Ashley writhed as his hot tongue licked her body, her heels digging into the bed and lifting her to him. She was on fire, all the need and desire for him she’d craved since she’d last been with him devouring her.
“Ryder, please,” she cried out, unable to control the wildfire ripping through her body. She didn’t want this bliss, this ecstasy to take her without him going down the same frenzied path. She needed him inside her, needed to feel one with him. “Please,” she whispered again, sounding desperate.
In answer, Ryder covered her with his body, supporting his weight with his elbows as he took her mouth and slipped his tongue past her teeth. He lifted his mouth, then licked at her lips.
“Your clothes.” Ashley was barely able to speak the words. Her hands tore at his shirt. Ryder lifted himself from her and rapidly removed his boots and clothing, then joined her again. Instead of lying on her, he slid beside her, then lifted her on top of him. Her breasts pressed against the hair on his chest, the friction driving him nearly insane. Then she slid a little lower and filled herself with him.
Ryder arched as she took him, lifted herself, then came down and covered him completely. She was so moist, so hot, that he felt her liquid fire. Every muscle in his body tensed, the strain of wanting her stretching his nerves. He lifted his head and took her mouth with his, unable to get enough of her.
“Ashley.” She lifted her mouth from his and he grated her name through his teeth, the tightness of her closing around him, unnerving him. She fitted him so completely. He moved his hips, and she matched his pace, their bodies fused together in a mad rush for release from the storm surging through them.
Ryder felt her climax, felt the small pulses of her body squeezing his, adding fuel to a fire already out of control. His fingers squeezed the tender flesh of her buttocks as he arched his body and pushed farther into her, rocking his hips, filling her with himself over and over again until he fell into the black abyss that beckoned him.
Sprawled across Ryder’s chest, Ashley tried to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding so hard it hurt to breathe. She wanted to look at him, but was unsure of what she’d see. She’d given herself so completely, with wild, reckless abandon. Would he know that she loved him?
She started to move, then felt him tighten his arms around her, effectively pinning her to him. With one deft movement, he turned over and she was beneath him, her body pliant. Ashley savored this moment with him. It felt so good to be in his arms.
After a moment he lifted himself from her and eased his body half off of hers. Ashley reached up and ran her hand over his shoulders, feeling his muscles bunch and tighten beneath her touch.
His voice hoarse, he asked, “Are you all right?” Ryder put his hand on her stomach and felt her tremble beneath his touch.
“I’m fine,” she whispered. “But I don’t think I’ll be getting out of the bed anytime soon,” she confessed.
Ryder grinned wickedly at her. “I’d like to keep you here, but eventually someone is going to come looking for us.”
Ashley nodded, still reluctant to move and break the intimacy that cloaked them.
Ryder touched his lips to hers briefly and felt desire stir his loins again. How could he want her again so soon? He should be sated, but he wasn’t. He’d never felt like this with any other woman.
Only Ashley.
He thought again of asking her to marry him. She’d rejected his proposals before, but he told himself that things were different between them now. She was different. What they had together was different. And they were going to bring two tiny infants into the world. Surely she would see that they should get married.
He raised his head and looked down at her, his eyes hooded, still glazed with desire. Her dark hair was spread across the pillow, black and shiny against the pure white pillowcase. Her skin was tinged with a pink hue. As her fingertips stroked his hot skin, he quivered from her touch, acutely aware of her power over him. She was absolutely beautiful, and his body tightened and convulsed with renewed passion.
Lowering his mouth, he kissed her feverishly, and she covered his neck with her arms, holding him to her until they were forced apart to breathe.
“Marry me, Ashley.” Ryder spoke softly, his heart pounding. The words came from somewhere deep inside him, a place where only Ashley could fill. Though he’d been thinking about asking her again for days, he figured catching her at a vulnerable moment improved his chances of her accepting.
He felt her stiffen at first, then her eyes became shuttered as she withdrew her arms from around him and rested her hands on his shoulders.
“Ryder,” she began, her voice a whisper as her passion filled gaze searched his. She slowly lowered her hands to his chest and her palms flattened against it.
“Don’t say no.” Ryder heard the denial in her tone and felt as if he was falling into a mine shaft with no way out. He couldn’t stand to hear her refuse him, to hear her deny what was right for them both, for their children. An unbearable ache centered in his heart. He didn’t know it was possible to hurt this bad.
“Ryder, I can’t” she said, and her voice wobbled a little. Tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She pushed at him gently and he rolled away from her.
“You mean you won’t,” he challenged, irritation sweeping through him.
Her heartbeat racing, Ashley looked into his blue eyes. She saw the disappointment in them, knew she’d caused it. She didn’t want to hurt him. She couldn’t deny to herself that she’d fallen in love with him. Or that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and his family. But not because he felt responsible, not if he didn’t love her.
“No, that’s not what I mean.” She searched the room for her clothing. There were pieces of it scattered haphazardly around. Instead of collecting it, she climbed off the bed and reached for an old T-shirt that she’d left lying across a chair earlier. Quickly she slipped it over her head and covered herself. By the time she’d turned around, Ryder had pulled on his jeans.
“We’ve been all through this,” Ashley maintained, nervously crossing her arms in front of her, trying desperately to hold herself together.
“Well, why don’t you think about the babies for once instead of yourself?” Ryder snapped, his eyes boring into her.
Ashley paled. “That’s not fair.”
Ryder sighed heavily, tired of trying to convince her, but willing to give it another shot. “Look, I know you’ve been hurt in the past and you don’t want to get hurt again. Believe me, I know how it feels.” The hell he’d gone through because of Ariel had devastated him and he knew what it was like to try and get through that kind of pain. “Maybe what we can’t give each other emotionally, we can make up with what we do have going for us. We’re good together, we enjoy being with each other and we’re going to have a family.”
“That isn’t enough to base a marriage on,” Ashley protested.
Ryder gritted his teeth, his temper starting to simmer. “I’m not talking about marrying until something better comes along. I’m talking about living forever as man and wife. I’d be a good husband and father. You have my word that I’d never so much as look at another woman. And I swear I’d never hurt you or mistreat you.” He stared back at her, searching for a sign that he was getting through to her.
Ashley let her gaze skim over his muscled torso, the patch of blond hair on his chest, his flat, hard-muscled stomach. She loved him so much she was tempted to cave in and say yes. It would be so easy to accept what he was offering, she told herself. But she couldn’t.
Their lovemaking had been beautiful, perfect in every way possible. He cared for her, she knew, and he desired her. He couldn’t make love to her the way he did if he didn’t, but he hadn’t whispered words of love. And that was what she needed most from him. His love. His heart.
Ryder shrugged into his shirt, his movements jerky. “It’s the best thing for all of us,” he stated hotly, glaring at her.
“Right,” Ashley snapped,
only too aware that his proposal stemmed from deep feelings of responsibility and sexual desire.
Ryder put a hand on his hip. They’d had this discussion, but that was before they’d found out she was carrying twins. “You can’t really want to bring two children into this world illegitimately,” he said tightly. “I want our babies to have my name.” He yanked on his boots while watching her.
“They can have your name without us marrying. And they’ll have both of us to care for them. As you said, I’m already living here so it’s nearly the same thing.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“Look, you have to understand. Having two babies doesn’t change anything. I told you once that I’m not going to get married for the wrong reasons. I haven’t changed my mind.”
Ryder’s expression was thunderous. He wanted to shake her until she could see past the pain in her heart, until she realized that they needed to do this for the sake of their children. He fought the desire to take her to bed again, to show her that what was between them could bind them together for the rest of their lives if she’d just give them a chance.
He did neither.
Instead he turned and slowly walked out of the room.
Ryder didn’t look back as he closed the bedroom door behind him and headed for the barn where he could saddle Blaze and ride out his frustration. He needed some time to cool off, time to think about what to do next. It was plain to him now that although he’d thought he could manipulate Ashley into marrying him by bringing her to the ranch to live, he’d been dead wrong.
Nothing, it seemed, was going to change her mind. Why hadn’t he realized that? She had a stubborn streak that he was learning was hell to deal with. If having one baby wasn’t a good enough reason to marry him, why did he think that having two babies would make her see things differently?
He rode away from the ranch and headed for someplace to lick his wounds. The bite of her rejection stayed with him, and the pain was worse than he’d ever experienced with Ariel. He’d always been a strong person, drawing on his inner resilience to deal with the heartache life dealt him. The death of his parents had been hard, but he’d lived through it, learning in his own way to get past the grief.
Ariel’s rejection had hurt, but in retrospect, he supposed his pride had suffered more than anything else. He hadn’t felt for Ariel a tenth of what he now felt for Ashley. After Ariel’s rejection, he’d picked himself up and moved on, determined not to be vulnerable to another woman again. And he hadn’t been. He’d enjoyed life, taking one day at a time, never worrying about the future and what it had to offer. Never really caring.
Until Ashley.
He hadn’t planned on spending the night with a dark-haired beauty that he wouldn’t be able to forget. And he’d never dreamed that he’d left a part of himself with her.
Ryder figured he’d created his own living hell. He wanted her, but not without the benefit of marriage. Dammit, he didn’t want to admit it, but he was afraid of losing her. It wasn’t just the babies anymore, though they were a big part of it. He wanted Ashley. Period.
Hell.
It still came back to the same old thing. She didn’t want him. And whether he liked it or not, she controlled his destiny, as well her own and the destiny of their children.
Hours later Ryder arrived back at the ranch. He turned his horse over to one of the hands, then headed for the house, dreading what lay before him. His family would have to be told about the babies. He should have felt excited about sharing the news, but Ashley’s refusal to marry him had driven a wedge between them that he didn’t think they’d be able to bridge.
When he entered the house, Jake and Deke were already in the dining room seated at the table. Ashley and Lynn were just about to take their places. Ryder took his hat off and walked into the room. His gaze slid over Ashley, then past his brothers and sister to see if Ashley had told them about the babies. From what he could tell, he didn’t think she had.
“It’s about time you came in,” Lynn scolded when she glanced up and saw Ryder tossing his hat on the buffet.
“Looks like I’m right on time,” Ryder commented, giving his sister a brief smile. Unable to keep his eyes off her, he looked at Ashley as he sat across from her. Their gazes locked, and Ryder sucked in a hard breath, the feeling of defeat washing over him like a tidal wave. From her hooded expression, she hadn’t changed her mind. Well, he hadn’t changed his, either.
Hell.
They were at a dead end, he thought dejectedly. She wasn’t going to give in, and he didn’t know what to do or say to make her see things his way.
“Well, I’ve been waiting all afternoon for you to show up. I’ve been pumping Ashley about her doctor visit, but she wouldn’t tell me anything until we were all together at dinner.” She glanced fondly at Ashley. “Okay, we’re all here, so give.”
Ashley was still looking at Ryder. She had expected him to still be irritated with her, but she hadn’t expected the cold, blank stare he sent her way.
An icy shiver raced down her spine. There was no light in his eyes, no glimmer of the excitement they’d shared when they’d heard about the twins, no trace of the tenderness he’d shown her when they’d made love. It scared her to see such a tremendous change in him.
She’d seen many sides of Ryder McCall. He’d shown her how sweet he could be when he took care of her that first night they spent together, and he’d been thoughtful and caring since she’d come to the ranch. His desire and passion when he made love to her was incredible. She’d seen his eyes shine with wonder when they’d found out they were having twins. And she’d seen him irritated, frustrated, angry and upset.
But the look in his eyes right now was so devastating, Ashley was taken aback. Had she done this? she wondered desperately. Had she hurt him so badly that he’d totally shut off any special feelings he had for her?
“Well?” Lynn prompted again when Ashley didn’t answer.
Ashley pulled her gaze from Ryder’s and looked at Lynn, knowing she had no choice but to tell them. With her voice barely steady she said, “I don’t know how to say this, except to come right out and tell you.” She already had Lynn’s attention. When she spoke, Deke and Jake stopped filling their plates and looked at her.
Ashley paused another moment, then forged ahead, “The doctor told us today that we’re having twins.” Her smile was shaky, her thoughts in turmoil. She wasn’t sure how they would accept the news and held her breath anxiously.
“Twins!” Lynn screamed, her face bursting with joy. She jumped out of her chair and quickly gave Ashley a hug.
Ashley hugged Lynn back. Apparently at least Lynn was excited about the announcement. As Lynn kissed Ryder’s cheek, Ashley glanced at Ryder’s brothers, who looked totally dumbfounded.
“I know it’s a shock,” she said to them in a rush. She sent a pleading look in Ryder’s direction, but he remained silent. “We were quite surprised by the news ourselves.”
Deke was the first to recover. “Damn, Ryder, you always did have big ideas.” He winked at Ashley, then reached over and slapped his brother on the back. “Congratulations, brother.”
“Yeah, Ryder,” Jake joined in the excitement. “We didn’t know you had it in you.” He sent Ashley one of his rare smiles.
Ashley relaxed a little, and a grin spread on her lips. “I’m so relieved that you’re happy about the babies. I wasn’t sure what to expect,” she admitted.
“Well, of course we’re happy,” Lynn stated, still beaming as she slipped back into her seat. “Oh my gosh—two babies! We’ll need two of everything!”
As they finished the meal, the conversation naturally turned toward how Ashley was feeling and making preparations for the babies. Everyone talked at once, putting in their own opinions on how to handle the imminent addition of two small infants to the household. Ashley should have felt comforted by their enthusiasm, and she would have if she hadn’t been so aware of the change that had come over Ryder.
> He accepted his family’s interest and comments, giving an answer when a question was sent his way, nodding his approval of certain ideas and generally participating in the conversation. But Ashley watched him as he talked. The smile was missing from his eyes, the excitement understated in his voice. If his family noticed the change in his demeanor, no one brought attention to it.
As soon as dinner was over Ryder excused himself and went outside. Deep in thought, he was standing on the front porch when he heard the screened door open and close. Thinking it was Ashley, he didn’t look back. He was surprised when Jake walked over and stood beside him.
For a moment neither of them spoke. Then Jake sat on the edge of the porch railing and faced his brother.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked, well aware that Ryder rarely shared much of what he was going through. He’d practically raised him and knew him better than anyone. Ryder had been the quiet one when their parents had died, never having leaned on anyone, never sharing his grief. Though he usually went off by himself to think things through, Jake thought that this might be one time when he needed someone to listen.
“Nothing to talk about,” Ryder said, a noticeable lack of emotion in his voice. He’d backed himself into a corner and there was nowhere to go. It was a fate he needed to accept.
“Something’s eating at you, I know. Is it the babies?” Jake inquired. “I know at one time you weren’t planning on having any children. Getting the news that two babies are on the way must be a bit unsettling.”
Ryder shifted his stance, propping his weight against the porch post. “It’s not the babies,” he said quietly. “I’ll admit I wasn’t exactly anxious to have kids, but now—” he shrugged his big shoulders “—I’m looking forward to Ashley having them.” He had to stop speaking. It hurt just saying Ashley’s name out loud. Inside he felt as if an explosion had gone off and left him incomplete. A part of him was missing. That part of him was Ashley and what they had shared together.
Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 16