by Lesley Crewe
“But you need to see it from my point of view. Have I ever come home and said, ‘Ted, I’m going to China for a year. I hope you don’t mind’?”
“Why are you rehashing this? It’s over. I’m back.” Ted took a bite of his roll and chewed it while shaking his head impatiently.
“So I’m not going to be allowed to discuss my feelings, is that it?”
“Peggy, it’s Christmas Eve. I wanted a nice dinner with my wife. That’s it.”
Peggy sat back in her chair. “I’m not the same person I was when you left. The fact that you haven’t noticed that is telling, don’t you think?”
Ted leaned closer to her. “Can you just relax and enjoy your meal? I’ve only been home for a week. Give me a chance to settle back in.”
They ate their steaks but didn’t enjoy them. The atmosphere thawed somewhat over dessert and coffee, but once in the car, there was silence on the way home.
When they walked into the house, they heard the kids in the kitchen. It was a relief to have someone else to talk to. Sheena and Drew were popping popcorn in the microwave. When the noise stopped, Sheena took out the bag and shook it. “Guess what else is popping out soon?”
“I don’t have a clue,” Peggy said listlessly.
“A baby!”
“Whose baby?” Peggy and Ted said together.
“Our baby,” Drew shouted. “Hello, Grandma and Grandpa!”
Peggy screamed right in Ted’s ear, and then she jumped up and down in Ted’s arms before racing across the kitchen to try and kiss Sheena and Drew together. Poor old Ted tried to get into the action, but Peggy was everywhere at once. She kissed all three of them over and over again.
Ted whispered, “I thought you hated me.”
“Oh, shut your face, you big dope.”
Once again, Ted shook his head. “Women.”
On Christmas morning, Mary and Daniel exchanged a few gifts in their bed. She was going with her mother over to Aunt Peggy’s for dinner and he was going home with his mom and dad.
Daniel gave her a triangle-shaped bracelet encased in silver wire with an elaborate clasp. Daniel pointed at it. “This is made of cement, if you can believe it. But it’s really light. The girl at the store said it was the latest thing, so I wanted you to have it.”
“No one has ever given me jewellery before. This is definitely something the girlfriend of a rockstar would wear. I love it!” She kissed him several times just to make her point.
Then she gave him his gifts, a Foo Fighters hoodie and a small framed picture of Weechee. He got choked up when he looked at the photo and put it on his nightstand. Roscoe went hairy in the gift wrap, proving yet again that the best things in life are free.
As Carole and Mary drove over to Coxheath, memories of last Christmas loomed large.
“Remember when we got stuck in the snow bank?” Mary smiled.
“Poor Ma almost froze to death.”
“Because you had to have a cigarette.”
“I know. What a bitch I was.”
Mary did a double-take. “Did I hear you correctly?”
“I was wrong. I always say I’m wrong when I’m wrong.”
“Then you have been wrong exactly once in your life.”
“What can I say? I’m perfect.”
Mother and daughter smiled at each other.
They didn’t get in the door before Peggy came bounding from the kitchen with arms flapping, but Sheena managed to beat her to it by racing down the stairs and shouting, “I’m having a baby!”
Carole and Mary exchanged stunned glances. “Already?” they said in unison.
“Believe me, I cried when I found out. Me, a mother?”
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Carole said before looking at Peggy. “And you’re okay with this?”
“No. I’m going to tell her to send it back. What kind of a reaction is that?”
Mary hugged her cousin. “I’m really happy for you both.”
“Thank you.”
Carole grabbed Sheena next. “I’m obviously happy for you as well. It’s just a shock, that’s all.”
Peggy folded her arms. “Yeah, what a shock. A married couple having a baby.”
Uncle Ted walked out from the kitchen. “Do you realize you both sound like Ethel? Now someone help me with this dinner.”
As they eventually sat around the table, Sheena insisted on setting a place for Gran. “I read an article in Cosmo that spirits appreciate being remembered. Apparently the Kardashians do it.”
“Then it must work,” Ted said with a straight face.
Mary took a bite of stuffing to keep herself from laughing. “So are you two hoping for a boy or a girl?”
Sheena looked at Drew. “We both want a boy.”
“I think Maxine would like a girl,” Peggy said. “Having three boys, it might be a nice change to buy for a little girl.”
“Are you ready to be a mom?” Carole wanted to know.
“Oh, Carole, is anyone ever ready to be a mom?” Peggy laughed. “I remember when you came home with Mary. I’ve never seen anyone as frightened as you were, and yet here she is, an absolute delight.”
“More good luck than anything else,” Carole said. “Ma always got up with her at night.”
“Did she?” Mary asked.
Carole grinned at the memory. “I haven’t thought about that in years. She used to take Mary out of the crib and sit with her in the living room. They shared many hours together in that old recliner.”
When Mary thought about that on the drive home, it brought her a lot of comfort. Maybe that’s why she and Gran had been so close. Buried memories still live within us and shape who we become.
When they pulled into the driveway there was an unfamiliar truck parked outside the house with the driver sitting in the cab. Daniel’s truck wasn’t there; he was still at his parents’ house. It was a little unnerving to realize there was someone obviously waiting for them.
“Who’s that?” Mary said.
“I don’t know, do I? Take the car keys and put them between your fingers. I saw that on a cop show once.”
The women got out of the car and started towards the back step. The truck door opened and a stranger emerged. He walked towards them in the dark unsteadily, as if he were drunk.
“Hello, Carole?”
“Who wants to know?”
A pause, and then: “It’s me.”
Carole peered into the darkness, eyes narrowed. Then she gasped. “D-Dave?”
He nodded. “And this must be Mary.” He held out a hand. “Hello, Mary.”
“Don’t you talk to her!” Carole shouted at him.
Mary’s spine tingled. “Dave? Dave from Alberta?”
“That’s right. I’m your father.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Carole grabbed Mary and pushed her up the back steps. “You stay away from her! Go on! Get lost!”
“Mom! Let me go.” Mary turned and faced Dave. “I don’t have a father, and you have no business being here. I suggest you leave us alone.”
“You don’t have a father because your mother doesn’t want you to know me.”
“My mother doesn’t even know your last name! You were a one-night stand and that’s all.”
“Your mother knows my last name. I’ve tried over the years to make her see sense, but now that you’re an adult there’s nothing she can do about it.”
“I’ve been an adult for years.”
“I’ve been ill.”
Carole walked up to Dave and pointed in his face. “How dare you? Get out of here. She doesn’t want to know you.”
“Mom?”
“He never wanted you! He left both of us. And now he comes crawling back when you’re a grown woman? What do you want from her?”
/> “Nothing. I want her to know that she has a father if she wants one. I was young and foolish, and I ran away. I regret that. I’m trying to make things right.”
Mary’s head was spinning. “Did you two have a relationship?”
“No!” her mother yelled. “He was a sperm donor. End of story.”
Despite this ridiculous situation, Mary wished she could see Dave up close. His face was hidden in the dark. Did she look like him? He wore glasses—she’d inherited his lousy eyes, if nothing else.
“Tell me the truth, Mom. How long did you go out with Dave here?”
“Two days.”
“Two months,” Dave answered.
“Why did Gran never tell me about him?”
“She did what mothers do. Protected me. This rat left when he found out I was pregnant. Do you really think I wanted him in our lives after that? He didn’t deserve to know you and he still doesn’t. So you can talk all you want, you miserable bastard. You’re not her father and you never will be. Are you coming, Mary?”
Mary stood still. “Mom, go in the house—”
“Don’t talk to him!”
Mary turned to her mother and pointed at the back door. “Go. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Carole had no choice but to go inside, but she made sure she banged the door behind her.
Dave approached her and Mary held up her hand. “Don’t. Stay there.”
He looked at his feet and swayed. “I’m sorry it had to happen this way.”
“What did you expect? You come here, on Christmas Day no less, and think you’re going to be welcomed? My mother has never talked to me about you. All she said was that you were a guy named Dave who lived in Alberta. I pictured a cowboy or an oil rigger. You’ve occupied my thoughts for about ten minutes over the course of my life. I have no need for a father. I have a very loving uncle who has been like a father to me. So whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find it here.”
“I have some medical information to pass along to you. It’s important that you have it.” Dave took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “It explains a bit about my condition. Unfortunately, it’s hereditary.” He held out the paper and waited for her to take it.
A feeling of dread washed over Mary as she stared at the paper. She wouldn’t get any comfort at all from this man. Her tiny spark of curiosity about him vanished. She reached out and took the paper.
Dave looked contrite and shaken. “You don’t know me, and that’s my fault. I’m hoping that someday you might reconsider and at least want to talk to me. My number is there. I live back here now, to be closer to my sister. You look a lot like her.”
Damn. Why did he have to say that? She turned away and started for the back stairs.
“Goodbye, Mary.”
She didn’t turn around, but at the last minute she said, “Goodbye.”
Once inside the kitchen, Mary stood and glared at her mother, who was sitting at the table with Will and Liam in her arms. Billy sat in front of her, as if sensing she needed protection.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Mother?”
Carole’s eyes welled up with tears. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I hated him for leaving us. What was the point of including him?”
“How long has he been trying to get in touch with me?”
Carole lowered her eyes. “Not long.”
“Tell me,” Mary demanded.
“Since you were twelve.”
“Twelve! Are you crazy? So for half of my life he’s wanted to be in it, but you erected a giant wall and kept me inside. Do you know how awkward it was to tell kids I didn’t have a father? It made me feel different and uncomfortable. Did you think I’d love you less?”
Carole nodded as she sniffed. “I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing you with him.”
“If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. He had parental rights.”
“Why are you sticking up for him? You don’t even know him.”
Mary shook her head. “I don’t know you, Mom. Just when I think we’re getting close, another door is slammed in my face. You’ve been lying to me for most of my life. How am I supposed to feel about that?”
Carole brushed the dogs off her lap and stood up. “If he really wanted to be with you, he would have come before this. He knew where we lived. Don’t pin this all on me! Don’t hate me, Mary. Please don’t hate me. I’ve lost Ma. I can’t lose you too. I’d have no one.”
“You have a lovely man who thinks you’re swell. You should be with him. Then maybe you’ll be happy. I’ve never managed to make you happy.”
Carole stamped her foot in frustration. “That’s not true. Just because you’re mad at me right now doesn’t give you the right to say things like that. You have no idea what it was like to be me. I did my best, and yes, maybe I made a mistake when it came to your father, but I thought I was doing the right thing. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Mary looked at the paper. “I don’t know.”
“What is that?”
“He said I need to know about a hereditary medical condition.”
“What? Oh my God…what does that mean?”
Mary sat at the table and opened the paper. “I assume it means I might have something wrong with me.”
“That bastard! How dare he?”
“Mom. Just shush.” Mary read the brief paragraph giving her his phone number and address and then his medical condition, which had only flared up a few years ago. Huntington disease. Children had a 50 percent chance of inheriting it from a parent.
Mary passed over the note. Carole’s face went white. “Huntington’s? That’s bad, isn’t it?”
Mary typed the word into Google on her phone and pressed the first link that came up. Her eyes scanned the first few sentences. Uncontrolled movements. Emotional problems. Loss of cognition.
“Yep. It’s bad.”
Carole slumped into the nearest chair. “It’s my fault. God is punishing me.”
Mary looked up at her mother. “I believe I’m the one who’s being punished.”
“We’ll call Ted. He’ll know what to do. We’ll get you the best care possible. Oh, I’m going to be sick.”
“I want you to do something for me.”
Carole reached across the table and grabbed Mary’s hand. “Anything.”
“Don’t tell Daniel.”
Carole sat back in her chair. “Are you sure?”
Mary was determined not to cry in front of her mother. “Of course I’m not sure! But I need this to sink in. It’s not enough to find out I’ve got a dad who actually wants me, but now I find out I might die a horrible death. Do you mind if I take a minute? Goddammit, Mom. Just do what I ask for once in your life!”
Mary could see the shock and hurt in her mother’s eyes. Carole wasn’t used to having a daughter who stood up for herself. But she had nothing to give her mother right now. She ran out the door and back into her apartment. The minute she threw herself on their bed, she wept. What was she going to do?
What was this going to mean down the road? How many good years did she have left? Would she be able to have children? Would she want them, knowing she might pass this condition to them? What about Daniel? Was it fair to affect his life like this? She didn’t want him to stay with her just because he felt sorry for her. This was a disaster.
When she heard his footsteps on the stairs, she sat up in bed and tried to compose herself. She wasn’t ready. She’d tell him about Dave but nothing else.
Roscoe rolled over on his belly in anticipation of Daniel’s nightly rub-fest. Her wonderful guy came into the bedroom.
“My two favourite people.” He smiled. “Did you have a nice dinner with the gang?” He flopped on the bed and reached over to caress Roscoe’s soft belly fur.
“T
he dinner was nice. Sheena and Drew are having a baby.”
“Already? That was fast.”
“Why wait? Life can be over in a minute.”
Daniel looked at her for the first time. “Hey, what’s wrong? You okay?”
“I found out I have a father who’s been trying to see me for twelve years.”
Daniel sat up and stared at her. “My God.”
“He showed up at the house when we came home from dinner. Mom kept yelling at him to go away. She always told me he was a one-night stand. Turns out they dated for two months, but when he found out she was pregnant, he bolted.”
“Shitty. No wonder she didn’t want him around.”
“I guess so,” Mary sighed, “but did it ever occur to her that I might want him around? That’s the trouble with her. She only thinks of herself.”
“What’s he like?”
“I couldn’t really get a good look at him. His name is Dave Cooper. I could’ve been Mary Cooper. That’s so odd.”
“Are you going to see him again? Now that you know he’s been trying to meet you for a long time?”
Mary bit her lip. “This is so complicated. Too many years have passed.”
“True. And you certainly don’t owe him anything, Mary. Don’t feel you need to connect with him if you don’t want to.”
“He said I look like his sister. I could be passing her on the street every day without knowing it. That’s who I’m curious about. Is that weird? He was in front of me, but I’m wondering about his sister.”
“The best thing you can do at the moment, is nothing. Sit with this for a while. You’ve had a nasty shock. I can’t imagine what it must be like.”
“It’s scary.”
“You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. You’ll be fine.”
She reached out and touched his cheek. “What would I do without you?”
“You and Roscoe would have no fun at all, I’m afraid.”
Carole raced over to Peggy and Ted’s the next morning. Luckily Sheena and Drew were out with friends. She recited the whole story while sitting in the family room, never touching the cup of coffee Peggy made for her.