Pain Lived, Love Found

by Lake, Thalia

  “I know Mikey, you’re right. But how do I make it right?” I asked desperately.

  “Have you called him?”

  “No.”

  “No? Why not? Girl, that should have been the first thing you did!” Michael yelled.

  “I…..well….I was scared he’d push me away again!” I yelled back.

  “Sloane, you messed up and if you want this relationship to work then you gotta suck up your hurt little feelings and go to that man and make things right. Call him, reach out to him in some kind of way to show him that you care before he backs all the way off. How long has it been since you talked to him?”

  “Three days.”

  “Three days? Michael yelled. “Sloane, all he needed was one day tops to calm down. Now he probably thinks you don’t care. I’m gonna get out of here so you can handle your business,” Michael said as he stood up and drank the rest of his beer and tossed it in the trash.

  “He sounds like a good dude from what you’ve told me, but you know I need to meet him to be sure, right?” he said, as he gave me a serious look.

  “Yes, I know Michael,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “I always said you’d end up with a white boy didn’t I?” he said laughing, as he poked me teasingly in the arm.

  “Oh shut up, and stop poking me!” I said as I slapped his hand away and tried not to laugh with him. He was right, he did always say that I’d end up with a white guy.

  “Call him. Now,” Michael said getting serious again before he opened my door. I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

  “I will. I love you, Clyde.”

  “I love you too, Bonnie. Stay sweet, baby girl.”

  After I had closed my door, my mind raced, and I began to feel nervous. I walked into the kitchen and picked up my cell phone. I searched for Luca’s name and took a deep breath. It was seven in the evening, and he could be anywhere or with anyone. The thought of him being with someone else made me feel sick. I had no right to be angry since I practically pushed him away. I exhaled and pushed the green call button on my cell phone and listened to the phone ring. My heart was beating rapidly, and my palms were sweaty.

  “Hello?” came his deep, rich voice. He had answered on the second ring.

  “Hi Luca. It’s Sloane. Am I calling at a bad time?” I asked nervously.

  “No, I was just cooking some dinner. How are you?” he asked in a concerned voice. Hope began to swell in my chest. He was genuinely concerned which meant I had an opening to apologize.

  “I’ve been miserable actually. I hate the way things ended between us the other day, and I was too much of a coward to call you sooner because I was scared you’d push me away.”

  “Sloane, baby…..” Luca said, but I cut him off. God I loved the way he sounded when he called me baby. I had to force myself to stay focused and not swoon over this man that I missed so terribly.

  “No, let me finish Luca. I had no right to treat you the way I did, and I understand why you are so upset with me. It’s not fair of me to push my hang-ups on you and accuse you of things that you didn’t do. I am so sorry, and I feel so ashamed.”

  “Apology accepted, but I’m not angry with you anymore. I just needed time to cool off. I figured you needed time to sort things out, so I left you alone. It killed me not hearing your voice or seeing you these past few days Sloane. I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too. Don’t give up on me Luca. I have a lot of hang-ups and I’m working on them.”

  “I’ll never give up on you or us, Sloane. Nobody is perfect, and I have hang-ups of my own. My temper is one of them, but I’m working on it. I’m not violent unless provoked, and I would never be violent towards you or any woman for that matter, but I can have a short fuse at times. I don’t want you to be afraid of me because I have never, nor will I ever lay my hands on a woman. Not unless you like being spanked……”

  “Luca!” I said even though secretly I was quite turned on at the thought of being spanked on my bottom by his big warm hand…. Whew! Ok, let’s get back on topic.

  He chuckled and said “I’m just sayin….some people are into that.”

  “I’m aware of that,” I said smiling.

  “Have you eaten dinner yet?” he asked.

  “No, not yet.”

  “Why don’t you come over and have dinner with me. There’s more than enough for two people.”

  “What’s your address?” I asked, as I grabbed a pen and paper.

  “12250 Windcrest Drive.”

  “Oh, that’s not far. So that’s why you got to my place so quickly,” I said, smiling.

  “Give me ten minutes and I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll be waiting,” he said, sexily.

  Warmth spread throughout my body at the thought of seeing Luca. I missed him so much. I missed his touch, his kiss, his arms wrapped around me. I missed his voice, his smile, his laugh. I missed him. I threw on my favorite pair of worn jeans with a hole in the knee and my oversized off the shoulder black sweater and my black boots. I took my pick and fluffed my hair a bit and put on some lip gloss and mascara. I put on my coat and grabbed my keys and left my loft. I made a quick stop at the market and picked up a decadent chocolate cake from the bakery and a nice bottle of red wine and then headed to Luca’s place.

  The condo he lived in was fairly new. I remember when they were revitalizing the old historic buildings there and turning them into condos. They overlook the river, and it’s a nice quiet spot. I parked out front and walked to his private entrance and rang the doorbell. He was there within seconds with a towel over his shoulder that he dried his hands on.

  He looked so relaxed and handsome. He had on a white t-shirt that hugged his lovely muscular chest and showed off the bulging muscles in his arms. I knew he had a nice body under those suits, but I didn’t know he had it like that! He had on some gray loose fitting jogging pants, and he was barefoot. Everything about him looked sexy.

  “There she is. God, I missed your face,” he said in a low rumble before he took me into his arms and kissed me dizzy. He slowly walked me inside before kicking the door closed, never losing contact with my lips as he did so. He pulled me closer and tighter into his arms as if he was trying to melt me into him.

  He pulled back and cupped my face, gazing deeply into my eyes.

  “Let’s promise that we never go days without speaking after a fight. I can’t tell you how many times I almost drove to your place to see you. It drove me crazy not seeing you or hearing from you Sloane.”

  “I know. I hated not seeing you or hearing your voice too. I promise to never do that again,” I said, before kissing him sweetly on the lips again.

  We touched foreheads and smiled at each other when he asked “So what’s in the bags?”

  “I stopped at the market and got us some dessert and some wine,” I said, smiling as I held up the bag. He let me out of his arms and took my hand and led me through his beautiful, spacious condo to his kitchen. It was huge with stainless steel everything and natural wood flooring and a vaulted ceiling. I loved the old warehouse yet modern feel of it.

  “I love your place, and this kitchen is amazing,” I said, as I looked around.

  “Thank you. I like to cook so having a big kitchen was a must. It’s nice when my family comes by, and they can all fit in here. I’ll give you a tour after dinner,” he said smiling at me as he stirred some sauce on his range top. Whatever he was cooking smelled divine.

  I put the cake and wine on the island and took off my coat.

  “Here, let me take that,” he said, as he took my coat and hung it in the living room closet.

  “Dinner is ready,” he announced. “Let’s eat.” He turned off all the burners on the stove and grabbed plates and forks for us. I brought them to the island and got two wine glasses that were hanging on a rack in the corner of the kitchen.

  He put penne pasta with a red tomato sauce loaded with chunks of chicken breast, shrimp, and Italian sausage on both of our
plates. It looked and smelled so good my mouth watered.

  “Would you like some fresh parmesan?” he asked.

  “Yes, please.”

  He grated the fresh cheese over my food until I told him to stop, and then he did the same to his own.

  “I almost forgot about the garlic bread,” he said as he ran to the counter and grabbed the bread basket that was covered with a cloth to keep it warm.

  He sat down on the stool across from me and took my hands into his. “Do you mind if I say grace?” he asked.

  I was pleasantly surprised that he wanted to say grace for us. It’s nice to know he has a spiritual side too.

  “No, not at all,” I said smiling.

  Bowing his head he began to pray:

  “Heavenly father, please bless this food that we are about to eat. Please help and guide Sloane and I as we try to get to know each other and help us to be patient with one another and open our hearts to each other. There’s no other woman I want to be on this journey with Lord, so I pray that this lasts forever. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.”

  I was barely able to say ‘amen’ because I was almost in tears. I looked up to find Luca’s eyes on me. I saw the sincerity in his eyes and something else much deeper.

  “That was beautiful. Thank you for praying for us,” I said.

  “I meant every word of it. “ Luca said as he looked me in the eyes. I was so touched I didn’t know what else to say, so I picked up my fork and began to eat. The first bite of the food was so delicious that I closed my eyes and moaned in pleasure.

  “This tastes so good!” I exclaimed.

  Smiling, Luca said, “Thank you. It’s one of the simpler dishes my mother taught me to make before I went off to college. I couldn’t always afford to have shrimp though.”

  “Really? But your family is well off,” I said in confusion.

  “Yes they are, but I paid my own way through college. I didn’t want everything handed to me. In high school, I got teased because of our family’s wealth. I wanted to be normal and liked for me, not because of the money my family had, so I tried to hang out with the “normal” kids. They were cool at first until one kid who didn’t like me found out who my family was. They thought I was playing a joke on them for wanting to hang out, or that I pitied them. Long story short, I was rejected, and thought I was like all the other snobby, spoiled rich kids at our school even though I wasn’t. Ever since then I was determined to earn my own way. Everything I have right now, everything I own I earned myself. It makes me feel proud that I accomplished something on my own. I never liked asking my father for money even though he’d say that he worked hard, so we didn’t have to. If you always have everything handed to you, you won’t work hard for anything nor will you appreciate it. That’s just how I feel.”

  “I’m so sorry you were treated that way in school. If you’re poor you’re mistreated, if you’re rich you’re mistreated. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Kids are so cruel. I think it's very admirable of you to want to earn your own money and do for yourself. That’s very rare to hear from someone in your position.”

  We were quiet for a moment while we both ate our food. I decided to switch gears and ask him something I was dying to know.

  “Tell me about your last serious relationship,” I said, before taking another generous bite of my food.

  Luca glanced at me and wiped his mouth with his napkin. He leaned back from his plate and began to speak.

  “It was three years ago. Her name was Andrea Lawson. She’s the daughter of Senator Victor Lawson. When I first met her, I didn’t know who her family was. I’m not into politics like that. She was a wonderful woman, smart, ambitious, but the more serious we got, the more her family tried to interfere. They were obsessed with image and appearances, and I guess to a certain extent I can understand why. When it came down to choosing between us being together or her family, she chose her family. She wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps and have a political career even though she never mentioned that to me while we were dating. That’s not the life I wanted. I’m a very private, low-key kind of person. Constantly going to functions, dinners, fundraisers and rallies is not the life I wanted. I want kids, and I don’t want them raised on the campaign trail or in the public eye. I want a normal, quiet life with the woman I love, and a bunch of kids running around our house.”

  I took a moment to take in everything he said and smiled inwardly at his last comment. I want kids too.

  “At least you realized that it wasn’t going to work before it went any further. That saved you both from further heartache.”

  “Yeah, but I was upfront with Andrea from the beginning. I told her what I wanted and what I was looking for, and she pretended like she wanted the same. I guess she thought she could change me as time went on, but I never changed. If anything she changed because she became more and more active in politics, and I have nothing against that. I just wasn’t the right man to take that journey with her. So what about you? Who was the last person you dated?” Luca asked, as he delved back into his meal.

  I initiated this conversation, so I had to share my history as well. I took a deep breath before I spoke, and for the first time I wasn’t afraid to tell all.

  “His name was Christian Lee. We went to high school together. He was a senior, and I was a sophomore. We were always cool with each other but never dated in high school. Years later we ran into each other in New York of all places. We were both there for business and happened to stay at the same hotel. We had dinner, sat and talked for hours and decided to keep in touch. About a month later we began to date, but of course I wanted to keep things light while he was looking for something serious. He’s a great guy, a really great guy, but I wasn’t ready. I was too career driven at the time and didn’t leave much room for anything else. We barely saw each other or spent time together, so we mutually ended it.”

  “And now? Are you ready for something serious now, Sloane?” Luca asked in a serious tone, as he looked at me. “I want you to be sure before we go any further,” he continued.

  I didn’t need to think about my answer, and there was no hesitation when I spoke.

  “Yes, I’m ready. I like you, and I can’t believe I’m saying it out loud to you right now, but I do. I’m tired of being afraid and feeling like I’m being held hostage by my mother’s mistakes because I’m so afraid that I’m going to make the same ones. I’m ready to be happy, and so far you make me happy Luca Santorini.”

  “You make me happy too,” he said, smiling. He leaned over the island and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

  We finished our dinner and had dessert. While we were indulging in the sinfully chocolate cake, there was something I was dying to ask Luca. “So Andrea was black, or bi-racial if you will. Was she the first black or non-Italian woman you’ve dated?”

  Luca looked up me with a sexy grin on his face as though he was anticipating that question from me.

  “No, she wasn’t. I’ve always been equal opportunity. Color means nothing to me. It’s the person, the woman and whether or not we connect mentally, intellectually, and physically. Am I the first non-black man you’ve dated?” he asked with a questioning eyebrow raised.

  “You’re the second. The first was in college. His name was Sam, and he was cute, a jock. Very sweet and kind but his parents weren’t too keen on him tiptoeing outside of his race. At first he ignored them, but then he started to get pressure from his football coaches, and it was just too much for him to deal with so we mutually ended it. It bothered me that he wouldn’t stand up to any of them for me. I despise weak men. I need a take charge man who goes after what he wants no matter what anyone says.”

  I then slowly took a forkful of my cake into my mouth while I looked Luca in the eyes. I don’t know what came over me teasing this man. I knew I was playing with fire, but I wanted to see his reaction. I wanted to see if I had the same effect on him that he had on me.

  I saw his breath catch in hi
s throat as his eyes zeroed in on my lips and then back to my eyes. He sat his fork down on his plate and wiped his mouth with his napkin before he spoke.

  “I wouldn’t tease if I were you, Sloane. Not unless you want that beautiful ass of yours spanked. Naked.”

  This time my breath hitched in my throat, and my eyes widened in surprise. The naughty girl in me wanted to experience him getting me naked and feel him spanking me, having his big warm hand slap against my soft, sensitive bottom as I cried out in pleasure and pain… Oh God. My panties are dripping wet just thinking about it!

  “Let’s clean the kitchen,” I said, as I stood up and gathered our dishes to take to the sink. Luca smiled a devilish smile. “Yes, lets.”

  His response let me know that he was dead serious about carrying out his threat of spanking me naked. My skin flushed, and I felt very warm. I had to resist fanning myself. He didn’t need to know how deeply he affected me. Not yet at least.

  We worked well as a team as we cleaned the kitchen and put away the leftovers. As promised, he gave me a tour of his spacious two-bedroom condo. It was beautifully decorated and had a ton of natural light from the huge floor to ceiling windows and skylights. It was his master bedroom that truly took my breath away. It was huge, bigger than my living and dining room put together in my loft. I could tell it was his safe haven by the way it was decorated. His walls were painted a rich cream color, but the wall that his bed sat against was his accent wall, and it was painted a rich burgundy. All of his furniture was made of handcrafted natural wood. The colors he used to decorate were all warm, calming earth tones with a few pops of orange, reds, and blues as accent colors. He had natural wood flooring as well, but his bed sat on top of a plush cream carpet. The view his bedroom had of the city and the river was breathtaking. There was a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall across from his bed and a built in bookcase and reading nook by one of his large windows. There was a sitting area on the other side of his room with a comfortable burgundy couch and matching chairs and a fireplace. His room was so comfortable and welcoming I didn’t want to leave. He had beautiful artwork hanging on his walls. I recognized some of the artwork. One was a well-known local African American artist named Charles Fielding.