Ashley looked at him then. He seemed as uncomfortable as she felt. “Look, maybe this was a bad idea.”
“What?” he asked, not following her.
“My coming here. Maybe I should just find a job in San Luis. I’ve got some money saved, enough to get by on for a while.” She lifted her chin just a little to show him she meant it.
Ryder shook his head “That’s already been settled. You promised to take over for Lynn. She’s counting on you.”
“I’m sure you can find someone else.”
Ryder swore and stepped back, away from her. “I don’t want to find someone else.”
Ashley stared back at him, thinking for a moment that he’d meant more than his words implied. She finally said, “Well you could have fooled me. It’s obvious you’re uncomfortable about this baby,” she told him. remembering how he’d pulled away when the baby moved. It made her heart twist with pain. Her father hadn’t cared about her, either. She wasn’t going to let her child grow up like she did, with a father that didn’t really love it.
“I wanted to explain about that.” His expression was contrite, as if he regretted the incident. “I guess even though I knew you were pregnant, somehow it just wasn’t real to me. Then, when the baby moved, it all sort of came into focus. Just give me some time, Ashley. I haven’t known about the baby that long. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I really do care about it.”
“I’d like to believe you, but I can’t.” She eyed him cautiously. “Either you want to be a part of the baby’s life or you don’t. Which is it?” she asked pointedly.
“I do.” Ryder’s mouth tightened. “All I’m asking for is a little time.”
Ashley stilled, then straightened her back. “How much time?” she asked, her throat tight with emotion. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her in silence.
Ashley turned and walked away from him. She left the barn and started for the house, her heart heavy. Ryder kept insisting that he wanted to be a part of the baby’s life, but his actions, his response to the baby, said otherwise. Maybe a little time was what he needed. She hoped so. Because her child was not going to grow up like her, unwanted and unloved.
When Ashley arrived in the kitchen, Lynn was about finished with dinner preparations. Ashley helped carry the food to the dining room table, which Lynn had already set.
Deke came in first, and Ashley was relieved he wasn’t Ryder. He talked with her a few minutes and had a way of making her feel at home. She laughed when he recounted a few stories about ranch life, enjoying his sense of humor. Ryder picked that moment to enter the kitchen, his boots thudding heavily as he walked over to them, a frown on his handsome face. Ashley’s expression suddenly sobered.
“Hey, bro’,” Deke said, still chuckling and unaware of the undercurrents between his brother and Ashley. “I was just telling Ashley about that time Dad caught you playing with matches and made you paint the barn.”
Ryder grinned as expected, but the humor of the situation never made it to his eyes. He should have been pleased that Ashley was getting along with his family, but it bothered him to see her acting so friendly with Deke. “Is dinner ready?” He directed his question to Lynn.
“Yes. We’re just waiting on Jake.” Lynn went into the dining room, carrying a tray of biscuits,
“I’m here,” Jake called, stepping into the room from the back porch.
“Jake, this is Ashley Bennett,” Ryder said, introducing Ashley to his brother.
Ashley’s gaze flickered from Ryder to Jake, who nodded at her. He gave her a brief smile, and her anxiety eased. She had expected some resentment from him, considering he wasn’t happy about letting Lynn work with the foreman and the horses. Ashley felt her presence had sort of forced the issue.
“Welcome to the family, Ashley.”
Though his voice was gruff, Jake sounded as if he meant it. His dark eyes studied her with shrewd intensity. Their gazes locked and Ashley saw a hardness in his eyes that made him seem a lot older than he was.
“Thank you,” she answered, some of the tension easing out of her. She felt dwarfed by the three men. All of them were tall, and hard muscled. Jake, however, had a rigid edge to his handsome features. Deke was leaner and his face still held the boyish handsomeness of youth. Her gaze slid to Ryder. She wondered if she and Ryder were the only ones aware of the strain between them.
Lynn called them to dinner, and Ashley preceded the men into the room. She knew Ryder was close behind her, felt the slight pressure of his hand on her back. She cursed the awareness that raced through her every time he touched her.
Ryder seated her in the chair across from his as everyone took their own place at the table. Ashley tensed at having to face him the entire time.
The meal proved less nerve-racking than she had imagined it would be. Lynn talked most of the time, asking Ashley a few questions, enough apparently to satisfy her curiosity, but not too many to seem nosy, Ashley thought. She noticed that both Deke and Jake listened when she spoke and seemed interested in what she had to say.
Ashley glanced at Ryder a couple of times, but as far as she could tell, he never looked in her direction. He almost seemed to be ignoring her presence. When Lynn asked when the baby was due, an uncomfortable silence fell in the room.
Ashley wasn’t sure how much Ryder had told his family about how they’d met and how long they’d known each other. She was embarrassed that even Deke knew. A soft blush rose to her cheeks. Though Ashley wasn’t ashamed that she was pregnant, there were times she wished it were under different circumstances.
“In about four and a half months,” Ashley answered, finally finding her voice. Her gaze went automatically to Ryder as Jake and Deke took turns teasing him about being a daddy.
Ryder finished chewing his food, then gave his brothers a pointed look. “All right, that’s enough.” His voice was rougher than he’d intended. He knew he had a sour attitude. He just couldn’t get a handle on his emotions.
His feelings for Ashley were all tangled up with his feelings for the baby. And he’d been annoyed ever since he’d walked into the kitchen and seen Ashley laughing with Deke. They were closer in age and it had looked like they were really enjoying each other’s company. It bothered the hell out of him, and the fact that he cared irritated him, as well. “I think I’ll take a look at Blaze. Excuse me.” Abruptly he got up and left the table.
The tension in the room was thick. Ashley put her fork down, unable to eat another bite. “I’m really sorry,” she said. Her worried gaze flickered between them. “I think maybe it would be best if I left.”
“None of us want you to do that, Ashley,” Jake replied. There was an air of authority in his tone. Both Lynn and Deke quickly agreed, reassuring her that she was welcome in their home.
Ashley felt tears sting her eyes. “I appreciate your saying that, but—”
“Don’t worry about Ryder,” Jake said, his gaze locking with Ashley’s. “He’s always needed time to work through what’s bothering him. We’ve learned to give him a little space. I suggest you do the same. He’ll come around.”
“And we’re all looking forward to our first niece or nephew,” Lynn chimed in, her eagerness quite evident in her cheery grin.
Ashley tried to smile as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “That’s very kind of you to say.”
“We mean it, Ashley,” Deke assured her. He reached over and squeezed her hand. “We want you to stay.”
His words made Ashley want to cry even more, but she held her tears in check. She’d been aching for this kind of acceptance all of her life. It warmed her heart that this family would welcome her, virtually a stranger, so easily.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and rest?” Lynn suggested, her voice full of concern and understanding. “I know this whole ordeal must be difficult for you.”
Ashley had to admit it had been a stressful day. “Are you sure you don’t want help cleaning this up?” she asked, wanting to do her part.
Lynn wouldn’t hear of it. “You look worn-out. Why don’t you take a long, warm bath. Besides, it’s Deke’s turn with the dishes.”
Deke started to protest, but Lynn cut him off. Ashley thought that for someone so young, Lynn could be a barracuda at times. She took Lynn’s suggestion and went to her room to relax and try to think things through.
Once there, she turned on a small bedside lamp, which softly illuminated the room. Restless, she walked to the window and looked out, surprised to find that her room faced the barn and corral.
Deep shadows surrounded the house. The area from the front porch to the barn was lit with large lights and, just outside the barn, she could make out Ryder, who was talking with the foreman.
Unable to take her eyes off him, she watched his movements. At one point he turned his gaze toward the house. Ashley’s heart pounded as she moved away from the window. He couldn’t have possibly seen her watching him.
Ten
The next morning when Ashley awoke, the queasiness in her stomach hit her hard. She felt as if a tornado was spinning around inside her. She’d heard some women had morning sickness throughout their entire pregnancy. She groaned, hoping she wouldn’t be one of them. She lay still for a few minutes, willing it to pass.
A tap at her door surprised her. “Yes?” she called out. She tried to sit up, but thought better of it when a wave of nausea swayed her.
The door opened, and Ashley’s eyes widened when Ryder entered. In one hand he carried a plate with a slice of toast cut in half; in the other, a steaming mug. Ashley smelled the aroma of the tea before he even reached the side of the bed.
He had on the familiar tight jeans and a chambray shirt that stretched across his muscled chest. He looked as though he’d been up for hours. Ashley forced her gaze from his body and looked up at him as he stopped beside the bed.
“I thought you might be feeling bad. I remembered what you said about needing to eat something first thing in the morning. Since you hadn’t come down, I thought I’d bring you some toast.” He put the tea on the bedside table, then held the plate out to her.
“Thank you,” Ashley answered, her voice hoarse. She took a bite of the toast and chewed.
Ryder shifted his stance. “How are you feeling this morning?” His gaze went over her. Her hair was spread on the pillow, much like it had been the last time he’d made love to her. His body tightened just from the thought.
“Not too good, but this will help,” she replied, taking another bite of the toast. Clutching the covers, she sat up slowly and reached for the tea. Ryder picked up the mug and handed it to her. “It was nice of you to think about me this morning. I know you have more important things to do.” She took a sip of the tea and sighed with pleasure, her eyes closing for a moment before opening again.
“I thought tea would be better for you than coffee.” Ryder wanted to tell her nothing was more important to him than her health and the baby, but the words just wouldn’t come. He settled for being sure she was all right. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her since he’d seen her at the window last night. The whole ordeal at dinner had caused him a restless night. He knew he must have hurt Ashley when he walked our.
Ashley smiled briefly and let her gaze meet his. “It’s wonderful.”
“Look,” Ryder said, sounding concerned. “Maybe you should see a doctor about this again.” She looked as if she was going to protest, and he rushed on, “Isn’t there something they can give you to help you get over this nausea?”
“I had some medicine, but I’ve run out. I think I’ll run to the drugstore in Crockett to get my prescription refilled. And I guess I should find a doctor as soon as possible, though I don’t think I’ll be able to get an appointment with anyone for a few days.”
“Why don’t you get dressed as soon as you’re up to it and I’ll drive you into town,” Ryder told her. “I’ll check with Lynn about a doctor. Maybe she knows someone who can see you on short notice.”
Ashley thought Ryder and she sounded quite ridiculous, politely talking as if they were strangers. Ryder seemed to be holding back, keeping himself distanced from her. Well, that was what she wanted, wasn’t it?
“I can drive myself into town. I’m not likely to get lost,” she assured him, not at all feeling like she even wanted to get out of bed.
“I’ll drive you,” Ryder repeated. “I’ll get out of here now so you can dress when you’re up to it. Let me know when you’re ready.” He turned to leave, walking to the door and opening it.
“Ryder,” Ashley called to him.
He looked back at her, his expression blank.
“Thank you. I feel a lot better.”
Ryder nodded, then left without saying anything more.
Ashley finished the toast and tea and her stomach settled down considerably. She took a quick shower and dried and braided her hair. She slipped on a soft blue pullover top, then a pair of worn jeans. Only she couldn’t get them zipped. It shouldn’t have surprised her, but it did. A quick search through her clothes produced a pair of black stretch pants with an elastic waist. Ashley put her hand to her stomach. The baby was moving much more often. A warm glow settled deep inside her heart every time it did.
After putting on sneakers, she went to the kitchen. Lynn was busy cleaning the breakfast dishes. Apparently everyone had eaten and left the house.
“Good morning,” Lynn said, and sent Ashley a pleasant smile.
“Hello. I’m sorry I’m too late to help you.” Ashley gestured toward the sink, which was just about clear of any evidence that breakfast had taken place.
“No one expects you to get up as early as the rest of us,” Lynn said easily. “I hope you slept well.”
“I did. Thanks, Lynn.”
Ashley’s smile wavered, and Lynn said, “I don’t mean to pry, but is everything all right between you and Ryder?” she asked.
Ashley wasn’t sure how much she should say to Ryder’s sister. “We have a lot to work through. Most of the time he seems distant and withdrawn. I’m never sure of what’s going on inside him.”
“Ryder’s never been one to share what he was thinking, When he’s trying to work through something, he’s usually moody and quiet. It takes some getting used to.” Lynn shot Ashley a curious look. “Has he told you about Ariel?” she asked.
“Only a little.”
Lynn’s eyebrows shot up. “I’m surprised he said anything at all.” She looked at Ashley thoughtfully. “You must have caught him in a vulnerable moment.”
Ashley frowned. “I can’t imagine your brother ever being vulnerable.”
“If you had seen him after Ariel left him, you wouldn’t say that. I never thought that she was right for him and nearly died when he said he was going to marry her. Though she hurt him, I’ll never be sorry that she’s not my sister-in-law.” Lynn studied Ashley thoughtfully. “She was just the opposite of you. Ariel was spoiled and selfish. She liked having a good time and she didn’t care about anyone but herself.”
Astonishment covered Ashley’s face. “What makes you think I’m not like her. I mean, you don’t really know me.”
Lynn chuckled. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that you really care about that child you’re carrying. Why—” and she sounded somewhat awed “—you came here to live without knowing a soul. That’s a pretty unselfish act in itself. You’re pretty and a bit shy. I can see why Ryder’s attracted to you.”
“I don’t know what Ryder told you about us, but we’re not interested in each other that way,” Ashley replied, quick to deny what Lynn was implying.
“Come on, Ashley. I’ve got eyes. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and it’s not friendly. And that baby didn’t get there because you don’t have feelings for each other,” she added bluntly. She walked over and put her arm around Ashley. “Give Ryder some time. He’ll come around and he’ll love that baby.”
Ashley didn’t know what to say. To protest what Lynn was insinuating would only give more credence to
her assessment. “I hope you’re right,” was all she replied.
“By the way,” Lynn said, “I have a friend who’s a nurse and she arranged to get you in to see a doctor tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you. It’s awfully nice of them to fit me into their schedule.”
“Fortunately they had a cancellation,” Lynn explained. “But I think they would have worked you in, anyway. Your appointment is at eleven-thirty.” She dried her hands on a dishcloth, then hung it on a hook on the wall. Then she turned and faced Ashley. “Ryder went out to help Jake with something, but he said to tell you he’d be back in a few minutes to take you into town.”
Ashley nodded. “It really isn’t necessary for him to drive me. I’m sure he has a lot to do here. I wouldn’t want to keep him from something important.”
“Oh, I don’t think you have a choice,” Lynn said with a laugh. “You know, I’m really happy you’re going to take over the accounts,” she admitted, her eyes lighting with joy.
“I was worried that you’d feel put out of a job. Ryder said you wouldn’t mind, that you’d actually be happy, but I have to admit I still feel uncomfortable about this.”
Lynn grinned. “Are you kidding? I’m thrilled! I’ve been trying to talk my pigheaded brother into letting me help with the horses for months.”
“That would be Jake, right?” Ashley quipped. The two of them broke out in laughter.
When the back door opened, they were both startled into silence, a grin on their faces.
“Are you about ready?” Ryder asked, his gaze settling on Ashley. He was pleased that Lynn and Ashley seemed to be getting along. Lynn had never really gotten along with Ariel that well. Ryder had a feeling that she just tolerated Ariel because of him.
Ashley nodded. “Of course. Let me grab my purse.” She went quickly to her room, then returned ready to leave. Ryder ushered her out to his truck and seated her. He circled the front, then climbed behind the wheel.
Though he’d offered to take Ashley into Crockett, he dreaded it, too. It was a small town and everyone they ran into would be curious about her. Tongues would start wagging the minute they stepped inside the general store, which had a prescription counter in the back.
Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 13