Dead, Undead, or Somewhere in Between

by J. A. Saare

  I waited while she paused, patient until she continued.

  “Demons cannot cross into our dimension without just cause or conjuring, but the half-breed children possessed free rein to travel at will. Soon, they realized they could litter the world with their kind and started twisting conjuring contracts, using glamour and creating offspring to take over the world. It wasn’t long until half-breeds discovered that by draining someone dry, and exchanging some of their tainted blood, they could create a less powerful but equally dangerous hybrid. This new race still retained a soul, so they couldn’t bask in God’s sunlight to smite him, or visit the abyss of hell, but they still required blood to survive.”

  “Vampires,” I breathed the word and she nodded.

  “After several decades, priests started to battle the most unclean on earth, hunting them down. The smart ones returned to their dimension, the ones like us were left behind.”

  She cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

  “Sienna practiced black magic in secret, and her curiosity proved to be her undoing. Demons don’t normally bother with mortals. They find them too weak and too predictable. But when someone gains the name of a demon and summons them to do their bidding, they bring attention to themselves. The one Sienna got involved with was particularly nasty. Morax demanded her servitude in hell for his services after the fact. Demons love to spin deals, and you have to be careful with what you agree to. They will trick you if they can. You can count on it.”

  “And she was tricked?”

  Nala nodded. “She had no choice but to come clean with Gabriel. If he were any less of a man, he would have turned her away, but he didn’t. He loved her, even with all her faults. It took time and assistance from Marius, but we worked out a bargain with another demon named Zagan. Morax owed him a debt from years before, and he agreed to use that debt to wipe Sienna’s slate clean if one of us offered a favor of his choosing in the future. Gabriel accepted the offer, and agreed to a debt owed for a debt paid, sealing the deal.”

  My stomach churned. “So where is she?”

  Nala lowered her head, staring at her hands. “Paine never touched Sienna. Had he done so, he never would have allowed Gabriel to make that bargain. Sienna wanted to wait to become one of us, believing she had plenty of time. But she wasn’t like you, Rhiannon. She didn’t know how to protect herself or fight back. The men that abducted her made sure she suffered horribly before she died. When we found her body, all of her belongings were gone.” She nodded to the box, smiling broken-heartedly. “Including the bracelet Gabriel had given her.”

  “The last few weeks have been the most fucked up of my life, and that is saying something,” I told Nala. I closed the blue box and returned it to the cardboard one. I left the pieces of cloth out, closing the lid, and ran a trembling hand over the top.

  “I felt the same way when Adrian told me the truth. It’s a huge pill to swallow, and we all have been there—even Gabriel.” Nala touched my arm. “Just remember, anything is possible. Look who you’re talking to. Did you ever imagine you’d be having a conversation with a vampire?”

  “No,” I laughed. “You said Gabriel owes a favor to the demon that cleaned the slate. What did he have to give up?”

  I pictured Disco making the selfless sacrifice and felt terrible for judging him so harshly in the past. Nala stood and paced the carpet, her feet barely skimming the surface.

  “The debt hasn’t been honored yet. We won’t know what price Gabriel will pay until Zagan comes to collect. Netherworld creatures don’t have a concept of material wealth or belongings. They derive pleasure from misery and chaos. That’s the only reason Zagan agreed to the bargain in the first place. The opportunity to spite Morax was too good to pass up. Whatever is in store for Gabriel will consist of those things, you can be certain of it.”

  “Shit.”

  She faced me and said, “You needn’t worry about things you cannot change or prevent. Fearing the future won’t make anything different. It will merely ruin time that could be better spent. Gabriel deserves to be happy. After Cash disappeared, we feared he might leave us as Marius did, but he didn’t—because of you. Somehow, I don’t think you’re the type to allow fear to keep you away from the things you want most.”

  “No.” I cracked a smile. “I don’t let anything run me off once my mind is set. Thanks for telling me this, Nala.”

  “If you ever need to speak to someone, my door is always open. And I will never relay anything that we talk about to anyone without your permission. Gabriel isn’t the only person that is happy you joined us; so am I. Adrian is a wonderful companion, but sometimes I long to speak to someone else about things he wouldn’t understand.” She pointed at the box. “Will you give that to Gabriel tonight?”

  “A promise is a promise.”

  “Then let’s go find him.”

  We left the bedroom and walked back down the hall. Nala stopped at the top of the stairs, looking left and right, nose flaring briefly. Before long, she relaxed, and we descended the staircase to the right, past the entranceway and down another hall. The tiled floor matched throughout, a stark white with tiny black squares in the middle. Nala walked silently, but my sneakers squeaked each time my foot lifted into the air.

  We stopped in front of a set of huge wooden double doors at the end. I recognized them immediately.

  “I’ll leave you two,” Nala said. This time, her smile wasn’t real, and she rushed past me in a blur too fast to perceive.

  Grasping the long golden handle in my fingers, I created a crack to step through. Disco was waiting on the loveseat, in the same place he had marked me just days before. One look in my direction told me he was still angry, but he didn’t say a word, giving me the silent treatment. The chairs Paine and Peter had used were gone, leaving an open path.

  I crossed the room and sat beside him, holding the box in my lap.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quietly and got the response I was hoping for, gaining his attention. I extended the box to him. “I would have told you everything in the car, but since this was about you in particular, I was afraid to say anything until I actually had what Jacob wanted me to give you.”

  He frowned as he accepted the box, blue eyes cautious.

  “Jacob wanted me to tell you he found it a few years ago in a pawn shop and was waiting for the right time to give it to you.”

  I could see his chest still as his breath caught. He flipped the lid off the box and let it fall to the floor. He stared at the velvety blue box inside, and my heart ached. His mouth tightened, drawn eyebrows nearly touching. He pulled the box free and lifted the lid, closing his eyes after one glimpse of what lay inside.

  I didn’t say anything, unwilling to interrupt his grief. The only thing that remained of the girl he once loved could fit inside a tiny blue box. I was sure the pain was incredible, especially after thinking the bracelet would never be found.

  He closed the lid and placed it back inside the shoebox with trembling hands. “Did Nala tell you?” he asked hoarsely.

  I nodded. “I hope you don’t mind. When I asked her, she couldn’t exactly say no.”

  “No.” He cleared his throat, staring straight ahead. “I don’t mind.”

  “Would you like me to go?” I shifted on the cushions, prepared to leave and give him time alone.

  “Don’t go.” His right hand came out and touched my thigh. “I want you to stay.”

  “All right.” I settled back, glancing around the room, biting my lower lip.

  “How did Jacob tell you where to find this?” Disco placed the lid back on the shoebox. “I thought you only saw how he died.”

  “He decided to venture inside my body so we could have a little chat. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t that bad. He said he couldn’t cross over until this was given to you and asked me to take care of it.” I paused and tried to find the right words to convey how badly I felt. “I’m really sorry, about not telling you… and about having
to be the one to give you this.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you were the one to give it to me.” He leaned over and plopped the box onto the floor, turning to face me. “Living an eternity means you never get used to death, but you learn to accept it.”

  “You must miss her.” I offered a weak smile, my gaze drifting away from his.

  “I did,” he admitted, “and I regret the harm that befell her that I feel responsible for. But Sienna is gone. Nothing I do will reverse the past. And I’m fortunate, because someone else has come into my life.” He leaned across the sofa, moving closer. Then he whispered, “If her death taught me anything, it’s this. Cherish the time you have. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Right now is all we are promised.”

  Those words were my undoing.

  I closed the distance, twisting my body, clasping my hands behind his neck. Our lips came together, his tongue darted inside my mouth, and I met each thrust, moaning against his lips, pulling his face closer, entwining my fingers in his hair.

  I dimly perceived him standing with me in his arms, striding out of the room, and carrying me up the stairs. I was aware on some level that once this boundary was breeched, things would change forever between us, but I shoved it into the back of my mind. I was tired of thinking, and Disco was right, we might not have this moment again.

  Now all I cared about was being with him.

  A door clicked open, and then shut. I opened my eyes.

  We were inside the same room I occupied after the Wesley incident. Disco eased me onto the bed, shifting his large frame beside me on the mattress. He lifted his head. Thick blond hair fell in every direction, framing his impossibly golden blue eyes.

  “If you want to leave, say so now. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop if this goes any further.” He was panting softly, fevered and eager. I could feel the tension radiating from his body.

  I brought my hand up and watched my fingers brush across the black buttons of his shirt, feeling his cool, solid muscles beneath. A wave of shyness and apprehension swept through me. I had attempted to have sex one time in my life and couldn’t go through with it.

  My voice trembled, betraying my emotions. “I’m afraid.”

  “I would never hurt you.” He spoke thickly, his fingers skimming lightly across my jaw. “If you’re not ready, I’ll stop now.”

  “I want this,” I whispered, meeting his heated gaze. “I want you.”

  He lowered his head and kissed me gently, without any expectation. His tongue brushed against my lips, prodding them open. I felt his fingers stroking my hair, reaching behind my neck to hold me tenderly. It was staggering that someone so powerful, so dangerous, could be so gentle.

  His mouth breezed across my face, light and tender. I felt cool air blowing into my ear, followed by the tip of his tongue as he traced the sensitive shell. I gasped when he sucked in, the sound and sensation causing my body to clench. My right hand grasped his forearm, fingers digging into the shirt. His mouth moved down and he pushed aside the neck of my sweater, nipping at my mark. Like before, desire shot through me in a lick of heat.

  “What is that?” I groaned, writhing on the bed.

  “Scar tissue from our bites become erotic zones on the body.” He bit down and I cried out as unfamiliar warmth erupted between my legs.

  “Oh my God.” I was barely able to contain the tendrils of heat and prickles inside my skin.

  “Just wait,” he promised. “You are so beautiful. I can’t wait to see all of you.”

  His fingers brushed against the skin on my waist, lifting my sweater. I didn’t feel shy. I was too absorbed in the unbelievable sensations he was wringing from my body. The sweater came off easily, and he tossed it to the floor.

  He didn’t take such precautions with his own clothing. He ripped his shirt off, sending buttons scattering into the air. His skin met mine in a wave of silky coolness, like touching solid marble, and I shivered involuntarily.

  “I’m sorry, I forgot,” he murmured against my mouth, starting to rise from the bed.

  I grasped his arms. “Where are you going?”

  “To start a fire. You’ll get colder before we’re finished. We don’t produce body heat, and I’ll steal away your warmth faster than you can produce it.” He grinned at me wickedly. “I take that back. You’ll produce more than enough, but not at the start.”

  “Then light the kindling here, the fireplace can wait.”

  He slid over me and I ran my fingers along his chest. His muscles were perfectly defined, smooth and solid. His coolness was a bit strange at first, but erotic as well. He was like a living, breathing, seductive statue, with eyes as blue as the ocean after a storm.

  I slipped my hand under his arm and outlined the dip of his spine, tracing the hollow edge with my fingers. He kissed me again, lifting up and over. His knee gently nudged my legs apart, and he settled between them, placing his weight at the apex of my thighs.

  I felt his fingers tugging on my jeans. The button slid out easily and the zipper came apart. He broke the kiss and leaned upward, intent on taking them off, gently pulling at the cotton on my hips. He stopped mid-tug, eyes unbelieving and focused on my stomach.

  Damn it. I’d forgotten about my scars.

  “Oh, Rhiannon.” He traced one of the thick white crescents with the pad of his finger. When he glanced up at me, his gaze held a mixture of pity, a newfound understanding, and anger. “Who did this to you?”

  “If I asked you to do something important for me, would you?” I refused to look away.

  “You know I would.”

  I motioned for him to come back to me, and he eased his body over mine, bracing himself on steady arms.

  “I want you to see.” He tried to argue, but I pressed a finger to his lips. “Sometimes the person you trust the most is the hardest one to explain something to. Don’t force me to relive everything all over again, not with you. If you really want to know the girl I used to be, you have to see why she stays so safely hidden. Do you understand?”

  “I don’t want to force myself on you, Rhiannon.”

  “You won’t be.” I stroked his back, urging him closer. “You’ll be easing a tremendous burden. Once you know, we’ll never have to mention it again. You can make this so much easier for me.” I added in a whisper, “Please.”

  I knew he made the decision when his eyes shifted from teal to steely blue. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on me, lips soft against mine as he placed his hands on either side of my face and closed his eyes.

  I felt him inside my head, like the fluttering of butterfly wings. He was calm initially, then his body went still. I could feel the rage seething from him, and his arms started to tremble.

  When he reopened his eyes, the golden specks inside shone like liquid metal. “If he weren’t dead already, I would kill him myself.”

  He stood and lifted me, tossing back the comforter with his free hand. He placed me on top of the pillows and covered me with the blanket before he slid in and pulled me into his arms. Reclining against the headboard, he strummed his fingers through my hair.

  I was too astounded to speak. This was not what I expected when he finally looked inside my warped mind. I rested my cheek against the cool skin of his chest and enjoyed the motion of his fingers as they threaded through my hair, gently caressing the skin on my back.

  “I just want to hold you,” he told me, his voice a smooth, soothing timbre once again. “I’m going to hold you all night and keep those nightmares at bay. Close your eyes, and think of somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. I’ll make sure you get there.”

  I don’t know if I closed my eyes because he asked me to, or because the temptation to have one night’s sleep without nightmares was too tempting to resist. Either way, I lowered my lids and nestled against his chest. His fingers flittered across my hair and skin, and I relaxed, sighing contentedly.

  It didn’t take long to reach the pinnacle between dreaming and wakefulness. I found myself at the
beach with my parents, that last day we were together as a family. I heard the joyful laughter of a child—my laughter. Mom and Dad danced together in the sand, and my heart brimmed with the love I felt inside. The salty air blew my hair into my eyes, and I thrust it away, turning my attention from the ocean crashing into the surf.

  A lone figure watched us from further down the beach, his blond hair shining in the midday sun.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I woke and sighed blissfully, shifting my body against something hard, solid, and surprisingly warm. My lids lifted and a white expanse of smooth, luminescent skin greeted me.

  “Did you sleep well?” Disco whispered against my head, brushing his fingers along my arm.

  “I slept amazing, thank you,” I murmured, placing my hand across his chest.

  Something was different, and it took me a couple of seconds to place the change. His skin was markedly cooler on the opposite side, but only by degrees. He was as warm as I was beneath the comforter.

  “Am I keeping you warm?”

  He squeezed me gently and said, “You are, and it feels unbelievable.”

  I tickled the skin on his stomach with my fingertips, pushing aside the blanket to outline the muscles along his abdomen. He drew in a ragged breath and tensed, the fingers in my hair ceasing to move. He had a trail of blond hair that led from his belly button down. I followed it with the pads of my fingers. The hair was as soft and flaxen as the hair on his head.

  “What time is it?” I asked, toying with his stomach.

  “I’m not sure.” His breath hitched as my fingernails scraped along the skin. “The dawn came an hour ago.”

  “How are you still awake?” I brought my fingers back up his chest, the white skin perfect and smooth. I shifted my body to look at him and rested my palm across his heart, directly over the steady beating.