by Naomi Niles
She was dressed in a strapless silk, organza dress in a light shade of lilac. She was wearing tall black heels, and her earthy brown hair coated her pale shoulders, drawing attention to her expertly made up eyes.
“What do you think?” she asked both of us, twirling around on the spot.
“You look beautiful, Mommy,” Renni said instantly.
I stood up and took a moment to admire her. “You are…breathtaking,” I said.
She smiled and her eyes were soft and romantic. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Now, let’s get going.”
We spent the car ride talking about art, how much Renni liked to draw, and the fact that she wanted to be an artist when she grew up. By the time we got the art gallery, I wasn’t feeling as nervous anymore.
We walked inside, and I was struck by how beautiful and cultured everything and everyone looked. There were no tables or chairs. Just empty space between walls filled with framed photographs, paintings, and canvases. There were waiters in white shirts and black vests walking around with trays filled with tiny bite-sized snacks and tall glasses of champagne.
“There she is, Mommy,” Renni said, tugging on Mia’s hand and pointing towards the willowy white-blonde in a flowing black dress.
“Mia!” Vanessa called out as she spotted them. “Renni! There are my two best critics.”
She came forward and embraced them both, and I noticed the deep affection that lay between the three of them. I knew how significant a role Vanessa had played in Mia and Renni’s life since Clint passed away; for that reason alone, I wanted to make a good impression on her.
Vanessa turned to me and gave me a smile that was a little less warm than the one reserved for Mia and Renni. I could see that she was assessing me, studying me, observing me to make sure I was good enough for the two of them – and to be honest, I couldn’t blame her.
“Vanessa,” I said, leaning in and giving her a hug. “It’s nice to officially meet you. I feel like I already know you, though, especially the way Renni’s been going on about you.”
Vanessa gave Renni a little wink. “Well, I really appreciate you coming tonight Sam,” she said. “I know how busy you must be.”
“I am,” I nodded. “But I like to make time for important people.”
I was trying to say that I was always going to put Mia and Renni first, and by the look in Vanessa’s eyes, she got the message loud and clear. She gave me an appreciative smile, but I could tell that I had fully passed her test yet.
“So, Sam?” she said. “Fire fighting, huh? Must be dangerous work?”
“It can be,” I nodded. “But I do my best to stay safe…and I have a great team that helps me out. I don’t do anything alone.”
“I would hope not,” she nodded. “Mia mentioned that you have brothers?”
“Four,” I replied.
“Are you close with them?”
“Of course,” I nodded. “We lost our father when we were all quite young, so we relied on each other a lot.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your father,” she said.
“It was a long time ago.”
She smiled and nodded. “Do you generally work long hours, Sam?”
“Well, depending on the day, I can work long hours yes.”
“Twenty-four hour shifts?”
“We get breaks so that we can get in a couple of hours of sleep,” I replied. “It helps with productivity.”
“I’m sure,” Vanessa nodded, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “But that can’t be very conducive to family life, can it?”
“Alright, Vanessa,” Mia said, stepping in. “Sam came to admire your paintings tonight, not be subjected to an interrogation.”
“I’m just interested,” Vanessa said, with a shrug.
“And, I don’t blame you,” I said. “If I were you, I’d want to make sure the guy Mia was dating passed muster, too.”
Vanessa gave me a warm smile. “See?” she said to Mia. “He gets it.”
“Sam,” Renni said, grabbing my hand. “Come with me. I want to show you my favorite painting.”
Renni grabbed my hand and dragged me away, leaving Vanessa and Mia behind. She took me through the gallery, explaining paintings to me, and whispering when she didn’t like an image. I was having a blast. Towards the close of the night, Renni went off with Vanessa, leaving Mia and I alone together.
She slipped her hand into mine and looked up at me with those intoxicating green eyes. “How are you doing?”
“I’m having a surprisingly good time,” I admitted. “I expected to be a fish out of water here, but… Renni made me feel comfortable.”
“Good,” Mia nodded. “I bet she loved showing you around.”
“She might end up on the walls here herself one day,” I said, with a twinge of pride in my tone.
“I think so,” Mia agreed. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
“It would be,” I nodded. “I’m going to have to start reading up on the art world… I don’t want to be ignorant if this is where Renni’s future lies.”
Mia was looking at me with an emotional smile on her face.
“What?” I asked gently.
“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head and looking away from me.
A moment later, Vanessa walked up to us with Renni in tow. “Hi, guys,” she greeted. “Renni wanted to know if it was okat if she spent the night with me?”
“Can I, Mommy?”
Mia smiled. “Sure, sweetheart,” she nodded. “But you have to listen to Aunt Vanessa, ok? Go to bed on time and do as you’re told…yes?”
“Yes,” Renni agreed.
“Good girl.” Mia bent down to kiss Renni on the forehead.
I knelt down so that I was at eye level with Renni. She moved into my arms and gave me a hug before I could ask for one. “Night, night, Renni girl,” I said.
“Good night, Sam,” Renni smiled. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Very soon,” I promised.
She beamed and stepped away from me. Then Mia and I said our goodbyes and headed for the exit. We held hands on the drive back, and I could feel the waves of sexual tension start to emanate between us the closer we got to her place. We slipped back into the house, but Mia didn’t bother too much with the lights. There was enough light coming in from the open windows.
She took my hand and led me into her bedroom without a word; I followed her willingly, prepared to walk into the depths of hell, just as long as she was the one taking me there. That struck me as an odd thought, and I started to question my own feelings because of it.
Would I really do anything for this woman? And if so, didn’t that mean my feelings for her were stronger than I had first realized? Had I fallen in love and not even realized it?
“You’re quiet,” Mia said, breaking the silence. She closed her bedroom door and turned to me. I sat down on the edge of her bed and met her startling green eyes.
“I’m thinking…”
“About what?” she asked softly.
“I care about you so much, Mia,” I admitted. “You and Renni… In a short time, you both have become so important to me.”
Mia smiled and walked slowly towards me until she was between my legs with her hands caressing the back of my neck. I put my hands on either side of her hips and held her close to me.
“I just… I’m nervous…”
“What have you got to be nervous about?”
I looked up at her, running a hand up and down the side of her leg. “What if I don’t measure up?” I asked. “What if I fall short? You had an amazing husband… How can I hope to compete with that? What if I’m just…not good enough?
Mia silenced me with a finger to my lips. Her green eyes were on mine for only a moment before her lips came down over mine. I felt my heart beat a little faster and the realization hit home.
I was in love with this woman and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
; Mia
I bent down and kissed him softly. The fact that he cared, the fact that he didn’t want to disappoint me was enough. It was the thing that reminded me most of Clint. It was the need to be the best version of himself for Renni and I that made me want him even more.
It was a long kiss, a kiss sealed with passion and heat and a slow burn that I knew would last us through the entire night. His hands were soft against my skin, pushing up the silk organza of my dress so that I could feel his hands on my thighs.
Slowly, Sam stood up and started undressing me. He took his time, kissing me, caressing me, and exploring me while he undid the buttons lining my back and peeled the dress from my skin. Once the dress was off, he admired my body for a moment, his eyes raking over my breasts and my stomach.
Then he unfastened my bra and slipped it off. Next, he hooked his fingers around my panties and pulled them down around my legs. I stepped out of them and my shoes at the same time.
When I was completely naked and exposed, I turned to him and started undressing him in the same slow, lazy way in which he had undressed me. It was part of the foreplay; it was part of the dance that would make the final moment of climax that much greater.
He was already erect when I pulled off his pants, and within moments, he was completely naked. We stood like that for a few moments, admiring each other’s bodies.
His was far more beautiful than mine was. His chest was perfectly sculpted, his arms beautifully muscled, and his stomach was flat and toned, ridged with hard abs that ran almost to his groin. I traced my fingers down the wall of muscle.
He mimicked my movement and traced his fingers along the swell of my belly. It was flat, but it had lost the kind of concave flatness I used to possess before I’d given birth to Renni. His fingers lingered on my stretchmarks, and his eyes seemed to examine them carefully.
“I always hated those,” I whispered.
“Why?” Sam said, looking at me in surprise. “They’re beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I repeated, raising my eyebrows at him.
He smiled softly. It was a sincere smile that told me he was being a hundred percent honest. He really saw my stretchmarks and thought they were beautiful.
“They’re there for a reason,” he whispered back to me. “They’re proof of your past. They’re proof that you had a child. They’re proof that you carried that child for nine months. They tell your story. They’re a part of you. That’s why they are so beautiful.”
He could have been reading a poem, the way his words seemed to sing to me. I closed my eyes for a moment and stepped closer to him. My nipples brushed against his chest, and I opened my eyes again. I placed my hand on his chest and gently pushed him back onto my bed. When he was lying down, I got on top of him, straddling him closely as I took his penis into my hand.
“It’s funny…” he said suddenly.
I looked at him questioningly. “What’s funny?”
“It feels like the first time,” he replied.
“With me?”
“With anyone,” Sam said. “It feels like this is my first time.”
The moment he said the words, I felt a tingle in my spine and remembered the exhilarated excitement of my first time, too. Sam was right: the feeling was very close to the same.
I bent down towards him and kissed him just as I guided him inside me. The moment we fused together, I felt a gasp emanate through my darkened room. But I wasn’t sure if the sound came from him or me. It could have been either of us – both of us.
I looked down at Sam, and he had his head tilted back with his eyes closed. His hands were on my hips, aiding the rise and fall of each stroke as I slipped he slipped in and out of me. I placed my hands on his chest, anchoring me to him as I rode him gently, taking my time and allowing each stroke to stretch out as long as I dared.
I had forgotten how beautiful sex could be. I had forgotten how versatile it was. It could be an act of love just as easily as it could be an act of sadness. It could be an act of peace just as simply as an act of violence. It could be a means of relief, and at the same time, it could be a way to move on. It could be enjoyed in all its carnal pleasures, and yet, it could be savoured for its emotional depth.
And as the thought came to me, a realization dawned. This was the real reason I had stayed away from men since Clint’s death: after Clint, I hadn’t been interested in recreational sex.
I hadn’t wanted a meaningless night of passion that would be forgotten the next morning. I wanted a connection; I wanted a reason to give my body to a man. I wanted to feel things again. I wanted a reason to feel things again. And Sam had given me that reason.
Even with him inside me, I thought back to the first time. He had fucked me on top of a pool table in an empty bar. And at the time, it had seemed meaningless. But how could it have been? I had slept with the man who had saved my child’s life. It was naïve to believe that we didn’t have a connection, even at that point.
And afterwards… he had driven me home, taken care of me, and stayed with me because I had asked him to. I should have realized what was happening then, but I had been numb.
I was numb to romantic love because it was a necessary means of survival. I had to be numb to it, or the pain of my husband’s passing would have been too much to bear. And it was only in the wake of new love that I was able to confront the truth of my feelings again.
Sam’s fingers reached up and caressed my face. “You’re thinking,” he whispered to me.
I bent down so that my lips were at his ear. “I’m thinking of you,” I told him.
He smiled. “I’m right here.”
I felt his hand on the small of my back, helping me along. I could feel how deep he was inside me, and yet I wanted him to go deeper still. I was greedy for him, greedy for the pleasure I knew we could make together. I had been starved for long enough and now I wanted to be satisfied.
I straightened up and quickened my pace. I saw Sam shudder from the force of my movements, but he surrendered to me completely. He wanted me to take control. His hands reached up for my breasts and squeezed gently.
We changed position three times in the next half an hour. He took me in several different ways, and I felt my body respond to him more powerfully than before. We spent an hour devouring each other, intent on the act of love making and nothing else.
When we finally came, it was only because our bodies were spent and exhausted. We lay in bed for almost half an hour without ever saying a word. I just listened to his breath mixed in with his heartbeat as I let my body recover.
“You’ve been with a lot of women, haven’t you?” I asked out of simply curiosity, born out of a need to know him better.
“Yes,” he replied, keeping a firm grip on my hand.
“Some people can do that,” I said thoughtfully. “I never really could… I’ve only been with two men my entire life. Clint and now…you.”
Sam turned to me and smiled. “Would you believe me if I told you I’ve never been in love before?”
“Really?”
“Really,” he nodded. “Sex was never about an emotional connection for me. It was always…something that was separate from the person I was experiencing it with.”
“Isn’t that a little sad?”
He nodded. “It is,” he replied. “I just didn’t know how sad – until now.”
I smiled. “Until now?”
“Yes,” Sam nodded. “It’s true what they say: sex is better when it’s with someone you…have feelings for.”
I turned my face to his and kissed him tenderly. His hands stroked my face, and I felt myself melt into him, as though our bodies were programmed to seek each other out.
“Would you mind if I joined you tomorrow?” Sam asked suddenly. “To pick Renni up from Vanessa’s?”
I knew he would have no idea how much that request meant to me. Instead of explaining it to him, I leaned in again and kissed him again, until our bodies were fused together once more.
&
nbsp; Chapter Thirty-Three
Sam
As we drove to Vanessa’s house I began to feel a strange sense of paternal longing. Was it possible that I was missing Renni? Was it possible that I could think of her as my own in so short a period of time?
I couldn’t find any other reason why I should feel this way. I looked at Mia and I saw the same emotion reflected in her eyes. Was this what my mother felt every time she looked at one of us?
It seemed amazing to me to find myself here, after being separate for so long. I had already dropped the mes and Is, and I was starting to think in terms of weand us.
Vanessa and Renni stepped out of the apartment building just as Mia and I pulled up outside. We got out together and were rewarded with Renni’s bright smile. She came rushing towards us excitedly.
“I drew a new picture last night,” she announced proudly.
Mia was about to stoop down to admire the picture in Renni’s hands, assuming that she would be the first one that Renni ran to. But to both our surprise, Renni bypassed Mia entirely and headed straight for me.
“Look, Sam,” she said, presenting me with a crisp sheet of paper a little bent on one end. “I drew the gallery last night – you’re there, too.”
“I see that.” I smiled at her representation of me in my black pants and white shirt. “I look quite debonair.”
“What’s that?” she asked, clinging to the word with interest.
“It means I look quite…handsome,” I explained.
Renni beamed. “You do,” she nodded. “Lots of ladies said so last night, I heard them.”
“Did you, now?” Mia said, from behind me.
I straightened up with the picture still in my hands and passed it to Mia.Mia smiled at the picture and gave Renni a hug. “Nice job, Picasso,” she said. “Did you have a good sleepover?”
“We had the best sleepover, didn’t we Renni?” Vanessa said, coming forward in her shorts and a large gray sweatshirt.