Pain Lived, Love Found

by Lake, Thalia

  “I’m sorry Cara. Luca told me a little about your family. He didn’t go into any detail, but I’m sorry you had such a hard home life. I want you to feel at home here, and with us. I can never take the place or your mama, but I would like for us to get to know each other and be close, Sloane.”

  I walked over to Mama Anna and gave her a big hug. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I was determined not to let them fall. “Thank you, Mama Anna. I want that too,” I said before I pulled back to look her in the face. “My mother didn’t show us a lot of affection, but I know it’s because she didn’t know how. She was never shown love or nurturing from her parents. But I need it, even now as a grown woman. I love her, don’t get me wrong. She did what she thought was right at the time, but it hurt us. In any case, thank you for opening your home and heart to me. I truly appreciate it.”

  She tenderly held my face in her hands and said, “Cara, we all need love. I would adopt all the motherless children in the world if I could, that’s how big my heart is. People say I smother my children and grandchildren when all I’m doing is loving them. If I smothered them, none of them would be here right now. They wouldn’t be able to stand being around me,” she said with a chuckle.

  We both laughed when I felt someone standing in the doorway watching us. When I looked up, I saw that it was Luca. He looked so happy as he stood there smiling and proud. He took his phone out of his pocket and said, “I want a picture of you two. Stay just like that.” We kept our arms around each other and smiled for him.

  ***

  It was finally time to eat and boy was it loud and lively at the Santorini dinner table. I enjoyed every second of it and took it all in. Dessert quickly followed dinner and it was served with coffee. I’m not a late evening coffee drinker, but I see I’d have to get used to it. Seeing Luca with this family, so happy and relaxed, cracking jokes and laughing so hard with his brothers that he had tears coming out of his eyes made my heart burst with happiness. His nieces and nephews were constantly fighting to sit on his lap or sit next to him, and he made sure he gave them all the attention they wanted. Tonight I saw my future playing out before my very eyes. Luca is going to be a wonderful father to our children, and the urge to give him the babies he wanted became strong within me. I began to picture us having Sunday dinner with his family over his parents’ house with our brood of children and it made me smile.

  I was sitting on the sofa next to Luca, who had his arm around me. I didn’t realize he was watching me until he gently kissed me on the cheek and asked, “What are you smiling about?”

  I looked into his beautiful eyes and said “I was just thinking about us coming over here with our brood of kids for Sunday dinner and how I can’t wait for that to happen.”

  I watched as his eyes darkened, and his face got serious.

  “I was thinking the same thing,” he said in a deep voice as he took my hand into his and massaged my palm with his thumb.

  “You’re going to make a wonderful father, Luca. I see how you are with your nieces and nephews, and it’s just so cute to watch,” I said smiling.

  “And you’re going to make a wonderful mother. You have so much love to give Sloane, and I know our kids will be very loved and cared for by you, by the both of us. What I really look forward to is making our babies,” he said as he nipped my neck.

  I had to stifle my squeal and hit his hand. “Luca! Stop it, not here!” I said as I nervously looked around to see if anyone was watching us.

  “We could easily slip away upstairs to a room and have a quickie…..”

  My nipples hardened at the very thought. Curse me and my big mouth for believing that I could keep my hands off of this man before our wedding!

  “I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that while I go enjoy myself with your family.”

  Luca gave me a devilish grin as I got up to sit with his sisters and sister in laws. We stayed over Luca’s parents’ house well into the evening before we finally left. We both had to go to work in the morning, and it had already been a long day. After saying our many goodbyes, Luca took me home. He stood in my foyer for a long time branding me with a long, sensuous good night kiss before I pried our lips apart and pushed him out of the door.

  As I prepared for bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I have yet to tell my mother and two sisters about my wonderful news. It made me sad that I couldn’t experience all of this with my own mother and sisters for fear that they’d do or say something to ruin it for me. I hated that I couldn’t trust them or experience the joy of dress shopping with them without an argument breaking out because of Sarah’s flip mouth or my mother somehow dragging our father into things. Despite all of that, I knew I had to tell my mother which meant she would tell my father. I knew I had to tell Carly, who would no doubt tell Sarah. I had decided that I would tell my mother first because I knew she wasn’t going to like what I had to say. Her husband is not welcome to any part of me and Luca’s special day, so the chances of her not attending my wedding were very high.

  Chapter Twenty-Five - Telling The Others

  Monday morning while sitting in my office I decided to call my mother on her cell phone. It was the safest and easiest way to talk to her directly without the fear of her husband answering the phone. I just hoped that he was nowhere near her when she answered.

  “Hello?” she said after answering on the third ring.

  “Hey ma, it’s Sloane. Are you busy?”

  “No, just watering the plants upstairs,” she said flatly. I knew she was mad at me because of what transpired between Luca and her husband, but I didn’t care.

  “Well, I just wanted a moment of your time to share some news with you.”

  “Ok.”

  “Luca and I are engaged and we’re getting married September 1st. You are more than welcome to come, but I don’t want my father anywhere near my wedding, reception or dinner.”

  “If your own father can’t be there then I won’t be there either. He’s your father, Sloane.”

  I wasn’t about to get into this tired argument with my mother. It was a total waste of time and energy. She knows how I feel about her husband and I refuse to keep beating this dead horse.

  “I figured as much, but I thought I’d extend the invitation to you anyway. If you change your mind call me and I’ll give you all the details.”

  “I can’t believe you’d treat your father this way. All of you kids are the most ungrateful, spoiled kids I’ve ever seen! You make me regret ever giving birth to any of you! I don’t care how you feel; that man is still your father, and you should show him respect!” my mother ranted.

  I rolled my eyes and my finger itched to hang up on her, but I didn’t.

  “Ma, I didn’t call you to get into all of that. We’ve been over this, you know my reasons for feeling this way, you know why all of us feel the way we do. He’s your husband. You can put up with all of his evil, lying, sinister, manipulative ways if you want to. I don’t have to, and honestly I flat out refuse to. If it means you not coming to my wedding and sharing my special day with me, then so be it. Bye, mama.” I hung up the phone and returned to my work.

  You have to understand, I’ve become so immune to my mother’s sick reasoning that nothing she says to me, especially regarding her husband, surprises me. I don’t react; I don’t engage in arguments with her because that’s what she wants. Her life at home is miserable because her husband is complaining and taking out all of his anger and frustration towards me and my siblings on her. She in turn tries to chastise her grown children into doing what he wants us to do so her life can be a tad more peaceful at home. It doesn’t work that way, especially with me. Does it hurt that my own mother won’t be part of my special day? Of course. In a perfect world, my mother would have a backbone and would never be married to the likes of Johnny Paris, Sr. She would always put her children first in her life and make it a point to be there for every major milestone in their lives, but we don’t live in a perfect wo
rld.

  Next I called Atlanta to my sister Carly’s cell.

  “Hey, Sloane! How are you? I was just thinking about you and was gonna call you!” came Carly’s excited voice.

  “Hey girl, how are you? Did I catch you at a bad time?” I asked.

  “No, the kids and I were just out and about shopping. I’m heading home now. What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to let you know that I’m getting married. I’m engaged!” I said excitedly.

  “Oh, my goodness Sloane that is wonderful! Who is he? How did you meet? Does mom and dad know?” Carly asked excitedly.

  I gave her the condensed version of how Luca and I met and what he does for a living. Carly listened intently as she whispered to the kids to take the groceries inside of the house while she sat in her minivan to talk to me.

  “As far as the parents knowing, yes they know. Luca told my father about his plans to marry me way before he even proposed. I just got off the phone with mama, and I don’t have to tell you what she said.”

  “Let me guess, if dad isn’t welcome to the wedding she’s not coming,” Carly said dryly.

  “Yup.”

  “I’m so sorry Sloane. You should be able to share something as big as this with your family, especially your own mother.”

  “Trust me, I’m okay with it. It sucks, but what can I do? I don’t want any stress or drama on my big day Carly, and if it means those two not showing up then so be it.”

  “Did you tell Sarah?” Carly asked gently.

  “No, and I’m not sure I will,” I said bluntly.

  “Sloane….don’t be that way. She’s our sister.”

  “Carly, please don’t make me regret calling you. You know how I feel about Sarah. I don’t trust her. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to outshine me on my own day or try to sleep with Luca and all of the men in his family, including his father! I refuse to deal with her and her messiness, Carly. If Sarah knows what’s good for her, she’ll stay away too.”

  “I’m not trying to fight with you Sloane. It just breaks my heart that our family is so divided. Sarah is just lonely, and she needs help.”

  “Carly, you need to stop being her enabler. Sarah may be lonely and needs mental help, but that’s still no excuse for half of the low down, dirty things she’s done to all of us over the years. Sarah is simply a rotten person Carly. She’s extremely selfish and always has been. I love her and I always will, but I can’t risk her ruining my day.”

  Carly sighed deeply and said, “You do what you feel is best Sloane. My family and I will be there no matter what.”

  “I appreciate that Carly. I’ll be sending you the invitation soon with all of the info. It’s going to be a very small wedding with just a matron of honor and a best man. Angie is my matron of honor and Luca’s best friend Nico is his best man.”

  “Awww, that’s nice that Angie is your matron of honor. You two have been best friends for so long,” Carly said smiling.

  “Yeah, that’s my girl. Listen, I don’t want to keep you, and I need to get back to work. Thanks for being so supportive Carly. I love you.”

  “I love you too. And you know I wouldn’t miss my baby sis’ wedding for the world. I’ll keep an eye on the mail for the invitation. I’m so happy for you Sloane. This has been a long time coming,” Carly said.

  “Thank you, big sis. I’ll talk to you soon. Give my love to Bryce and the kids.”

  “I will, and tell Luca I can’t wait to meet him,” Carly said.

  “Bye,” we said in unison as we both hung up.

  I have to be honest. After my phone conversations with my mother and sister, I did feel sad; sadder than I was willing to admit. This has been my reality all of my life, having a family where we were never truly united. The only time you’d see us all at the same place was if someone in our family died and we all went to the funeral. This is considered normal for us whereas this type of behavior would be unheard of to other families, normal families. In any case, I don’t have time to dwell on any of this, especially when I knew I would get the response I received from my mother.

  In the meantime, Luca got me in contact with the best wedding planner on the west coast. She was flying in Friday for our consultation on Saturday. Her name is Zsa-Zsa, wedding planner to the stars. This was when I realized that my idea of simple yet elegant was completely different than Luca’s, but before I protested to anything, I was willing to see what Zsa-Zsa offered. I don’t want an over the top event the way many celebrity weddings were, but I was willing to compromise as long as it reflected what Luca, and I wanted.

  Today after work Luca was taking me to the historic Westin Book Cadillac Detroit hotel to look at their luxurious ballrooms. We’ve discussed having the wedding, dinner and reception in one location to make it easier on everyone, and we wanted a beautiful yet private space. I was very excited as I hadn’t been to the Westin in years. I’ve only been there a few times, both for weddings. They have since restored the entire historic building to its original glory, and I hear it is simply divine.

  Next on our agenda was cake tasting and picking out flavors. Luca and I both love chocolate, so that was a must. We also love cheesecake, so we decided on a cake with tiers of different flavored cakes and cheesecakes. The cakes would have a rich butter cream frosting with simple flower decorations and adornments. I’m not a fan of the taste of the dyes used to decorate wedding cakes. The cheesecakes will have various fruit toppings. I also insisted that we have a cake made of different flavored cupcakes for the children. Luca loved that idea and knew his nieces and nephews would love that idea as well.

  The weeks turned into months, and I couldn’t wait for this wedding to take place. I was tired and anxious and simply wanted to be married to the man I loved so we could start our life together. I talked to my bosses at Pricewaterhouse and told them about my impending marriage to Luca. They were all shocked, and after several meetings amongst themselves and the HR department they decided to take me completely off of the Santorini account. In return, I received a promotion as their full-time consultant. This new position came with a nice bump in pay, a bigger office, and the flexibility to adjust my hours as needed, especially when we start our family. I’m not sure if this happened because they were afraid of Luca taking his business elsewhere if they treated me unfairly, but I would like to think my years of hard work and dedication to Pricewaterhouse factored into their decision more than anything else. Ah, who am I kidding? At the end of the day, it boils down to dollars and cents, and PWH wanted to be sure that they kept Santorini Construction as one of their biggest clients. Even if things didn’t end with a big pretty red bow wrapped around it, I knew I still had options, and not working at all is one of them. I have been thinking seriously about taking some time off or working part time from home as a consultant, and Luca is supportive of whatever decision I make. He knows how hard I’ve worked to get where I am in my career and he wanted whatever decision I made regarding my career to be my own, even though I knew deep down he would be very happy with me being a stay at home mom who did consulting on the side.

  Dress shopping was a lot of fun but also bittersweet. That’s another thing that you dream of doing with your mother and sisters, and I had neither with me. Instead, it was Angie, Mama Anna, and all of Luca’s sisters who came to support me. Mama Anna was kind enough to make a little party of it: instead of us going out from store to store she had the stores come to us at her home. Everything was set up in my future in law’s beautiful sunroom which was large enough to fit twenty or more people. On one side of the room was a table full of food that Mama Anna catered in. There was an assortment of finger sandwiches, various salads, pasta salads, a large fruit salad, freshly cut vegetables and dips, cheeses, wine, and champagne. At the farthest end of the table were an assortment of rich desserts. There was a small stage set up in the middle of the room along with a full length three-way mirror for me to model the dresses on. To the left of that was a private changing station for me ch
ange behind.

  I decided to try on some dresses before I ate. I didn’t want my stomach poking out of the dresses. Everyone else was seated, enjoying their lunch and chit chatting. There were so many dresses to choose from, beautiful designer dresses with lots of sparkly detailing that took my breath away. One after another I tried them on. Some were flattering, and others not so much. Mama Anna and the rest of the ladies let me know quickly when they didn’t like something or if a particular dress wasn’t flattering or pretty. They kept me laughing as I was in agreement with them. As I sifted through the many wedding gowns, one lone gown that was hidden in the back caught my eye. It was a simple capped sleeved satin gown with a scooped back. It was so beautiful and elegant that tears came to my eyes. This was it. This was the dress. Simple, classy, no fuss. This was me. The shop owner was rattling off who the designer was, but I didn’t hear a word she said. I immediately tried the dress on, and when I looked at myself in the mirror I cried even more. Never have I felt more beautiful in a dress than I did at this moment. The shop owner handed me a Kleenex and gently rubbed my arm.

  “This never gets old, seeing a young lady find the dress of her dreams. This is it, darling. This is the dress for you. It looks absolutely breathtaking on you. And to think I almost didn’t bring it.”

  I turned to her and whispered, “Thank you.” I took a deep breath and came out to show everyone. All of the chatter stopped, and it got very quiet. There was a very small train on the back that the seamstress adjusted for me when I stood on the small stage. I wiped my tears with my tissue as I slowly turned around so they could see all sides of the dress. Mama Anna clutched her chest with both hands and said, “Sloane, sei così bella.”

  “Mama said you look so beautiful Sloane,” Luca’s oldest sister Liliana said. When I looked at Angie, she was in tears as well.

  “Oh my God you look stunning Sloane. I need some Kleenex!” Angie said as she dabbed at her eyes. One of the shop owner’s assistants rushed to her with her box of tissues, and they all passed it around as everyone was now misty eyed.