Stone Cold Foxe

by Haley Walsh

  “Yeah. Hard to believe.”

  “You’re getting married?”

  He got in close. “I know. The last person in the world you’d expect, right?”

  “I gotta say, the last time I saw you at graduation, you seemed to have a trail of men dogging you. Was it one of those guys? Was it that business major with the glasses? He was pretty cute.”

  “That was Philip. And no. But he’s still one of my closest friends. He owns The Bean in town.”

  “I’ll be darned. So who?”

  “One of the teachers at James Polk. He’s the biology teacher and head football coach.”

  “A jock. Nice. I bet he’s a handsome fellow.”

  Skyler whipped out his phone and showed her a picture of Keith, one of his better ones, shirtless and smiling.

  “Oh my God. Is he ever glorious.”

  “I know.” He put the phone away and sat back.

  “I realize you probably didn’t have my email or home address, so I’ll forgive you for not sending me an invitation. I’d be happy to go.” She grabbed her phone and said, “What’s your number.”

  They exchanged numbers and email addresses, and once phones were put away again, and respective forks and spoons were taken up, Debbie studied Skyler once more. “But I’m betting you aren’t here because you wanted to look me up.”

  He shook his head. “Ah, Debbie. Besides teaching, I’ve kind of got this other hobby. I sort of solve crimes on the side.”

  “What? Like a private eye?”

  “No, more like an amateur sleuth. Like Miss Marple.”

  “And does that really work?”

  “Yeah. A little too well, really. I’ve solved something like seven murders in the last year.”

  “Skyler! Are you shitting me?”

  He shook his head. “Uh uh. It’s for real. And …uh …apparently, there’s someone after me. The FBI think it might be because of those murders I solved.”

  “The FBI? You’re pranking me, right?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Wait. There were some detectives here a few days ago, looking at the—”

  “Hoodies. Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m here. Though I don’t really know how it’s going to help me.”

  “Skyler.” She scooted closer to the table, her salad forgotten. “Are you serious? That was all because of you?”

  “Uh huh. They think the suspect was wearing a University of Redlands hoodie, and it was a new one. Which means they must be a student or a worker or, I guess, even faculty.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “You’re telling me. Frankly, I didn’t know what I expected to find here today. I just felt I had to do something. My best friend is a police detective. Maybe she was the one who came here.”

  “Long curly hair, pretty; Asian partner?”

  “Yeah, that’s her and her husband Mike.”

  “Wow. This is nuts. Well, if there’s anything I can do, you know to call me, right?”

  “Yeah, I will. It’s stupid, but I bet a lot of people have been buying those lately.”

  “Not in the summer. I mean, the weather is still pretty hot, even at night. So we haven’t sold too many yet.”

  “Really? Is there a way to go back over your sales records to see who they were?”

  “The detectives are already having me do that. It’s tricky. But we’ve gone back to the beginning of the school year. New students started arriving end of August, then orientation, then the school year started over a month and a half ago.”

  “You don’t think I could get that list, too, do you?”

  “Well…I wouldn’t ordinarily do it, but seeing that it’s you, yeah. I’ll send that to you as soon as it’s put together.”

  “Thanks, Debbie. That’s a weight off my mind.”

  “Seriously, Skyler. This is crazy.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.”

  They finished eating after reminiscing a bit, and then Skyler, checking his watch, had to take his leave. He gave Debbie a parting hug. “I really do hope you can make it to the wedding.”

  “I’ll make it. I have to see this guy in person that managed to trap you. He was probably beating all the rest of those guys off with a stick.”

  Skyler raised a brow and she slapped his shoulder.

  “You know what I meant.”

  He left her at the bookstore and then looked around surreptitiously, just to make sure he wasn’t being followed or spied upon. Back in his car on his way home, he thought about who it could be. Who could it be from U of R who could have that big a grudge against him?

  Chapter Nine

  SKYLER HURRIED, SPLASHING ON SOME COLOGNE, and rushed across the apartment to answer the door. “Sidney! You’re early.”

  “I wanted to make sure you weren’t late. Are you actually ready?”

  “Yes. Shall we go?”

  Sidney and her bachelor party, even though he was pretty sure he had specifically told her not to do that. And apparently, Mike, Keith’s brother, and his brother-in-law, were taking care of one for Keith the very same night. They could commiserate on hangovers together tomorrow. That’s why Sidney suggested there be at least a day between now and the wedding.

  Sidney pushed him into her car and drove too fast—as always—to Trixx, the local gay bar hangout. Ever since Skyler had come out in college, he had ventured into Trixx and he’d been going ever since. He’d hooked up with Jamie there, and Rodolfo, and Dave, come to think of it. The roots of the Skyler Fuck Club. And he’d slept with a majority of the men who still frequented the place. He both dreaded and looked forward to what the night had to offer.

  When he walked in, he saw that the place was decorated with a banner stretched across the dance floor that read, “Congratulations, Skyler!” Everyone burst into cheers, and a few threw confetti. He gasped. He couldn’t believe that the whole place had stopped their regular business to throw a party just for him.

  Men, one after the other, came up to him and kissed his cheek, did a little groping, and offered congratulations. Tyrone, the statuesque black drag queen in full regalia and extra tall pink wig, picked Skyler up, tears in her eyes. “Skyler, honey,” she whimpered. “I’m so happy for you!”

  A great big smack on the lips from Tyrone punctuated her cry. “Thanks, Tyrone. But…your make-up’s gonna run.”

  “Not this make-up, honey. It’s permanent as the Rockies.”

  Tyrone’s make-up was always tasteful, never over-the-top—more “Ru Paul than Rue Morgue,” as she used to say. She managed to look darned good to Skyler. Sidney always said she was jealous of Tyrone, that Tyrone looked better than she did. And even though Tyrone favored a pink mile-high wig, it had a nice sweep to it. Of course, being as tall as she was only made her that much more imposing, but remarkably graceful on her size elevens.

  “Could you—” Skyler motioned toward the ground at least a foot away.

  “Sorry. I just get emotional. It’s such a fairy tale, you finding your man like that. And he’s such a gorgeous hunk of man. Where is he, anyway?”

  Skyler adjusted his shirt as he hit earth again. “He’s having his own bachelor party at a different location.”

  “Well that’s a shame. I love me an eyeful of Keith Sexy-Scruff Fletcher. But I guess I’ll see him at the wedding.”

  “I can’t wait to see what you’ll be wearing.”

  Tyrone gushed and hitched a bare shoulder at him. She was wearing a cold-shoulder blouse made of a black lacy material. “Just you wait. But I promise not to upstage you.”

  Was that even possible? he wondered. But it didn’t matter. He was glad some of the men from Trixx would be there.

  Sidney slipped in to talk to Tyrone, and as Skyler moved away, he heard her plea of, “You promised to help me with my make-up Saturday.”

  “Gurl, you know I’ll help out. You have the best cheekbones. Are you finally gonna let me put your hair up?”

  Gil the blond, buff bartender slipped a dri
nk into his hand. Grey Goose on the rocks with a twist. Skyler hefted the drink in salute. Gil gave him his million-dollar smile. His exceptionally white teeth shone from a California-tan face. “Congratulations, Skyler. I regret that we never had a chance to hook-up. I mean…I take it that’s off the table now?”

  Skyler grinned. “Sorry. It’s definitely off the table. But, uh, I appreciate the offer.”

  “No sweat. I’ve heard tales about you, of course, from the other patrons. You’ve been a pretty popular guy over the years.”

  “Yeah. It’s not Keith’s favorite thing about me.”

  “But he gets it, right? Don’t go marrying anyone who tries to slut-shame you.”

  “Oh, no! He doesn’t do that. It’s just that he’s a bit possessive. Not weirdly so, but…you know.”

  “I know. I’ve watched you and your friends in here. It’s nice to see a young guy like you settling down. Usually I see our older clientele. But, to be fair, they hadn’t been allowed to marry before.”

  “That’s something, isn’t it?”

  “It is.”

  “What about you, Gil? I mean, let’s face it, we haven’t really talked much outside this place and not much more than what we’re going to drink on any given night. Have you got someone special?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do. We’ve been together over ten years.”

  “No kidding! Any wedding bells in your future?”

  “We’ve been talking about it. We’ll see. But we’re pretty happy with the way things are with us. We’ve lived together for most of those ten years.”

  “But you propositioned me all the time.”

  “It’s an open relationship. Sometimes I’m off with someone, sometimes he is, sometimes he brings someone home and we share. Open.”

  Skyler had thought in the past that if he ever got a boyfriend—in the distant future of his brief meanderings—that he’d probably have to have an open relationship. He hadn’t ever imagined settling down with one man. And yet now, he couldn’t imagine sharing Keith with anyone. It made his stomach curdle with jealousy. Probably how Keith felt.

  “That’s awesome,” he said, squeezing Gil’s hard bicep.

  “Well, if ever you and Keith want to change things up, just tap me.”

  “Will do.”

  Gil moved off, offering his tray of cocktails and pints to the others. Skyler watched him move away, eyes sliding down to the man’s firm ass in those tight, artfully shredded jeans before he shook himself. He reminded himself it was okay to look, even fantasize, but he was with Keith. And as soon as that thought crossed his mind, the image of Keith arose and he didn’t wonder why he eschewed extracurricular activities with other men. Keith was definitely enough for him.

  He roamed about the room and had just lifted his drink to his lips when someone slammed into him. Vodka spilled all over the dance floor. He didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.

  “Jamie!”

  “Sorry, Skyler. I’m just so excited.” He grabbed him by the shoulders and nuzzled cheek-to-cheek. “Our little Skyler’s getting married.”

  Philip and Rodolfo helped peel Jamie off of him and took their turns giving him a hug. Rodolfo did his best to stifle his tears but he was obviously having a tough time of it.

  Dave grabbed him and pressed his lips to Skyler’s in a long slow kiss. Everyone stopped to stare as Skyler staggered back. Dave shrugged. “Hey, I figured it was my last chance.”

  Skyler ticked a finger at him before gesturing with the half-empty glass. “I can’t believe Trixx agreed to all this.”

  “But Skyler,” Rodolfo purred, “everyone loves you.”

  “Or at least had a chance at you,” said Philip, hiding his smirk behind his bourbon.

  “Well, I mean I guess you’re right.” He took a closer look at all the men gathered, dancing, leaning on the bar, partaking of the free appetizers Gil had laid out. He did know everyone there, either casually or more intimately… No, he knew them all intimately at one time or another. Good grief. Palm Springs was bad enough, parading his conquests for Keith to see at the White Party, but this. This was Skyler’s whole history in miniature, complete with the SFC. Though, sweeping his glance over the crowd again, he had to admit, they were all a nice bunch of guys. Not a sour note among them.

  He lifted his glass to them. Some noticed, and lifted their beers right back, cheering.

  Sidney sidled up beside him. “Having a good time? I thought of getting someone to jump out of a cake, but didn’t think it was necessary… Or did I?”

  A slow jazz rhythm started up. And in came two muscled men in leathers, parading around the dance floor. One was a bald African American man, and the other was a Caucasian man with shoulder-length black hair and a closely cropped beard and mustache. The audience started to catcall and moved out of the way, giving them room.

  Hips began a slow gyration to Aretha Franklin crooning I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You and the two men slowly helped each other out of their leather vests, leaving toned and oiled torsos on display, hands running down each other’s six-pack. The dark skin on white mesmerized. Both their bodies were shaved, the better to oil them up and show off the muscles twitching and flexing; arms and legs sinuously intertwined.

  Jamie yelled in his ear above the music, “Oh I think I’m gonna like this.”

  Sidney hung an arm around Skyler’s neck and kissed his temple. He held on to her wrist as they all watched the men strip each other, hips and bodies undulating to the sensuous song. They were down to leather G-strings, but it didn’t stop them from frotting their protruding bulges against each other. Skyler lowered his hand from Sidney to adjust himself. Was it getting hot in here?

  The strippers were still sort of dancing, if one could call it that. They were moving against the other’s body, hands roving, torsos sliding, flesh on flesh, and kissing with a generous use of tongues. Their bare asses were also slicked up, and the disco lights raked over their skin, illuminating one interesting landscape after another. Just as Skyler didn’t think it could get any raunchier, they peeled down the front of their jocks, rubbing their erect dicks skin to skin to a surge of cheering. Phones were whipped out and videos recorded.

  Skyler tore his eyes away to stare at Sidney, amazed she would condone such a thing, but her eyes were just as avidly on the two dancers as everyone else’s were.

  Dollar bills, fives, tens came out, and the boys of Trixx stuffed them in the little straps still holding the dancer’s jocks on. As the music settled, they finished their routine with a kiss, and snapped their jocks back into place, though not as easily as they had before.

  “Jeez,” said Skyler, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I thought you were going to have to raid the place for a minute there, Sid.”

  “Wha…? Do what?” She seemed glazed.

  He smiled wickedly. “I am so gonna tell Mike what you set up.”

  She grinned back and winked.

  Men were pairing up after that display. Once the dancers collected their tips from their jocks, they came over to Skyler. “Hey, you the groom?” asked the African American man.

  Skyler’s gaze fell automatically to the man’s covered erection until he consciously brought it up again to his eyes. He shook the man’s hand. “Thanks for that, guys. That was…something.”

  Joined by the other stripper, the black man slipped his arm around his partner’s waist. “Yeah, we like getting it on with an audience.”

  “I can see that.” He blinked, willing his gaze to stay up at eye level.

  “Leaves the audience with a problem, but we’re happy to give the groom a happy send-off with a congratulatory BJ. Either one or both of us.”

  Skyler swallowed. “That’s part of the deal?”

  “Naw, we just figure we might as well.” He rubbed his hand over his considerable bulge. “We’re just givers that way.”

  “Oookaaay…but I can’t. Love to, but can’t.”

  “I get it.” He glanced at S
idney. “Hey, pretty lady.”

  “Hey yourself. Skyler is off limits as the groom. He’s the monogamous type.”

  “I feel you. Well, from me and my boy—” He squeezed the man still clinging to his side, “we wish you congratulations. But we gotta go and get rid of these boners.”

  “Bone away!” said Sidney blithely. Her eyes were glued to those bare asses as they wandered off. “I have a lady boner you wouldn’t believe, but there isn’t a soul here who can help with that.”

  “I dare say,” said Philip, looking a little flushed himself, “there’s a few of us retreating to the bathroom and their cars to take care of business.”

  Jamie poked Sidney’s shoulder. “You are such a naughty girl. And a terrible cop. You should have busted those guys.”

  “What, and be the most hated person here? No way. Besides, I knew what their routine was.”

  “You are so bad! Did I mention that I love you?”

  She elbowed Jamie as other men came up to chide Sidney…and probably to get the strippers’ business card.

  Skyler accepted more well-wishes, lots of drinks, and finally sat back to enjoy the view. But the hour was drawing late and it was still a school night, so around one o’clock he begged Sidney to take him home.

  She gave him a hard hug in the car. “Mmm. Love you, Skyler. I hope that was a good send off.”

  “It was perfect. Thank you, Sidney.” He tried to pull away to leave but she held fast to his shoulders, eyes fixed to his.

  “You’re still going through with it, right?”

  “Yes! Jesus! Why doesn’t anyone trust me?”

  “Because you have a spotty record where commitment is concerned.”

  “I do not. I was committed to Keith from the very start.”

  She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “I guess. But you sure waffled a lot.”

  “My waffling days are over. I’m in all the way.”

  She brayed a laugh. “That’s what he said!”

  He shook his head. “You should not be driving.”

  “I’m fine. Do you want me to walk you to the door?”

  “I’ll be fine. If there’s a sniper after me they’re liable to hit you.”