Stone Cold Foxe

by Haley Walsh

  Skyler held the ring in his hand, turning it over and over. “What do you think, Keith?”

  “I like this one.”

  “I suppose we should be looking at prices.”

  Nancy flipped a piece of paper on the tray. “Here’s the tag.”

  He whistled. “Wow. And that would be times two.”

  “Yes. Did you need something maybe a little more mid-range?”

  “No,” said Keith. “If this is what you want, Skyler, we can do it.”

  “I mean it’s not down-payment-on-a-house expensive, but it is a-nice-vacation-expensive.”

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart. Let me take care of it.”

  “Keith, I don’t want you to ‘take care of it.’ We’re in this together. We should share the costs.”

  “Maybe this is my wedding present to you.”

  “Well, how about mine is your wedding present to me, and yours is my wedding present to you?”

  “Fair enough.”

  Nancy shook her head. “You know, life would be better if all couples who came in here were as rational.” She leaned in. “You should see what some women guilt their fiancés into buying for them. Not that I mind the commission.” She measured both their ring sizes and then glanced over her shoulder at Mr. Krueger. “You know, I bet I can knock ten percent more off the price because it’s you. Let me just check with Mr. Krueger.”

  As she made her way through the maze of display cases, Skyler turned to Keith and said quietly, “You think we should shop around? It’s just that I trust this place. I’ve been coming here a long time…”

  “Babe, if this is where you’re comfortable, I think we should just go for it. You like the rings, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I guess I do. And I really think they’ll give us a good deal.”

  “Skyler Foxe!” cried the booming voice of Mr. Krueger in a thick German accent. “Well, well, well.” He strode forward and shook Skyler’s hand. Then he turned to Keith and shook his. “Congratulations. So you’re getting married. My, my. I remember the first time you came in here. You weren’t even driving yet. And you bought a lovely pin for your mother.” He turned to Keith. “He’s been coming in that long. And now you are getting married. I’m very happy to hear it. You take good care of our Skyler, you understand? He’s a good boy. He takes care of his mother.”

  “I will.”

  “We give you fifteen percent off. That’s a good price. When is the wedding date?”

  “October twelfth.” He hadn’t meant for his voice to crack but his throat was a bit dry.

  “That’s pretty soon. Don’t worry. The rings will be sized and ready in about a week.”

  Skyler and Keith each paid for the other—Keith’s was slightly more for its size—and they left, with wallets considerably lighter.

  They climbed into Keith’s truck and as Skyler buckled in, Keith casually said, “By the way, I think we should have the wedding and immediately follow with a luncheon reception. Same place, you know?”

  Skyler ran through all the venues he and Sidney had been looking at. “Why?”

  “Because we’ll want to get started on our honeymoon right away.”

  Skyler drew on a grin as Keith’s F-150 engine roared to life. “Someone’s anxious to get our own party started.”

  Keith pulled the truck into traffic and moved slowly down the narrow street. “It’s not that. Well, not only that. I’ve got special plans for the honeymoon that require that we get out of here no later than three.”

  “Plans? What plans?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “A surprise. I love surprises. What is it?”

  “The nature of a surprise is that you don’t know what it is until it’s sprung.”

  They turned and headed down toward the restaurant. “I understand what a surprise is, I just want to know what it is ahead of time so I can be properly shocked.” He mimed various faces, showing his awe and surprise.

  “Skyler, I think you need to go over the concept one more time.”

  “You’re not going to tell me? Really?”

  “Nope.”

  “Till the day of the wedding?”

  “Not even then. I’m going to really surprise you, dammit.”

  “But Keith, how will I pack?”

  “I’ll have Jamie do it for you.”

  “Jamie gets to know and I don’t? How’s that surprise going to stay a secret?”

  Keith frowned. “That’s right. That man loves to gossip. Then…uh, I’ll get Philip to help me.”

  He threw himself back in the seat. “Shoot. He’s Fort Knox.” He scrambled up again, facing Keith. “Come on, Keith! I’m beggin’ you!”

  “Nope. I’m gonna love watching you squirm for two whole months.”

  “Two months! Omigod, there’s still so much to do.”

  “Heh, heh. There’s the distraction I was hoping for.”

  “You are evil, Keith Fletcher.”

  “Heh, heh.”

  Skyler went about his business teaching, trying not be distracted. But a few teachers had gotten wind of their impending nuptials and there was a lot of back-slapping and congratulations.

  When Friday rolled around and the Gay-Straight Alliance met at lunchtime in his classroom, the unusually quiet teens all settled in their places, placid faces turned up toward him. He squirmed in his seat in front of his desk.

  “What’s going on?” he asked warily.

  “Well,” said Rob. He was always impeccably dressed like an ivy-leaguer and with his cool demeaner, he looked as if he never broke a sweat. His floppy blond hair was coifed to perfection, and his pouty lips were teased up into a smile. “A little bird told us that you and Coach Fletcher were getting hitched. True?”

  Skyler pulled his collar away from his neck and loosened his tie. “Um…yes. That’s true.”

  Stewart, Skyler’s scruffy-haired gay-friendly member of the GSA, laughed out loud. “Getting yourself the old ball and chain, eh Mr. Foxe?”

  “I wouldn’t characterize it like that—”

  “Leave him alone,” said Rick Flores. As usual, his tall lanky frame sprawled lazily back in his seat with legs stretched out before him. “He found love. Isn’t that what everybody wants?”

  Evan, a girl with a nose ring and one side of her head shaved down to dark fuzz, cocked her head, letting the long side of her hair drape over one eye. “Mr. Foxe, isn’t marriage just a false reflection of a heterosexual culture? I mean, how do two people being together even define themselves? Is couplehood even necessary when pansexuality and gender fluidity are now recognized as valid gender identities?”

  “Uh…”

  Joyce and Stephanie, his cheerleader couple, waved dismissively at Evan. “We think it’s sweet,” said Joyce, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder.

  Skyler held up his hands as everyone suddenly seemed to have an opinion. “Hey, everyone! Settle down. Evan has the floor. Let me see if I’m hearing you right, Evan. So, you think that even getting married is an invalid statement? People should just flow in and out of relationships; this might be the more natural order of the human state?”

  Voices rose again to object, but Skyler quieted them once more. “For some in the LGBTQIA community, I think this is very valid. I myself at one time condemned the idea of a steady, monogamous relationship.”

  “You, Mr. Foxe?” said Alex, with scandalized shock etched on his face, almost to comical extreme.

  Skyler steadied himself. This was iffy territory, but he wanted to be as honest as possible with these students. He knew they looked on him as a role model of all things gay, but he also knew that some of them might not be mature enough to absorb what he was trying to convey.

  “Yes, Alex. I…never had a steady boyfriend. I just met…lots of men, instead. I was always safe doing it, mind you, but this was my preferred lifestyle. And there’s nothing wrong with it.”

  “Until you met Coach,” said a wide-eyed Drew.

  “Well, ye
s. It’s funny how your perspective can change for the right person. But, it could have just as easily not. Listen, all I’m saying is that there’s a choice. People are who they are, but we can choose to live our own lives authentically. There’s a variation of bisexuality that even a few years ago the scientific community didn’t recognize. And then there’s Genderqueer, a fluidity of gender expression encompassing people who may not identify as male or female, but as both or neither, or somewhere in between. Choice. Free to be who you are. And sometimes, that means people pair up. Sometimes briefly. Sometimes for life. And some even choose to triple up, a thruple.”

  “Like Mormons?” squeaked Amber.

  “Not really. A Mormon relationship is one man and many wives, and it’s only the man who interacts sexually with each woman. But in a polyamorous relationship, each partner is equal to the other. They’re all in a relationship with each other.”

  Reece, the boy with the black-dyed hair who liked to wear rocker t-shirts, sat back in his desk. “Dude, you should teach sex ed.”

  Skyler rubbed the back of his sweaty neck. “Maybe I’ve gone off the rails here…”

  “No, Mr. Foxe,” said Reece. “Who else is going to be honest with us? I mean, I never even would have figured out how to ask that question.”

  “The point I was trying to make” –before I veered into the weeds— “was that gay people, LGBTQIA people, have a right to choose marriage if they want to. Choose it or reject it. As long as you and your partner or partners are on the same page.”

  “But three people can’t marry each other, can they?” asked Alex.

  “No, Alex. Not at the moment.”

  After a long, quiet pause wherein many pins could have been dropped and sounded like a cacophony, Heather piped up with, “Well! That was instructive, but well past my pay grade. Still, I’m glad Mr. Foxe and Coach Fletcher can tie the knot if they want to. And even better, that we’re invited to go.”

  Her pronouncement seemed to have broken the ice. Everyone began eating their lunches with gusto and noisy conversation. Skyler flung himself back in his chair and blew out a breath.

  Trisha Hornbeck, the calculus teacher and co-sponsor of the GSA, laid her hand on his arm. He’d forgotten she was there. He tried to gauge her face, but her mouth was set and her reading glasses were perched bird-like on the end of her pinched nose. “I’m glad we didn’t have any district monitors in here today,” she whispered.

  “Holy cow, Trish, why didn’t you stop me?”

  “I didn’t know where you were going at first. And by the time I did it was too late. Besides, the kids are right, it was mighty instructive.” She gave him a wink and a smile.

  He felt only slightly better. He wondered how much trouble he could be in if one of the kids spread around what he had said. Though he was fairly certain that they knew better than to do so. Still, it hadn’t shown very good judgment on his part. He had gotten carried away with honesty, wanting the kids to know that they could be who they wanted to be without shame. He crossed his fingers that he’d never have to explain it to the principal, Mr. Sherman.

  With days and weeks going by with no blowback, he settled down to schoolwork, teaching, and wedding planning. He felt that he had spent more time with Sidney than he had in a long time. They were making up for the fact that she had eloped and Skyler hadn’t had a chance to help her with her wedding plans like they always said they would. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that they’d be planning his.

  But boy, did he worry over that stupid guest list!

  “Have you chosen a place yet, Skyler?” his mother asked one evening over the phone.

  “Sid and I are here hashing it out as we speak.”

  “Hi, Mrs. Foxe!” Sidney yelled toward his phone.

  “Hello, Sidney dear,” she said, as if Sidney could hear her. “If you haven’t found anything yet, may I recommend the Mitten Building. October can be so iffy. It could be wonderful weather for a garden affair, but it could also be Santa Anas, or even rainy. If you have it all indoors, it’s still a lovely venue. One of my bunco ladies has a son who works there.”

  “Sid, Google the Mitten Building.”

  Sidney sat on the floor, laptop on her lap, back against the sofa. “Coming up…oh. It’s nice. Posh, just like you like it.”

  She turned her laptop so he could see. “That is nice. Thanks, Mom.”

  “How’s the list coming along?”

  “I’m going to kill myself.”

  “That well? It’s always the hardest part about wedding planning. But since you’re planning a buffet it will all be cheaper.”

  “I know, Mom, but we’re getting down to the wire. I’m going to have to order invitations soon and mail them.”

  “I like your friend Jamie’s designs.”

  “He’s come up with some…well, off-the-wall things.”

  “It’s the twenty-first century, Skyler. Don’t be so stuffy about it.”

  “What? Look who’s talking. You’re the one who made me this way.”

  “I can’t hear you. You’re driving through a tunnel.”

  Baffled, he shook his head, though he well knew his mother couldn’t see it. “No, I’m not, Mom. I’m at home.”

  “Can’t hear you. Good-bye dear.”

  Pulling his phone away from his ear, he stared at it as his mother clicked off. “She’s getting really weird lately. Have you noticed?”

  “I can’t hear you. I’m driving through a tunnel.”

  He gave her a withering look as she sniggered at her laptop. “I love your mother, Skyler. It’s high time she finally let her hair down. Who knew your mother was as wild as you?”

  He shook his head and put the phone on the coffee table. “I don’t like it.”

  “Get over it. And look at this place.” She gestured toward her computer screen. “I think we finally hit the jackpot. Should I call them, see if they’re available?”

  “Everyone is booked at so short a notice.”

  “I’m calling.”

  “They’ll probably be booked.” He took the computer into his lap and looked through the photo gallery, liking it more and more, but drooped, knowing he’d get his hopes up for nothing. Sidney yammered in the background.

  “Yes, I’d like to talk to someone about booking your main room for a wedding. This October twelfth. I’ll hold.” She leaned toward him. “I’m holding.”

  “They’ll just tell you they’re booked. Everyone is booked. I’m beginning to think we’ll have to have it at Taquito Grill.”

  “Can’t,” she said. “They’re booked. Hello? Yes, that’s Saturday, October the twelfth. Yes, this year. Oy, they don’t listen… You do? Great!” She leaned in again. “It’s available.”

  “It is?” He nearly dumped the laptop, and quickly set it aside on the sofa.

  “We’re looking at about a hundred people. Oh, and we want to do the ceremony there. Can they put aside a…yeah? Yeah? Yeah…?”

  “What are they saying?”

  She shushed him and waved him off. “Yeah? That sounds great. When should we come over?” She looked at her watch. “We can be there in ten minutes. Okay. Don’t book it to anyone else. We’re coming right now.” She clicked off her phone and turned to him. “Grab your wallet, Skyboy, you’ve got a wedding to pay for.”

  They trundled down the steps. Keith was still at school and he’d relegated the venue to Skyler and Sidney anyway, so Skyler didn’t worry. Besides, before he signed any papers, he planned on texting Keith. They skirted the temporarily repaired step, and made it to Skyler’s Bug and got in. He pressed the brake as usual to start it up but the pedal went all the way to the floor. “Wait. Something’s not right here.” He tried again but the brake pedal was loose and pushed all the way down again.

  He popped the hood and they both got out to look. “Did you remember to put in brake fluid?” she said.

  Skyler scratched his head and stared at the various caps, wires, and hoses. “Yeah…I mean I
guess so. I always take it in regularly to the mechanic for a tune-up and fluids and stuff.”

  She dropped to her knees and looked under the car. “Well something is leaking pretty furiously.”

  “What?” He bent down to look. “I sprung a leak?”

  “Probably. Look, we’ll deal with this later. Let’s take my car.”

  “Okay.” He closed the hood, and glanced back at his car as he got in on the passenger side of Sidney’s Honda. Maybe Keith could do something about fixing it. He was pretty handy.

  They drove over to Fifth Street and the two-story Mitten Building, turning into the parking lot. It was essentially a giant brick warehouse sitting beside railroad tracks. Sidney jumped out and Skyler hurried after her. “Hurry up, we’re late.”

  They entered through a colonial entry down a long arcade and went inside. “We’re meeting Janet Deaver,” she said to the receptionist. They were directed to an office and Sidney led the way, knocking on the door.

  “Come in!” came the reply in a southern accent. A svelte woman in a tight red dress, made-up to the nth degree with every hair in place in her upswept ‘do, came forward, hand outstretched. “Hi, I’m Janet Deaver.” Besides the southern twang, she was loud and somewhat brash, smiling with an overabundance of teeth. “Are you Sidney? And is this the lucky man?”

  “This is one half of the lucky men,” said Sidney, taking her hand and giving it a hard shake. “Let’s just get this out of the way. This is my friend Skyler Foxe and he’s marrying a man. Is that going to be a problem?”

  Janet’s wide-eyed face sputtered into a laugh as she turned it toward Skyler. “She’s direct, isn’t she? And so very loyal. That’s a prize. No, we don’t have a problem with that. Love is love and we love to bring it all together here at the Mitten. Won’t you both sit down?” She gestured toward some seats and she sat on a settee facing them. “Can I offer you wine? We have Chardonnay. Coffee? Water?” When they declined, she picked up a tablet sitting on the cushion beside her, and tapped it. “Now, this is to be the wedding of Skyler Foxe and…?”