Love Inspired May 2015 #1

by Brenda Minton

  “I took too long,” Oregon admitted. “For that I owe you both an apology, and I hope you’ll forgive me. I just wanted to know for sure...”

  She looked up, meeting his gaze. He saw tears gather in her eyes and escape down the slopes of her cheeks. “I messed up,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, you did.” Lilly wasn’t all about forgiveness at the moment. Duke knew she’d get past it. She was that kind of kid.

  “Lilly, your mom wanted to know that I was a person she’d want in your life. And I can tell you, a few years back, I wasn’t. I’ve made a lot of mistakes.”

  She shot him a look. “Yeah, you did.”

  “No. You’re not a mistake,” he countered.

  “Not a mistake, just...” She grabbed her crutches and stood. “What am I?”

  “Our daughter,” Duke said, wishing he could take back twelve years and redo everything. But he couldn’t.

  “I’m taking a walk.” Lilly hobbled off.

  Duke started to go after her. Oregon stopped him, a hand on his arm. “Let her have a few minutes alone.”

  He sat back down in the chair next to Oregon. He watched his daughter walk away, Daisy at her heels but keeping a careful distance. He knew where she was going. She was going to the horses.

  “What are we going to do?” he asked Oregon. She was watching Lilly walk away.

  “We’re going to be parents together. We’ll figure it out.”

  “Right. Of course we will.” But Oregon had already figured it out. He was the one who had a lot to learn.

  He’d spent most of his life not planning to marry, not planning on kids. And now he had one. A girl named Lilly. And where did that leave Oregon, the mother of his child?

  Since yesterday he’d been forcing himself to remember, trying to recall that summer. Man, he’d been out of control that year. He’d watched his dad drinking his life away, Jake trying to be the man of the house and his younger siblings, Samantha and Brody, lost and alone. Duke had run wild, trying to make it all go away. But he remembered bits and pieces of a girl who thought she was having an adventure barrel racing.

  Yeah, he remembered. She’d flirted, riding past him, taking his hat. He’d forgotten. He shouldn’t have forgotten.

  He looked at the woman sitting across from him, worry over their daughter furrowing her brow. She was no longer that young girl. Duke saw her now as a mom, a woman with strength and faith.

  And the mother of his child.

  Chapter Four

  Oregon started packing the next morning. By noon she had already made a dent in the process. Not that she had a lot. She’d always known how to let go of possessions, to keep only what really mattered.

  An hour in, she’d sent Lilly across the street to talk to Duke. Since she’d been gone, Oregon had managed to go through twice as much, packing a lot and putting other things in boxes to be given away. She taped the top of a box she’d just filled and reached for another.

  She hated moving. It brought back too many memories. Of leaving towns she would have liked to remain in and people she wanted to know better. By the time she’d reached her teens, she had stopped getting attached. It made it easier to let go if she shrugged it all off and pretended it didn’t matter. A new home, a new life, a new opportunity, her mother had always said, as she had happily packed them off in some aging car she’d bought when the last aging car quit.

  Oregon had moved here with the intention of putting down roots.

  “Do you always talk to yourself?”

  Oregon smiled at the woman standing outside the screen door of the apartment she and Lilly had called home since moving to Martin’s Crossing. Apartment was a generous word for the small space, which was really just a living area with a bedroom in the loft.

  “It stops me from saying things to the wrong people if I say them to myself.” She motioned Breezy Martin in. “Want a cup of tea?”

  “No, I’m good. I stopped by to see if I could help.”

  “I’m almost packed.” She looked around her at the growing stacks of packed boxes. She didn’t want to leave this cramped, tiny space that had been her home, a place where she and her daughter had been happy.

  “I didn’t mean help with packing.” Breezy picked up a snow globe from the shelf and wrapped it in paper. “Although I will help pack. I meant, do you need a friend?”

  Friends. Yes, she and Breezy had become friends since the other woman arrived in Martin’s Crossing six months ago. And now Breezy would be Lilly’s aunt. Because Breezy was married to Duke’s brother, Jake Martin.

  “Duke is in the clouds over this situation, Oregon,” Breezy said.

  Oregon held a carved horse in her hands and stared at the wall. She ached inside, wishing away this situation and how it was changing all of their lives. “I know he is.”

  “How is Lilly doing?”

  Oregon shrugged and placed the horse in a box. “She’s doing better physically. Getting used to the crutches and the fact that she won’t spend her summer vacation swimming.” She drew in a breath. “She’s angry. At me. At Duke. At the world. But she’s with him at the diner, because she’s still trying to save up money for a horse, and he offered to let her work the cash register today.”

  “He wants to buy her a horse,” Breezy offered. “He’d buy her the moon if he could.”

  “She doesn’t need that. Buying her everything she wants won’t solve the heartache.”

  “No, it won’t.” Breezy reached for another dust collector to wrap in paper.

  “I have too many snow globes and knickknacks.” Oregon looked around the tiny living space. “Why do I collect things?”

  Breezy smiled at that. “Now that is something I have an answer for. Because we moved so much as children. Things mean stability, having a home. If you collect something, you take it with you so that every new place feels a little familiar. Like home.”

  Oregon agreed as she looked at the shelves filled with things she’d collected. She had moved often as a girl because her mom couldn’t stay in a relationship. Breezy, on the other hand, had spent much of her life drifting and homeless. Oregon wanted more for her daughter. She wanted a place where Lilly could have roots, family, a real home.

  “I’m happy for my daughter. She loves Duke. She’s loved him since the day we got to town. I just don’t want him to let her down. I don’t want to lose her, either.”

  “You won’t lose her. And if ever there was a guy who wouldn’t let a kid down, it’s Duke Martin.”

  “In my heart I know that.” But old hurts were hard to let go of. So many men had let her down. Starting with her own father, a man whose name she didn’t even know, and ending with Duke, who should have remembered her. It was hard to put her trust in him now.

  She taped the box and gave herself a lecture about trusting. Because she knew that she could trust God. She knew that He wouldn’t let her down. He wouldn’t go away. He wouldn’t change His mind. Whatever happened with Duke, with Lilly, she knew they would get through this.

  “I’m going to bring a casserole to the new place this evening so you don’t have to worry about cooking.” Breezy reached for an empty box.

  “Thank you.”

  Breezy set the box down on the table and reached for a stack of books. “Why did you come here after so many years? I guess we all wondered what changed.”

  Fair questions. Duke had also asked, pushing to know more about her sudden appearance after so many years. He had wanted to know about the years in between, when she hadn’t thought it was a good idea to tell him about Lilly.

  Life changes and so do people, she had told him the previous day. But she hadn’t told him that sometimes things happen and a mother realizes her little girl might someday need a safety net, another parent if one has to go away.

  Her
heart ached at the thought of ever having to leave her little girl alone. She wanted to be in her daughter’s life for decades, not years. She wanted to watch Lilly grow up. See her get married, have children and grow older.

  “Oregon, are you okay?”

  She nodded, somehow looking at her friend with eyes free of tears. “Of course. I’m just emotional. I love this silly apartment.”

  Breezy shot her a look and shook her head. “I do not believe you are that attached to this place. And when you change your mind about talking, I’m here.”

  “I know you are.” She managed to keep her hands from trembling. “What are people in town going to say? How will they treat her now that they know?”

  Breezy put down the cup she’d been about to wrap and hugged Oregon tight. And Oregon didn’t back away. She closed her eyes to fend off tears but held on to her friend.

  “People love you, and they love your daughter. That isn’t going to change.”

  “But life is going to change.”

  “Yeah, that’s something we can’t avoid.” Breezy released her. Oregon listened to the brush of crutches on the sidewalk. Lilly was home.

  Oregon hurried to open the door for her daughter, and Lilly gave her an “I can do it myself” look.

  “Are you done working for the day?” Oregon asked as Lilly looked around the room at boxes nearly packed and empty walls and shelves.

  Her daughter nodded. “I’m finished.”

  “Did you have fun?” Oregon winced at the question. Lilly shot her a look of disbelief.

  “Of course I had fun. Just... I’m not sure what to call Duke. He used to be my friend. Now he’s my dad.”

  Oregon didn’t know how to respond, to the question or to the not-so-well-disguised anger. “Call him whatever feels right.”

  “Yeah, okay. Anyway, he said to tell you to come over and eat lunch.”

  “Thanks, honey.”

  Lilly shrugged and looked at the boxes, her back to Oregon and Breezy.

  Oregon hadn’t known what to expect when Lilly learned the truth about Duke. In her mind she’d played through several scenarios. In one, Lilly had been thrilled, loving both of them, accepting that they would both love her, even if they couldn’t be a family. In another, Lilly had rejected Duke and in the third, she had rejected Oregon.

  They paled in comparison to the truth. The truth was a child who watched both parents, wary and unsure of the future. Reality was a flash of pain in blue eyes, accusing and angry.

  Oregon had done this to her daughter. With her choices, first not to tell Duke and then to wait until now, when it felt too late.

  Breezy slid a knowing gaze from Lilly to Oregon and offered a sympathetic look. “I should go. The twins are due for a nap, and Jake said something about cattle he has to work. Marty is off today.”

  The door closed softly behind her, followed by retreating steps. Oregon watched Lilly as she eased around boxes, her eyes focusing on trinkets that had been wrapped and packed to go.

  “I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again until you believe me. Or forgive me.”

  Lilly didn’t look at her, but there was a shudder to her indrawn breath that hinted at tears. “I know. You were young and afraid. Duke was no good. He wasn’t responsible. He forgot you, and then he left.”

  Lilly’s voice trembled as she repeated every word Oregon had said, tossing the words back at her, letting her hear the flimsiness of the explanations. She ached inside. She wanted to reach for her daughter but knew that Lilly would reject the comfort, and she didn’t think she could handle the rejection right now.

  “I made a lot of mistakes.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Lilly said.

  Oregon chilled on the inside. “No, you don’t know. You weren’t a mistake.”

  “No?”

  “No, you weren’t.”

  Lilly shrugged, and her eyes narrowed a bit. “But the Bible says...”

  And there it was. How to tell a child she wasn’t a mistake when the Bible clearly said it was. She’d given herself to a man who wasn’t her husband. She’d had a child out of wedlock. The lesson had been taught at church, and Oregon had reinforced it at home. A young woman should cherish her purity.

  “You weren’t a mistake. I was young and unhappy, and I made a mistake. But I have never regretted having you. You kept me sane. You kept me focused. I’m not sure where I would be without you, Lilly. I think I’d be lost. Physically and spiritually, probably emotionally. So you were not a mistake. I’m not sure how to connect something I did that I shouldn’t have and the gift you have been, but God is merciful, and somehow He knew that through my mistake something beautiful would happen.”

  Lilly edged around her to the door. “We should go.”

  Oregon closed her eyes, fighting tears that stung and the tight ache in her throat. “I love you.”

  “Mom, I know you love me. And I love you. But I’m still mad.”

  Oregon sobbed, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She closed the distance between herself and Lilly, wrapping the girl in the embrace they both needed. Lilly tried to break away, but Oregon held her tight.

  “Please, forgive me.”

  “I forgive you, Mom.”

  But the tense set of young shoulders told Oregon more than words. She was forgiven, but the anger wasn’t going away. Not today.

  * * *

  From the kitchen of Duke’s No Bar and Grill, Duke heard Oregon’s voice, soft and vulnerable. He stirred the big pot of spaghetti sauce that would be the evening special, then headed for the dining room of the restaurant. He’d owned Duke’s for a couple of years. He had needed this place when he first got back from Afghanistan. Cooking had given him a way to focus on something other than the pain of memories.

  Ned, short for Nedine, had seated Lilly and Oregon at a booth by the window. He smiled at the waitress, a big woman with a heart of gold. She winked as she walked past him. He thought she had probably guessed the situation with himself, Oregon and Lilly. He hadn’t really made it public knowledge, but nothing got past Ned.

  His brothers knew. Jake and Brody were both supportive. Jake in his typical older-brother, serious and a little self-righteous way. Brody had halfheartedly teased. But Brody hadn’t been the same since he came back to Martin’s Crossing, saying he was done with riding bulls and with his best friend and traveling buddy. Something had shifted in their little brother. He was a little bit angry and too determined to find the mother who had walked out on them twenty years ago.

  Duke hadn’t yet got around to telling Samantha, their little sister, about Lilly. She was in college and doing better than she had been a few years ago. She’d finally forgiven them for sending her away. Maybe she was actually starting to see that they’d done her a favor.

  As he walked toward the booth, Lilly looked up at him, her blue eyes issuing a challenge. Claim me or else, those eyes said. He had no problem claiming her. What he wanted more than anything was to wipe away the anger and hurt. From her expression and from Oregon’s. How did he do that?

  How did he go from bachelor to father? With only twenty-four hours behind them, he was still struggling with that. His first instinct was to give his kid a pony. Oregon had made it clear Lilly had to earn the money. Instead, he’d given them a house to live in.

  He needed to make them a family. It wasn’t a comfortable thought. He hadn’t ever imagined himself married. Not even close. He definitely hadn’t imagined kids. He loved his twin nieces, Violet and Rose, but he hadn’t imagined having any of his own. For a lot of reasons. How would he know how to be a dad when his own parents had checked out? Why would he want to give up a pretty easy life as a bachelor?

  He now had an answer to that last question. When a man faced a kid like Lilly, it became easy to think of giving up the
single life.

  “How about some lunch?” he offered, because it seemed to him that Oregon would be more likely to take lunch from him than a marriage proposal. What had he been thinking, proposing to her in a hospital hallway? He might be a bachelor, but he did know a thing or two about romance.

  “Cheeseburger and fries, and a strawberry shake.” Lilly ordered with the slightest hint of a smile.

  Oregon stared at the menu blankly.

  Duke grabbed a chair from a nearby table, turned it backward and sat with his arms rested on the chair back. Oregon glanced his way, her gray eyes wary. She refocused on the menu she still held in hands that trembled just the slightest bit. He waited, giving her time. He knew this game. It was like breaking a horse. Slow and gentle, giving them time to trust, to accept.

  Trust. He had a feeling neither of them were really big on trusting. He’d watched her for the past year, easing into the community, keeping to herself for the most part, then eventually letting a few people in.

  He’d been abandoned by his own mother. He understood what it meant to have trust issues. He also knew he couldn’t fix everything. As a medic in the army, he’d tried. And he’d walked away, disillusioned with his own abilities and with God, because he knew God had to hear him screaming for help saving those kids.

  He cleared his throat, coming back to the present, away from dark memories that he usually kept at bay until night. Oregon watched him closely with eyes that seemed to see too much.

  “So what about you?” he asked as he studied her face. He shifted his gaze to Lilly. Not for the first time he wondered how he’d been so blind. Breezy had told him she noticed the first time she met Lilly. Jake had nodded, as if everyone had seen the resemblance.

  “I’ll take a chef salad,” Oregon answered.

  He started to stand but Ned was there, round face smiling big and her graying auburn hair in a long ponytail. Nedine, fifty and happily single, was half hippy and half rancher, and when she settled her hand on his shoulder, he didn’t argue. He stayed put.