Ryder clenched his teeth. “Well, with the job you have now, darlin’, you must barely be able to support yourself. How do you expect to support a baby, also?” he demanded.
“I’m looking for a new job. Bess’s daughter is going to take my job at the diner soon, anyway. I’m not stupid, you know. Just because I took the first thing I could find doesn’t mean I can’t do anything else.”
Ryder threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Don’t marry me then,” he fairly shouted, baring his teeth beneath his mustache. He tried another angle. “I can take care of you and the baby. I’ll make sure you’re both okay.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Ashley asked, waving a hand in front of her like a flag, her lips set firmly in a line.
“Get what?” Ryder asked, irritated that even that offer had her glaring at him with fire in her eyes. What was she getting her back up about now?
“I don’t want you to take care of me. I don’t want you to make sure we’re okay. I’m a big girl. I know I can take care of myself, and I can take care of my child. It’s what I want to do.” Ashley wasn’t naive. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. But she was convinced she could do it. She’d find the right job, something that would pay her enough to get by on.
Ryder looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “It’s not your child, it’s our child. And who’s going to raise the baby while you’re working? How much is that going to cost? Will you have time for the baby when you get home from work, or will you be too exhausted to spend any time with it?” He fired the questions at her like bullets.
Irritated that he’d voiced the same questions she’d been thinking about for weeks, Ashley snapped, “I haven’t worked it all out yet. Besides, I wouldn’t be the first mother to leave her child with a sitter while I work.” She would feel guilty, but she’d do what she had to do.
Being a single mother was scary, but Ashley could handle it. Despite her own upbringing, she believed the ideal way to raise a child was with a mother and father who loved each other. But she’d learned the hard way, having parents didn’t make a child feel loved.
“You’re not thinking straight I can make it easy for you,” Ryder told her again, his jaw tight.
“You’re being deliberately obtuse.”
“And you’re driving me crazy!” Ryder stomped from the room and down the stairs.
Ashley went after him, following him into the parlor. He sat on the sofa and pulled on his socks and boots. “What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
Ashley stared at him, her mouth dropping open.
“Oh, I’ll be back,” Ryder assured her when he caught her expression. He stood and grabbed his hat from the chair where he’d left it the night before. “I just need to get out of here before you make me completely insane.”
Ashley tilted her chin. “Fine. Go.” Good riddance, she added to herself.
“I’m going,” Ryder snapped, stomping his way to the front door. He jerked it open, then turned to face her. “This isn’t over.”
“Yes it is,” Ashley replied adamantly.
“We’ll see about that.” Ryder walked out and slammed the door behind him.
Ashley watched him stalk down the sidewalk and get in his truck. The engine roared to life, and he took off, his tires squealing against the blacktop of the road. She leaned against the door as if she needed it to hold her up.
“Well, that couldn’t have gone better,” she muttered to herself, then pushed away from the door and went into the parlor. Despite the fact that Ryder had left, there was evidence that he’d been there with her in the most intimate of ways.
Her clothing was strewn on the floor, and the sofa cushions were out of position. Ashley straightened the room, then picked up her clothes. Memories of their lovemaking assailed her, and she sank down on the sofa and wrapped her arms around herself. Tears stung her eyes.
What could one night hurt? Well, now she knew. Damn. If she hadn’t gotten sick this morning, Ryder would never have known about the baby. He’d have gone on back to his family and his ranch and would have forgotten all about her.
But would she have forgotten all about him?
Ryder McCall had gotten to her somehow. Jeez, how could she have slept with him again?
But she knew the answer to that. Chemistry. Whatever God had put in a woman and a man to attract them to each other, He’d given them a huge dose. There was something about Ryder McCall that Ashley just couldn’t resist.
“I’m sick and tired of it!”
Ryder heard his sister’s declaration before he entered the house. He found Lynn and Jake in the living room, squared off at each other.
“What’s going on?” he asked, glancing between them.
“She’s in a snit again,” Jake answered. Hands on his hips, he glared at their young sister.
“That’s it!” Lynn fumed, throwing up her hands in disgust. “If you don’t see things my way this time, I’m leaving. I swear I will, Jake.” She turned and stalked from the room.
Ryder looked at his brother. “Same old thing?” he asked.
“Yeah. She wants to help Russ with the horses, and he doesn’t want her help.”
“You have to admit she has a way with horses,” Ryder commented.
Jake nodded thoughtfully. “But Russ is the foreman. If he doesn’t want her help—” He shrugged his big shoulders.
Ryder could see his point, but he could also see Lynn’s. She’d been pushing this issue for months, waiting for school to be over. “She’s graduated now, and we can’t keep her from doing what she wants forever. This is her ranch, too.”
“She’s barely eighteen. I want her to go to college.”
“You can’t make her go if she doesn’t want to. She seems to know what she wants—” Ryder stopped when he thought about the words he’d said.
I know I can take care of myself and I can take care of my child It’s what I want to do. Ashley’s words reverberated through his mind. Funny, he could see what Lynn was trying to say. But when Ashley had said practically the same thing, he hadn’t understood.
“I’ll be back later,” he said to Jake and turned to leave.
“You just got here. Where are you headed now?” Jake asked.
“Back to Rocksprings,” Ryder answered and went out the door. He got in his truck and started the two-hour-plus drive back to Ashley’s. Though he was beginning to understand where she was coming from, it didn’t mean he trusted her. She’d run out on him once, and she’d lied to him about the baby.
He still wanted Ashley to marry him so his child would be born legitimate, but his first priority was getting her to agree to come to the ranch. Once there, he could keep an eye on her until he could convince her that marriage was the only solution to their problem. Crockett was a small town, and his family was well-known in the area. He’d lived through one humiliating episode when Ariel had dumped him. It looked like he was going to be the butt of even more gossip.
In the meantime, he just needed to come up with an offer that Ashley couldn’t pass up.
As he drove down the highway, he thought about the fact that she hadn’t intended to tell him about the baby. Though it still rankled him, he’d settled down enough to realize that she’d made that decision based on what little she knew about him.
True, he’d come right out and told her he didn’t want to get tied down. And he’d admitted he didn’t want kids. But that was before he’d known about the baby—which changed everything. He’d give up his freedom to prevent his child from being labeled a bastard. He didn’t understand Ashley. Hell, most women in her condition would have jumped at the chance to marry the father of their child.
Thinking about being a father scared him half to death. He’d never wanted children, and he supposed that came from losing his own parents. Now, because of his own carelessness, he was going to have to face the fact that he was going to be a father. By the time the baby arrived, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
“Like hell,” he muttered, taking the turnoff from the highway. What a mess, you idiot. He silently berated himself as he drove to Miss Tilley’s. He parked the truck, then went up to the front door and knocked. Ashley had mentioned she had Sundays off from the diner. He hoped she was still home. A few moments later she slowly opened the door.
Ryder took off his hat and held it in his hands. “I’ve come in peace,” he offered. She didn’t say anything, and his gaze searched her face, saw the evidence of her tears. Her eyes were red and swollen. A twinge of regret passed over his expression. “I’ve cooled off some. The ride gave me time to think about things.”
Still, she didn’t say anything, didn’t make a move to admit him into the house. Ryder couldn’t rightly say that he blamed her. He’d been pretty angry before. Sometimes his temper got the best of him. Since they were going to be seeing a lot of each other, he’d either have to rein it in, or she’d learn that he usually simmered down when given some time.
“I know I said some things earlier, most of them in anger,” he began. “I’d like another chance to talk this out.”
Ashley opened the door wider, but didn’t move aside to admit him. “I don’t know if I’m up to it. I’m really tired.” Actually their lovemaking last night had practically worn her out. This morning her sickness and their argument had zapped what was left of her energy.
“I just want talk. You can throw me out if I get out of line.”
Relenting, she let him in and closed the door behind him. He followed her to the parlor. Clearing his throat, he sat on the sofa, then stood again and paced to the other side of the room.
Turning, Ryder looked at Ashley and began to see her in a different light. He couldn’t get over the fact that she was carrying his baby. She looked much too young to be a mother. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she wore a baggy pair of pants and a T-shirt that looked two sizes too big. Both effectively hid any indication of her pregnancy.
Apparently her stomach had settled down. There was color to her skin, the pallor once there gone now. She hadn’t said anything yet, so he started trying to explain why he was back.
“I drove home and found Lynn and Jake arguing. She thinks she’s old enough to help with the horses, but Jake doesn’t. And Russ Logan, our foreman, doesn’t want her help.”
Ashley frowned as she listened, growing more confused as he talked. “What does all that have to do with you and me?”
“Well,” Ryder continued, gesturing with his hands, “I was defending Lynn, trying to make Jake understand that she’s old enough to know what she wants.” He looked into Ashley’s eyes. “It made me realize that’s what you were trying to make me understand. That you want to decide what’s right for you to do.” He wasn’t really lying to her. He understood how she felt—he just didn’t agree with her.
Ashley had to give it to him. He’d figured it out after all. “That’s right.” She smiled just a little bit. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate that you want to help. Despite the fact that you weren’t expecting to be a father, I know you want to do the right thing.”
“Maybe it’s old-fashioned, but to me, marriage is the honorable solution,” he said. “I still think it’s the best one.”
“Look, I almost got married for the wrong reasons. I won’t make the same mistake again.”
Ryder was still quite frustrated. He wanted to insist again that she mairy him. Being married to Ashley wouldn’t be a hardship. Just thinking about making love to Ashley anytime, anywhere did crazy things to his libido. He shook his head in an effort to dispel his thoughts.
“My mother would skin me alive for getting you pregnant and not marrying you. She taught me her values from a very early age.”
“I understand,” Ashley said quietly, wishing she’d had the benefit of such a loving parent. “It’s just that the right thing for you might not be the right thing for me.”
“What about the right thing for the baby?” Ryder asked. He wanted her to see it wasn’t all cut-and-dried.
“I want what’s right for the baby.” Ashley took a seat on the sofa and looked up at him.
“In most cases, having two parents is the best choice.”
“Not always. Look how I was raised. I don’t want my child brought up like that.”
Ryder nodded. “But somehow, we’ve got to agree on what’s best for the baby. It might be your body, but it’s my child, too. That should count for something.” He ran a hand through his hair.
“Of course it does,” Ashley assured him. “Maybe I was thinking selfishly when I decided not to tell you, but when you mentioned how you felt about commitments and children; I—” She let the words hang in the air.
Ryder tossed his hat into a nearby chair. “I know I said that, but I’m not totally without feelings. It’ll take some getting used to, but I can handle being a father.”
“Well, you have about five months to get used to the idea. Now that you know, I have no intention of keeping you from the baby. I just don’t want you telling me what I can or can’t do.”
“Yeah, right.” He looked at her, his gaze intense. “We haven’t had much of a chance to get to know each other,” he told her, thinking they’d spent much of their time in bed making love. “I can be pretty stubborn sometimes.”
Ashley looked at him, a small smile lighting her eyes. “No, you’re kidding.” Ryder grinned, and she felt the sparkle of his blue gaze as it passed over her.
“Yeah, well, I can be full of charm, too, darlin’,” he told her smugly.
Ashley could believe it. He’d charmed her several times. That’s how she’d gotten into this mess. “What do we do now?” she asked, wondering where this was leading.
“Well, since you won’t marry me, I think I have a solution that we can agree on. Just keep an open mind and take a few days to think it over. I’ll leave and go back home and you can call me when you’ve made up your mind.”
Eight
“Okay, I give,” Ashley said, her curiosity piqued. Marriage would have been the most logical solution if they were in love. Though she did feel something for him, she hadn’t put a tag on those feelings and she didn’t intend to. She wasn’t willing to let her heart get any more deeply involved.
“You promise to at least think about what I have to say?” Ryder asked, wanting to be sure that she wouldn’t fly off the handle when she heard his idea.
“I promise.”
“How about if I offer you a job?” Ryder had thought of this solution on his way there. Having her live at the ranch was the only way he’d be sure she wouldn’t take off again. And maybe, after he got her there, she’d think about marrying him, especially if he worked on her a bit. He watched her expression to gauge her reaction. She frowned a little, then the idea seemed to sink in.
“A job?” Ashley asked, and immediately wondered what he was up to. “Doing what?”
Ryder shrugged. He had several ideas floating around in his head. “I don’t know. I’m sure there’s something you could do at the ranch.”
Ashley shook her head adamantly. “I don’t see where that’s any different from wanting to take care of me. I don’t want you to invent a job for me.”
“I’m not,” Ryder insisted. “We’re always needing help with something. You could cook or clean. Better yet, how are you at figures, accounting, that kind of thing?”
“Pretty good, I guess,” she answered, unsure of where this was going. “I don’t know accounting, but I took bookkeeping in school. I liked it a lot.”
“There you go. Right now Lynn takes care of the accounts. She could teach you how to do them.”
Ashley shook her head. “I don’t want to interfere with your sister’s work. How would she like that?”
“Actually, it could be a perfect solution. She wants to work with the horses, and Jake’s held her back as long as he can. I don’t see that he’s going to have any choice but to give in to her, whether our foreman likes it or not.”
“And hiring me
to do the accounts would free her to do that,” Ashley concluded.
Ryder took a seat at the far end of the sofa, sitting on the edge. “Exactly.”
Ashley replied, “Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of a family quarrel.” She’d had enough of living unhappily to last her a lifetime.
“It won’t be like that. Jake will see that he doesn’t really have much choice but to let Lynn give it a try. She’s threatening to leave the ranch, and he’ll do anything to keep her there.”
“I don’t know,” Ashley said, her forehead creasing as she thought about it. Working at the McCall ranch wasn’t something she would have considered in her wildest dreams.
Ryder braced a hand against his knee. He felt if she agreed, he’d at least be able to be sure that she and the baby were all right. If she lived at the ranch, he could keep track of her, even if she didn’t marry him, which he didn’t plan on settling for. She and the baby were his responsibility, whether she thought so or not. “Just think about it. This is a great solution. You’d earn a good salary and have a roof over your head.”
After hearing the last part of his offer, Ashley realized that no matter what she’d said, he still didn’t trust her. “Forget it. I’m not living at your ranch.” There was no way she was going to live that close to him. Her heart had been racing since he’d returned. Just being in the room with him was enough to make her remember what it was like to make love with him.
“Why the hell not?” Ryder barked, immediately offended.
“I’ve already explained it to you. I’m not going over it again.” Ashley was becoming agitated. First he understood, then he didn’t. She wished he would make up his mind.
Ryder slapped his thigh, then suggested, “Look, just give it a chance. If it doesn’t work out, if you find it uncomfortable, you can find a place in town to rent.” He really didn’t like that idea, but getting her on the ranch was his first objective. He’d worry about keeping her there later. “This is the best solution for both of us and the baby.”
Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 10