Eternally Seduced: A New Adult Romance Boxed Set
Page 42
Outside, the two of them were immediately caught by a whirlwind of action, with students literally running and shoving their way past them.
“What on earth is happening?” Saffi asked as she found herself twirling almost 360 degrees back to where she started as countless screaming girls stampeded past them. The crowd’s excitement was contagious and Saffi couldn’t help grinning as she and Mary joined the chaos and allowed the tidal wave of people to sweep them away.
It almost felt as thrilling as being in a concert of…
No. She was not going to think about it. This was as thrilling as…as a Celsius concert.
Saffi and Mary glanced at each other---and they simultaneously broke into giggles. “I almost feel cool because I’m a part of…of whatever this is,” Mary admitted with a wide smile.
“You are cool,” Saffi said then added, “But just imagine if this turns out to be a simple earthquake drill! Would that still make you feel cool?” Mary was still laughing as they finally reached the main lobby of the building. As the crowd took them closer and closer to the main doors, Saffi realized that the girls around her were chanting something repeatedly.
Mary’s eyes widened, her head snapping towards Saffi in shock as both of them realized what the deafening screams were all about. Mary saw Saffi’s face turn white, and she cried out in alarm. “Are you all right?”
Saffi froze at the foot of the steps, causing the other students behind her to lose their balance. They cursed, shoved, and threw dirty looks at her but Saffi couldn’t make herself move, unable to believe what she was hearing the crowd chant.
Staffan. Staffan. Staffan.
Surely, this couldn’t be---but it was. Oh, dear voluptuous velvet-belly shark, it really was. Once, Saffi had dreamt about this – dreamt of being wooed by the man she loved in front of the entire school. It was the stuff romantic fantasies were made of. But now, it was a total nightmare.
The crowd parted before Saffi like the Nile River. Her stomach churned painfully as her lowered gaze saw the most exquisite pair of shiny men’s leather shoes, and the churning sensation grew worse as the owner of those shoes began walking towards her.
She couldn’t move, think, or even breathe. Was she going to faint in front of him? God, please no, let her not faint. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of realizing how much he still affected her, didn’t want him to know how so easy he could make her his slut with just one---
“Hello, Saffi.” The sighs that went through the crowd as Staffan spoke were beyond audible. It was practically tangible, accompanied as it was with a shared thrill of seeing the object of their long-time sexual affections in person, up close and personal.
Her head shot up, just as one of the girls behind her muttered loudly, “I can’t believe he knows her.”
Staffan was even more gorgeous than she remembered, with his hair beautifully wild, his hazel eyes dazzlingly bright, his chiseled face made even more jaw-droppingly handsome by the way his lips curved into a hesitant smile. He was also impeccably dressed. In fact, throughout the tour, the only time she had seen Staffan dress this fabulously was on stage.
Mr. Rockstar Chic.
He really was that.
But for once, Saffi couldn’t care less about Staffan’s mesmerizing looks. What she really wanted to know was if she had heard him correctly. Had he just called her---
She blurted out, “What did you call me?” Saffi kept her gaze on his lips, fearing to meet his eyes – or anyone else’s for that matter. She was conscious of the way everyone’s – and she meant everyone – gazes had swung toward her as she spoke to Staffan. Their gazes felt mostly like a mixture of shock, curiosity, envy and not a small amount of outrage.
“Saffi.”
She felt even dizzier when she heard Staffan say that one name she hoped he wouldn’t say. Please, God, if you could just grant me one wish, let this be it. Let me not faint---
“Or should I call you Starry Eyed instead?”
God didn’t listen. Or maybe He had His headsets on.
Whatever. It was Saffi’s last thought just before she lost consciousness.
When she opened her eyes, she was lying on the backseat of a car, staring at its leather-upholstered ceiling. Saffi slowly pushed herself up, and as she did she realized that she was on one side of the U-shaped backseat of a limousine. It only meant one thing.
“How do you feel?” His voice was hoarse with worry, his heart still thudding hard against his chest. He knew that the terror of seeing Saffi sliding away like she was dying would remain in his mind forever. If he hadn’t yet known how much this girl meant to him, he did so now. That one moment told him all he had to know.
As he waited for Saffi to speak, Staffan unashamedly and hungrily stared at her. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Had she always been this beautiful? But she was also appallingly thin, and his chest squeezed painfully at the thought of being the cause of it.
“I’m fine.”
Saffi didn’t meet his gaze as she answered him, and that hurt. He clenched his fists at his side, controlling the urge to sweep her into his arms and beg for a fucking second chance. “I’m sorry if I shocked you.”
When she still didn’t say anything, he clenched his fists harder, his body becoming taut with tension. Staffan continued doggedly, “I came here to talk about the past---”
“No.” Saffi didn’t even have to think about it. The memories of what happened – of what she knowingly allowed to happen between them – still made her cringe and she would be absolutely crazy if she would let Staffan relive her humiliation all over again.
“Saffi---”
Hearing him say her name so…so normally made her whisper, “Have you…have you always known?”
“Yes---” Staffan cursed when Saffi flinched as if he had struck her. He might not understand her reaction, but he understood her, and it told him that he had somehow hurt her with his answer. “Saffi---”
She flinched again, dazed by the pain of her newfound realization. How was it possible that this man could have so many ways of hurting her? “I’m glad I gave you something to laugh about for the tour,” she said flatly. “Another stress reliever, right?”
Staffan whitened, realizing how she had completely misinterpreted his actions. “Saffi, it’s not what you think.” No longer able to keep his distance from her, not with every cell in his body clamoring for contact, Staffan went to her side.
She started to struggle the moment he touched her, but he was of course the stronger one and in moments he had tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Listen to---” His voice faltered at the sight of her eyes.
She didn’t have any stars in her eyes.
Saffi blinked at the odd way Staffan was suddenly staring at her. “What?”
Terror enveloped his heart, but he determinedly made himself ignore it. His brain told him he was fucking too late to have Saffi back, but he was going to goddamned try his hardest anyway. He wasn’t going to fucking let go without giving his all this time. He had lost her once, and it had been hell. If he had the smallest chance of chaining Saffi to his side this time, Staffan would take it and throw away the key.
“I couldn’t understand why you were pretending to be someone you’re not. I just wanted that you be the one to tell me the truth.” He inhaled sharply, knowing that what he was about to say could go either way. “Chloe…used to lie to me all the time, and I had to beg her to tell me the truth every damn time. When she left me, I swore to myself that I would never---”
Try as she might, Saffi couldn’t make herself ignore the bitterness in Staffan’s voice. “I’m sorry---”
“It wasn’t your fault, Saffi. I was wrong---”
“I lied because I couldn’t take any chances of anyone guessing who I really was, especially with the way I was dressed and the way I was acting.”
“Why were you acting out of character, Saffi?”
For a moment, Saffi considered lying but just as quickly d
ecided against it. There was no reason to, and she couldn’t bear hurting Staffan with yet another lie. “I wanted that weekend for myself, to escape my boring life and pretend I could be the kind of girl you’d want. I wanted to know how it felt to be your groupie.” She was unconscious of the way her lips twisted in a painful smile as she continued, “And I was, wasn’t I?”
Staffan groaned as tears formed in Saffi’s expressive eyes, and she struggled as he pulled her to his lap. The feel of having her back in his arms was glorious, but it would have been more so if only he didn’t feel like the scum of the earth for having hurt her so much.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Saffi.”
Her entire body remained stiff in the circle of his arms, but Staffan could feel her shoulders shaking at how hard she was trying to stop herself from crying. She failed, and every tear that seeped into his shirt burned him.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered, hugging her more tightly, knowing he would give his life in an instant if it meant stopping Saffi from hurting. “When you ran away from the room that night, I went after you.” He struggled to breathe, knowing what he was about to say would hurt her even more. “I wanted to tell you how I felt then. I was planning to go on my fucking knees and beg you to come back to me for good, but I saw you with Carson. I saw you kissing Carson. It gutted me. It was like Chloe taking me for a fool again and…” His voice lowered, voice raw with self-loathing as he admitted, “I wanted to take revenge so I did…that.”
A choking sob escaped her, Staffan’s words making her remember the worst moment of her life. She started to cry hard then, the tears endlessly flowing as she saw in her mind a vivid vision of Staffan finger-fucking another woman---
She went wild, knowing she had to get away from Staffan, every inch of her body crawling at the memory of how she had begged him to just stop touching the other woman.
“Calm down---”
“Then let me go!”
The hurt in her voice was too fresh, too strong for Staffan to ignore and he let his hands drop, keeping himself still as Saffi flew to the opposite side of the car.
Chest heaving, she strove for control, despising at the same time how weak she still was with Staffan. Just one touch and her body had become completely alive. It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right.
Saffi forced herself to meet Staffan’s gaze. “I can’t be with you anymore, Staffan.”
Her words knocked him over, and he felt like iron claws had suddenly wrapped around his heart. “Saffi---” He couldn’t think of anything to say after that. He was panicking, and not even with Chloe had he felt this afraid. He had to make this right. He had to. Without Saffi, he was nothing.
He tried again, his voice hoarse. “Saffi, I’m sorry.” When she shook her head at him, the stars still absent in her gaze, Staffan reached for her desperately.
“No!”
Staffan went cold at the way Saffi shrank away from his touch. “I’m not going to hurt you anymore, Saffi,” he promised her fiercely.
She shook her head furiously. “I can’t…it’s just…” Even though it killed her to do so, Saffi made herself look at Staffan. “It’s not you, Staffan. It’s me. I can’t let myself be with you. I just…” She covered her mouth, pressing her hands hard against her lips to stop them from trembling. “Staffan, I just don’t have any pride when I’m with you and it’s not right. It’s just not.”
Chapter Fourteen
@TheOfficialStaffanAehrenthalStalker, Twitter:
Spotted: Staffan at a university in Florida--- is he dating a college co-ed?
Twitpic.com/xxxxjg
Hours had passed, but Saffi’s words still hadn’t left him, had indeed taken to repeating itself nonstop in his mind. The words humbled and terrified him at the same time. On one hand, it made Staffan hopeful. Surely such words meant Saffi still cared for him, one way or another. But on the other hand, those words could also mean that she was determined to move on and nothing he could do would change her mind.
It was a goddamn mess, but even so all Staffan knew was that whatever happened, he wasn’t going to fucking back away just like that. And if Saffi had somehow thought he was going to be like a fucking selfless knight in shining armor, that he’d play nice and let her go because she deserved someone better---
She was so fucking wrong.
He needed her. He loved her. And those things had to matter.
Everyone at the hotel snapped into attention when he walked inside. It was ironic that the event Saffi was slated to attend – and receive an award – was being held in yet another one of his stepfather’s hotels.
Two uniformed security men stood guard at the entrance. Guests before Staffan showed their invitations before proceeding inside but when he reached the front of the line, Staffan merely raised a brow and the pair hurriedly threw the doors open for him.
Every man inside the vast and elegantly decorated ballroom was dressed in suit and tie. That was a fucking good omen, he told himself. It would make him stand out more in his white tux. He remembered how Saffi used to comment all the time on his red carpet photos, saying over and over again how much she loved his “sophisticated” taste in clothes.
Well, if that was what she fucking wanted, he would dress in a goddamn tux every day, even work out with a fucking bowtie if he had to. Staffan was willing to do everything it took to make her realize the truth.
~~~
Even though she was backstage, waiting for her name to be called and receive her award, Saffi knew the exact moment Staffan came inside the ballroom. Perhaps it was the way a palpable wave of lust went through all the females in the crowd, making them literally fan their faces. It could have been the noticeable buzz of whispers or – if she had the courage to peek past the curtains – it could easily be the way hundreds of flash bulbs had suddenly gone off, turning the ballroom into a galaxy of blinking stars from phone and digital cameras.
Trying not to show how much the knowledge of Staffan’s proximity rattled her, Saffi continued almost desperately, “Can we go through the routine again? I’m a little nervous. This is my first time to receive an award. I know it’s not much---I mean, it’s not like I’m a valedictorian or something. It’s just because I’m such a nerd I had submitted the most number of research papers---”
“Staffan Aehrenthal is outside,” Tanya, the senior in charge of directing the entire student-organized event, told her with wide eyes the moment Saffi paused for breath.
Saffi stared fixedly at her notes. “Oh?” She told herself she didn’t care. Well, fine – she did. But that didn’t matter. This was going nowhere and it would never go anywhere because she and Staffan weren’t meant to be.
Tanya’s face became filled with awe. “You’re so cool about this. If he was looking for me, I’d be melting right now---like right this very moment.”
“There’s nothing to be excited about.” Saffi was thankful of the way she was able to sound unaffected even as her insides twisted with pain. “I’m a great…fan of his and from there we became…friends.”
“Really?” Tanya let out an audible sigh of relief. “I’m so glad to hear that! I thought you two had something going on.” She cleared her throat. “Maybe you could introduce me to him later?”
Saffi knew Tanya was subtly asking her to set her up with Staffan. Her first violent instinct was to say no, but she forced herself to smile and nod. “Sure.” She could do it. She had to do it. The sooner Staffan understood that she couldn’t be with him, that she could never be whatever he wanted her to be in his life, the quicker she could have her life back to normal.
And then her name was being called.
~~~
Staffan had just finished refusing the tenth person to offer giving up his front-row seat to him when Saffi’s name was finally called. His attention immediately arrested, Staffan held his breath as the curtains parted and Saffi slowly walked into the center of the stage.
She was an angelic vision in white, her curly hair
falling in beautiful waves past her bare shoulders. A ruby-red pendant gleamed against her skin, and Staffan knew the way it rested in the valley of her breasts would draw lustful gazes all around. His jaw clenched with jealousy, and it was all he could do not to race up the stage and cover Saffi with his jacket. If he ever fucking found which goddamn idiot designed Saffi’s dress, that person was going to lose his fucking business. He’d goddamn make sure of it.
Staffan wrestled his gaze away from her just to look at the crowd, and his fears proved to be true. Everyone was practically ogling her and it took all of his legendary self-control not to order everyone out. This was fucking family property, and he definitely had the right to do so if he wanted. And if it weren’t for the fact that Staffan needed to crawl his way back into Saffi’s good graces, he would have done so without a qualm.
When she took the award and the microphone, her eyes briefly scanned the crowd. “Thank you so much for---” Saffi stumbled into a stop when her gaze met Staffan’s. When she hadn’t seen him in the front row, she had started to breathe more easily. After all, he was Staffan Aehrenthal. He was always used to the best, and he’d never be the type to sit anywhere but the front row.
But apparently, she was wrong.
Saffi took a deep breath and started again. “I’m really thankful for this award. I know it says in this plaque An Award for Prolific Achievements, but we all know that just means I’m the biggest nerd in school.” She smiled as she waited for the laughter to die down. “But it’s okay, really, because I’m happy as a nerd. Personally, I think it’s just another way of describing a person who’s found his or her passion in life. This university helped me find my passion, and I’ll be forever thankful for that. So…” She lifted her award up. “I’m offering this to my fellow nerds!”
Practically everyone came to their feet after that, thunderous applause filling the room and startling Saffi. Flushed with pleasure at the way her speech was received, she had been able to momentarily forget about everything that happened in the past…until she came face to face with Staffan, who was waiting for her backstage.