Mary, Mary

by Lesley Crewe

  And then Carole got off the couch and came towards her. Peggy saw her sister’s face turn a deep shade of purple. It was frightening.

  “You think you had it bad? You think your childhood was a never-ending nightmare? And now you—you who have everything—are down in the dumps and blame us for it? I protected you! I made things better for you! I hid things from you. And you left us the minute you found Ted. You escaped into a better world and you have the nerve to come back and blame us for your rotten life?” Carole was seething. “I have spent my entire life watching you get more than me and I try not to be bitter about it, but I’m angry all the time. I’m angry that you left me alone here. I’m angry that I was left with our mother, who has never acted like a mother. The times I consoled you when Ma would drink and shout and behave like a lunatic. The times I fed you when she was too drunk to wake up. And then you leave and I’m stuck with the woman who made our father leave! The one person I loved more than anyone! She made it so miserable for him to be here that he left all of us. And I’m supposed to forget that and pretend it never happened.”

  Carole spun around and faced her mother. “How could you? Why did you destroy everything? Why didn’t you stop drinking? We could’ve been a happy family, but you ruined it. I’ll never forgive you for that. Never!”

  Ethel stood up slowly and put her shoulders back. “I made your wonderful father leave us because he loved you so much. He always wanted to do things with you, like change your diaper and bathe you and sit you on his lap for hours. I thought he was a great dad. Wasn’t I lucky woman? And then I had another little girl and he was overjoyed. So overjoyed I caught him peering down into Peggy’s crib in the middle of the night and I got a funny feeling but I couldn’t be right in thinking that was strange. And then the next night I found him in your bed, Carole, with no clothes on.”

  She let that sink in.

  “And what did I do? I took a baseball bat and fucking hit him and kept hitting him until he fell down the porch steps outside. Then I threw his clothes out the door and told him that if he ever came through that door again, I’d kill him dead.

  “And so that’s why you don’t have a father. And that’s when I started to drink. And you know what? I really wish I’d told you this years ago because maybe then you would’ve spent your whole life hating him instead of me.”

  Ethel hobbled out of the living room and left her two daughters staring at each other in horror. Both of them grabbed each other’s hands and sank into the couch. Carole’s tears fell down her face unchecked.

  “It can’t be true,” she whispered. “Not Daddy.”

  “She has no reason to lie.”

  “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can’t believe it.”

  Peggy held Carole close and let her cry. She had no memories of her father, and couldn’t imagine how horrifying it was for her sister to find out the truth about a man she’d loved and pined for all her life. At that moment, Peggy felt like the older sister, and it was enough to make her realize that she’d been acting like an entitled wretch, and that her godawful tantrum was ridiculous. Her life was so privileged, and she had no right to dismiss that out of hand. She felt foolish and chastened. This was one huge kick up the backside from someone up there in the sky. She wasn’t going to ignore it.

  They heard their mother clear her throat and when they looked up, she was standing by the door with a suitcase at her feet.

  “What are you doing?” Carole cried.

  “I’m going to live with Peggy. I’ve been a burden and an irritation to you long enough. Now it’s Peggy’s turn. I don’t want to spend another minute under this roof.”

  “You can’t be serious!” Carole yelled. “Ma! You can’t go. I didn’t know any of this! You never told me. It’s not fair to be mad at me!”

  “I’m not mad at you, Carole. I just think we both need a break from each other. Maybe if I was out of the way, you’d find some kind of life for yourself. I don’t want you to become a bitter old woman like me. And now that Peggy is looking for something to do, I can be her project. Say goodbye to Mary for me.”

  Both Peggy and Carole had no words.

  “Can we go? I ain’t gettin’ any younger.”

  Peggy whispered to Carole. “Let me take her for a few days. You know she’ll change her mind. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Peggy picked up the suitcase and helped her mother out of the house. They pulled away from the driveway just as Mary pulled in. She wondered where Aunt Peggy and Gran were going.

  When she walked in the house her mother was standing in the kitchen looking like the life had been drained from her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Gran is going to live with Aunt Peggy.”

  “Really? She never said anything to me.”

  “I’ve lost my mother and my father all in the same day.”

  Her mother put her hands over her face and let out a wail. Mary was startled. She didn’t know what to do. She eventually went over and tried to put her arms around her, but her mother shook her off. “Don’t feel sorry for me!”

  Carole ran down the hallway and into her bedroom. She slammed the door.

  Mary slumped into a kitchen chair. She’d planned on telling her family that she and Daniel wanted to move in together, and she expected an earful because it was a little rushed. What would Mary say now? Gran’s leaving and I’m leaving. You’re all alone. It would be like stabbing her mother in the heart.

  Once again, her mother and grandmother came first. When would it end?

  Peggy was called to the Snore Shop to discuss her results. She was more nervous than she wanted to admit. It didn’t help that the respiratory therapist was a young man who was as cute as a bug.

  He shook her hand. “I’m Tom.”

  She wanted to say, “And I’m a fat, lonely, pathetic housewife.” Instead, she smiled. “Peggy.”

  He sat her down and went over the results. “You stop breathing forty-five times an hour during REM sleep.”

  “I’m surprised I’m still alive! That sounds bad.”

  He nodded sympathetically. “It’s not good.”

  She was sent home with a full mask that made her look like a fighter pilot. Tom said they could try others in the weeks ahead to see which one was most suitable for her. As she lay in bed that night and sucked in the machine’s air, she realized she sounded like Darth Vader. Her sexy days were over.

  CHAPTER TEN

  A month later it was May, and Ethel still hadn’t come home.

  Mary got tired of waiting. She spent most of her time upstairs anyway, so what difference would it make if she moved up there permanently? She and Daniel were crazy about each other, and she wanted to sleep in his bed all night, every night.

  To get on her mother’s good side, she took a couple of garbage bags and a rake outside and began to collect the litter in the rosebushes. It was a good three-hour job. By the end of it, Mary hated humankind. Her back ached and her nails were broken, but the stretching felt good and the air and soil smelled like spring.

  Her mother had made pancakes for supper.

  “Thanks for doing that. The place looks great.”

  “You’re welcome. I needed the exercise.”

  “I should get out more,” her mother sighed.

  “You should. Why don’t you plan your appointments so that you give yourself a day off halfway through the week?”

  “Well, some customers have their favourite days.”

  “They won’t stop coming to you just because they have to come on a Tuesday instead of a Wednesday.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “There’s something else.”

  Her mother picked up her blasted cigarettes and lit one. “Yeah?”

  “I’m moving upstairs with Daniel.”

  She leaned back in her chair. “You’re kidding.�
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  “No, I’m not. I’ve wanted to do it for a while, but I was hoping Gran would come back so you wouldn’t be lonesome. That clearly isn’t happening and I can’t wait any longer.”

  “I never asked you to wait around.”

  “Mom…I know. I just thought I was being nice.”

  Carole took a drag. “You’re making me feel like a pathetic loser.”

  Mary held her head up with her hand. “I can’t win with you.”

  “If you’re up there with him anyway, what difference does it make? Is he bugging you to pay half his rent?”

  “If I’m going to be living there, I’ll have to contribute something. It’s not fair otherwise.”

  “That’s money we could use.”

  “We have all kinds of money now that we’re not paying for Gran’s gin, scratch tickets, and food.”

  Carole gave another mighty sigh. “I suppose it was going to happen some day. At least you’re not far away like Sheena.”

  Mary sat up again and smiled. “So it’s okay?”

  “How am I going to stop you? Chain you to the bed?”

  Mary jumped up and kissed her mother on the cheek. “And just think, Roscoe will be going with me.”

  “Oh.”

  Mary was confused. “You sound disappointed.”

  “He’s good company.”

  “He can visit.”

  “Just go, will ya? I can’t stand all this talking.”

  Mary laughed and ran out the front door. She gave a brief knock and opened Daniel’s front door. “It’s only me.”

  “You better get up here. I’m making hamburgers for supper.”

  She joined him in the kitchen. “I just had my supper, but guess what?”

  He turned over a patty in the frying pan. “What?”

  “I’m moving in.”

  “I love your mother!” Daniel shouted. “But not as much as you.”

  They forgot about the hamburgers until the smoke alarm went off.

  Peggy now daydreamed about her old life when she had been free to come and go and spend her days as she pleased. Her mother moving in had been like instantly acquiring a loud, grouchy hound dog.

  “I’m starving! I refuse to eat at six thirty! Just give me some bologna.”

  “Mother, the doctor said you had to eat better. Now that I’m back on Weight Watchers, I’m planning healthy meals. No more Kraft Dinner.”

  “Just shoot me now. At least Carole didn’t lecture me at every meal.”

  Now that Peggy’s mother wasn’t living with her eldest, Carole was suddenly the best daughter ever.

  It was a constant stream of complaints. Her bed was too soft. The tub was too hard to get into. The television remote was too damn fancy. There was no corner store she could walk to. You had to drive to the liquor store. The pillows were too thick. The kitchen island chairs were a death trap. There was no candy around.

  “If you hate it so much,” Peggy finally said, “why don’t you go home?”

  “I’m teaching Carole a lesson.”

  “While you’re teaching her a lesson, I’m aging rapidly.”

  “Stop bellyaching. Carole was right. You’re a spoiled brat.”

  Peggy held on to the vegetable peeler and resisted the urge to plunge it into the old gas bag.

  One night her mother let out a screech and Peggy forgot that she had her CPAP mask on. She nearly landed on her ass when the hose caught her up short. She unplugged it and hurried into the guest room, turning on the light. “What’s the matter?”

  Her mother screamed and pointed at her. “What’s that?”

  Peggy felt her face. “It’s my mask.”

  “You look like Babe.”

  “Mother, it’s a mask that goes over my nose. I can’t help that. Comparing me to a pig is not helping my mood. Now what’s your problem?”

  “I don’t know. I had a nightmare, I guess. I don’t like it here. I can’t find the bathroom in the dark.”

  “It’s not dark. There’s a nightlight in your room, one in the hall, and one in the bathroom. If it was any brighter in here you could land a plane.”

  “It’s too quiet. The house doesn’t creak. And you can’t hear any cars. If someone broke in and killed us, no one would hear our screams for help.”

  “We have a security system. The alarm would go off if anyone tried to break in.”

  “I miss Mary.”

  “She doesn’t live at your house anymore. She’s upstairs with Daniel.”

  “She is? What about Roscoe?”

  “He’s up there with her.”

  “So Carole is all by herself?”

  “Yes.”

  “She must miss me.”

  Peggy bit her tongue. “Is there anything else?”

  “No. Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  Peggy crawled back into her own bed and hooked herself back up to the hose. Too bad it wasn’t attached to a car tailpipe.

  Peggy and Carole met secretly for lunch one afternoon. Peggy had told her mother that she had to run out for a few groceries, and Ethel asked her to pick up a motherlode of scratch tickets. Anything to keep her happy.

  “I know she wants to go home, but for some reason she thinks she’s doing you a favour by staying away.”

  Carole slurped her soup. “I realize she is doing me a favour. I feel much more relaxed.”

  This is not what Peggy wanted to hear. “So you’re not desperate to get her home?”

  “Nope.”

  “Here I was thinking you were pining for her, despite the fact that you fought like cats and dogs.”

  Carole snorted. “You can keep her.”

  Peggy’s stomach tied itself up in knots. “I can’t keep her indefinitely. Ted is coming home at the end of the year.”

  “We’ll revisit that when the time comes.”

  “Why this sudden change of heart?”

  Carole pointed at Peggy with her spoon. “Ma has been like background noise my whole life. And then one day, there’s silence. And then another day I turn the radio to a new channel and there’s country music. And it’s amazing.”

  Peggy narrowed her eyes. “Country music is amazing?”

  “Yes, you stuck-up bitch. I’m hearing another station. And it sounds good.”

  “This is bad news.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she thinks you’re desperate to have her back. It’s the only thing she’s hanging on to.”

  “Let her think it.” She shrugged.

  “But what if she breaks and wants to go home? What do I tell her then?”

  Carole smiled. “That’s your problem.”

  “But what about the fact that she saved you as a kid? I thought you loved her for that and you were sorry for everything you thought about her.”

  “I do love her for that, and I am sorry, but what she did was what any mother would or should do. She doesn’t deserve a medal. She’s still drinking up a storm. She’s not Mary Poppins.”

  “God. That’s for sure.”

  “I’ve had her forever. It’s not going to kill you to have her for the rest of the year.”

  “It might.”

  Sheena was in a foul mood. She hated her new apartment and the smell that permeated the floor they lived on. It was like someone was cooking cabbage, curry, gym socks, and formaldehyde all at once. Drew didn’t seem to notice it.

  “It’s impossible not to notice! You have to walk down the hall to get in here.”

  “What’s the big deal? You’re in that hallway for a total of five seconds.”

  “And today I went out on the balcony and there was a horrid smell of cat pee, not to mention diapers.”

  Drew went to the fridge and got a beer. “You live in the world, Sheen
a. It’s a big bad world filled with disgusting smells. Other people manage to survive it. I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you can overcome this incredible obstacle.”

  She threw an InStyle magazine at him. He pretended not to notice as he dropped in front of his laptop. She sat on the couch beside him. “How was work?” she asked.

  “It’s insane. If I knew how much shit I had to do I would’ve let Chris have the dealership. It’s like I spend every minute of the day doing a thousand things and it never lets up.”

  Sheena rubbed the back of his hand. “Aren’t you going to ask me about my day?”

  He dropped his head to the back of the couch and looked her way. “How was your day?”

  She jumped up. “I bought bamboo sheets! They’re gorgeous.”

  “Swell.” His attention went back to the computer.

  “Drew.”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Drew?”

  He reluctantly raised his eyeballs. “What?”

  “I’m alone all day. I need someone to talk to at night.”

  “You’re going to have to join a chat room. I need five minutes of peace.”

  Sheena stormed out of the room. He shouted, “Don’t get mad!”

  She was mad. She was angry and alone and upset. This was the time when she missed her parents the most. It was like no one cared what happened to her. Filling the time shopping had been great for a while, but when Drew hardly looked at what she bought, the thrill went out of it.

  It was time to call her mother on Skype. She curled up on their bed and waited for her mom to answer. The familiar jingle sounded and kept going. Maybe she wasn’t home. Damn.