Say Uncle

by Benjamin Laskin

  “If I don’t have to eat them, why would I kill them?”

  “Okay, okay,” Melody said, shaking her head. “I’ll pick out a target…” She scanned the surrounding area.

  Noriko said, “Where’s Ellery?”

  Zeeva called out my name. I didn’t answer. Frankly, I was furious and disappointed, not because of Melody’s badgering, but because of the girls’ laxness. They weren’t taking the Organization seriously enough. I was thirty yards away and could hear the snap of Zeeva’s gum in her mouth. I thought if any Organization agents were within a mile of us they’d hear the girls’ voices. Huddled together, their backs to the open woods, they made themselves easy targets. I felt very tempted to shoot one of them in the foot just to teach them a lesson.

  Johanna said, “You think he fell asleep? He’s been doing that a lot lately.”

  Aidos said, “He’s not sleeping.”

  “How do you know that?” Noriko asked.

  Melody said, “She’s stalling. She wants us to go look for him so she doesn’t have to shoot.”

  “Mel,” Johanna said, “would you cut it out? You want her to think you’re a total bitch? She doesn’t know you like we do.”

  “Then you know I don’t care what she might think of me.” She flashed a big toothy smile, sparking a round of chuckles.

  “Because she can see him,” a voice said.

  The girls whirled and saw the Stormer kid leaning against the crumbling doorway. Noriko and Johanna turned to Aidos, gobsmacked.

  “Good morning, Max,” Aidos said. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m not sure,” Max said. “I dreamt I had joined the javelin-catching team.”

  “Noriko,” Zeeva said, seeing the shock on her face, “what’s up?”

  “I’ve heard of such a thing but I never really believed it.”

  “What?”

  “Right before you came in, Aidos had laid hands on him.”

  “Really?” Max said. “Did I enjoy it?”

  “So what?” Melody said. “You guys are great medics, that’s all it means.”

  “No, Mel-chan,” Noriko said. “We aren’t that good. He was one foot in the grave thirty minutes ago.”

  “Oh really?” Melody said. “So, cub scout, did you see across the great river to the other side?”

  “Yeah, I did,” Max replied.

  “What did it look like?”

  “Pretty much the same as this side, except everyone had a cute little gap between their front teeth.”

  I snickered along with the others. I was starting to like the lad.

  Melody stepped up to him and flashed a toothy smile. “You mean like this?”

  “Yeah! Just like that.”

  She waved her gun under his nose. “Keep it up junior and you’ll be pulling this Beretta out your ass.” She turned back to Aidos. “Okay, Tweety Bird, show me your stuff. See that big fungus growing on that tree over there?” She pointed. It was about ninety feet away. “Hit it. Hell, just hit the tree and I’ll be impressed.”

  Aidos froze like a deer; alert, sensing something. She glanced at Max, as if seeking confirmation. He nodded.

  Aidos said, “Don’t you think we ought to be going? Max, are you well enough to ride?”

  “I can do it.”

  “Hold your horses,” Melody said. “This will just take a second.” She motioned again towards the tree.

  Zeeva said, “I’m worried about Ellery. I’m going looking for him.” She started walking, her rifle over her shoulder.

  “’Scuse me,” Max said. “But you’re going the wrong way.” He pointed in the opposite direction, right at me. The girls turned to look. It was a few seconds before they spotted me through the branches.

  “I really think we should hurry,” Aidos said.

  “I agree,” Noriko said. “Zeeva help Ellery down. We don’t want him falling and breaking anything.”

  Zeeva nodded and headed trotting towards me.

  “Silly old man,” Johanna said.

  “I swear,” Melody said, “it’s like babysitting a three-year-old sometimes… Okay, girl, shoot. We don’t have all day. And don’t hit my sis.”

  “Now’s not a good time, Melody,” Aidos said. “We should be getting the horses.” The graveness in her voice caused the girls some consternation. I scanned the forest with my binoculars. I detected nothing unusual.

  Melody said, “So now you’re calling the shots?”

  “She calls ‘em how she sees ‘em,” Max said. “You’d be wise to put aside your Annie Oakley routine and do as she says.”

  “No one asked you,” Melody retorted.

  Max didn’t reply. He seemed elsewhere, searching for something. He turned questioningly to Aidos. She frowned, nodded, and then in one smooth, lightning motion, snatched an arrow from her quiver, loaded, turned and fired…at Zeeva. The arrow sailed past Zeeva’s head and disappeared into the woods. In the next moment she had another arrow on her bow and was pointing it at Melody.

  “What are you doing?” Melody shouted at her.

  As stunned as Melody by Aidos’ behavior, I raised my Steyer to shoot her but she had already let loose. The arrow streaked over Melody’s shoulder. Johanna and Noriko immediately pounced on the girl and tackled her to the ground. She didn’t resist. Both girls put Glocks to her head. Melody had her Beretta out and pointed at Max.

  Zeeva looked up at me from the base of the tree. “What the hell is going on?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well get down here,” Zeeva ordered.

  I tossed her my rifle and made my way down, jumping the last few feet and falling onto a mound of moist, springy pine needles. Zeeva yanked me to my feet and returned my rifle.

  “Did you see that?” she said. “I felt the arrow buzz right past my ear! Is she that awful a shot? The target was twenty feet away from me.”

  “I don’t think she was aiming for the tree.”

  “She was aiming at me? Why?”

  “Let’s find out.”

  We jogged back to the others. Aidos and the Stormer kid were on their butts, hands tied behind their backs. Melody was in a rage. I didn’t know what kept her from pistol-whipping the grinning Stormer.

  “Who are you working for?” Melody demanded. “How much did they pay you?”

  “You’re wasting time,” Max Stormer said.

  “You don’t think I can make you talk? Don’t go there. It’s an ugly place.”

  Aidos said calmly, “He means you’re talking to the wrong people.”

  Melody pointed her gun at her. “Hey, chick, it’ll be a real shame if I have to mess up your pretty face.”

  Aidos smiled, unafraid. “I didn’t kill anyone, but if you don’t—”

  Melody grabbed the girl’s hair and yanked her head back. “Are you threatening me?”

  “Hey, hey, tough guy,” Max said. “If you’d shut up for a sec—”

  Melody whirled and kicked him in the face, tipping him over.

  “Melody!” I ordered.

  She stopped and stood back.

  “Jo,” I said, “help him up.”

  Johanna tipped the lad back up. He spat a mouthful of blood. “Nice kick,” he said.

  “Aidos,” I said, “why did you shoot at my girls?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Then what was that all about?”

  “I was hoping you’d tell me.”

  “Huh?”

  Max said, “Go see for yourselves. We don’t know who they are, only that one was about to take her out,” he nodded at Zeeva, “…and the other, Calamity Jane here.”

  “There’s no one out there,” I said. “I looked.”

  “We would have heard them,” Melody said.

  “Over your yammering?” Max said. “I’m telling you now, if you don’t hurry they’ll get away.”

  “All right,” I said. “Noriko, you watch them. Jo, Mel, you go that way. Zeeva come with me.”

  Aidos said, “Careful. They�
��re armed.”

  Zeeva and I trotted back towards the tree I had been in, guns ready. We split up and tree by tree, edged deeper into the woods. I still didn’t see anything.

  “Drop it!”

  Zeeva stepped out from behind a tree. She was pointing her Desert Eagle in the air. A rifle dropped at my feet. I looked up and saw a blood-drenched man dangling headfirst from the tree above me, his left boot caught in a fork of branches. An arrow stuck out from his chest, just below his collarbone.

  “Well, I’ll be—”

  We heard a gun blast.

  “Watch him,” I said, and took off in the direction of the blast. When I arrived on the scene I found Johanna flipping through a deadman’s pockets. He had an arrow in the same spot as the first.

  Melody said, “He was crawling away. Jo told him to freeze and he went for his gun. She shot him. What did you find?”

  “A man hanging upside down in a tree.”

  “Did he have one of these in him?” Johanna asked, giving the deadman’s arrow a twang.

  I nodded.

  “Damn,” Melody said. “I hate apologizing.”

  From A to Zeeva

  After an uneventful two-day drive south to the town of Krabi in a van that Melody had secured for us, we took a boat to the tiny, lush, tourist-infested island of Ko Phi Phi in the Andaman Sea. Once an unknown tropical paradise, it now boasted more hotels than a Monopoly board.

  Fortunately, the water was still emerald green, and the coral was colorful and teeming with tropical fish, despite the damage it had suffered. The eight of us rented snorkeling gear and spent the afternoon swimming in the warm waters, marveling at the magical world that thrived just a few feet under the surface.

  I had never snorkeled before either, and I could not have imagined a more beautiful place. It was like swimming in a huge aquarium. As soon as I entered the water and beheld the enchanting kingdom a mere arm’s reach away, my earthly concerns vanished. The noisy world of man seemed little more than a slice of musty cheese sandwiched between the clouds above and the pebbly bottom below.

  The girls glided and dove like mermaids around my dog-paddling self. Their bikini-clad bottoms were no less remarkable than the aquatic beauty that framed them. Oh what a catch one of them would make, I mused as I goggled at them through my mask. I wondered if there was ever a fisherman worthy enough to reel in one of their kind. Certain my peeping went unnoticed, Melody appeared from nowhere and slapped my mask off with her fin. She waved a naughty-naughty finger at me, and swam off. Blushing but unbowed, I retrieved my mask and continued my oceanic ogling.

  ···

  Later we caught another boat, and by late afternoon we were on the island of Ko Lanta. Unlike Phi Phi, the tourist industry was only just discovering this island’s charms: no big hotels or tourist buses here. Feet, motor scooters, and songthaews (small pick-up trucks with two rows of bench seats down the sides), were the preferred modes of transportation.

  As soon as we stepped off the boat people swarmed us, offering us rides to their privately owned bungalows. They were persistent, but we waded through their numbers. Noriko knew where she wanted to go, and we followed her.

  She spotted a young Thai man standing next to a muddy songthaew and waved to him. By the way his face lit up, I knew he had been expecting us. We tossed our packs into the back of the truck and climbed aboard. After twenty dusty, bumpy minutes we came upon The Andaman Sea Garden Bungalows, a cluster of seven thatched huts on the edge of the jungle. It was separated from the water by a wide stretch of silky white sand. Paradise found. I nearly expected Gilligan and the Skipper to come running up to greet us.

  The proprietress, a tiny, energetic woman named Iku, ran the bungalows with her two sisters. The three women welcomed us with warm Thai smiles. I could tell that they knew Noriko and the others from previous stays. Iku and Noriko exchanged words in Thai as I surveyed the grounds. I noticed we were the only guests and learned that Noriko had reserved the entire place in advance. Iku was to turn away all other persons. Noting the size of the wad of baht she stuffed into Iku’s hand and the woman’s beaming smile, I don’t think the lady felt put out by Noriko’s request.

  We divvied up the bungalows. Doreen and I got the biggest one; a simple, wood-framed hut made almost entirely from palm branches and bamboo, airy and clean. It had one large bed with a mosquito net over it, a small table, a shower, and a squat toilet. Three hooks on the wall with a couple of dangling wire hangers served as a closet. I slid my backpack off and tossed it into a corner.

  “Well?” I said, expecting to see Doreen’s disapproving frown.

  She set her pack on the floor. “It’s cute. I like it. How about you?”

  “Are you kidding? This is the coolest place I’ve ever been in my life! Check out the porch.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her back outside. On the railed porch were two bamboo chairs and a small table. “Look, from here we can sit and watch the sunset! And check out the beautiful beach we have all to ourselves. It doesn’t get better than this!”

  Doreen took a deep breath of sea air. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Hey, you two,” Zeeva said, walking up. She had changed into a blue wrap-around batik skirt with big white lotus flowers and matching bikini top. The skirt was short and slit up the side, revealing her shapely, tan legs. Slung around one shoulder she carried a black daypack. “I’m going for a stroll on the beach. Wanna come?”

  Doreen said, “You guys go ahead. I’m going to take a nap. I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “Are you sure? I was just going to that point over there to have a peek at what’s around the other side. It’s not far.”

  “That’s okay. Tomorrow’s another day.”

  “Okay… Let’s go, Guy.”

  I sprang over the railing to her side like a cocker spaniel. Woof! I was glad Doreen didn’t want to come. I had been looking for a chance to be alone with Zeeva.

  Once we were out of earshot Zeeva said, “I think Doreen is still mad at me.”

  “What do you expect? She thought you were her best friend, until, of course, she found out it was a con job, and that you were just using her.”

  “No, Guy! I mean…yes, I did deceive her a little, but I love Doreen. I meant every day we were together. All our talks, all our laughter, all the good times. They were for real. I wish she would understand.”

  “Understand? Not Doreen. When it comes to people she doesn’t think, she feels. She’s not interested in your intrigues. She’s interested in faith and trust and loyalty. She’s weird that way.”

  “But I am those things. I never abandoned her. I’ve done everything I could to protect her, and you. It’s just that my world is a little more complicated than yours.”

  “More dangerous, yeah, but not more complicated. You think we’re just a couple of naive kids raised with silver spoons up our butts, whose biggest concerns in life are getting good grades, a high-stress job, and unhappily married with a huge mortgage payment, rotten kids, and a good shrink to explain it all in the end. And I’ll tell you something—you’re right. That pretty much sums us up. But is it easy? Is it uncomplicated? Hell no.

  “You, on the other hand,” I went on, “you don’t worry about any of that stuff. You just worry about staying alive. But you know what, big deal. You die, who’s gonna miss you? Your little band of fellow, ice-hearted super soldiers, yeah, but that’s about it. Besides, from what I’ve seen you’re pretty damn good at staying alive, so I wouldn’t even worry too much about that.”

  “That hurts, Guy. I didn’t think you had such a mean streak.”

  “Hey, that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I like you. I like you a lot. I’ve always liked you… Wanna be my girlfriend?”

  Zeeva chuckled and shoved me with her shoulder. “You’re a confused individual, Guy.”

  “Exactly. One’s life requires an inordinate amount of complication to achieve my magnitude of confusion.”

  We continued strolling along the water’s e
dge. Zeeva was barefoot and I was still in my boots.

  “Why don’t you take your boots off and feel the sand between your toes. It feels great.”

  “No way. That would be like charging Omaha beach without a helmet. These puppies have saved my life more than once.”

  “I think we’re safe here, Guy.”

  “You don’t get it. I’m gonna be buried in these boots.”

  “Suit yourself.” She took a little hop and dug her feet into the cool sand.

  “Have a talk with her,” I said. “A little heart to heart, you know? Doreen eats that slop up.”

  “Why do you say slop? You don’t think I have feelings? You think everything I say is a lie?”

  “Don’t get so defensive. I meant that Doreen is the sentimental type, that’s all.”

  “No, you didn’t…” Her words trailed off. “I’m a woman like any other. I think like a woman, feel like a woman—laugh, worry, and cry like a woman.”

  “You sure don’t throw like one! Not many women I know can knife a man in the throat at ten paces.”

  “I’m not talking about that stuff. Anyone can learn the things I know.”

  “Maybe, but few would care to.”

  Zeeva didn’t reply. She hung her head and looked at the sand she was scooping up with her bare feet with each step.

  “So why did you?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a soldier. I couldn’t wait until I turned eighteen so that I could go into the army. The other kids thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I used to listen to the men talk about their war experiences, about ‘48, ‘56, ‘67, ‘73, ’82, the intifadas, and so on…

  “They told many awful and frightening stories, but I felt an attraction to the danger. I used to wonder, what if a war were to come to my kibbutz? What would I do? I wanted to protect everyone. I wanted to be able to fight back. War has touched every Israeli. Most people serve in the army, men and women. Nearly every Israeli knows someone who has died or been wounded in war or at the hands of terrorists.”

  “I’m sure that’s nothing I could ever understand,” I said. “Phoenix is a long way from any battlefield… Do you remember when Anya and the girls first arrived on your kibbutz?”