Hell on Earth

by Bernard Lee DeLeo

  “You were screwed when they led the Russians to your house. By getting them into competition with the Russians it will mean the Russian mob won’t be looking at you as a middle man.”

  Jafar rattles this off as if it were a point of interest. This kid was catching on so fast it started to annoy me in a humorous way. Jafar smiled at me as if reading my mind.

  “I have guessed correctly. I am the man.”

  “You’re definitely right about one thing – when they led the Russians over here they put me in a spot. I’m sure I’ll have at least one conversation with the Russian boss.” I quickly filled Jafar in on Fiialkov being the little girl’s grandfather at my Pseudo-Dad elementary school meeting.

  Jafar looked worried during my retelling of the event. “You are leading a most complicated life. It’s hard to imagine where that meeting could lead to.”

  “My life used to be uncomplicated but then I got a bunch of people inadvertently shoved into it - more people, more complications. You were a loose end I noticed because my government bosses decided we needed to win the hearts and minds again with Samira’s speaking campaign. Of course they threw in the little item of an international assassin possibly wanting to shut her up while leading a crew to do something nasty to the American civilian population. See, one week I’m knocking someone around for money, pulling skip traces out of backrooms for money, and watching a little HDTV. Now it’s complicated. There’s an upside and downside to both complicated and simple.”

  “What’s the upside to your past complicated week besides hooking up with me?”

  Cute. “I broke Ishmael Ali’s neck. I was keeping things simple, making money on skip traces, and dead or alive doesn’t cut it in that line of work with the police. Because of that and making money I turned Ali in to the cops so Tess’s firm would give Tommy and me a big payday. I knew I should have gutted him but I was keeping things simple. That could have gotten me killed if not for Ali being dumber than a pet rock. I’m trying to tie the loose ends together with my new business idea. It will be complicated but it won’t be boring. The past week has my juices flowing. I’m bored with simple.”

  “It will be exciting working with you if I live long enough.”

  “Have you given my answers about God any thought?” Might as well see where I’m at with Jafar’s religious outlook. I don’t want him conflicted when my ass is hanging out in the cold breeze.

  “There are many good aspects to Islam. I believe there is only one God and God is complicated with many questions and few answers. I asked my Mom about our faith. She told me knowing right from wrong is how human beings know God. I know right from wrong and I am learning everything in between from you.”

  That cracked me up. I nodded finally in appreciation after a few moments of hilarity. “Your Mom’s right. Human beings will bend anything into their own truth using any tool including religion. Aside from psychopaths, our guts twist when we do something we know is wrong. Sometimes we’re stuck doing the lesser of two evils. To some they’d rather do nothing because both choices are evil. That leaves a few of us to choose the lesser evil, thereby giving the Snow Whites a chance to survive while they wring their hands in agony over our methods.”

  “Ms. Connagher thinks you’re a psychopath, doesn’t she?”

  “Yeah J, and I doubt that will change. I’ll always be too near the dark side for her comfort level. That reminds me. I’m supposed to go over her house but I think it would be a good idea to stick close to home. I’ll phone her. Unless you have something else to discuss you’re on your own.”

  “I think I’ll pick out a bloody adventure movie to watch. It might wipe away the thoughts of Samira that are jamming an ice pick into my brain.”

  “Good luck. I’ll come in and watch with you if this phone call goes the way I expect it to.” I took a fresh shotsky into the entryway where I’d left my phone. Tess answered on the first ring.

  “Where the hell are you?”

  “Hello to you too.”

  “What are you doing, mooning over my sister?”

  “I had a few complications after Jafar and I handled our business.”

  “Do you need a lawyer?”

  “No. I’m good, Tess – no bodies.”

  “How about a redhead in a black dress?”

  “Mama Mia.”

  Tess giggled. “I’ll be over in a half hour.”

  “I’ll leave the light on for you. Better yet, I’ll be waiting outside for you.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Mobster Debt

  I sat with Jafar watching one of the ‘Bourne’ discs after telling him we’d be having a visitor. The action flick didn’t do much to dispel thoughts of Tess in the black dress but it kept me from pacing the sidewalk in front of my house like a teenage boy on prom night. A half hour came and went. In the business I’m in, an extrasensory feeling develops after many years in combat situations. It’s not really a sixth sense like ‘I see dead people’ or a vision of where I left my car keys – it’s more like if I don’t get moving I will be seeing dead people. My subconscious mind analyzes all the threads pinging around inside my head and warning alarms start going off.

  If something had come up to interrupt Tess’s plans she would have called. Being punctual with Tess bordered on obsession. When an hour passed I resisted the urge to call her like any other sane human being would do. In my life very few situations called for sane actions. I admit to overreacting occasionally in trusting my inner paranoia. It’s the main reason I’m still alive along with a bunch of other people I’ve crossed paths with. I figure no blood, no foul. I motioned for Jafar to shut off the movie. He did so, looking at me curiously as if he thought I was going to send him to bed early.

  “Tess is late. I need you to drive me to her house. We’re going to make sure everything’s okay over there. I’ll grab a couple things. Take your cell-phone with you. Meet me outside at the Chevy.”

  To his credit, Jafar didn’t ask me why I wasn’t calling or any other very logical questions I’m sure leaped into his skull. He simply nodded and began putting on his shoes while I opened my safe room and extracted the Ruger 9mm auto I confiscated the other night from the Russians along with my favorite butterfly knife. My ammo cabinet includes extra loaded clips for every popular automatic made. With two extra clips in my black windbreaker and the Ruger at my back I jogged out to the Chevy where Jafar stood waiting. I tossed him the keys and we were on our way to Tess’s house with the add-on GPS giving Jafar directions from the address I punched in.

  “When we get to her street I’ll jump out a few houses down the way. You park the car right in front of the house. I’ll check things around the perimeter. When I give you the signal, beep the horn three short hits and then look out the open passenger side window while looking expectantly up at the house. Don’t get out of the car. If I’m on my game a guy will come out to see what your story is. I’ll shut him up and put him in the Chevy. Drive around the block and stay three houses back until I call you on your cell. You getting this?”

  “Yes Sir. You think Ms. Connagher’s been taken hostage. I will do as you say. Do you think she’s okay?”

  “If she isn’t, a lot of other people won’t be either. Clear your head, Jafar. Don’t over think this.”

  He nodded his understanding and we rode on in silence. I had my government issue phone on hoping Tess would call. It seemed every time I decided to have a shotsky some entity rained on my parade. I know reaction times drop with each shot of booze. A close encounter without gunfire would be best until I could figure out what the hell was going on. I’m sure Jafar thought this excursion to be an overreaction but we’d know soon enough.

  Jafar turned down Tess’s street and parked three houses away from her place. A few minutes later I had checked out the front perimeter, noting no porch lights were on but a couple rooms inside were casting light through the drawn blinds. Tess’s car was in the driveway. Luckily, a chilly breeze blew steadily, rustling the multitu
de of leaves blown down from the many trees lining front yards in the neighborhood.

  After making sure no one was sitting in a car near the house, I motioned Jafar into position while crouching down at the side of Tess’s porch steps. He parked, beeped three short horn blasts and peered out the open passenger side window expectantly. None of the neighbors looked out but Tess’s door opened. A huge figure looked out at Jafar. I peered up at him from the porch railing. When he opened the screen door my bad feeling churned up with all the bells and whistles. It was my sparring buddy from the other night. Viktor shuffled forward out of the doorway scowling at Jafar and motioning him away. Instead, Jafar beeped the horn again.

  Nice touch. Viktor practically leaped off the porch with a menacing growl. I slipped behind him, employing a technique I had perfected with a life size dummy over many years of practice. Viktor’s neck snapped under my hands as I wrenched his head sickeningly around to an impossible angle. His body danced spasmodically for a moment before lurching to a dead cat bounce on the sidewalk. I opened the Chevy’s back door and for the second time in a few days installed Viktor Kenig in a vehicle. Jafar watched in horror as Viktor twitched on the seat in his final movements. I closed the backdoor.

  “Get moving, kid!” My teeth clenched snarl snapped Jafar out of his temporary trance. He straightened around and drove away. In the next instant I quietly leapfrogged up the porch steps. My butterfly knife clicked to its full length with a snap of my wrist.

  Moving like I figured the now deceased Viktor would move, I tromped through the house to Tess’s living room. Alexi Fiialkov’s son-in-law glanced over at me from where he sat in front of Tess. She was tied up and gagged in a chair brought in from the kitchen. She seemed a little roughed up but from the bright look in her eyes when she saw me I figured Tess was okay. The son-in-law leaped up so fast the kitchen chair he sat opposite Tess in slammed to the floor. Luckily for him, he didn’t have a weapon in hand. His eyes stayed locked with mine so I had no doubt he was alone.

  “Pick the chair up and sit down, Tim. Move toward Tess and I start carving.”

  Tolver’s eyes widened even more than they were before when he noticed my knife. He fumbles the chair up with shaky hands and sits down. I pick up the duct tape from Tess’s coffee table they used to bind her. Sure, I hear Tess making whiney sounds of indignation through the tape. I’m not stupid. I could beat Tolver into the carpet first or take a chance on him pulling off the unimaginable while I rush to Tess’s side like a lovesick puppy. I want some info so I decide on the third option – secure the prisoner first.

  “Put your hands behind your back, Timmy. Don’t make any sudden moves or you’ll force me to practice unlicensed surgery – not a good choice.”

  “You’ll kill me… I…” Tolver starts to stand up.

  I drop the duct tape and motion him to keep coming. “Yeah, okay… come get some. You have a slight chance if you do what I say to survive this encounter intact. Stand up and I’m going to make you wish you were never born.”

  Tolver sat down and put his hands behind his back. I taped them together before doing a few duct tape loops around his chest and chair. With a quick binding of each ankle to the respective chair leg, my prisoner was secure. Duct tape is so handy. The hostage takers had luckily only bound Tess’s wrists behind the chair back, finishing with one strip over her mouth. I sliced her wrists free.

  “I’ll let you work the tape off your mouth, Tess.”

  She quickly pulled free of the tape on her wrists. With tentative fingers, she groaned while pulling the duct tape from over her mouth. Duct tape seals a mouth really well but removing it’s a bitch. Tess glared at me the whole time like I took her hostage. Funny about victims - when they think they’re safe, suddenly nitpicking the method of their rescue leaps to the forefront in their minds. Before Tess can launch into the Harding rescue critique I give her the wave off.

  “Did Timmy here or his partner, the now deceased Viktor, hurt you?”

  “What do you care? You didn’t even-”

  “Because if they hurt you,” I cut her off patiently, “I will break a few things on Timmy just so he knows there are consequences for everything.”

  Tess eyeballed her very subdued hostage taker with an appraising glare I liked. Tolver looked at her with pleading eyes which I guess tilted Tess toward mercy. I’ll have the final say on that one though. She took a deep breath while standing and stretching out her cramped limbs.

  “The big one Tasered me when I answered the door. They duct taped me without roughing me up any. Why didn’t you free me first… you dispassionate ape?”

  “Let me check for you.” I gave Tolver a very rough inspection turning up a Taurus 9mil under his shirt in the back and 9 inch stiletto knife from his right front pocket. Tess was duly impressed.

  “Sorry, John.”

  “Forget it.” I smiled at Tolver with new respect. “You’re not as dumb as I thought, Timmy. If you’d have reached for either of these we wouldn’t be having this nice conversation.”

  “I…I watched the YouTube video with Alexi, Viktor and Mikhail. You moved faster than my wife’s father could think. I am not even as fast as he is.”

  “It saved you a hurtin’. Alexi doesn’t know about this, does he?”

  Tolver shook his head no, eyes on the floor. Tess went into the kitchen and came back with a glass full of ice filled with a brown liquid I knew wasn’t Dr. Pepper. She sat down on the sofa and began sipping it.

  I waited until she was comfortable before continuing. “Let me see if I have this scenario figured out, Timmy. You and Viktor compared notes about respective grievances with me. Viktor thought up a way to scare the crap out of Tess while using her to lure me here. What then - Taser me walking through the door and take us both for a cement shoe swim in the ocean? Everyone wins – you somehow feel better over that elementary school bullshit, Viktor gets payback for his beat-down, and Alexi is none the wiser. That about it?”

  Tolver glanced up at me in surprise halfway through my supposition. He nodded, staring forlornly at the floor again. I scanned the room again. Tolver wasn’t out of the woods yet. “Tess, where’s Midnight?”

  “Locked in my bedroom. He started using my sofa as a scratching pad.”

  I chuckled. Okay, all house inhabitants were alive and well. I turned back to Tolver. “I sure hope Alexi’s daughter loves the shit out of you, Timmy. The old man ain’t going to take kindly to you and Viktor doing improvisation behind his back.”

  Tolver’s head bobbed up in terror. Ah oh, I think Timmy may not be sure how much Maria cares for him. “Please… please don’t call him. I have money. I can-”

  My laughter cut him off. Even Tess smiled. I shook my head with what I thought was an endearing smile of compassion. “What the hell makes you think I’m going to let you write this script with the old man? A couple other geniuses wanted me to cross your father-in-law. Not going to happen. Give me his private number. You’re the Father of his Granddaughter. Hopefully for you, that will mean something if Maria decides you’re expendable.”

  Tolver mumbles out Fiialkov’s number while I get my phone out. A few seconds later I hear the old man’s gruff voice. “This is John Harding. We have a situation.”

  “We have a situation?” Fiialkov sounds less than convinced of the we part.

  I fill him in on the facts which he listens to without interruption.

  “You left Tim alive. Did you think to bargain with me for him, Mr. Harding? I might have bargained for Viktor.”

  I laughed and could hear him chortling a little too. “Nope. This is just a courtesy call. Timmy is yours free of charge but I’d rather not have to dispose of Viktor. If you’re not interested in Timmy, I’ll dispose of them both.”

  “I will come with two of my men. How shall I approach?”

  “Straight on. I’ll be watching for you.”

  “I apologize for what I know must have been a terrifying experience for Ms. Connagher. You have my wor
d nothing like this will ever happen again. I am not comfortable with owing favors but if I can be of service to you in the future perhaps you will allow me to repay your kindness. I have it on good authority you will be watching out for a high profile visitor. If you’ll allow me, I may be able to add some intelligence not available through regular channels.”

  Damn it! Is there anything this Russian ‘Godfather’ doesn’t have his fingers into? Done is done. I might as well get what I can out of it. “Thank you, Alexii. That would be more than enough to repay me for this incident. See you soon.”

  I cut Tolver free. “C’mon Timmy, we’re going outside to wait for Alexii. Relax in here Tess. I’ll send my young protégé in from the car.

  “You had Jafar help you?”

  “He was never in danger.” I called my helper and told him to park in front of the house. I took Tolver outside and gestured Jafar out of my Chevy. “Wait inside with Tess, J. Some people are coming over to collect our two visitors. Say nothing to the redhead. ‘I don’t know, Ms. Connagher’ is always a good response.”

  “Okay, John. Is everything over now?”

  “I think so but tomorrow’s a new day, right Timmy?”

  “Alexi will maim me for this,” Timmy replied as I shooed Jafar along. “Putting him in debt to you is the same as stabbing him in the back.”

  “I doubt he’ll rearrange much on you. Your daughter would notice. For the record, you’re lucky you didn’t mess with Tess. You better steer clear of the family business genius. Stick with your day job. What do you do for a living anyway?”