“Not one text.” Lisa sucked her teeth. “Five texts.” Lisa reached over to the coffee table and turned the plate around, examining the cookies, probably looking for the one with the most chocolate chips. She finally picked out two and slid the plate back to the middle of the table.
“So, fast forward to the present. I get a text two days ago, and I don’t recognize the number. It says, Hey beautiful lady. How are you? So, of course, my curiosity gets the best of me, and I answer and text, Fine, who is this? This nut has the nerve to write back, The love of your life—Randy. Girl, I almost threw the phone. I texted him back and said I was busy on a shoot. He wasn’t worth a minute more of my time.”
“I know that’s right, girl,” I said. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to even contact you.”
Lisa sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “So, I didn’t even think about him. This afternoon, I get this text from him saying he’s going to be in town this weekend and he’d love to have the opportunity to meet me. I texted back, Hmmm, things didn’t work out with that other girl, huh? He writes back, No it didn’t. How did you know? Now y’all know I’m trying to get delivered from the spirit of sarcasm, but he took me there. I wrote back, I’m prophetic. The Lord showed it to me by divine revelation. This nut writes back, Wow you really are prophetic. That’s amazing. Godly and beautiful. What a combination. I just stared at the phone. Couldn’t believe he could be that dumb. So, then he sends another text. So do I get to meet you this weekend, lovely woman of God?”
“No way in the world. Are you serious?” I asked.
“Girl, yes. I just wrote back, No, I’ll be spending my weekend with my wonderful new man of God. Then I blocked my phone, so he couldn’t call or text me anymore. God’s gonna have to forgive me for lying.”
We all laughed.
I wondered when Lisa would get tired of it all. If I’d had so many bad experiences, I’d shut it down and start praying for God to make me a eunuch.
“So, Angie, how’s Gary?” Vanessa asked. “Is he coming, or are you going this weekend?”
“I’m going down there. He has to work late tomorrow, so it’s easier for me to travel.”
Angela’s glow was blinding. I thought we were going to have to put a veil on her, like the Israelites did with Moses.
“Where do you stay when you go down there?” Nicole shivered and pulled a blanket around her shoulders, snuggling back into the couch. “Does he put you up in a nice hotel?”
“Well . . . um . . . the first few times I stayed in a hotel, but the last time, I stayed in his guest room.” Angela munched on a cookie. “We both figured there was no sense in spending all that money since we spend so much of our time together anyway.”
We all sat silent for a few minutes.
Finally, Vanessa said, “Angela, do you think that’s a good idea?” She got up to adjust the thermostat. Sometimes she overdid it with the air conditioner.
Angela shrugged. “It’s not like we’re doing anything. He sleeps in his bedroom. I sleep in the guestroom. It’s really no different from the hotel, if you think about it.”
“No different from the hotel? Instead of miles, you’re sleeping within feet of the man you’re in love with?” Vanessa said gently.
“We’re not going to do anything,” Angela said.
Lisa asked, “You don’t get tempted?”
“Not at all. I’ve waited this long. I’m not gonna mess up now.”
“How do you know?” Lisa asked.
“Because I’m not. We’re both committed to waiting until marriage. And, yes, we talked. I told him I was a virgin and that made him feel even more committed to us not doing anything.”
Was it me, or did Angela seem a little too defensive? “Yeah, but even if you’re committed, that doesn’t mean you’re above temptation. You’re still human, Angela,” I said.
“I’m not like that. I don’t get all hot and bothered like you guys do. I guess ’cause I’ve never had sex. I mean, I enjoy kissing him and all and snuggling and being close to him. We even slept in the bed together one night because we fell asleep watching a movie, and nothing happened.”
“You slept in the bed with him?” Me, Lisa, and Nicole asked together.
Angie put a hand over her mouth, like she hadn’t meant to let that slip out.
Vanessa put a hand on Angela’s shoulder. “Sweetie, you’re playing a very dangerous game. Gary is a grown man, and even though he may have every intention of waiting until marriage, you can’t put yourself in that kind of position. You’re asking to fall.”
Angie shrugged off Vanessa’s hand. “We’re not going to fall. Gary is godly, and I’m godly. I’m a virgin at forty-one. Doesn’t that count for something? Why don’t you guys have any faith in me?”
“It’s not a matter of having faith in you, Angie,” I said. “It’s understanding the flesh and our natural urges. Especially a man’s urges. It’s human nature. If you play with fire, no matter how careful you are, you eventually get burnt.”
Vanessa chimed in, “Please, sweetie, you’ve got to hear us on this and trust that we know what we’re talking about. I think we’ve all found ourselves in compromising positions. And no matter how much we loved God and how saved we thought we were, it wasn’t enough to keep us. You can’t take it for granted that you won’t do it. Because when you’re the most vulnerable or even when you least expect it, things happen. You don’t want to live with that kind of regret. After holding off this long, you should experience the joy of waiting until your wedding night.”
Angela sat quietly for a few minutes. “I hear you guys, but I assure you, there’s nothing to worry about. Sometimes I even wonder if I have a sex drive. I feel love for Gary, but the sex thing? I feel nothing. There’s no burning or sweating or lusting like Michelle’s always talking about. And Gary is a perfect gentleman.”
“How about we all chip in and pay for your hotel?” Nicole suggested.
“You guys don’t have to do that. It’s really not about the money. I just want to be with him. I’ve never been in love like this before.”
“Exactly why you don’t need to be staying at his house,” Lisa said.
Angela got up and walked toward the kitchen. “Stop worrying. I’m not gonna do anything.”
The four of us let out a collective sigh. I knew we’d all be sending up some serious prayers because Angela’s head was like a brick. And like my daddy always said, a hard head made a soft behind.
Angela came back with a liter of Coke and some cups. I remembered the awful feeling the first time me and my ex slipped. I felt like dirt. Worse than dirt. I didn’t want to go to church. Didn’t want to pray. Didn’t want to face God. The shame was crippling. And in spite of the shame, we did it again. And again. And again. I couldn’t seem to stop. And he didn’t even try. Which is how I ended up married at twenty-one.
And Angela thought she was immune to it. That sex demon that took over your life when you gave it half a chance. That awful thing that made you put on your sexiest lingerie and end up at his apartment when you knew you needed to take your butt home. Then, somehow, you ended up in the bedroom or on the couch, and somehow your clothes came off, and next thing you knew, you were filled with regret that you had messed up yet again.
I shook my head.
“What, Michelle?” Angela almost spat the words at me.
I pursed my lips and shook my head again. “Nothing, sweetie. Nothing at all.” Seemed like all we could do was sit back and pray, hoping for the best.
And be there to help Angela put things back together if things went wrong.
fourteen
I didn’t escape the last girls’ night meeting without promising them I would try at least three more dates before I gave up. I don’t how they got that promise out of me. Angela started talking about how wonderful it was to have a date every weekend and how Gary had started hinting about spending the rest of his life with her. Vanessa took over with some spiritual psychobabble about pres
sing in when we want to retreat, and Lisa finished me off with old-maid jokes.
So, I encouraged myself in the Lord and went on the prowl for more dates. Even though things turned out bad with Kelvin, I decided it was safest to stick with guys from the church.
One of the guys that served in the homeless ministry with me had always been a little friendly, and I figured he was worth a try. Any guy concerned about the less fortunate had to be pretty godly, right?
After our latest trip to a downtown women’s shelter, I struck up a conversation and flirted a little, and it wasn’t long before he asked me out.
I decided to try the movies again. As I had found out with Kelvin, if I didn’t like him, at least I could lose myself in a good movie and then the date could be over. And this time, I wouldn’t let the date drag on after any hints that things were gonna go south.
Once again, we met at Stonecrest Mall. Thomas was leaning against a pole waiting for me. Outside the church setting, he had a different look. A different swagger. I didn’t like it.
“Hey, Michelle. Boy, do you look good.” He started a lame LL Cool J impression, licking his thick lips.
“Hey, Thomas. Good to see you, too.” I couldn’t think of another thing to say. So, I smiled and stood there watching him lick his ashy lips. I started to offer him some Chapstick, but I didn’t want to share. No telling how much slob he had built up on those lips of his.
We headed toward the theatre. The line was a little long, so I had no choice but to talk to him for a few minutes. I wanted to tell him to wipe off the white stuff gathering at the edges of his lips. I almost gagged at the thought of him trying to kiss me at the end of the night.
He looked up at the movie choices and times. “You know, I was thinking, instead of seeing Meet the Browns, how about we go see Iron Man?”
I really didn’t want to see Iron Man, but decided to try to be agreeable. “I guess, if that’s what you want to see.”
“Well, I only want to see what you want to see.”
I forced a smile. “I told you what I wanted to see.”
He licked his lips, disrupting some of the white crust. “I know, but I didn’t want to see that. I figured you might want to see Iron Man.”
“Sure, Thomas. That’s fine.” Now I couldn’t even use the deliciously gorgeous men Tyler Perry always seemed to find to star in his movies as a distraction. God, just let this end, please.
“Yeah, but only if you want to see it.”
My only solace now was that I was going to have another funny story to share on girls’ night. “Honestly, I really want to see Meet the Browns, but if you’d rather see Iron Man, that’s fine.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Then take me to see Meet the Browns.” We were almost at the front of the line.
“Okay. Okay.” He stood there for a second. “Wow, I really don’t want to see Meet the Browns. Are you sure you don’t want to see Iron Man?”
It’s a sure sign that a date isn’t going well when you start to imagine what it would feel like to have your fingers gripping the man’s throat.
“You know what, Thomas? I have a great idea. Why don’t you go see Iron Man, and I’ll go see Meet the Browns.”
“But then we won’t be on a date.”
“Exactly.”
He stood there pondering that for a second. “Will I still have to pay for yours then?”
And with that, I simply turned around and walked back to my car.
And then there was Derrick from the youth ministry. He seemed like a godly enough guy from our brief interactions with the kids. After the last youth ministry meeting, I did my usual batting my eyelashes and giggling at non-funny jokes, and next thing I knew, we were on a date.
He took me out to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. He was the perfect gentleman, opening doors and pulling chairs, like his momma had taught him well. He was also cute, with nice white teeth and dimples. Kinda reminded me of Jason. He did the conscientious Christian-guy thing, forcing himself to look at my face every time his eyes instinctively wandered down to my body.
“This is a nice place. How often do you come here?” I looked at the menu to pick a mid-priced item. Another one of Lisa’s rules.
“Only when God leads me. I try to make sure in everything I do and everywhere I go, I’m led by God.”
O-kay . . . the first sign. Hopefully he wasn’t serious. I laughed a little, but realized he wasn’t telling a joke. He seemed to be purposefully looking away from me, making me wonder if I had something in my nose. I thought I looked extra cute tonight—had even worn a V-neck top that gave up a little cleavage.
Second sign . . . when the food came, he grabbed my hand for prayer. “Father, in the name of Jesus, we bless this food, Father God in the name of Jesus. And we pray that you cleanse it of all impurities, Father God in the name of Jesus. We declare that it is blessed and that it blesses our bodies with health and life, Father God in the name of Jesus. We curse any curses on this food and bind any curses that may have been imparted into it by the hands that prepared it, Father God in the name of Jesus. We declare that any voodoo or witchcraft that anyone in the kitchen may be participating in to bring curses into our lives does not affect us, Father God in the name of Jesus, and we curse the curse and plead the blood and declare it has no effect on us, Father God in the name of Jesus.”
I peeked out of one eye at his face, intense with his mealtime intercession. You never knew what was inside of someone until you spent ten minutes with them. Only then could you get an inkling of how warped they might be.
As he continued on in warfare over our dinner, I hoped it wouldn’t be long before I could partake of what had to be the most blessed, curse-free chicken I would ever eat in my life. I had to wonder what brought him to this point. Had some girl worked some roots on him in his past?
I tuned back into his prayer just in time to hear him say, “And I rebuke the spirit of perversion. You foul demon, you will not tempt me. I curse you and plead the blood over my life and my purity. You will not cause me to fall tonight. I curse you, spirit of lust. You foul demon of sexual impurity, I curse you. Satan, the Lord rebuke you. You will not draw me into sexual sin.” He dropped my hand like it was hot and drew back. He looked at me like I was Jezebel herself.
“Michelle, I am sensing a strong spirit of perversion here. I’m not sure if it’s you or if it’s someone in the restaurant, but I want to serve the devil notice that I will not fall into sexual sin tonight. I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and declare that the blood of Jesus is covering my life.”
I flagged down the waitress. “Can I get my food to go?”
Then there was Larry. Should have known better than to let Erika set me up with someone who she knew would be “perfect” for me.
I had decided that with any new guy, we would meet for coffee first, and then if I didn’t like him, I didn’t have to sit through a whole dinner or a whole movie. He met me at my car a few doors down from the Starbucks in downtown Decatur. He was nice-looking. Nice chocolate brown with a shiny bald head, nice broad nose and strong chin. Maybe tonight would be a better night.
After we shook hands and went through the nice-to-meet-you routine, we started walking down the street and he grabbed my hand. “I hope you don’t mind me holding your hand. I like to show my ladies affection.”
I tried to not be too abrupt when I pulled my hand away. “That’s sweet, but I’d like to get to know you better first.” And I don’t know where your hand has been. I looked longingly at my car, wanting to dash back to it, get in and go screeching down the street. Just coffee, Michelle, and a new story for the girls.
So we ordered our coffee and sat in those comfortable armchairs in Starbucks. We didn’t get too far into the small talk before I started to wonder what it was about him that made Erika think I would want to go out with him. He bantered about his years working at the post office and all the stress that went with that line of work.
As he droned
on and on about stuff I had no interest in, I remembered Angela asking about dating a guy without a college degree. It wasn’t about being snotty about his level of education. It was more a matter of him not having anything to talk about that I wanted to hear.
When it came time for me to talk about what I did, he listened intently, then said, “Wow. That’s intimidating. You’re really successful. That’s really intimidating for a guy like me.”
Strike two. Time to go ahead and get it over with. I asked one of my most important rule-out questions. “So what’s your ultimate? Your dream? Where are you trying to go with your life?”
He sat there for a second, blinking, like he had never considered that question.
I sat quietly, waiting for him to come up with something. Even if I never saw him again, maybe my role here was to make him think about destiny and purpose.
“I don’t know. Haven’t really ever thought about that.” He kept blinking with a blank stare.
“Really? Never?” Sir, you are forty years old. When do you plan to think about it?
He shrugged. “I guess it hasn’t been important.”
What could be more important? I wanted to scream at him.
I could tell I had him feeling bad about himself, so I figured I’d change the subject to something he could brag about. “So, Erika tells me you have two daughters?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t have to worry about them. They both live with their mothers. One in Texas and the other in Kentucky. I haven’t seen either of them in a couple of years. They wouldn’t be a problem.” He said it like I should be relieved.
You haven’t seen your children in years?! What kind of deadbeat are you?
I decided to change the subject to give him one last chance to redeem himself, not that there was much chance of that. “So, where do you go to church?”
Erika had gone on and on about how we would hit it off because he was such a spiritual man. Even though I had already ruled him out, talking about God might at least make the rest of this brief coffee date slightly interesting.
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