, starting the trash pile with a business card for Bright Side Storage, where I bought boxes to move from my apartment with Rick to Whitney’s house. I unfolded a crumpled receipt from the American Express gold card I had when my credit was steady and I worked a regular job. Along with the fine etch of numbers and my signature on the sliver-thin scrap of wrinkled paper, I could see that it was from the Atomic Café for thirty-two dollars and sixty-eight cents. How strange to remember the occasion—me, Whitney, my nephew Kevin, all sitting on the back patio under a string of colored lights, listening to reggae, eating jerk chicken, my sister and I drinking Red Stripe beer. Kevin had been too young for the revelry on that patio, but even then, Whitney had been uneasy about leaving him alone with Jeff.

  The receipt joined the trash pile, along with a petrified stick of red cinnamon gum. I tossed an old hosiery club card from Lazarus department store; a folded loan application for the financing I took out on the crappy Cutlass Supreme I used to drive; a flyer for Armstrong Flooring I got for Whitney when she was redoing her kitchen.

  I unfolded a dingy business card, with Joel’s name and rank, the address of the Lexington-Fayette County Police Department, and Joel’s home phone number written in my sister’s handwriting. Joel had been kind to Whitney on that first visit she and I made to discuss Jeff with the police. He had listened patiently, taken copious notes; he’d understood immediately what we were up against. He’d made two things clear—the limitations on what he could do for us, and the recognition that our fears and worries were well founded. It is one thing to know your sister’s husband is dangerous; it is another to protect your sister. Talking to Joel was too little too late, but all of us tried.

  It was Joel I called when I found the bodies of my sister and her child; it was Joel who worked the case.

  I tucked the card back into the purse.

  A FedEx air bill went straight to the trash pile (divorce papers sent to Rick) followed by a folded piece of yellow legal paper with directions to Joel’s north-side loft—a list of twists and turns notated in purple ink, and in my handwriting. Next in the heap went a parking receipt from the downtown garage I used when I went, time after time, to talk to someone in the Commonwealth Attorney’s office about Jeff’s trial and subsequent conviction for manslaughter—a desolating step down from the multiple murder convictions I had counted on. Two paper clips went next, along with one tarnished silver hoop earring. The last item, a to-do list:

  2:00—Commonwealth Atty. Office

  dinner, 7, meet Rick at Portabella’s

  cat to vet for shots

  Xanex prescription refilled

  Need paper towels

  Figure out WHY check bounced at Kroger’s

  How strange to feel nostalgia for those months of hell. Strange to look back and see good things; Joel for one, the crazy things Rick did to pull me out of lethargic depression. Outrageous he might be, full of a thwarted actor’s ego and pissy envies, but for sheer set-your-hair-on-fire fun, Rick is hard to beat.

  Back in what I think of as the Age of Innocence, my sister, Rick and I went out together every Friday night—Saturdays were couples only. Jeff had been run off early in the game, unable to withstand the onslaught of Rick’s wit and energy, and uncomfortable, as always, with the unity between my sister and me, the female kinship forged by quarrels, shared childhood, and goddess power. When Whitney got pregnant with her second child, we moved out of the bars and into restaurants—Shoney’s midnight breakfast, Applebee’s half-price appetizers.

  In the last months of my sister’s life, our Fridays were devoted to strategy sessions for getting Whitney a divorce, full custody of Kevin and UB (unborn baby), and keeping everyone safe. We had no idea what we were up against. We made a lot of jokes. Whitney was seven months pregnant when she died.

  Afterward, when reality shifted and nothing was ever the same, I spent every waking moment in the grip of Joel’s investigation. I enjoyed the hunt; the smallest thing I could do to fuel the chase constituted the sole pleasure of my life. And when, at last, Joel’s swift but meticulous investigation ended in Jeff’s arrest, I lived for the moment when I could sit in a courtroom answering question after question, tireless, and careful to make sure the jury understood Jeff Hayes.

  Whitney, Kevin, the unborn child—they have been peaceful now for over eight years.

  A car door slammed. I looked out the window, but it was too bright inside and too dark outside for me to see. Staring from the darkness into the light brought an image—that last night Rick and I spent in London, walking out of a bookstore onto the narrow sidewalk, stepping off the lip of the curb. The pubs were lit and filling up with Londoners stopping off on their way home from work in search of lager and daily specials; in the working-man’s pubs one could find karaoke and a meat raffle for a pound a throw. It is a wistful feeling, standing in the dark and looking in at people drinking, talking, eating.

  I did not need to see out the window to know whose footsteps those were on the walk. I heard Joel’s key turn the lock, feeling that mix of thrill, relief, and safety I get whenever he walks in the door. I looked forward to taking Joel for granted someday, and though I was nowhere close, I had progressed to being comfortable around him in my most horrible shredded sweatshirt and no makeup.

  Joel peered around the archway, smiling gently, tired but relaxed, tie loose, not a hair out of place. It was only because I knew him that I could detect the relief that clung to him like a scent. Home is Joel’s sanctuary, the one place he is allowed to relax. At home he actually takes off the tie.

  “Good God, Lena, what did you do to the wall?”

  Joel, knowing me as he does, had stopped on the way home for a double order of Pad Thai, a bottle of Casa Diablo Merlot, and, even better, Maynard the cat. Predictably, Maynard was deeply offended by being put in a carr
ier, no matter how comfortable, and he ignored me and did his stiff-legged walk across the room to sniff and explore. He wandered in and out of the living room for a while before he tucked himself up on the cold hearth to work out the rest of his sulk. It was what he didn’t do that made me realize he was slowing down—no racing up and down the stairs, no howls from the kitchen, or experimental climbs up the doorjamb. He was losing weight, suffering from arthritis in his back legs; but he was still up for a master sulk. I wondered how he would adjust to the house. His patience had already worn thin from being transported back and forth from Whitney’s house to Joel’s loft, where he endured the indignity of not being allowed to eat Joel’s lizard. Maynard tolerates Joel, as he does most people, but he loves only me. And Rick.

  Joel and I prefer style over substance, so we used chopsticks instead of forks. Also, we didn’t have forks. Joel opened the wine, then built a teepee of splintered twigs and balled up paper towels in the blackened fireplace grate. A tiny flame ignited. Joel blew on it until it spread and flickered higher, then he added the smallest piece of wood in the bundle he bought from the Pilot station down the road.

  “Man make fire for woman,” he said, softly, without beating his chest.

  He’d had the foresight to bring a blanket, because he is Joel, and Joel thinks of everything, and he sat cross-legged beside me to eat. Maynard, who had fulfilled his obligatory pout, checked out the fire before curling up beside me, purring whenever I stroked his head. It struck me that there was a time that the minute Joel and I got together there would have been sex before food. I wasn’t bothered. I was hungry.

  “So tell me,” I said. “What was the big deal that you had to go in today?”

  Joel was chewing, and I knew he wouldn’t answer till the end of his bite. A methodical man, my Joel.

  “You remember that scene in The Wizard of Oz when swarms of Monkey Men came down out of the skies and snatched Dorothy and the Tin Man, etcetera?”

  “Yeah, and the little dog, too.” I picked up my wine, leaving sticky fingerprints on the rim of the glass.

  “The Feds have found us. They’re interested in the case.”

  “When you say Feds, you mean ATF?”

  “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.”

  “I thought you were already keeping tabs with them, because of Cory Edgers’s connection.”

  “We were, but that was with the local office. And they’ve been cooperative—not happy, since Cheryl Dunkirk was their intern, and running their own investigation—but I never had the sense they were working a seriously adverse agenda. But now we’ve got a new guy on his way in from California, and I think the agenda is … evolving. As it stands I’m out of the loop. That makes me nervous.”

  “Why an agent from California? Why not one of the locals?”

  “Don’t know. Maybe to keep clear of any personal loyalties or relationships.”

  “But Edgers hasn’t worked with them that long, has he?”

  “Nine months.”

  “On loan from the sheriff’s department in … where was it?”

  “London, Kentucky.”

  “Is that usual?”

  Joel poked through his noodles. He looked depressed. “Happens all the time. They need extra staffing, they beef up with natives. They like to work with rather than against local law enforcement. And it gives the local guys some extra pay. But on the other hand, it can generate resentment. You got the Feds making fifty, sixty-five thousand. And a guy like Edgers lucky to pull down twenty.”

  “I know you talked to the sheriff in London. What did he say about Edgers? He seem surprised about the whole Cheryl Dunkirk thing?”

  Joel grimaced. “Not really. I got the impression Edgers was a screwup and they were glad to get him off their hands for a while. Their gain being ATF’s loss.”

  “What about the intern angle?”

  Joel shrugged. “Guy’s got a wife, one kid. I’ve talked to the wife. Intelligent, attractive … down to earth. I liked her. She obviously didn’t think Cory could have had anything to do with Cheryl Dunkirk’s disappearance. She says he’s a workaholic who never comes home and she doesn’t think he’d have time to fool around.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s exactly the type that would get snarled up.”

  “I know. I refrained from rubbing her nose in it. When she’s ready to face it, she will. But I did establish that on the night Cheryl disappeared, Edgers wasn’t home. And he didn’t mention Dunkirk to her, or say a word about it until she brought it up. Evidently her mother called her to clue her in as soon as the story broke.”

  “What an idiot. How could Edgers think she wouldn’t find out?”

  “‘Think’ seems to be the operative word. The complication is that it looks like the ATF has another case that this one crosses, I’m just not sure where. I don’t know if it has something to do with Edgers or Cheryl, or if there’s something more complex here than a love affair gone bad.”

  “The family’s viewpoint would support that.”

  “We got our court order, so Edgers is going to have to donate some DNA. And the Commonwealth Attorney’s office is kicking around the possibility of going before the grand jury, but right now that’s just talk. They don’t have enough to make a case. And now the ATF is doing an about-face, and asking me to lay off Edgers for a while.”

  “Huh.” I noticed floating particles in my wineglass. No wonder Joel never liked to drink after me. True love only took you so far.

  Joel refilled my glass. “Could be this guy’s coming in from out of town just to make it abundantly clear that nobody is protecting anybody, and that the investigation is completely aboveboard. Which wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

  “But that’s not what you think is up?”

  “No.”

  “Are you okay with it?”

  “Assuming I have a choice?” Joel sorted through his noodles, found a piece of chicken and put it in his mouth. “I’m not going to bring my investigation to a standstill, but I’ll cooperate when I can.”

  “Spoken like a guy who grew up in the Watergate years.”

  Joel’s lips tugged to one side. I had amused him.

  He caught my eye, and raised one brow. There is something very sexy about the way he does this, and I know exactly what he is thinking. He took my chopsticks and the Pad Thai cartons, moved the wineglasses out of range, and deposited Maynard in front of the fireplace. Then he smiled and settled close beside me on the blanket.

  “And how are you?” he asked. He put his arms around me, and kissed me. His tongue tasted like wine.

  “I missed you today.”

  Joel moved a hand up under my black sweatshirt. “I missed you, too.”

  With a quick flick of his wrist, Joel executed the singularly male maneuver that disengages a bra in the space of a second.

  He kissed my ear. “That’s better, isn’t it?”

  “Um-hmm.”

  “And this?”

  “Yes.”

  “How about that?” He was smiling, watching my face. “Better without the clothes, don’t you think?”

  I did, but I was too breathless to say so.

  “Let me help you with that.”

  Joel has a way of getting a woman out of a pair of tight jeans that is impressive unless I dwell on how this method was developed. I was cold without my sweatshirt and blue jeans, and he pulled the blanket up around my shoulders. I noticed the firelight reflected in the wood floors, the living room dark save the flicker of flame. It was as simple as that, a certain man pulling a blanket up over my shoulders because he worried that I was cold. Happiness, I mean.

  Joel held me close to his chest, running his fingers up and down the inside of my thighs, kissing the side of my neck, sucking my lower lip into his mouth. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him and was acutely aware when his muscles tensed, and he went very still. I opened my eyes. Joel’s face was a fingertip away from mine and he was looking at me in a way that was more speculative than lover
like.

  “What?” I asked him.

  “What you just said, a little while ago. When we were talking about the possibility that Cheryl’s murder has something more to it than an intern being seduced and discarded. You said the family viewpoint would support that angle.”

  He settled away from me, lying on his side. I pulled back from him, propped myself against the wall and wadded my sweatshirt onto my lap.

  “Yeah, that’s what I said. I’ve spoken to Paul Brady and saw his daughter, Miranda, today. They want to finance their own investigation. I think the main point is to ease their mind, so that they know they did everything they could. Get an independent opinion about what happened to Cheryl.”

  “And you turned them down.” Joel was so still as he watched, as if my decision answered a question he didn’t want to ask.

  “I took the case.”

  He looked away from me and exhaled sharply. Then he stood up and reached for his pants and shirt, dressing methodically, wordlessly.

  “I’ll sleep at home tonight,” he said.

  “Does that mean here or the loft?”

  “The loft.”

  He was just as aware as I was that a new bed had been delivered and assembled yesterday afternoon, and that we had planned to sleep in it for the first time tonight.

  “You don’t want to discuss this?” I asked him.

  He glanced down at me, hands working deftly to knot his tie. “If you’d wanted to talk about it, I assume you’d have brought it up before you took the case.”

  “Joel—”

  “Have you accepted a fee?”

  “A retainer. Yes.”

  “How much?”

  “Twenty-five hundred.”

  “I hope it’s worth it.”

  Joel never got angry with me—even when I got angry with him. His calmness diffused things between us; kept us running on an even keel. I’d never understood how he could be so even tempered and gentle with me. I’d even wondered if it meant he was emotionally lazy or something ridiculous like that. Leave it to me to make a good thing questionable.

  But he was angry now.