He didn’t blame her for not trusting him. She had good reason not to trust men. But they were even on that score because he didn’t trust her, either. “Think about it. I’m not offering you a free ride. You’ll be working for what you make. Keeping the books isn’t an easy job. Lynn’s computerized everything, but we have a big operation.”
“I know a little bit about computers,” Ashley admitted cautiously. “We had several at our house.”
“There you go,” Ryder said and his face relaxed a little. He forged ahead with his best ammunition. “Another thing to think about is how much this child will be loved by my family. You know what it was like being raised without love, without affection. I know you don’t want that for our child. My family will welcome you and the baby with open arms. It’ll grow up with more attention than you can even fathom. And we’ll all be there to help you take care of it.
“While you’re working, the baby can be right with you,” he reasoned. “You’ll be the one taking care of it instead of some sitter. You’ll hear the baby’s first word, watch it take its first steps. How many jobs could you get that you’d have that option?”
Ashley knew that answer. Next to none. “How is your family going to feel about all this?” she asked.
“Lynn will be happy to have someone near her own age to talk to.”
“What about your brothers? How are they going to feel when you tell them about me?” Ashley couldn’t believe she was actually giving the idea consideration.
“I’ll talk to them tonight. I really don’t expect any problem, though. We all take part in running the ranch, and sometimes that means making decisions when the others aren’t around to consult”
“I need to think about this, Ryder. It sounds like a great offer,” she rushed on when his expression began to change. She was beginning to learn all about his stubborn streak. “I just can’t make a decision this important too quickly.”
Ryder stood at that point and nodded. “That’s all I ask. Give it some thought. I really feel like this is the right thing to do.” He hesitated, then added, “If you’re not happy, you don’t have to stay. We’ll work out something else.”
“Would you mind if I called you in a couple of days? That would give you time to talk to your family.” And give her time to think about it fully. Ashley knew she didn’t always think straight when she was around Ryder McCall.
“All right,” Ryder agreed, though he sounded disappointed that she hadn’t jumped at his offer. He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. Extracting a business card, he handed it to her. “That’s my number. Call me anytime.”
Ashley flashed him a quick smile. “Thanks.”
For a moment they were both silent.
“Uh, I guess that’s all I had to say,” Ryder said, grabbing his hat and making his way to the door. Ashley followed and stopped when he turned around. “I’m sorry if I upset you earlier. I didn’t mean to.”
Ashley thought his apology came reluctantly, but she accepted it, anyway. “You had every right to be angry. I should have told you about the baby.”
“Are you feeling all right now?” he asked, wondering about her. She looked better. As a matter of fact, she looked downright gorgeous. His loins tightened, which seemed to be an automatic reaction whenever he was near her. It was going to be hard to be around her and not touch her.
“Yes. It passes pretty quickly once I get some food down.”
“That’s good” He was hesitant to leave, but didn’t think it was a good idea to overstay his welcome. She seemed willing to think over his offer so he’d gotten over that hurdle. “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you soon.”
Ashley nodded her head. “I’ll call you.”
With nothing more to keep him there, Ryder turned and walked out the door.
Once again Ashley watched him go, but this time there was a slight lift in her heartbeat.
Ryder McCall had truly surprised her. He might not have wanted any ties, but he’d sure accepted responsibility for his child without being forced to. She had to admire him for that.
Ashley spent the rest of the day tidying Miss Tilley’s house for her return. During that time, she gave a lot of thought to Ryder’s offer. She knew it was to her benefit to take him up on it. With Bess’s daughter getting out of school in two weeks, she’d be out of a job. If she worked at Ryder’s ranch, she’d have plenty of time to find something else if she wanted.
She felt sure that she could learn to keep the ranch accounts. And to be able to take care of her baby while working, well, that was an advantage that weighed heavily in favor of accepting.
She sensed that Ryder still didn’t trust her, and she supposed she deserved that. She hadn’t been honest with him. Given time, he’d find out that she would never deny him his child.
Ryder’s arguments had reminded her of one thing. There was no chance that her baby would ever know her family. If she lived at the ranch, the baby would grow up around people who would love it. Could she deny her own flesh and blood the kind of love and affection that she had hungered for?
There were so many advantages to accepting Ryder’s offer. And one main problem. She’d have to see Ryder, probably a lot. She didn’t think she’d have to worry about his feelings. She thought as her pregnancy progressed, any attraction he felt for her would subside.
But Ashley knew she’d have to deal with her feelings for him. She thought that she already had, until he came back into her life. She sighed as she carried her things to her room. There was no future where Ryder McCall was concerned. He wasn’t looking for love. And she didn’t believe in it anymore, anyway.
Ashley spent two days deliberating over her decision. First she would decide to accept, then she would decide not to. Ryder called her the evening of the second day.
“How are you feeling?” he asked right away.
“Better,” she answered, touched by the concern in his voice. She was glad to hear from him. Though she had told him she would call, the fact that he’d called made her feel that he’d been thinking about her, too. Well, at least he’d been thinking about the baby.
“That’s good.” There was a long, awkward pause. “I, uh, wanted you to know that I’ve discussed the situation with my brothers and sister. They’ve completely agreed with my suggestion that you come to work for us.”
“Are you sure?” Ashley asked hesitantly. Despite his assurances, she still felt as if she was being thrust upon them.
“Yeah. I wanted you to know, just in case it had anything to do with your decision.”
Well, of course it did, Ashley thought, relieved to hear that Ryder’s family had given him their support. That said a lot about them. Obviously they were the kind of family who pulled together in a crisis. Unlike hers.
“That’s really nice of them.” She paused, then asked, “Would you mind if I took one more day to think it over?” Silence filled the line.
“No, not at all,” he told her.
Though she could tell from his tone he wasn’t pleased about waiting, Ashley thanked him, then hung up the telephone. She thought he sounded a little disappointed when she’d told him that she hadn’t made up her mind. She couldn’t say why, but that made her feel good inside.
The next morning when she awoke, Ashley stretched and yawned, opening her eyes slowly. She rested her hand on her belly and immediately felt her stomach jump. Her heart raced, excitement spreading through her. Her baby moved! It was such a profound moment, Ashley nearly cried.
She was nurturing a life: a baby she’d love and cherish, who would love her as much. She had a chance to start over now, to raise her child with the kind of affection and caring she’d never had.
It was then that she made her decision. She wanted what was best for her child, and that included being close to its father. She would take Ryder up on his offer. It would provide a way for her to care for her baby, and if it didn’t work out, she’d follow through with her first plan.
She called R
yder later that morning with her decision. Ashley explained that she wanted to finish out her job with Bess. He seemed to understand, and they set a date for her to move.
Ten days later Ryder and Deke parked at Miss Tilley’s.
“This where she’s been living?” Deke asked. He’d come with Ryder to drive Ashley’s car back to the ranch. They hadn’t talked much. Ryder had been in a mood, and Deke had known better than to push him.
“Yeah.” Ryder stared at the house, mixed feelings running through him. He hadn’t seen Ashley in almost two weeks, had only talked to her a couple of times. Anticipation made his heart race. “Let’s go.”
The two men got out of Ryder’s truck and walked to the door. Miss Tilley answered and let them inside.
“Ashley’s upstairs,” she said, her eyes watchful. “She’ll be down in a minute.”
Ryder looked around the foyer. He saw several bags packed and recognized a couple of them as Ashley’s. His nerves calmed somewhat. The bags meant she hadn’t changed her mind. Until now he’d known that was a possibility. His plan was working. “You boys can wait in the parlor while I get Ashley,” Miss Tilley said.
Moments later Ashley entered the room and Ryder’s gaze locked with hers. Ryder had always thought she was beautiful, Today, though, she seemed to glow.
He’d heard somewhere that pregnant women did that, but had never seen it firsthand. He felt an unexpected surge of possessiveness that he had to clamp down. A muscle in his jaw flexed as he looked away.
“This is Deke,” Ryder said, sounding a lot more at ease than he felt. “Deke, you remember Ashley. And this is Miss Tilley.”
Deke McCall stuck out his hand. “Ashley. You’re as pretty as I remember.” He winked at her, his eyes twinkling. “Ma’am,” he said, and shook Miss Tilley’s hand before turning his full attention back to Ashley.
Ashley forced her gaze from Ryder to his younger brother and found it hard to believe that there were two McCalls so alike, yet so different. Also blond-haired and blue-eyed, Deke had a lazy smile and a laid-back manner that helped to put her at ease.
“Thank you.” She smiled at him and was pleased when he gave her a boyish grin. “And thanks for coming with Ryder.” Ashley bad agreed when Ryder had suggested bringing Deke to drive her car to the ranch. She was still having the morning sickness and she tired easily.
“No problem. Glad to be of help.”
Ashley looked again at Ryder. His expression was so intense that her smile slipped a little. She wondered what he was thinking. “I’m ready now if you are.” She handed Deke her keys.
Deke and Ryder carried her cases out while she said goodbye to Miss Tilley. He was waiting by the truck when she came down the walkway.
“Everything all right?” he asked, a frown creasing his forehead when he noticed her tears.
Ashley nodded. “Yes. I’m just being silly, I guess. I’d kind of gotten used to living here. I didn’t think it would be so hard to leave.”
“That’s understandable.” Ryder figured she’d found peace here. And friends. Those things were hard to replace. He hoped she’d find the same things in Crockett.
She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, feeling a little embarrassed to be crying. “Saying goodbye to Bess was hard.”
“You can come back anytime to see her,” he suggested, trying to say something that would make her feel better. He opened the door to the cab, then gave her a hand getting inside his truck.
Once she was seated, Ryder quickly released her, then shut the door and walked around the truck, his mind turning with thoughts that had nothing to do with the drive and everything to do with his attraction to Ashley. How the hell was he going to handle it?
He climbed in behind the wheel, feeling as if he was being put to a test. He was still angry with her for not telling him about the baby. And he couldn’t say he trusted her. But he was also plenty attracted to her. He felt like he was at war with himself. Before he started the engine, he looked at her. “Are you sure you have everything?”
Ashley nodded. “I haven’t bought much since I’ve been here. Just a few clothes and some necessities,” she explained. She looked behind them as he started the truck and pulled away from Miss Tilley’s, noticing that Deke was already gone.
Ryder followed her gaze with his own, then turned back to watch where he was driving. “Deke’ll meet us at the ranch. He has your bags with him.”
As they rode through the town, Ryder saw the sheriff standing on a corner talking with someone. He looked up when the truck passed, and Ashley raised her hand to wave at him. She sniffed again and Ryder’s jaw clenched. He wondered if Ashley had said goodbye to the sheriff, as well.
Hell, it didn’t matter. She was with him now, he told himself. Still, the knot in his gut twisted a little more.
Ashley couldn’t seem to relax. Now that the time to move had arrived, she was beginning to feel nervous. How did Ryder’s family really feel about her coming to the ranch to live? She clenched her hands in her lap and looked out at the passing fields. She’d made the right decision, she reminded herself. Everything would work out.
They fell into silence as he headed north on Highway 277, neither of them seeming to have much to say. Ryder stopped in Sonora for her to use the bathroom. She needed to do that more often now. He got her a cold can of cola and one for himself. They were back on the road before too long.
“We’re only about forty-five minutes away,” he told her as he drove west on Interstate 10. Ashley smiled at him, yet it seemed forced. He’d noticed the way her hand rested protectively on her stomach. It made him wonder if she was feeling all right
His thoughts had him all wound up. Knowing she was carrying his baby did strange things to his insides. He had expected the fact that she was pregnant to turn him off. Instead, he was finding it harder than ever not to touch her.
Ryder was quiet for a few minutes, trying to get up enough nerve to broach a subject he didn’t really want to discuss. The closer he got to the ranch, the more he seemed to tense.
“I was wondering,” he finally said, gathering his courage. “Uh, have you been to a doctor, yet? You know, about the baby.” He glanced quickly in her direction, then away. Heat surged to his face, and he cursed silently. This wasn’t something he felt comfortable discussing. Cows he knew something about. Babies were a different story. He’d never had much contact with a pregnant woman.
Ashley turned in her seat just enough to be able to see him. She didn’t miss the tint of red beneath his tanned skin. “I saw a doctor a few times. He put me on special vitamins.” Ashley thought it was kind of cute the way he avoided looking at her and kept his eyes straight ahead on the road.
Ryder swallowed hard. “Is everything, uh, you know, okay?” This had to be the hardest conversation he’d ever had.
“Yes, I think so.” Ashley told him. “I’ll have to find a new doctor, though.”
Ryder cut his gaze to her, then just as quickly he looked away. “The nearest decent-sized town to the ranch is San Luis. It’s not a metropolis, but it has a pretty up-to-date hospital. We have to pass through it to get to the ranch, which is just on the other side of Ozona.”
She looked at him speculatively and he explained, “I busted a couple of ribs a while back. I don’t know about having babies, but they took good care of me.” He glanced at her belly, and his face reddened even more as heat spread down his neck. “Are you nervous about it?”
“I’d be lying if I said no,” she admitted.
Ryder sat up straighter, adjusting himself in his seat, trying to get his mind off how good she looked and smelled—the effect she had on him. “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’m willing to try and go through this with you.” Being the baby’s father, Ryder felt it was his duty. He couldn’t help it if he didn’t feel too enthusiastic about it.
Ashley could tell Ryder wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea. “It’s kind of you to offer,” she said noncommittally.
He sho
t another glance at her stomach. “You wouldn’t be in that condition if I’d been responsible enough to protect You.”
Ashley shook her head. “It took both of us to make this baby.”
“Yeah, I know.” Ryder knew that for sure. He hadn’t forgotten a thing about what it was like to make love to her. And he knew he wanted to again.
“You don’t need to blame yourself, Ryder,” Ashley told him, turning back to face the road. “You don’t owe me anything and I’m not expecting anything from you.”
Ryder wondered how she could be so blasé about it. Maybe it was because she’d been forced to do things she’d never wanted to do. Maybe it was because she’d never been able to rely on someone to stand up for her. Well, that didn’t matter. She was his responsibility, whether she wanted to be or not. He’d learned one thing for sure: she wanted to be independent, and he’d have to be sure she felt that way. But that didn’t mean he’d give up on getting her to marry him.
“I don’t want to argue with you over this,” he told her, keeping his tone even. “I just want to be sure you’re okay, and the best way to do that is to be involved.”
Ashley became silent. Once again he’d made it clear that he felt responsible for her because she was carrying his child. She didn’t need to be hit with a brick. Anything else he felt came from below his waist. She’d do well to remember it.
Ryder didn’t say much from that point on, so Ashley didn’t force conversation. They passed through Ozona, then the small town of Crockett, which consisted of little more than a drugstore, a general store and a bank. They had traveled about ten minutes longer when he finally spoke.
“I thought I’d better warn you. My family can be kind of overwhelming at times. Lynn’s pretty excited about you coming. She’s already made up one of the spare bedrooms.” Ashley flashed her eyes in his direction.
“I hope she didn’t go to too much trouble. I still feel a little awkward about being at the ranch. I could get a room at a motel for a while, since I don’t really know if staying at the ranch is going to work out.”
Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 11