Reflections

by Susan Griscom

  Maia lay beside Gerry’s still breathless body, tracing little circles around his chest hairs. She loved his chest with the soft patch of hair in the middle. Not too much, not too little. Perfect.

  “What are you smiling about?” he asked.

  “Just thinking how happy I am with you.”

  “Me too. I’d like nothing more than to stay just like this for the rest of our lives.”

  “Might be a bit difficult while raising two little ones togeth …” She stopped herself, wanting to say more but needing the idea to come from him. All she really wanted was to be asked. Why did she need that? She knew he loved her, but the thought of marriage had to be his. She supposed it was like the man who brought flowers to his sweetheart for no apparent reason, instead of just on special occasions—being his idea, not some commercial holiday’s hype for selling greeting cards and fancy bouquets. It was always wonderful to receive them when least expected. Gerry was that man. So why couldn’t he ask? Having his children would tie them together for life …was that enough? Was marriage something she even wanted? She wanted to live with him, make a home for the four of them. What would she and Gerry tell the kids when they were older and asked why their parents never married? Would it make them feel less loved not having their parents make that commitment? She just wasn’t sure.

  “I suppose,” Gerry sighed into her neck, pressing a little kiss against it. “But I think its fine for now. I hear things can change quite drastically after babies come along. We’d better take advantage of it now, don’t you think?” He teased his fingers over her nipples, making them hard and firm again.

  “Perhaps,” she said, hiding the disappointment of hearing his words, “fine for now.” Was this all he wanted? Why couldn’t he think of the future? But what did she expect? He wasn’t a mind reader, only a memory replacer.

  “I hear a ‘but’ in that tone.”

  “No ‘buts.’ Just thinking about mothers,” she said, wanting to add and fathers, and marriage.

  “Of course, I should have realized that.”

  “Do you ever miss yours?”

  He gave her a sideways glance. “Can’t miss something you never had.”

  “You had her for a little while.”

  “I don’t remember her. She walked out on us, Pop and me. I was only four years old.”

  “You should have some memories of her. I remember things that happened back when I was four.”

  He shook his head. “No. Maybe I shut them out. I don’t remember her and don’t want to. The old man said she had other plans and didn’t want to keep me. He had to talk her into it and promised her if she had me, he’d raise me. I don’t think my ma would have stayed as long as she did if he hadn’t talked her into it. I think Pop paid her money. I don’t think she ever told him about her abilities. My dad never told me about them and I never let on about mine when they developed, so he doesn’t know. It was too crazy. How do you ask such a question? Well, you know, of course. I didn’t even know how to bring it up. Aiden and I were best buds and we sort of developed them around the same time. We thought it had something to do with the bee stings.”

  “Oh yes, the magical bees,” she said, rolling over, pressing her back against him as he instinctively turned into her, wrapping his arms around her. Safe. Maia could stay in his arms this way forever.

  “Yeah, I’ve told you that tale.”

  “Yes, you did and it’s a wonderful story, but I’m surprised you and your dad never talked about your mother more. You don’t even know if she is alive. Aren’t you curious, I mean now that you’re going to be a father?”

  “No. She has no rights. She wasn’t a mother, in any sense of the word, and certainly does not deserve the right to be a granny.”

  Maia studied Gerry for a moment, wondering if she should bring up the forbidden subject. She didn’t even know if Gerry’s mother and father had ever been married and perhaps that’s why he’d never mentioned marriage. Mentally, she shook her head. She wasn’t going to be that woman who trapped her man into getting married. It wasn’t as if she’d purposely gotten pregnant. That damn condom. But she wasn’t sorry, not sorry at all that there were two little miracles growing inside of her. If Gerry wanted to get married, make that commitment of love, he would have asked her by now. It’s just a piece of paper and legal mumbo jumbo anyway, she told her herself.

  “Our children will just have to grow up without grandparents. They’ll have plenty of family with Addie, Cael, even Bart,” Gerry said.

  “Don’t you want them to know your dad?”

  “Eventually, if you think it’s necessary. Maybe we’ll make a trip sometime after they’re born.”

  “To Scotland?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That would be lovely. I’ve never been.”

  “Well then, it’s settled. When the twins are old enough to travel, we’ll go.”

  They lay in silence for a moment, the wind whistling through the window the only sound. Maia scooted her back closer against Gerry’s chest. “Why wait?”

  “Huh?”

  “No reason to wait. I’d love to meet your father.”

  “Humph. If that’s what you’d like to do, I suppose we could do that … but maybe I should go by myself first. I haven’t seen the old man in years. A reunion with him would not necessarily be pleasant. I’d rather not subject you to that. We didn’t exactly part on amiable terms and I don’t know how he will take seeing me and you.”

  “Oh? What do you mean?”

  “Look, Maia, I know you are close with Addie and you were close to your brother, but I never had any of that. Never really thought about relatives much. This whole family business is rather new to me. Don’t misunderstand, I love you with every bone, molecule and cell in my body, but I’m still getting used to the idea of having kids—of this whole dad thing. My dad was great, but he took what she, my mother, did to heart. He believes all women are like her. He disparaged every girl I ever tried to hook up with when I was a teenager. I don’t want him insulting you or anything. Just let me go and test the waters, so to speak, first. Okay?”

  Maia’s throat constricted with one of those pre-sob lumps and she fought back the urge to cry. It wasn’t really his fault but she could almost feel the blood leaking from her broken heart. Until that moment, she’d had no idea Gerry felt that way about being a father, about family.

  ***

  Gerry wanted to take back everything he’d just said to Maia about family, kids, being a dad. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Maia. He sensed all her positive and relaxed alpha brainwaves rapidly decreasing and draining from her mind and wanted so badly to put them back. But messing with Maia’s mind was strictly forbidden. He’d promised himself and her he would never muck around in her head. Her memories were hers. He only did it in emergencies, like last November when he had to help Addie and Cael after they’d killed … well, more like pulverized Eidolon. Addie threw one of her fireballs at him during their battle for the sacred crystal and book, torching the guy to nothing more than a pile of ashes. There had been some unsuspecting humans involved with that and Gerry had wiped their minds of the entire event, replacing the memories with another scene. Bart, Cael’s uncle, had been a huge help with that, coming up with the idea on their way to find Addie and Cael. They’d gotten there just in time.

  He almost did it to Careen several years ago, but decided that it wasn’t the right thing to do. It had always been fun when he was younger, messing around with girls’ memories, making them forget they’d ever had sex with him. He was a lot younger then and morals hadn’t mattered as much. What a bastard he’d been. Taking away someone’s memories and planting false ones in their place was, without a doubt, risky business. How much do you take away, how much can you replace? It was always sketchy.

  “Maia, I didn’t mean that I don’t want to be a father. I just never thought I would—or even have the opportunity, the privilege.” Fuck. The involuntary slight pout of her bottom lip and
the sadness in her eyes screamed betrayal. He was only making things worse.

  “I’m not upset. I know this has all been a shock for you and you need time to let it all sink in. I didn’t know your dad and you didn’t get along.”

  “We did when I was younger, but I couldn’t take his badgering me about every woman I’d ever had the pleasure of running with. He also wanted me to stay in Scotland, go to school and become a barrister. He insisted I had the mind for it. I did, too, but it’s not what I wanted to do. I couldn’t trust myself, not with my powers.”

  “You wanted to own a bar and serve drinks instead?”

  He chuckled. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I left to join the Scots Guards, just needed to get away and that was the only way Aiden and I saw to do it. I like having my own business. Sure, I could have had my own law firm, but I didn’t want to deal with other people’s problems. Christ, with my ability, I didn’t think it fair to both sides if I had the power to change minds and persuade jurors. Can you imagine what I could do to a jury? My dad and I had a tremendous argument about it. I couldn’t make him understand without revealing my abilities and what I was capable of doing to people’s memories. To him I’m nothing but a big disappointment. He’s a pig headed old fool with unrealistic dreams of his own that he somehow thought I should fulfill. He kicked me out when I told him I was joining the Guards and I haven’t returned or spoken to him since. I don’t even know if he will see me. It’s not something I want to involve you in, particularly if things go badly.”

  “Then you should go without me, and soon. Gerry, I’m sure your father loves you. Our children have only one grandparent and I want them to know him. I want them to know their roots.”

  “I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone, especially after what happened today.”

  “You don’t need to be gone but a day or even a few hours, not with Cael’s help. I’m sure he could get you there in the blink of an eye, so you wouldn’t have to take a long commercial flight. You can go and come back the same day. So why wait?”

  “I’ll wait at least until the construction on the stage is almost finished. I don’t want to be gone from the bar while those yahoos are tearing it up.”

  ***

  Gerry had already changed the date on the sign twice because the construction on the new stage lasted close to five weeks. It had taken longer than he’d first thought for the protective dark walnut finish on the stage to dry. It was necessary, though, so the platform could endure all the heavy equipment and stomping it would soon sustain, including the spiked high heels Careen insisted on wearing while she performed. How did she manage not to trip or lose her balance in those things? Maia sat at the bar sipping on a club soda and watched the manipulative diva rehearse. This was the first time Maia had heard Careen sing with the band. She was actually quite good, if you could get past the constant flaunting of her chest and obnoxious flirting with Gerry. Aiden had a fantastically smooth voice as well and the band was great too. They were sure to draw in a great crowd.

  Careen had shown up at their front door three times over the past five weeks, claiming Finn was abusing her, mostly verbally those last two times. Maia and Gerry surmised she didn’t want to self-inflict any more pain so she’d changed her tune a bit. Gerry told Maia that he’d informed Careen he didn’t want anything to do with her.

  Maia sighed in relief when Careen left with the boys in the band during their break from rehearsal. “Off to the coast to take in some sights,” Aiden said as they all left.

  ***

  Cael and Gerry materialized in a meadow about a hundred yards from the house Gerry grew up. Sprigs of stitchwort and heather swayed in the wind. Lush green weeds and wild rosebay danced among their legs and shimmered with droplets of water from what looked like a recent rain the men were lucky enough to have missed. By the looks of the sky, though, if they stood there much longer chances were pretty good those ominous-looking dark gray clouds would open up on them any second. Rain was an everyday occurrence around the East Neuk of Fife.

  “Wow.” Cael sucked in a huge breath of air as he took in the coastline. “Man, it’s beautiful here. Should have known you grew up somewhere near the ocean.”

  Gerry had to catch himself as the realization of being home again almost took his breath away. Of course, that could have just been the transport with Cael, but as he looked around, not much had changed and he sighed. Eyeing the old familiar cottages struck a small cord of homesickness in his gut. Most of the homes dated back to the 17th century, with their white walls and steep crow-stepped gables and red tiled roofs, a necessary and practical structure for the elements. The way they all huddled around the old stone, wall harbor always gave Gerry a sense of comfort and belonging. Home … or once was. Now home was wherever Maia was. “Welcome to Crail Harbor. It is gorgeous, except for the rain, which looks like it’s about to dump on us again soon. You better get back.”

  “Don’t you want me to come with you?” Cael asked as Gerry looked on down the wide steps leading to the road that would take him to his childhood home.

  “Nah, I’ll jingle you when I’m ready.”

  “Jingle me?”

  “You know, ring you up.” Cael just stood there looking amused so Gerry added, “Call you on the phone.”

  “You haven’t been back here for a minute yet, and you’re already talking strangely. I think I’d like to hang somewhere near here and wait if it’s all right with you. Any good pubs around?”

  Gerry scoffed. “You do realize you are in Scotland, right?” Gerry pointed to his left. “Straight down that way. The Dreel. I think you’ll find that one to your liking. I’ll meet you there after and we can stop and pick up some fresh lobster and seafood to take back with us. Should be nice this time of year and with your mode of transportation, we won’t have to worry about spoilage.”

  “Now you’re talking. Have a good reunion with your dad. See you in a few.”

  Gerry watched Cael walk down the road toward the little seaside village. The white stone of the harbor wall glistened against the thin ray of sunlight like diamonds sparkling in the fissures. He almost wished he were walking to the pub with Cael. Instead, Gerry turned in the other direction, strolled down the narrow two-lane road and stopped when he reached the small single-story green and white house with the slanted roof. He stood staring at the house for several minutes wondering if he was making a mistake. He ran his hand through his hair, changed his mind, and turned to walk away, but he stopped himself. “Christ. Get it over with.” He turned back and took a deep breath before cutting across the lawn. He opened the old iron gate connected to the low stonewall, cringing at the creaking sound that always annoyed him and prevented him from sneaking in late. He walked up to the door, thinking maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. It had been twenty years. What if the old man had moved? Gerry hadn’t kept in touch. Of course, the landscape remained similar with the two heavy bushes hiding the front of the house from the street, the cobblestone walkway that usually needed edging and the window gardens Gerry’d always considered an eyesore. But the gardens looked nicely tended to now and the walkway was neatly edged, he mused, not one of his dad’s talents that he could recall. Maybe someone else did live here now.

  Suddenly the front door opened wide. His dad stood on the other side, hands on his hips. “Thought you’d chicken out. You come home to torment me or brag of wealth and prosperity?”

  “Let the boy in,” said a sweet voice from behind his father’s lanky frame—a bit thinner than Gerry remembered. His hair was a lot grayer, but he still had plenty of it. A slender, pretty woman with short brown hair shoved his dad aside and held out her hands in greeting. She grabbed both of Gerry’s and squeezed. Gerry stood staring at the warm, friendly but unfamiliar face. Who was this woman? The old man’s housekeeper no doubt.

  “Patrick saw you standing out there, and he said, ‘Bloody hell, there’s my boy. Come home at last.’ Well, don’t just stand there; come on in. Oh goodness,
forgive my manners. I’m Ella. I guess I’d be your stepma.”

  Chapter 15

  Mom Knew Best

  “Patrick’s been going on about you for years, wishing and hoping you’d make your way home again,” Ella said.

  Gerry had to force his mouth to stay shut. He figured the shock on his face was plenty without gaping at the woman possessing the kind, soft blue eyes that smiled along with her lips. Gerry wondered about the age of the attractive woman, who looked to be in great shape. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her swipe at a loose curl on her forehead, glancing at his father and then back at Gerry, as he and his dad stood still staring at each other one as dumbstruck as the other.

  “Come in, come in,” she tugged at Gerry’s arm. “I’ll go fix some tea. You must be parched.” She quickly turned, heading toward the kitchen.

  Finally, Patrick Briden cleared his throat. “Make that a couple of bellywashers, darlin’.” He studied Gerry and when Gerry didn’t make a move or change his expression, he said, “That’s a couple of ales in case you’ve forgotten.”

  Gerry smiled. “No. I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Sit,” his dad said, gesturing to one of the two identical light green side chairs that were not part of the décor when Gerry left twenty years ago. As he glanced around, he observed there wasn’t much that was familiar. His dad sat on a sofa, but instead of the old brown leather couch Gerry had spent many afternoons lounging on in front of the TV, it was a sage green sofa positioned up against the wall. A pale green pillow cushioned each end. He supposed with a female running the home now, there were many things different—except the picture on the fireplace mantle, the one of him and his dad after the fishing trip when Gerry caught his first cod. He was eight years old and stood with a broad, proud smile, holding up that fish, all of fourteen inches long and his dad standing next to him, with his strong arm perched on Gerry’s shoulder, looking even prouder. Gerry smiled at the memory, but soon lost the smile when he realized the old man was watching him. Gerry couldn’t help but think about the fact that he was married. Married? As far back as Gerry could remember, he’d hated women, always put them down as if they were second-rate citizens. Never once had he ever given any indication that he was remotely interested in any sort of long-term relationship with one.