Always Yours

by Kari March

  They were full of a strange uncertainty. His mouth parted as if he was going to speak but nothing came out, he was hesitating and I wasn't sure why. I could tell he was trying to think of what to say after not so subtly being rejected. "But I'm sorry to say, I think you may be immune to all of them." His voice was laced with disappointment and the sound of it made my stomach drop.

  I couldn't even articulate a thought, let alone speak. I was a total mess over this beautiful man before me but my stupid mind kept putting up this wall, adding new layers every time he tried to break through. I wanted to turn and walk away; leaving him behind and forgetting that this night ever happened. Knowing that it was the best thing to do I gave him a pathetic 'I'm sorry' look and began to spin on my heel when I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and pull me back.

  So much for leaving him in the past.

  "Hey, Chica," Shay said as she pulled me closer to her. "What ya doin'?"

  I didn't like the tone in her voice. She was up to something. Shay was the nosey type, always sticking it in places where it didn't belong, especially when it came to me and men. At least once a week she tried hooking me up with someone and I had a feeling this was just another one of those times.

  "Nothing, I was just going back to start closing the night out," I said, trying to turn around again and make my escape.

  "Oh, were you? Well, lucky for you I already did it," she stated, giving me a squeeze. Damn her! The one time she takes the initiative to do something without me asking her to do it is the one time I didn't want her to. That was my only escape from Cam and now I had nothing.

  "Thanks, Shay, you didn't have to do that, ya know," I pointed out, clearly annoyed. She looked over at me and winked, confirming my thoughts—she was up to no good.

  "So, Cara, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend here?" she asked a little too chipper for my liking.

  Awkwardly, I introduced them. "Oh, umm...yeah, Cam, this is Shay. Shay, meet Cam."

  They shook hands and I watched as Shay eyed him up and down. I knew she was checking him out but she wasn't doing it for her own benefit. Nope, Shay already had a man and was very satisfied with him. I mean VERY satisfied. Not only did she talk about him twenty-four seven, she also gave me every single play by play of their sex life. I knew more about Kyle's dick than any friend cared to know.

  "Nice to meet you, Cam. So why aren't you out there shaking it on the dance floor with the rest of your friends?" she asked him as she nudged her head in the direction of the dance floor.

  "I don't know. I guess because I don't have anyone to dance with," Cam said as he looked at me.

  I knew where this was headed and I didn't know if I liked it or not.

  "Well, I'm sure Cara would dance with you," Shay assumed. She nudged me closer to Cam and I looked back at her fuming. "Wouldn't you, Cara?" The mischievous smirk that crossed her face made me want to smack it.

  "Um, really, I can't. There is so much to do still before we close, I—"

  "Nonsense, I'll do it. Go on, have fun."

  Shay wasn't going to let this die. She was going to keep pushing until she got her way. So I decided to give in. "Fine, but just one dance," I said, holding up my finger for effect.

  Cam grabbed my hand and started leading me to the dance floor. "Thanks, Shay," I heard him say over his shoulder as we walked away.

  "Yeah, thanks, Shay," I shouted out mockingly. I heard a soft throaty chuckle escape Cam as we continued to walk, him tugging on my arm to keep me moving.

  I didn't recognize the song the DJ was playing but it was a fast moving dance song and I relaxed a bit, knowing I wouldn't have to dance too close to him—afraid that if I did I would never want to let him go. Of course as soon as we hit the dance floor the song changed from the upbeat pop tempo to the slow country sounds of Kip Moore's "Hey Pretty Girl”. The irony was not lost on me.

  Cam walked us out to the center of the floor, spun me around once and then pulled me tightly into his chest. Tentatively, I swathed my arms around his neck while his hands moved smoothly around my waist, coming to rest on the small of my back. Slowly, he started swaying us to the beat of the music and with each wave I relaxed into his hold more and more. Everything about this felt natural—him, me, the song, the way I was wrapped in his strong arms. I was lost in the moment, the lyrics taking me to a future that would never exist, where I was happily married, with children, and Cam was the man of my dreams. By the time the song was over, my head was buried in his perfectly sculpted chest and I could feel his head resting on the top of mine.

  Somewhere in my subconscious I had heard the song change, but we were still wrapped around each other as if it hadn't. I couldn't believe I was allowing this to happen but everything was so perfect—just like him.

  He cleared his throat, snapping me from my thoughts and my mind raced back to reality. I was desperately clinging to his neck, silently begging him to keep his hold around me—to not leave me like everyone else always did. I kept my eyes glued to the floor, knowing that if I looked up and saw his eyes I would become even more lost in him than I was ready for.

  "Thanks for the dance, lil' firecracker," he leaned down and whispered into my ear, his warm breath making a shiver run the length of my spine. He kissed the top of my head and released his hold on me. Every part of my body screamed in protest as his touch slipped away, leaving my body cold with his absence. Crossing my arms over my chest to warm myself up, I finally realized I was alone on the dance floor. Anxiously, I started searching for Cam.

  Why would he just leave me here?

  Finally, I spotted him. He was walking towards the exit of the bar with Blake following closely behind. What the hell? I wanted to call out to him, to beg him to stay but that wasn't me and he probably wouldn't have cared anyway. He didn't even look in my direction before he vanished into the parking lot— he left. A tight knot formed in my stomach. Staring at the closed door, completely baffled as to what had just happened, Blake stepped into my line of sight. He looked just as confused as I felt. He gave me an apologetic look and shrugged his shoulders before following Cam out the door.

  "What the hell is going on, Cam? Why did we have to leave so fast? I was about to seal the deal with that waitress," Blake called out to me, trying to catch up as we crossed the parking lot.

  "Nothing, I just...I need to get out of here," I shot back, not wanting to divulge the truth to him that I was scared shitless. The memories and emotions that Cara brought to the surface were messing with my head. Dancing with her, holding her small frame in my arms, her head resting on my chest, it was too much—I had to get away.

  "What do you mean, dude? You just had that Cara chick right where you wanted her. Why did you bail?" he asked as he started jogging behind me to keep up.

  Blake's question ran through my head in circles.

  Why did I bail?

  Maybe I ran out because I had never felt so much for a complete stranger before in my life, maybe it was because I was rock hard for her the moment she wrapped her arms around my neck, or better yet, maybe it was because the moment her head rested on my chest the only person I could think about was Amber and I felt like an absolute asshole because of it.

  Fucking Amber!

  It had been over four years since we had been together and I still wasn't over her, and if I was being honest, I didn't think I ever would be.

  Pulling my keys from my pocket I unlocked my truck and climbed in. With my head and arms resting on the steering wheel, I sat in my truck feeling defeated. "Fuck!"

  Why was I still letting Amber control every damn part of my brain? Why couldn't I let her go?

  The loud sound of the passenger door slamming shut echoed through the cab and I could feel Blake glaring at me, waiting for an answer but there was no way I was going to tell him about Amber.

  "I fucked up, huh?" I mumbled without even looking in his direction.

  "Just now figuring that out, are ya?" Asshole Blake was back. "That was cold, Cam. I
wouldn't have even done that to a girl and I'm the biggest dick when it comes to females. You should have seen her face when you left."

  "Was she pissed?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

  "Not at first."

  "What do you mean?"

  "After she watched you leave, she looked downright distraught, but once you were gone it was like a switch was flicked and she looked pretty furious."

  "I'm such as jackass," I grunted. "How am I going to fix this?"

  "I don't know, man, but whatever you do, do it from a distance. I wouldn't put it past that girl to clock ya one the next time she sees you." Blake started laughing and all I could do was glare at him as I started my truck.

  Driving home I thought of a million ways I could say I was sorry for walking away from her but nothing felt good enough. A simple 'I'm sorry for being such an ass' would probably work better on Cara than some of the sissy things I was thinking of, but I didn't know her that well and really, I didn't have a clue. I was toying with the idea of just leaving it alone and staying away from her. If I was smart I would. For some reason being around Cara made all of my feelings for Amber come back and I hated it.

  As I lay down in my bed that night I finally decided to just let this idea of Cara go. She didn't like me anyway, she made that pretty clear with the attitude she gave me tonight, and even if she did we barely even knew each other. It shouldn't be too hard to push the thoughts of her from my mind—soon she would be long forgotten. Closing my eyes I tried to fall asleep but images of Cara kept intermixing with my thoughts of Amber, like a never-ending slideshow, tormenting me with each new picture.

  Fuck, maybe forgetting about Cara was going to be harder than I thought.

  Darkness.

  Fear.

  Pain.

  The only thing I could hear was a faint ringing sound. Slowly, I opened my eyes, blinking a few times as I tried to focus on my surroundings. Red, white, and blue lights flashed all around me, and I squinted in response as the brightness of them pierced my vision. The smell of burning tires, gasoline and what I hoped wasn't blood, burned my nose as I inhaled and it made the furiously throbbing pain in my head worse. Reaching up, I carefully touched the pulsing ache and winced from the pain. Pulling my hand away, I cringed—it was covered in blood.

  "Miss, you're going to be okay, we're going to get you out. Try not to move," I heard a deep voice call out to me. I couldn't see anyone or anything except the flashing lights.

  Trying to recall what happened I closed my eyes just as a horrible pain shot through my abdomen. Clutching my stomach, I cried out in agony as bits and pieces of the past hour flashed in my head.

  Graduation...

  The party...

  Lance was kissing her...

  Tears falling...

  Shouting...yelling...crying...

  He told everyone I got pregnant on purpose so he wouldn't break up with me...

  The baby! No, God, please.

  A cold wave of fear swept through my bones and my whole body started to tremble.

  "I'm pregnant, please hurry!" I cried out, hoping someone could hear me as I tried to wrench my aching body free. It was no use though. My legs were pinned under the crushed dashboard.

  Tears started falling down my face in streams as another sharp pain wrenched though my core. I cried out in agony as the most excruciating sensation I had ever felt took over my body, paralyzing me. No, please, don't take her from me!

  Shooting out of bed, drenched in sweat, I ran straight to the bathroom and expelled the contents of my stomach into the toilet, over and over again until nothing was left. Sinking down to the cold tile floor, I wrapped my arms around my midsection and began to cry. The nightmares of my past were few and far between lately, but when they did haunt me, they were real. Every emotion, every ounce of pain, every tear, was fresh in my mind and I knew there was no way I was going back to sleep anytime soon.

  Pushing my drained and now cold body off the floor, I went into the kitchen to get some water—I needed to get this horrible taste out of my mouth. Glancing at the clock I noticed it was 7am. Ugh, it is way too early to be awake. Late nights at the bar had turned me into a bit of a night owl and usually I didn't rise until at least nine or ten.

  Last night had been an extremely late night. Between Shay becoming a crying mess—thanks to Kyle—shortly after the doors of the bar were locked, and being left alone and utterly humiliated on the dance floor, I didn't get to crawl into the comforts of my bed until nearly 4am.

  I couldn't believe Cam had just left me there.

  What a dick!

  I felt like such a moron for actually thinking that maybe he was a good guy. But he wasn't, he did exactly what every man has done to me since I was eight years old—he left, and he never once looked back. Luckily, this time, I found out early, before anything actually happened between us. He was now just another jerk I could warn the other waitresses about—not that he would be returning to Maggie's any time soon, I hoped.

  Wallowing in my self-pity, I decided to try and go back to sleep since I needed to be at the bar early. I had a lot to get done before we opened for business at 4pm. First, I needed to formally fire Tammy, once that was taken care of I would need to get a jump on posting an ad for a new manager—two things I really didn't want to do. Maybe, I could get Shay to finally accept the position. Then I wouldn't have to go through the whole process again.

  Rolling my eyes at myself, I turned on my side and pushed all the thoughts away. I could worry about all of this shit later. Right now, I needed to sleep.

  "I warned you over a month ago about this and now you've missed three shifts in the past two weeks. It's unacceptable and I won't tolerate it any longer," I sternly told Tammy. Even though inside, I was a bundle of nerves. She sat across from me in the office, looking completely dumbfounded and I almost felt bad for having to do this to someone as clueless as her. "I need someone I can rely on in this position and unfortunately, it just isn't working out. I'm sorry, Tammy, but I'm going to have to let you go."

  "What?" she screeched. "You're kidding me, right? I've made this place so much money the past six months and this is how I'm repaid!" The high-pitched tone of her voice was making my ears hurt.

  "Excuse me? First of all, our sales have not increased or decreased since you've been here, Tammy, I can show you the numbers if you'd like. Second, I'm not kidding. Your attendance record speaks for itself," I explained.

  "This is wrongful termination, you know. You can't fire me!" she retorted back.

  "Well, I just did. Here is your final paycheck. Please, clean out your locker and leave the property immediately," I said, handing her the check.

  "Screw you, Cara, and good luck replacing me!" she yelled. Standing up, she snatched the envelope from my hand. She narrowed her eyes at me before quickly exiting the office. I heard her slam the locker door before she stomped out of the bar shouting obscenities and cursing my name.

  "Well, that was fun," I noted as I looked over at Royce. I could tell he was amused. "Don't you dare laugh at me," I warned, knowing that was exactly what he was going to do. That situation couldn't have been more awkward and I'm sure it showed all over my face.

  "Care-bear, firing people is the hardest part of this job, and you did fine, considering who you were dealing with. You stood your ground and remained professional. Just one thing; next time, try not to let your face give it away that you're a nervous nillie." He laughed. I playfully chucked my pen at his head while giving him a dirty look. "Now get to work on hiring a new manager. You need the time away from this place, even if it is just one or two nights a week. I don't need you turning this old bar into your life like I did."

  "Where was that thinking when you decided to take mom on a two months’ vacation? I can't believe you are leaving the bar in my hands for that long." I shook my head at him. Traveling abroad overseas was one of my mother's lifelong dreams and Royce was making it come true.

  "You'll be fi
ne, plus, we will be back for two weeks in the middle of it. So if you mess up with the next person you hire, we can deal with it then." He laughed again as he stood up and walked out the door.

  Just as I was about to hit publish on the ad I had made on Craigslist for the manager position, I heard Shay come stomping through the back door. She was mumbling something under her breath and she sounded pissed.

  "Is Kyle still being difficult?" I yelled out to her. I heard her slam the locker door and I took that as a yes. She released a frustrated groan before she stomped her way into the office.

  "When isn't he difficult?" She plopped down into the chair and started massaging her temples. "I don't even know why I’m arguing with him. He's never going to change his mind about marriage." The disappointment in her voice hit me hard. I hated seeing her like this. It wasn't like her to be this negative. "I mean, what am I even doing in this relationship if it's never going to move to the next level?"

  Shay and Kyle had been together since high school and although they fought like cats and dogs they were somehow perfect for each other. They were nothing alike, but in its own messed up way, it worked. Shay's bubbly and outgoing personality always overshadowed Kyle's quieter and reserved ways, which I found hilarious, since his job required him to socialize. Owning your own gym and being a personal trainer wasn't usually something an introverted person would normally do, but Kyle was an exception to normal in every aspect of his life, even his looks. He was extremely attractive with his light brown shaggy hair, deep green eyes, muscular body, and tattoos that covered his arms, women flocked to him. Everything about him screamed sex and confidence, but underneath it all he was just a big old teddy bear.

  "Are you really thinking about leaving him?" I asked in shock. I knew they fought about this a lot but I never thought Shay would really leave because of it.