Always Yours

by Kari March

  "How are you not a big ole' mess of trembling tears right now?" she asked, looking at me. She looked concerned.

  "I have no tears left inside to shed. I lost them all last night and this morning." I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my hands that were situated in my lap.

  She took her seat again at the bar and placed her hand on my leg. "And he just stood there?"

  I assumed he meant Cam. "Yep, he barely even blinked."

  "That fucker!" she hissed under her breath, making my smile halfway return. "Can I kick his ass?" she asked hopeful and my grin almost touched my eyes.

  "Only if I can watch." I looked at her, trying my best to hide the sadness.

  I must have failed because she hugged me...hard. I wrapped my arms around her and we sat there for a moment—the silence saying more than any words could. Shay was my best friend and I loved her like a sister. She always knew what to do to make me feel better. It was a gift she had.

  "So, how's it going with Kyle?" I asked her, trying to change the subject. "Is he still being moody?"

  She rolled her eyes at me not liking the direction the conversation was now headed. "He's been a little better now that the gym’s open. But something is still up with him. I don't know, he just seems so secretive."

  "Secretive? Like how?" I asked curiously.

  "I don't know. He just seems to freak out over the littlest things. Like, yesterday, I was doing laundry and when I went to grab his clothes from his hamper, he lost it. Told me to leave his shit alone and then he ripped the damn thing right out of my hands."

  "What did you do?"

  "Nothing," she said, shaking her head. "I just stared at him for a minute and then I walked away. I mean, what was I supposed to do?" She threw her hands up in the air.

  "Shay, you need to talk to him, tell him what's bothering you." I placed my hand on her shoulder. "You can't just sit by and let it get worse. If he's doing something behind your back you'll see it when you talk to him. It will be there in his eyes. He'll either tell you the truth or he'll lie. But at least you'll know."

  "I think I'm scared to know," she admitted weakly. "He's been my whole world for so long. I don't know what I'd do if we weren't together." She looked down, picking at her fingernails.

  "But at least you'd be able to move on," I told her.

  She nodded faintly while grasping my hand that was still resting on her shoulder. "Thanks, Cara. You really are a great friend, you know that?"

  "Well, duh," I teased, shoving her in the arm. "How are you just now figuring this out?"

  I jumped off the bar stool and walked around to the other side of the bar. Pulling two shot glasses out, I grabbed a bottle of Captain, filling them up before placing one in front of Shay

  "Here's to us," I said, raising my glass in the air. "God made us best friends because he knew there was no way any mother would be able to handle us as sisters."

  Shay laughed and clunked her glass with mine. "Cheers!"

  We tossed back the smooth dark rum and set our glasses down just as Lexi came barging through the front doors. The scowl on her face was still there from last night and her hand was wrapped in an ace bandage.

  "There's my little Mike Tyson Jr.," I announced and Lexi giggled, letting the door slam behind her.

  Her eyes landed on the empty glasses in front of Shay and me. "I know you hookers aren't doin' shots without me." She stomped up the stairs and sat in the stool next to Shay. "Don't make me punch y'all," she cautioned with a smirk.

  Lexi set her hand down on the counter. "What the hell did you do?" Shay said, staring at Lexi's bandage.

  "I punched Matt's girlfriend," Lexi said, holding her head high.

  "What? Why?"

  "Cause she deserved it," I blurted out, grabbing another shot glass from below the bar.

  "Damn straight!" Lexi agreed.

  Shay looked confused. "What did she do?" she asked, her eyes darting between Lexi and I, searching for answers.

  "It's a long story, but in a nutshell, she accused me of fucking Matt," Lexi explained.

  "And you punched her for that?"

  "Well, that was part of the reason but not the whole reason." Lexi's smile faded a bit. "I knew Britt before she started dating Matt. All three of us worked together at my dad's office. I liked Matt, she liked Matt, but she decided that sex with Matt was more important than friendship. Last night, I finally had enough of her bullshit."

  "Oh. My. God. I missed out on one effed up party," Shay exclaimed.

  "Yeah, you did, but thank your lucky stars you weren't there," I grunted as I slid the shots across the counter.

  Shay raised her glass in the air. "To lucky stars," she toasted, chuckling. Lexi and I raised our glasses in unison.

  "And here's to Mike Tyson Jr.," I added, tilting my head towards Lex. "You are one tough southern princess."

  "Are you ready to go, baby?" Amber's voice called out from the bathroom.

  Standing in front of the mirror I finished buttoning my shirt. "Just waiting on you," I sighed.

  I still didn't know how to feel about Amber. I tried so hard to be pissed at her for what she did but I couldn't. I still needed her. When she was around, as annoying as she was, she made me forget. When I was alone every memory of Cara, every touch, smell, word and kiss came back, breaking me down.

  The whole week I searched my mind for any memory of telling Amber about Cara's past but I couldn't remember. I probably did it one night when I was so shit-faced everything was a blur. Not that it mattered. The fact was, Amber knew and Cara despised me for it.

  Amber's words shot Cara in the chest and I was her accomplice. I handed Amber the ammunition she needed to pull the trigger by telling her about Cara's past. What Amber had done, what she had said, as bad as it was, she did for me—to help me break free. Only it didn't work. I was still a mess, replaying the parts I remembered of the fourth over and over in my head.

  I kept picturing him—the cocksucker—and his hands touching her, his fucking mouth kissing her. I needed a fucking drink but after last week, it didn't seem like a good idea. Blaming my actions, or lack thereof, on alcohol was a cop-out and a shitty one. Truth was, I needed to figure my shit out, even if that meant re-living my nightmares to get over them.

  "How do I look," Amber said as she emerged from the bathroom. She was putting an earring in as she sauntered towards me.

  I looked up at her through the mirror. She looked beautiful in her short, light blue dress with her hair pulled up.

  "Fuckable," I said, turning around.

  She grinned and looked down at herself, running her hands down her body. "Then I guess we better get going so we can get back here sooner."

  "Or we could just stay home," I walked up to her as I looked her up and down.

  "My dad will kill us if we don't show up. You know how he gets," she insisted, spinning on her heel, completely ignoring my proposal. "Besides, we only have to stay for a few hours, it's my whole family so he won't miss us if we excuse ourselves early."

  She walked out of the room and I followed throwing my head back in defeat. I hated her father.

  My first instinct when walking into Amber's dad's house was to grab a drink. Being around Troy was always a daunting task but I wanted to keep a level head, so I passed.

  Making our way to the kitchen I could already hear Troy and his loud mouth. We rounded the corner and there he was in all of his asshole-ish glory. Of course he had a drink in his hand and was already on his way to being drunk.

  "There's my princess," Troy said and Amber ran to him. She jumped in his arms and he glared at me over her shoulder.

  I was happy for Amber that her relationship with Troy had gotten better over the past four years. I knew he wasn't always there for her when she was younger and even in her teens he was a crazy drunk. I remembered having to pick her up in the middle of the night sometimes because Troy was so drunk he was violently throwing things around the house. He never hurt Amber physically but som
e of the things he used to say to her would make her cry for hours.

  I never understood why she didn't go live with her mother. They got divorced just before Amber and I met. She moved to Colorado Springs to get away from Troy after the divorce and took Amber's little sister, Kate, with her. Amber chose to stay in Aurora so she could finish high school with all her friends. I never met Amber's mom but she must have been one hell of a woman to put up with Troy's ass for so long.

  "Is that, Cam?" I heard a young high-pitched voice say from across the kitchen.

  My eyes followed the sound and landed on a young girl around fifteen or so with dark hair. I immediately recognized her. "Hey, squirt," I said to Kate and the adorable, familiar grin on her face grew larger.

  Kate used to come up and visit from her mom's house every couple of weeks and when she did, Amber always wound up having to watch her. Troy was too busy getting drunk. She would come to my fights with Amber and afterwards we would take her for burgers or ice cream. I remember looking out into the crowd at Amber before the fights would start and Kate would be sitting next to her with her fingers in her ears. She always seemed so frightened. But then the fight would end and she would stare at me like I was a superhero or something.

  She ran over to me and gave me a big hug. "I didn't know you and Amber were back together, that's so exciting."

  "You mean she didn't tell you? She usually tells everyone everything with that big mouth of hers," I said, looking over at Amber with a smug smirk on my face. She shot me a dirty look and continued talking to Troy while Kate laughed at her sister.

  I spent most of my night talking to Kate. Amber was busy making rounds with her father and bragging about her new job to her family.

  "Are you still fighting, Cam?" Kate asked eagerly as we watched the sunset from the back deck.

  "No, squirt, I'm not."

  She frowned a little. "Oh, that's too bad. I used to love going to your fights. They were so exciting."

  "You liked it?" I ask, looking at her with confusion. "I always thought you were scared to death watching my fights."

  "I wasn't scared," she argued. "I just got nervous sometimes, that's all." Her cheeks turned red and I laughed a little at her embarrassment.

  "Why were you nervous?"

  She covered her face with her hands."Err...because... I didn't want you to get hurt." She peeked between her fingers at me.

  I threw my hands over my heart theatrically. "Aw, squirt, you were worried about me." I stuck my lip out and batted my eye lashes at her.

  She swatted me in the shoulder and giggled. "Stop it, Cam. You look like an idiot when you do that." I bumped her with my arm and her expression turned serious. "You want to know the real reason why I didn't want you to get hurt?" she asked me.

  "Of course I do," I said.

  She took a deep breath and avoided my eyes as she began. "I didn't want you to get hurt because you were like a big brother to me. You were the only stable, male role model I had in my life. I looked up to you." She began to play with the drawstring on her shirt. "When Amber told me she was leaving for California I was so mad at her. I didn't want her to go because I knew I wouldn't get to see you anymore. I lost a sister and a brother the day she left."

  I saw a tear roll down her cheek and land on her leg and my fucking heart lodged in my throat. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I just stared at this tiny girl that had a drunk for a father, a bitch for a sister, and a mother that obviously didn't care about her too much, and wondered how she ever survived.

  "Now you're both back and I'm excited to maybe have a chance at a real family again. I just don't want Amber to mess this up with you. I lost you once and I don't think I could do it again." Her voice started to crack as she said the last few words.

  "Hey," I said while reaching over to her. I lifted her chin up so she was looking at me. "Give me your phone."

  She pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to me. "What do you want that for?"

  I typed my phone number into it, hit save and handed it back. She looked down at the screen where I had saved my number under Big Bro and smiled. "Now, no matter what happens between your sister and me, I will always be there for you."

  Leaning on my kitchen counter, my chin resting on my hand, I watched as Nolan set the table. My parents were coming over for a long overdue dinner. I had seen them a few times since they got back from vacation but we hadn't spent much time together so I was excited to finally get to sit down and actually have a conversation with them.

  It had been almost a month since the Fourth. I thought about Cam every day but the more time I spent with Nolan, the less it hurt. I didn't know if my pain was less because of Nolan or if time was healing my heart, but I didn't care. Whatever it was, it was working.

  Life was getting back to normal. I talked to Tessa a lot but rarely saw her and Blake—I didn't want to risk running into Cam. My wounds were finally closing and seeing him would be like ripping out the stitches before the healing process was complete.

  Nolan had been a saint through this whole process. He stuck by my side, was there when I needed to talk, and he never once pushed me to tell him things about my past. I eventually opened up to him though. Telling him about...well, everything. Even Cam.

  "Do you want the flowers on the table still, beautiful, or should I move them?" he asked, looking over his shoulder, his eyes sparkling.

  "Let's move them." I walked over and took them from his hands and placed them on the counter. Grabbing the wine glasses I had washed earlier, I walked back over and placed them on the table.

  With my hands on the back of one of the chairs, Nolan came up behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Thanks for inviting me tonight."

  I looked over my shoulder at him. "It's not that big of a deal. It's just dinner."

  "It's a big deal to me." He kissed the back of my neck softly.

  I closed my eyes as goose bumps rose on my skin. "Why? You already know my parents," I said confused.

  "I know but now it's different, I'm not here because of business. I'm here because I'm your boyfriend. And as someone who's dating their daughter, I hope they still like me."

  I turned around in his arms and began playing with the buttons on his dress shirt. "They already like you, Nolan, being my boyfriend isn't going to change that." I looked up and caught his gaze and he smiled with a sense of relief.

  He leaned down to kiss me but pulled back when the doorbell rang. Grabbing the sides of his face, I drew him down to my lips, sliding my tongue into his mouth, before walking over to the door.

  When I reached it I looked over my shoulder at Nolan. He was in the same position I left him in and his jaw was almost on the floor. I giggled and then pulled the door open.

  "Mom, Dad," I said with a huge grin and they both held their arms out to me.

  I embraced them as they walked in, so happy to have them home. I never thought I would miss them as much as I did.

  Royce handed me a bottle of champagne and I looked at it confused. "What's this for?" I asked.

  "We have some exciting news," he said, patting me on the shoulder. "But we'll talk about that later. Right now I want to have a relaxing dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend." He looked over at Nolan and then leaned into my ear. "I always wanted you kids to get together. I saw it in his eyes the day I introduced you. He's always liked you, Care-Bear. I'm just glad he finally broke you." He winked at me and walked away.

  I took my mom's purse and hung it up in the closet, still in shock over Royce's words. Royce found Nolan immediately and shook his hand. My mom gave him a big hug and after I poured us all a glass of red wine we sat down in the living room together.

  "Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes," I announced and Nolan wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  "So, Nolan, I hear you got promoted, congratulations," Royce said, tipping his glass to Nolan.

  "Thank you. It's going to be a lot of work but I'm ready for the challenge."
>
  "Well, don't hold out on us, son, tell us all about it," Royce probed.

  While Nolan enlightened Royce about his new job, the timer on the oven went off. I stood and headed for the kitchen and my mother followed.

  She stood next to the sink and crossed her arms over her chest. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

  I looked over at her. "Nothing, what makes you think something's wrong?"

  "I'm your mother, Cara. I can tell when something isn't right with you," she said, handing me the oven mitt. "I can see it written all over you."

  I opened the oven and pulled out the lasagna so it could set. "I'm fine, Mom, really." My voice sounded weak and even I didn't believe myself.

  "Cara Beth, don't you lie to me. You may be a grown woman but I am still your mother and you can tell me anything." She scolded me quietly as I walked to the fridge to get the stuff for the salad.

  I hated that my mother knew me so well. I closed the door and set the ingredients on the counter. Looking out to the living room I watched Nolan. He was laughing at something Royce had said and when he caught my stare he blew me a kiss before returning his attention to Royce.

  "Mom, how did you know Royce was the one?"

  "Ah, I knew it was a matter of the heart," she mumbled as she grabbed the lettuce and started washing it. Shaking my head, I ignored her blabbering and waited for her response. "I know because he is the only man that I want to slap and kiss at the same time, he can break my heart and mend it in the same sentence, and he is the only man that makes me feel secure and vulnerable all at once."

  "Okay," I said as I took a tomato and started dicing it, not knowing how to respond to her.

  She stopped ripping the lettuce and looked over at me. "My point is, Cara, love isn't something you will ever fully understand. It's crazy, chaotic, passionate, cruel, hurtful and amazing, all at the same time. If it was simple and boring no one would ever want it. It's the mess of emotions that makes it worth fighting for."

  I wasn't expecting what she said but it was perfect. My mom was amazing in every way. Even after what my father did to her—cheating, lying and leaving her—she still believed in over the top love. She gave me hope with her words and I loved her so much for that.