Sarah's Journey

by Susan Bella Ikin

  We didn’t linger over dinner, and it was just as well, as the theatre was filling fast. After the show, we both walked around the upper deck several times as I said I was worried about the effect of the lovely chocolate dessert I had eaten. As we walked we talked quietly, Adam was making an effort to draw me out of my quiet mood and soon I found myself talking about Snowball. After a while, I said:

  “You must think I am crazy cat lady or something, talking non-stop about my cat like this, stop me if you get sick of hearing cat stories, won’t you?

  “That’s ok”, Adam said, “I have a dog myself, so I know how it is. People without pets don’t understand, but I do”.

  On hearing about his dog, and realizing that I knew very little of Adam, I then asked him more questions about his dog, who it turned out was a kelpie female named Katie. He had her from pup, getting her from a rescue shelter that specialized in Australian working dogs, and according to Adam, she ran his household, telling him when it was time to walk, time to eat, time to go to bed. I laughed at this, imagining this big man being bossed about by a dog, then realized that I was no better, Snowball was just as bossy at my house.

  We passed the evening companionably, and finally parted in the central atrium, as Adam had told me that his room was to the rear of the ship, and mine was forward. We made plans to meet at trivia again, hoping that Judy and Tom would be there.

  That night, I remembered to set my alarm, and it was just as well that I did, as I tossed and turned for hours, thinking about the events of the day, and remembering shared glances. My mind kept wondering to what might happen if we went swimming together again, and whether he would offer to rub sunscreen into my skin, and if I would be able to behave myself if he did. I then started having fantasies about seeing Adam after the cruise ended, as I thought that there was chemistry between us that we should take the time to explore. My last thought before going to sleep was that I hadn’t even asked what city he lived in! Although the cruise ship left from Sydney, people came from all of Australia to sail on it, so Adam could live on the other side of the country from me!

  8.

  The next day, I had less time to get ready and have breakfast, as I slept right up until the alarm went off, and had to try to deal with the bags under my eyes which had resulted from my restless night. I dressed carefully, but casually, and after breakfast I headed to the bar. As I approached, I saw Adam deep in conversation with Judy and Tom, and was able to look at him as I approached, as no-one had noticed me yet. This morning he was dressed in jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt, and he looked so good my insides clenched in anticipation. There was a spare seat next to him on the couch, so I sat on it, making sure I was sitting close enough to him so that our sides brushed against each other. He not only looked good, but felt good and smelt good too. What was that aftershave?

  We weren’t so lucky this time, getting beaten by another team so we missed out on today’s prize, souvenir pencils! Afterwards we lunched with Judy and Tom, and the two men had a heated but friendly discussion about football through the meal. Judy talked about her children, who had been left behind with her parents, and during the conversation I discovered that they were also from Melbourne, although they lived in an outer suburb on the other side of the city from me. Just as our meal was finishing, Judy and I decided to swap phone numbers the next time we met, so that we could keep in touch after the cruise. We would not be playing trivia the next day, as it was a port day, we would be in Noumea. The next day however, was a sea day, so we could meet that day if we did not bump into each other around the ship sooner than that.

  Just as the previous day, Adam and I spent the day at the pool, and again, I was sure that Adam was trying to steal glances of me when I took off my sarong. This day, I was a little bolder, as I really wanted to know if I was imagining it, so I took a little longer settling myself on the sun lounge, all the while trying to see out of the corner of my eye if Adam was watching me or not, and I was sure that he was. Unfortunately, our sun loungers were positioned on the shady side of the ship, so I could not ask Adam to rub sunscreen on me without appearing too obvious. However that afternoon, I passed the day happily enough, really enjoying being with Adam as I started to hope that maybe something might develop between us on this cruise.

  Dinner that night was uneventful, the two couples at the next table didn’t even turn up at all, maybe they were embarrassed about their behaviour the night before I thought to myself. Adam looked over, then looked back at me and said laconically:

  “Well, at least we can talk above whispers without wondering if they are listening to us. So, you told me that you are going on a lagoon ride in the morning, what are your plans for the afternoon?”

  As Adam had previously told me that he was going on a full day tour, I knew he could not spend the day with me, and I told him that I was just planning a quick walk around town. I had read that there was a wi-fi hotspot in the park in town, so I thought I might check in with my friends, and post some more tropical photos to brag to them about how wonderful this trip was.

  Again, we went to the show, then for another long walk, while talking about inconsequential things, just comfortable in each other’s company. As we both had a big day tomorrow, we didn’t stay out late, vowing that one night we really must go to the nightclub, but maybe not tonight. We did however make plans to meet for dinner again.

  Although my lagoon tour the next day was amazing, the water was so clear and blue, and I enjoyed myself far in excess of what I had thought I would, there was still a little part that felt something was missing. I am sure if Adam had been there, the sun would have been brighter, the sea would have been bluer, the breeze would have been more scintillating. I had it so bad.

  I returned to the ship for a light lunch, then took my camera for a walk into the town. I went into the park and updated my Facebook status, checking for comments on my posts from Sydney. I then walked around the town, taking photographs of things that caught my eye, such as a lovely old building which was in decay, boarded up and covered with graffiti, flowers in the park, and a few people who were out and about conducting their business. When walking past one shop, a dress in the window caught my eye, and on impulse, I went inside to try it on. Perfect. The thin cotton material skimmed my new figure beautifully, showing off curves that were at last in the right places. I purchased it, imagining wearing it for dinner one night. On the way back to the ship I took a few photos of the ship at the terminal, and a few of passengers milling around outside the shops.

  That night when dressing for dinner I happily put on my new dress. The green colour really did something for me, I hadn’t tried anything that colour before, but it seemed to make my brown hair richer somehow, less ‘mousy’ as I usually thought of it.

  As I walked to the restaurant where I was to meet Adam, I felt a strange combination of nervousness and confidence. I thought that I looked good in the dress, but it had been so long since I had tried to dress to impress anyone but myself (because to be honest with myself, I had bought the dress thinking of Adam seeing me in it) that I was filled with more than a little anticipation.

  I need not have worried, as I saw Adam’s reaction when he first saw me. He had been looking down at the menu, but when he looked up at my approach, his head snapped back, his eyes widened, and his mouth made a little “O” shape. I couldn’t help a smile at this. I had never caused a man to have such a reaction, and for it to be this man, I felt like I was walking on air.

  Adam stood as I slid into my seat, and as he sat he said:

  “Wow. I have to say, that is a marvelous dress. I bet whenever you wear that, heads turn”.

  At that I looked a little abashed and said:

  “Actually, it’s new. I saw it in Noumea today, and couldn’t walk past the shop without trying it on. Now I am glad that I bought it”.

  As we looked at each other, it seemed to me that we both had a look of realization, that somehow, we had crossed over an invisible line, and tha
t things were about to change.

  9.

  I went to bed in the early hours of the morning, thinking I would never sleep after the events of the evening, but of course I did. My dreams that night were vague, but pleasurable, as I must have been reliving those few hours of happiness that Adam and I had shared. Dinner had passed in a blur, I couldn’t remember what we ate or drank, just that we seemed to spend a lot of time looking into each other’s eyes, and talking about nothing. I am sure we must have both talked about our day’s activities, but can’t remember anything specific. We went to the show, as was our habit after dinner, and sat side by side in the dark, holding hands like teenagers. Afterwards we walked around the ship, this time with our arms around each other, both fraudulently claiming that it was cold outside and we needed to keep each other warm. That night, we hadn’t wanted to part, so had gone to the nightclub for the first time, and had danced together a lot, as conversation was impossible above the loud music. When we left, Adam had wanted to walk me to my stateroom, but I would have felt awkward at the door, and had cried off, laughingly telling him that I wasn’t going to get mugged in the corridor. So as we parted in the atrium, Adam had lifted my hand to his lips, and kissed it gently, his lips warm and soft against my palm.

  As I walked away, I turned to see him watching me. It must have been habit that saw me safely to my room, as I was so lost in my thoughts, reliving each moment, that I found myself at my door before I knew it. I got into bed, moving tonight’s towel animal – a gorilla – aside, and had a restless night, erotic dreams of Adam invading my slumber. I woke feeling tired, a little edgy, and excited that I would be seeing Adam again very soon. At some point the previous evening, I really don’t remember when, we had both discovered that neither of us had booked a tour for the following day at the Isle of Pines. As it had appeared to be a lovely place just to relax and swim on the beach, that was all I had planned to do, and apparently Adam had planned the same, so we decided to spend the day together.

  If I was worried about how things would be between myself and Adam the next morning, I needn’t have been. Adam was polite, clearly still interested, but was obviously wanting to move slowly, which suited me just fine. I didn’t want to make another mistake like I had with Nathan, so wanted to be sure that I wasn’t overreacting to Adam because of the romance of our setting.

  We had met for a quick breakfast in the restaurant, and then walked to the bar where tender tickets were being handed out, and waited for our turn to come up for a tender ride to shore. While we were waiting Adam commented on my choice of camera, asking if there was a reason why I had chosen to carry a large SLR rather than a pocket sized camera, or just use my phone like so many other people did. I explained my hobby to him, what I photographed, and how I had works displayed at a café, to which he exclaimed:

  “Of course, your surname must be Sharpe then? So you would sign your works S. Sharpe! I have been to that café and couldn’t resist one of your pieces– it’s the classic tram in front of Flinders St Station shot, but you took it at night in the rain, and I just loved it!”

  I was stunned, as I had only sold a few pieces, and imagine meeting someone who had bought one of them – and that it should be Adam, and that he loved it! It was only later, when we were boarding the tender, that I realized what that meant. Adam must not only live in Melbourne too, but probably not far from me if he had gone to the same café, yet we had never met before. I was going to ask him where he lived, when we took our seats and realized we were sitting next to Judy and Tom, so all chance of private conversation was gone for the time being.

  The four of us made small talk during the tender ride, and when we landed on the pier, Judy and Tom headed to a bus for their tour, leaving Adam and I free to spend the day together as we had planned, as alone as we could be on an island full of tourists.

  We took the road along the beach, and strolled arm in arm, talking. Adam asked me about my friend, and what sort of accident she had, that had prevented her from coming on the cruise with me. When I explained, and told him that she wasn’t seriously hurt, he said with a smile:

  “I am glad. I am glad that she wasn’t seriously hurt, and quite frankly, I am glad she couldn’t come, or you wouldn’t have ended up sitting with me that first night”.

  At this I turned to him in surprise, and exclaimed:

  “Really? I thought you just did that to be nice, did you want to have dinner with me?”

  “Well, it was a bit of both actually, I saw you at lunch but didn’t know whether you were just on your own for lunch, or for the whole cruise. When I saw you alone at dinner, I thought maybe you were alone on the cruise, but whether you were or weren’t, you were clearly uncomfortable with those morons. So, tell me, why are you single?”

  His direct question stunned me for a moment, then as we walked slowly with our arms around each other, I found myself telling him everything. About Nathan, about our brief and disappointing marriage, and the way he had walked out on me during our holiday. I told him that with the benefit of hindsight, I wondered whether I even would have married Nathan had I not been reeling from losing both parents so suddenly, and that my youth and inexperience were probably factors contributing to my bad choice. I said that Nathan had really done me a favour by leaving me, as I probably would have taken much longer to come to my senses. At this, Adam turned to me and said quite forcefully:

  “Never think someone does you a favour by being with you, or by leaving you. You are clever, have a lovely nature and you are also beautiful, more than you obviously know. Don’t undervalue yourself, you were probably doing this Nathan a favour by being with him, and if he couldn’t appreciate you then he is a fool”.

  At this, he turned me to face him, placed a hand on each cheek, and kissed me. I lost all sense of anything but him, his taste, the smell of him, the feel of his hands on my face, the warmth of his body as he moved closer. The spell was only broken when a couple of people from the cruise walked past us giggling loudly. We pulled apart, and stood looking at each other for a few seconds, breathing heavily, and then turned to continue walking along the road. Shortly afterwards, we found a hotel with a beachside restaurant, and took seats on the balcony facing the beach. Adam ordered two drinks, and while we waited for them, I turned to him to ask a question that had been bothering me since that first night.

  “You know my story now, so are you ready to tell me why you are here alone, and apparently single? At least, I hope you are single, I am going to be really disappointed if you aren’t”. The last sentence was said with a grimace.

  The waiter brought our drinks, frosty and cold, and Adam waited for him to leave before answering.

  “I was in a relationship when I booked the cruise. We were having a few difficulties, nothing serious I thought, and I thought a trip away together might give us some alone time to talk. I suppose I really talked myself into thinking our relationship was healthier than it really was, and foolishly I bought a ring a few weeks before the ship sailed. I was going to ask her to marry me, all as part of my surprise. Lisa however, was apparently less enamoured of me, than of what I could give her. She saw the room options on the internet, and asked me to book a suite, the bigger the better. She wanted the aft suite, as it looked like the biggest, and had a big balcony. That was my plan, but it was part of the surprise, so I just told her it was a waste of money, that a balcony room would be fine. I really thought that it would be fun to see her face when we were shown to our room, and she saw that it was the room she had wanted all along, and then I would work out when was the best time to propose to her. But my little plan backfired, because she thought I wasn’t going to book ‘the best room in the house’ so to speak, she told me I was a cheapskate, and she wasn’t going to spend so many days cooped up with me in what she described as a poky little cell. It just got worse from there, and what started as a silly tiff blew up into a huge argument. Just like your marriage though, it was probably only an excuse for her to finish with me. I
guess I wasn’t moving fast enough for her or something. Anyway, we don’t see each other any more, but I had already booked the room, and I decided I definitely needed time away after that little drama was done”.

  “I’m so sorry”, I said, reaching out and grabbing his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “It doesn’t matter how much we rationalize to ourselves that we are better off without people like that in our lives, it still hurts. What you said to me applies to you too, you deserve better than that”.

  He looked up and met my eyes.

  “But it’s ok”, he said, “It stopped hurting a long time ago, which clearly meant that I wasn’t as serious about her as I should have been, considering what I was about to do. You have no idea how happy I am that it didn’t work out. I think on some level I always knew that it wasn’t going to, because I never had that ring engraved. I managed to return it to the jeweler and get almost all of my money back. So that’s done. I really was over her before I even boarded, but everyone who knew us seemed very uncomfortable around me, so I had another reason for coming on the cruise, I just got so sick of telling everyone that I was ok, which I am. I am here now, moving on, and I am really glad that things worked out the way they did”. He paused a bit, and then went on. “Now, that conversation was enough of a downer, if you have finished your drink, do you want to find a nice beach to go for a swim? I brought snorkel gear!”

  I was a bit surprised by the change of tone and subject, but understood that Adam didn’t want to talk about Lisa any more. He said he was ok, and on reflection, he probably was. The only time he had been less than open and honest about his ex-girlfriend was on the first night at dinner, and as I was still just a stranger to him then, that was fair enough. We rose, and Adam left some money on the table to cover the cost of our drinks. We walked on a bit further until we found a beach that wasn’t too crowded by fellow passengers and laid down our ship-supplied beach towels. Adam pulled his shirt off over his head, his shorts were in fact swimming trunks, so after he kicked off his shoes, he was ready to go into the water. I told him to go ahead, I would be in when I was ready, as I was wearing my bikini under a sundress and felt very awkward about taking the dress off in front of him. Adam was sensitive enough to understand that I wanted him to turn his back, so he walked into the water, and I quickly took off my dress. However, as I began walking to the water’s edge, Adam turned around and watched me approach appreciatively, at which point I became self conscious and stumbled. I pitched forward, and Adam quickly took a step forward to steady me. As he looked down at me, the waves gently pushing at the backs of his legs, nudging him towards me, he slowly lowered his head to mine and found my lips with his. At first the kiss was gentle and hesitant, then it became more insistent, Adam’s tongue teased my lips open and he began to plunder my mouth with his tongue, all the while pulling me forward so that my body was pressed tightly against his, I could feel the evidence of his desire hard against my abdomen. I don’t know what would have happened next had not the other people at the beach suddenly made a lot of noise, bringing us back down to earth, and we separated, breathing deeply. We stared at each other for a few seconds, then with silent agreement we ran into the deeper water and plunged into the cool waves, swimming for a while until the both of us had cooled off. After that, we spent a beautiful day alternating between sunbathing, snorkeling and just splashing around in the shallows. The only further awkward moment came when Adam offered to rub sunscreen into my back, and said that when he was done, I could do the same for him.