He nodded toward the barn and the expanse of land that stretched far beyond it. There was a forest of trees that edged the enormous pasture, blocking the eye from seeing the miles of territory that the McCalls owned.
“Look out there, Jake. That’s our heritage. Land that’s belonged to a McCall for more years than we can count I want my children to grow up here, to love the land like I do. One day I want to pass my share of it on to them.”
Jake nodded. “That’s as it should be,” he agreed in that sedate tone of his.
“Yeah,” Ryder grunted.
Jake gave his brother a sidelong glance. “It’s Ashley then.”
Ryder sighed, and it sounded as if it came from the depths of his soul. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, finally opening up, needing to bounce his thoughts off someone else, to gain some perspective on what to do and how things had gone to hell. Finally, he turned and faced his older brother. “I’ve asked her a dozen times to marry me, but she still refuses.” He shook his head with disgust and his voice rose a notch. “How can she even think of having those babies without marrying me?”
“You being such a prize catch and all?” Jake drawled, his tone wry.
Ryder shot him a hard look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Shaking his head, Jake chuckled. “You must have pointed out all the advantages of marrying you, huh?” He knew from Ryder’s expression that he was right “Security, a family, a place to live, stuff like that?” he asked.
Ryder shrugged uncomfortably. “Well...yeah.”
“What about what Ashley wants?”
“I don’t know what she wants anymore,” he grated, not liking where the conversation was going.
“Have you asked her?” Jake questioned.
“I just said—”
“Have you asked her what she wants?” he said again, cutting Ryder off. “I know you, Ryder. You’re like a dog with a bone when you want something. You go after it like your life depends on it, no matter what the cost, no matter what anyone else thinks. Have you given any thought as to what Ashley’s needs are?”
Ryder frowned and his mood darkened.
Jake stood and put his hand on Ryder’s shoulder. “I remember when you told us she was coming here to live. You mentioned that she’d had a miserable childhood and how she had no one to turn to. I can only imagine what it was like for her if Jacob Bennett’s her father.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Ryder asked, confused.
“Maybe what you’re offering isn’t what she needs,” Jake pointed out. “Think about it.” Without saying another word, he turned and went back inside the house.
Twelve
Ashley watched from the window as Ryder and Jake saddled their horses. They were moving cattle today, to graze on higher grass in another pasture. She sighed heavily, assailed by mixed emotions that seemed to have a grip on her, like a winter cold that just wouldn’t go away. Though it was September, the weather was still summery. Ashley stared at the trees, the changing colors of the leaves reminding her of the changes that had taken place in her life. It seemed light-years ago that she’d left San Antonio.
She’d made a niche for herself here in Crockett with her newfound family. It was both rewarding and comforting to know that Lynn, Deke and Jake really cared about her and her unborn babies. Lynn took it upon herself to watch over Ashley, making sure she didn’t do too much to tire herself. A little mother hen was the way Ashley thought of Ryder’s sister. Lynn issued warnings and commands, expecting compliance without any arguments. She was mature beyond her eighteen years. Ashley figured that was due to the loss of her parents and Lynn’s having had to learn to accept responsibility at such a young age, regardless of her brothers’ protectiveness.
Ashley insisted that she wanted to do her part and was allowed to, to an extent. When she helped with the laundry, Deke suddenly appeared out of nowhere to carry the large basket to and from the laundry room, always teasing her and making her laugh. He would insist on helping her with the dishes after dinner, even when it wasn’t his turn—which shocked his brothers and sister. After he’d seen Ashley picking wildflowers, he’d often surprise her with a small bunch, refusing to turn them over unless she gave him a hug, or kiss on his cheek.
Jake had his own way of keeping a brotherly eye on her, which also made Ashley feel special and part of this loving family. He’d frequently ask how she was feeling or if she needed anything. He’d touch her shoulder spontaneously and once or twice, surprising her, he’d put his arm around her shoulders and given her a gentle hug. None of the McCalls could ever know how much their acceptance meant to her. For the first time in her life she felt as if she belonged someplace, that she was loved.
Ashley was kept busy most of the time by working on the accounts and planning and making decisions about the babies. She loved living on the ranch—more than she’d ever dreamed possible. She loved the quietness at night, enjoyed looking up at the dark Texas sky and seeing nothing but stars.
She never missed the city and considered herself lucky to have been accepted into this warm and loving family, so unlike her own. Hardly a day went by that Ashley didn’t give thanks for her new home.
Life would have been perfect, had it not been for the change in Ryder. Ashley knew in her soul that she was the one to blame for his remoteness. Whenever they were together, whether alone or with his family, their conversation was strained and tense. She longed for him to hold her and love her, but it seemed that they had lost the special feelings that had once brought them together.
Despite the cold distance between them, Ryder took an active role in decisions that affected the babies. He still took Ashley to the doctor, made trips with her to shop for baby furniture and generally made sure she had everything she needed to be comfortable. He even drove her to see Bess a couple of times.
But the closeness and intimacy they had shared had all but disappeared between them, leaving her feeling that it might never be bridged. Ashley was learning just how stubborn the man could be. She had refused to marry him, and he had withdrawn inside himself, cutting off the emotional ties that had once bound them together.
There were times, though, when Ashley still felt his eyes on her. She would look at him and occasionally catch the spark of awareness in his gaze before he shut himself off. Sometimes he would touch her and she would ache for him to take her into his arms. For a moment it seemed as if he would, then he would turn away from her. At those times, she would berate herself for being so unyielding. Maybe she should have settled for what Ryder had offered.
She did love him so. Perhaps she should have been satisfied with being with him, being able to love him, raising their children together. Maybe he wasn’t capable of giving his heart after the way Ariel had hurt him. Ashley, of all people, should have understood his turmoil.
Deke came in the house, the screened door to the front porch slamming and jarring Ashley from her thoughts. She looked away from the window about the same time he entered the room. When his eyes caught hers, his expression told her that he knew why she’d been standing there. Still, the words were left unsaid.
“Hey, little mama,” Deke called easily, using the pet name he’d attached to her when she and Ryder had broken the news of the twins. “I’ve got a great idea. What do you say we take the morning off and fool around?” He gave her a lopsided grin.
Ashley couldn’t resist smiling back at him. Deke had flirting down to a science. She thought he must drive the local girls crazy. “Is your arm still bothering you?” she asked. She figured he was at loose ends if he couldn’t ride out with Jake, Ryder and the hands. Deke had taken a tumble from his horse a few days ago. True, he’d only sprained his shoulder and arm, but Ashley thought that his pride had also taken a beating. His brothers had teased him unmercifully, getting as much mileage as they could from the incident.
“Naw, not really,” he denied, though he winced a little as he slightly raised his arm. “I just thin
k I should play this for what it’s worth.” He shifted his stance and grinned. “So what about it? Want to take off?”
Ashley eyed him suspiciously. “What did you have in mind?”
“How about a picnic?” he asked. “It’s a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky, and there’s not much of summer weather left. What do you say?”
Ashley was tempted to accept. She looked at the desk. There was a small amount of work undone, but nothing that needed immediate attention. She’d stayed cooped up inside the house a lot lately, mostly to stay away from Ryder as much as possible. A day out in the fresh air seemed too enticing to resist.
“C’mon, beautiful. Let’s blow this joint,” Deke encouraged.
Ashley blushed, then gave him an easy smile. “Okay,” she agreed, moving a bit slowly toward him. “Though why you’d want to take a six-month-pregnant woman anywhere is beyond me.”
Deke admonished her statement with a stern look. “We’ll have no more of those kind of thoughts. Now, for the privilege of being with me, you get to prepare lunch. I,” he said, gesturing grandly toward himself, “will get the car and meet you in a few minutes.”
Ashley chuckled. “I knew there was an ulterior motive somewhere,” she called at his disappearing back.
Within fifteen minutes Ashley had joined Deke and they were riding away from the ranch toward the north ridge. They’d taken Ashley’s car, deciding that the ride would be more comfortable for her.
Ryder had split from Jake and the hands and was chasing a stray that had gotten away from the herd. As he rode along, his thoughts naturally turned to Ashley. He’d given what Jake had said a lot of thought, though he had to admit he still wasn’t sure what his brother had been getting at. Apparently it was something he was supposed to figure out.
Well, hell, the only thing he knew for sure was that not touching Ashley was killing him. He’d really done it this time, he berated himself. By taking such a determined stance, he was denying himself the pleasure of Ashley’s body. Not only that, by not touching her, he no longer had the liberty to feel his babies move as they grew in her womb.
Shaking the tormenting thoughts from his mind, Ryder started to turn in another direction when the sun bounced off something shiny in the distance. He shaded his eyes from the glare and spied Ashley’s car parked alongside one of the dirt roads that twined through McCall land. Curious, he steered his horse a little closer, then surveyed the stretch of grassy land before him. His jaw hardened as he caught sight of Deke and Ashley. They were sitting together beneath the shade of a large old tree.
Ryder was far enough away so as not to be seen, and though he could hear their voices, he couldn’t really distinguish their words. A surge of jealousy hit him as the distant sound of their laughter floated toward him. They talked easily, as Ryder wished he and Ashley could.
It seemed to Ryder that his little brother and Ashley had quite a friendship going. Where had he been when all this had started happening? he wondered uneasily. Had he ignored Ashley that much, that she’d felt the need to turn to Deke? Ryder had to quell an instinctive urge to ride up to them and demand to know what was going on.
He shouldn’t have been so surprised, he guessed. He’d seen them before, laughing and joking with each other. But he didn’t like it, not one bit. Ashley belonged to him, and Deke ought to know better than to be paying so much attention to her. It didn’t look right. Hell, Deke wasn’t the father of her children, he thought wildly.
Anger clouded his Thinking. Ariel had made a fool of him once. He wasn’t going to let Ashley do the same. Especially not with Deke. And he’d be damned if he’d stand by and watch his brother move in on his territory. Ashley may not want him, but Deke wasn’t going to get her, either.
Ryder yanked on the reins, and Blaze whinnied and sidestepped before turning and following his rider’s directive, taking him away from the intimate scene. Ryder would deal with Deke and Ashley when they got back. He’d be there waiting for the two of them to see what excuse they came up with as to why they were out together.
Alone.
Ashley was laughing at Deke’s foolishness as he pulled her car to a stop in front of the house. She had barely opened the door of the car when she saw Ryder storming toward them, his expression grim. A sick feeling hit her stomach. Something terrible must have happened since they’d been gone, she thought, wondering what. Had someone been injured? Deke came around to help her out of the car, and Ashley took his hand for support.
“It’s about time you got back,” Ryder growled at Ashley, then cut his anger-glazed eyes to Deke. Furious, he planted himself squarely in front of his younger brother.
“What’s happened? Are Lynn and Jake all right?” Ashley asked, sensing something was very wrong. Ryder had hardly spoken to her for weeks. Now he was furious about something, looking so much like a fire-breathing dragon that she thought she smelled smoke.
“They’re fine,” he grated, then shifted his hot gaze in her direction. “How long has this been going on?” he demanded.
Ashley frowned at him, confused. “What?”
“And you,” Ryder ignored her response and rounded on his brother. “I’m only going to say this once so you’d better listen up good. Stay away from Ashley.”
Deke’s easy grin slipped a little, then he recovered and protectively stepped closer to Ashley. “Hey, Ryder, back off. We were just out for a bit of fresh air.”
“I’ll just bet.” Ryder pointed a finger at him, fury building inside him like a forest fire raging out of control. “I’m not telling you again—”
“Have you lost your mind?” Ashley interrupted, stunned by Ryder’s outburst. She stepped away from Deke, who immediately tried to stop her by grasping her shoulder.
“Wait a minute, Ashley. I’ll deal with Ryder,” Deke insisted, watching Ryder’s fierce expression.
“No.” Ashley knew what Deke was trying to do and she appreciated it, but she didn’t need his protection. “I can fight my own battles, Deke,” she maintained, shrugging away from him.
Ryder glared back at her. His temper had been simmering all afternoon, thoughts of Ashley and Deke alone together running like a bad movie through his mind. “How long has this been going on behind my back?”
“Are you crazy or just plain stupid?” Ashley demanded, staring Ryder straight in the eyes. “Deke just thought it would be nice for me to get out of the house and relax for a while. Is that a sin?”
“Yeah, and it’s not as if you’ve gone out of your way to take her anywhere special,” Deke chimed in. That afforded him a sharp glance from Ryder and a warning look from Ashley. Deke held both of his hands up in surrender and backed away from them. Maybe he’d misjudged Ashley himself. From his vantage point, she looked like she had a handle on the situation. Still, he stayed nearby to watch the proceedings.
“I saw the two of you today,” Ryder told Ashley, making it sound as if he’d caught them in a clandestine affair. His jaw muscle tightened as he thought about the two of them. “Out there alone together for all the world to see. Hell, he even brings you flowers. I think we’ve given the town enough to gossip about without you and Deke givin’ them more.”
“Have you been following me?” Ashley demanded, gritting her teeth. She and Deke had done nothing wrong, and she wasn’t going to defend their friendship.
“No. But maybe I should’ve been,” Ryder snapped
Breathing heavily, Ashley kept her tone very controlled. “The only thing you saw today were two friends spending time together.”
Ryder watched Ashley advance toward him, fury in her eyes. Suddenly the hot haze began to clear his mind as her words sank in. He started moving backward, seeing that she looked as if she could commit murder and he was her target.
“That’s not—”
Ashley cut him off, still keeping pace with him as he slowly backed away. “You,” she continued, her voice as sharp as a broken beer bottle, “had better get your mind out of the gutter, mister.” She poke
d him hard in the chest with her index finger.
Ryder stopped moving when he backed into something. “It wouldn’t be in the gutter if you didn’t go traipsing around with my brother,” he growled, glaring down at her.
“Traipsing?” Ashley repeated, her mouth dropping open. For a moment she was too stunned to say anything. She couldn’t believe Ryder was accusing her of fooling around with his brother. Heavens, she was six months pregnant! Then her eyes narrowed on Ryder. “You’re jealous!” she exclaimed. He had to be jealous, she thought. And if he was jealous, that meant he did care about her. A delicious feeling ran down her spine.
“Jealous!” Ryder barked, staring back at her as if she had two heads. “Hell, no, darlin’, I’m not jealous,” he declared hotly, the denial automatically spilling out of his mouth. “I just want you to think about how it looks for the hands and Lord knows who else, to see you running around with Deke.”
Ashley spied the horse trough full of water right behind him. “And I think you need to cool off!” Using both of her hands, she gave him a hard shove on his chest, sending him flying backward.
Ryder’s arms flailed about as he lost his balance. His hat sailed off his head and landed somewhere behind him. He felt himself falling backward, and with no way to stop his descent, he hit the water with his backside. Water splashed up and smacked him in the face, leaving his mustache dripping. Stunned, he stared dumbfounded at Ashley.
“Now.” Ashley took a long, deep breath. “Is there anything else you have to say to me?” A moment of tense silence passed between them.
“As a matter of fact, there is,” Ryder yelled, just finding his voice, “I love you, dammit!” The words burst from his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say them, but in that moment he knew that he’d been fighting himself for too long.
Ashley’s eyes widened. “What...you what?” she asked, not believing she’d heard him right.
“Aw, hell, Ashley, I love you,” Ryder said again, his voice a little gruff, as if the admission came hard from him. His agitation still evident, he climbed out of the trough and water puddled the dry ground around him.
Cowboys, Babies and Shotgun Vows Page 17