Completely shaken, Brooke forced herself to focus. “I’ll go get the bread.” She walked the short distance to the bakery and let her eyes slide shut, attempting to regain some composure. It was then she realized it would always be this way when she was around Chess. No matter how well her brain understood their relationship, her traitor of a heart would refuse to give up hope. It would always react to him when he was near because she couldn’t imagine not loving him.
She would have to put physical distance between them. She thought about Nathan searching for apartments in Fort Worth. Perhaps she should do something similar. It would still be close enough to attend weekly family meals, but far enough to give her the separation to think straight.
Brooke had started doing research online when a basket approached. Grabbing a loaf of bread and schooling her features, she turned and placed it in the seat next to the bananas. “I think we’re done. Let’s get out of here.”
Chess gave her a questioning look, but she buried her sadness and led the way to the checkout lines. She desperately needed fresh air and a little space.
Chapter Fifteen
Nathan was around long enough the next morning to get Mia changed, dressed, and a bottle made before he took the rental car and headed for Fort Worth. Chess was left holding his niece in his arms. With wide eyes, she stared at him and stuffed a fist in her mouth.
“I guess this will give us a chance to get to know each other a little.” Mia looked from him back to the door where her daddy had disappeared. “How about you drink that milk and I’ll make myself some toast?”
He handed the bottle to Mia, and she began to cry. Her distress only increased when Chess tried to get her to take the bottle, offered some of the applesauce Nathan had left, and eventually walked with her around the house.
An hour later, she finally drank most of her bottle. But it didn’t seem to quell what bothered her because moments later, she was crying again. He might go deaf, which could be a blessing given the circumstances.
By nine, he decided they needed to get out of the house for a while. Nathan had moved the car seat over to Chess’s truck before he left. Chess packed supplies, got Mia buckled in, and headed out to do some errands. The moment the truck was moving, Mia quieted down. If they had to stay on the go all day, then that’s exactly what he’d do. By ten-thirty, at least Mia had stopped reacting to him as though he were a scary gargoyle, and he even coaxed some giggles if he acted silly enough.
Back in the truck, he started the engine to get the air conditioner going and dialed Brooke’s number. She answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
The sound of her voice caused his pulse to stutter. He immediately thought back to their shopping trip the previous day. He pictured the way she’d looked at him in the produce section, amusement and something else he didn’t want to analyze lighting up her face. Holding her hand, he’d wanted her to keep teasing him with the plastic bag so he could…
What? Have an excuse to hold her? Kiss her?
Should it bother him that he might have done all that if she hadn’t relinquished the bag?
“Chess?”
He shook the thoughts from his head with a groan. “Hey, Brooke. I’m out doing some errands with Mia. I have something I want to drop by, and we’re about to pick up lunch. Can we bring you something?”
She didn’t respond right away and Chess wondered if she was as affected by their closeness the day before. If so, maybe she needed an out. Maybe he did. “You know, I can get this to you this weekend, it’s not a big deal.” Mia started to fuss now that she was strapped in and the truck wasn’t going anywhere. He put the vehicle in drive and slowly made his way across the parking lot. That seemed to appease his niece, and the crying ceased.
“No, it’s fine. Come on by.”
He swung through one of Brooke’s favorite Chinese food places on his way to her apartment. She had the door open by the time he’d climbed the steps with Mia in his arms, the backpack that served as her diaper bag, plus the bag of takeout in his hands.
“Whoa. Let me grab something.” Brooke took the food and closed the door behind him. “What all have you guys been doing?”
Mia swung her head from side to side, probably searching for Nathan. She put a hand in her mouth and began to cry.
Chess set the backpack on the coffee table and moved to pat Mia’s back. “We’ve been on the go since nine because if we stop, she cries like this.”
Brooke stroked the baby’s hair. “What did your Uncle Chess do to you?”
He gave her a disparaging look. “Oh, you know. Terrible things like try to feed her, make her smile, and walk ten miles around the house before surrendering.”
Brooke placed a kiss against Mia’s silky hair. “I’ll bet you’re missing your daddy, aren’t you? He’ll be back in a few hours. Trust me, hanging with your uncle is probably a lot more fun than sitting through an interview and meeting. If you stop crying, you’ll feel a lot better. Your eyes won’t hurt as much and your poor nose won’t be as runny.” She got a tissue and wiped the baby’s nose before she realized Chess was watching her. “What?”
“Reasoning with her. Why didn’t I think of that?” The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to keep his face serious. She gave his shoulder a shove, and he grinned.
“Whatever.” She nodded toward the Chinese food. “Good choice, it smells amazing. How about I fix a bottle for her quick?”
“That’d be great. There should be some applesauce in there, too. Though I had a horrible time getting her to eat anything at breakfast.”
Chess walked Mia around the small living area. Brooke’s voice floated in from the kitchen. “Have you tried music?”
“What?”
She peeked her head around the corner. “Try putting on some music and see if that helps distract her.”
That wasn’t a bad idea. Chess took his phone out and found one of the local country music stations online. A song came on, and Mia stopped crying and reached for the phone. “Oh, you like that, huh?” Chess turned the sound up and set the phone on the counter. “I’ll have to tell your daddy you like country music. A sure sign moving to Texas is the right thing.” He chuckled.
Chess could barely hear Brooke singing along in the kitchen. He’d always enjoyed listening to her sing. She may not have a recording voice, but it was clear and sweet. She stopped as she came into the living area with the bottle.
“Here we go.” She handed it to Mia who began drinking it hungrily. Brooke smoothed her hair back and smiled when Mia reached for her. Brooke held her close and swayed a little with the music.
Chess studied her and how easily she interacted with Mia. She was a natural with children. He could suddenly picture Brooke holding her own baby with dark hair and chocolate eyes like her mother. Beautiful. He swallowed hard, pushing the vision he had no right picturing out of his head. Desperate to redirect his attention, he tilted his head toward the phone. “You’re a genius.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. “Music makes everyone feel better.”
“I’ll go grab the food.” He brought the bag and unpacked the cartons, arranging them on the coffee table. Brooke nodded her approval when she saw orange chicken.
“Give me that girl before you hurt your ribs, and have a seat.” Chess traded her a plastic fork for his niece. He bounced Mia on one knee while he ate his broccoli beef.
They chatted about the weather and something funny that Anna had told Brooke.
Chess’s attention was drawn to the little dab of sauce on the corner of Brooke’s mouth. He had to fight to not reach over and use his thumb to wipe it away. Were her lips as soft as they appeared? Thoughts of kissing her came to mind before he knew what was happening. It seemed like every time he was around her, the need to do just that became harder and harder to ignore.
Brooke was watching him as though she were waiting for him to respond. He must’ve been staring at her mouth hard enough to
miss something she said. His ears got hot, and he jerked his gaze from her to his meal. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I was asking if you were enjoying the time off from work.”
“It has been nice. It’s going by way too quickly, though.” They both fell silent.
It amazed Chess how fast they’d gone from being comfortable around each other to the thick awkwardness that surrounded them now. How was he supposed to act? She was right about what she said the other day. It was a lot easier before everything changed. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t want to go back to the way things were. At least she’d told him about her parents and he’d shared about his childhood. He knew a lot more about her now than he ever had before.
The truth was, he’d been closing himself off from everyone because he wanted to leave the past behind. In reality, by doing that, he was really shutting them out. Wow, he’d been clueless.
Most of this wouldn’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for Brooke’s vehicle breaking down, her accident, and Nathan reaching out to him. He thought about what Brooke said. “Maybe God’s using these situations to push me into actually doing something with my future.” He wondered how likely it was the same thing was happening to him.
“You may not believe in God, but He obviously believes in you.”
Brooke’s words repeated themselves in his head. He’d been wrong about a lot lately. What if he was wrong about God, too? What if what Brooke said was true? Chess had not only ignored God all his life, but sometimes purposefully rejected the idea that He existed at all. He couldn’t blame God if He chose to dismiss Chess after everything.
How could God believe in him when all Chess did was mess things up?
~
They finished eating in silence and Brooke sensed something had changed. They’d been conversing easily until Chess shut down, and she didn’t understand why. Confused, she gathered their trash and stuffed it back into the plastic bag before carting it to her trash can.
She got back to find Chess on the floor wrangling the squirmy baby into a new diaper without much trouble.
Chess caught her expression and laughed loudly. Mia jumped at the sound and stared at him with wide eyes. “You seem surprised I know how to change a diaper.”
“I never pegged you as a baby guy.”
His eyes were unfocused as his expression sobered. “I took care of Nathan most of the time when he was an infant. Then one of my foster homes had a set of twins who were toddlers. You think this is bad wait until Mia’s running around.” He sat her on the floor and kept a hand against her back to keep her from toppling over. “She’s close to being able to sit on her own.”
“She sure is.” Brooke watched the baby reach for the container of wipes. For the first time in a long while, she’d thought about her dad walking out on her when she was little. Mia’s mom had done the exact same thing. She prayed this little one would grow up realizing what an amazing job her daddy did at keeping things together. Hopefully living near Chess would give her the family she could depend on growing up. She realized Chess was watching her, concerned.
He kept supporting Mia with his hand, but all his attention was on Brooke. “What were you thinking about?”
She shrugged, hoping he would let that be enough. But she could tell by his expression it wasn’t. “My father. He left when I was a little younger than Mia. I don’t know if he ever played with me or held me. I’ll never know if I made him smile or if he rocked me until I stopped crying. Or why I wasn’t enough.” Tears were building again. She’d cried more these three weeks than she had most of her life put together. It was getting ridiculous. She cleared her throat and forced the tears back. “I realize it’s dumb. Mia isn’t me, but I can’t help but envy her support system. She’s lucky to have a dad who will do anything for her and you for an uncle.”
“Your mom sounds like a great lady from what you’ve said. Even if you don’t remember it, I’m sure she reassured you many times that your dad leaving had nothing to do with you. It likely had nothing to do with your mom, either, and it was all him.”
Brooke didn’t remember Mama talking about him at all but she was sure Chess was right. All Mama ever did was take care of her, nurture her, and make her feel safe. “Yeah. I know.”
Chess rummaged through the diaper bag. “I almost forgot we brought you something.” He withdrew a plastic bag and handed it to her. “I did some research and hopefully got the right things.”
She stared at it, almost afraid of what might be inside.
Chess shot her a bemused smile. “I didn’t coil up a viper and stick it in there, if that’s what you’re wondering. Just open it.”
Brooke chuckled nervously then carefully withdrew the contents. She ran a finger over the new sketchbook and then opened the pastels, breathing in their scent. Tears pricked the back of her eyelids. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You have talent. I remember seeing the little doodles you’d make on the phone pad or when you’d write notes on that whiteboard we used to keep by the front door. Those weren’t the ordinary doodles Joel or I might have drawn. I never thought about it back then though. I guess I had no idea.” He gently allowed his shoulder to bump into hers. “You deserve to focus on something you enjoy. You don’t ever have to show me anything you draw, but if you want to, I’d like to see them.”
“This was sweet. Thanks, Chess.”
She felt the warmth of his arm against hers. There were a hundred reasons for why she should move and create some distance, both emotionally and physically. But right now, she couldn’t have moved if she tried. She willed her runaway heartbeat to slow down. Could he hear the way it was pounding inside her chest?
“Any time.” Chess’s voice sounded gruffer than usual, and he cleared his throat. “I still think you should take some art classes.”
Brooke’s smile faded a little. “I’m thinking about it. Maybe in the spring. Things are on hold until I figure out what I’m going to do about a car and all that. I go back to work next week, too.”
“You don’t sound thrilled. Are you still considering a potential change of professions?”
Brooke shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m praying about it. There’s an opening at the bookstore at one of the community colleges in Dallas. Maybe if I worked there, I’d get a discount on classes. Or at least I’d be close enough to take one a semester.”
The stricken expression on Chess’s face said he’d never considered the possibility she might try to find something outside Quintin. “If all of that came together, would you move?”
Soon, Chess would have his biological brother and niece in the area permanently. If she chose to move and put some distance between them, she wouldn’t be leaving him alone. “It’d probably make more sense.” How could she tell him that it’d be easier on her to not see him as often? Maybe then she’d have a shot of moving past whatever this was between them. The pain in his eyes made her feel even worse. “It’s all up in the air. I want to get through Monday first.”
“Yeah.” Mia squealed and Chess picked her up. “We’d probably better get out of your hair and let you rest. Anna and Joel are having everyone over to their house for dinner on Saturday. Are you going to be there?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. Besides, I’m bringing dessert.”
His smile appeared forced. “Good. We’ll come by and pick you up on the way. I guess I’ll see you then.”
She watched them leave and moved a hand to gently finger the delicate roses growing on the potted bush nearby. When he’d originally given her the bush, she’d thought it was a symbol of the hope she had that he’d one day see her as more than a little sister. Now it only mocked her and her childish fantasies. She went back inside and squeezed her eyes shut as her shoulders fell.
Brooke sank onto the couch and reached for the art supplies Chess had brought her. She opened the book to the first page, withdrew a pink pastel stick, and stared at the white paper. How to be
gin? For some reason, this was different than simply doodling on the corner of a notepad. As if the sketchbook held higher expectations.
She took in a steadying breath and caught a hint of Chess’s aftershave. He might not be alone if she left town, but Brooke already felt the loss just thinking about the possibility.
If God was working things out, it sure would be nice to be clued in on the plan.
Chapter Sixteen
Chess walked into Joel’s diner Friday afternoon. He shook the rain off his jacket as thunder echoed in the distance. He’d been thinking about several things since he’d seen Brooke and he needed to talk to someone. Joel noticed him and waved, holding up a finger to let him know he’d be right over.
Chess slid into a corner booth, glad this was one of the least busy times of the day. Minutes later, Joel set a chocolate milkshake on the table in front of Chess and sat down with a vanilla one of his own. He used the straw to stir it around before taking a sip. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you came by. But something tells me you have something on your mind.”
Joel was right, but it didn’t mean it was easy for Chess to get the words out. He focused on his milkshake for a few minutes, trying to parse through his jumbled thoughts. “Brooke seems to think, even though I never believed in God, He’s still somehow using me to help other people. She insists He’s using her accident to nudge her toward doing something different with her life.” He paused, and Joel only sat there watching him, waiting for more. “She thinks God used me to help you two back in the day and Nathan and Mia now. That doesn’t make sense. Let’s say God is up there and He’s been watching me all this time. If I don’t want to have anything to do with Him, wouldn’t it make more sense for Him to focus His energies on someone else?”
Joel leaned forward, his arms resting on the table between them. “If Mia started crying in the middle of the night and Nathan wasn’t there, would you go in and see what was wrong? Or crank up the tunes in your room and hope it drowned out the noise?”
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