Show Me

by Janet Dailey

  ‘No, it’s not a joke. I want a divorce.’

  His hands closed over her shoulders, spinning her around to stare into her face. ‘I just told you I love you! Are you trying to tell me that you don’t love me?’ he demanded angrily. ‘Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘I’m saying I want a divorce,’ she answered more firmly, not able to meet the piercing regard of his eyes. ‘Isn’t that answer enough?’

  ‘No, dammit! It isn’t!’ His fingers dug punishingly into the soft flesh of her upper arms. ‘I’m not so inexperienced that I don’t know when a woman wants me, and I know that a moment ago you wanted me as badly as I wanted you. You aren’t a promiscuous woman.’ The angry and confused expression on his face made Tanya’s heart weep with pain. ‘I know you love me. Admit it!’

  ‘Stop it, Jake.’ Her hands moved to his chest, trying to push herself away as he pulled her to him.

  ‘I want an explanation!’ One hand moved to the small of her back, arching her against his hips, while the other hand wound its fingers in her hair, twisting her head up towards his.

  ‘You’re hurting me,’ she whispered, frightened by the cruel line of his mouth.

  ‘I love you,’ he growled, angry fires leaping in his eyes. ’I’ll make you love me!’

  He swung her into his arms, warding off the futile efforts of her hands to prevent him as he carried her to the bed. The blueprints were brushed aside before he dropped her on to the blue satin coverlet. The rough handling loosened the sash around her waist and the robe opened to show the tanned length of her legs. As her hand reached down in a frightened effort to cover herself, his fingers closed over her wrists, thrusting her backwards on to the bed while the full weight of his body pressed down on her.

  His gaze was hard and alien as he stared into her face, without the seductive light that usually disturbed her. His head came down to capture her mouth, but Tanya twisted her head away.

  ‘You were anxious enough for my kisses before,’ he jeered, manoeuvring her hands until both wrists were held by one hand and he used the other to drag her face roughly around.

  ‘Please, Jake, don’t do this,’ she whispered in a trembling voice. ‘It won’t change anything. I’ll still want a divorce. Please, Jake, please!’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ he said coldly.

  Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. ‘I haven’t the strength to stop you, Jake.’

  He stared down at her for a long moment. ‘Damn you!’ he muttered savagely as he broke free from the pleading look in her eyes and rolled off of her on to the floor. A shuddering sob moved through her as his footsteps carried him away from the bed. The door of her bedroom opened, then closed with a resounding slam.

  ‘Oh, Jake, I love you,’ Tanya sobbed into her pillow.

  | Go to Table of Contents |

  Chapter Nine

  THERE WAS A LOT of door-slamming in the course of the next days as Jake refused to be in the same room with Tanya. A brooding anger followed him like a dark cloud wherever he went until even John was hesitant to approach him lest he should feel the sharp side of his father’s tongue. Tanya wondered if he even slept, because she could hear the restless pacing at night coming from the room across the hall.

  The blue circles under her own eyes were evidence of her insomnia. Countless hours she lay awake staring at the ceiling wishing she could cross the hall and admit her love. But she didn’t. Jake would never understand. So she suffered through the sleepless nights and the reproachful glances from Julia that plainly placed the blame for her son’s departure before breakfast and his return after the evening meal on Tanya’s shoulders. J.D. was the only one who looked at her with anything resembling sympathy. Yet he too seemed a bit grim and accusing.

  Poor John was the one who was suffering the most. The hostile atmosphere in the house was something he hadn’t experienced before. Danny Gilbert had asked him to spend the night at his house and Tanya had agreed — somewhat reluctantly, it was true, because she selfishly wanted him around her to deflect as much of her attention as possible from Jake.

  She was on her way to John’s room to make sure all the necessities for an overnight stay had been packed when she passed Jake’s doorway and glanced in. Her steps faltered, then stopped. Jake was standing in front of a mirror patiently tying a silver and blue striped tie to complement the perfectly tailored grey summer suit he was wearing. The elegant suit seemed to accent the cynical, world-weary hardness of his chiselled features. Tanya hadn’t even known he was home yet and it looked as though he were getting ready to leave. His flint-hard eyes caught her reflection in the mirror.

  ‘Are you going out?’ she asked, feeling the need to say something since he had noticed her standing there.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Danny Gilbert asked John to spend the night with him.’

  ‘So?’ His eyes flicked over her reflection as he secured the tie clasp to his shirt.

  ‘I thought perhaps you could take him,’ Tanya suggested, not really sure why she was saying it at all except to have an excuse to talk to Jake a little while longer.

  ‘Can’t anyone else take him?’ he asked coldly.

  ‘Well, yes, of course,’ she fumbled. ‘But John would like it if you took him. He doesn’t quite understand why you’re so seldom home now, and when you are, you’re always going off by yourself.’

  ‘Maybe you should enlighten him,’ he jeered, turning so no mirror would reduce the effect of his contemptuous glare.

  ‘Jake, please!’ Tanya averted her eyes from the freezing disdain of his look.

  ‘Please what?’ he snapped bitterly. ‘What do you expect of me? Am I supposed to say “Sorry, old gal, that it didn’t work” and go my merry way? A man has only two things he can give a woman, Tanya — his love and his name. You’re rejecting both! And you don’t even have the decency to give me an explanation.’ His mouth curled with disgust.

  Not one word crossed her lips, although a thousand flooded from her mind. Her chin trembled as she murmured a very weak, ‘I’m sorry,’ and crossed the hallway to her room. Moments later his striding footsteps could be heard in the hall signalling his departure.

  Somehow Tanya dried the tears his embittered words had aroused and recovered a sufficient amount of composure to enable her to drive John to the Gilbert house. On her return, she avoided entering the house, choosing to circle it to arrive at the patio in the rear. It didn’t matter that Julia would probably want her help in the kitchen to prepare the evening meal. She needed to be alone.

  She walked to the railing and stared absently at the glasslike surface of the lake shimmering beyond the trees. Tears of self-pity stung her eyes as she suddenly felt so sorry for herself at the mess she had made of her life. She made no attempt to wipe the dampness from her cheeks, feeling entitled to shed a few tears on her behalf.

  ‘I didn’t know anyone was out here,’ J.D.’s smooth voice sounded behind her, causing her to turn with a start. ‘You’re crying, child,’ he murmured sympathetically.

  Tanya quickly wiped her face with the back of her hand. ‘It’s nothing,’ she shrugged.

  ‘Here,’ he said, handing her the drink he held in his hand. ’You look more in need of this than I am. Take a hefty swallow.’ She did as she was ordered, choking on the potent liquor in the process. ‘Burns all the way down, doesn’t it?’ he smiled. ‘But it momentarily revives you.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said huskily, her throat still feeling the scorching effect as she started to hand the glass back.

  ‘No.’ He waved it off. ‘You might need another dose. You and Jake have had another quarrel, haven’t you?’

  ‘More than a quarrel, I’m afraid,’ she nodded, taking a deep breath to fight the shooting pain lake’s name caused.

  ‘There couldn’t be much doubt about that. He’s been like an elephant with a toothache, snapping at everybody.’ Tanya could feel his speculating gaze move over her face. ‘You’re in love with my son, aren’t you?’<
br />
  She darted him a quick glance, but neither confirmed or denied it. She couldn’t. She didn’t think J.D. would accept her lie that she wasn’t in love with Jake and there was too much chance of the truth getting back to Jake.

  ‘You’d rather not say, is that it?’ J.D. chuckled. ‘Surely you know that he’s in love with you?’

  ‘Yes,’ she admitted in a tight voice.

  ‘Would you consider me a nosey in-law if I asked what the quarrel was about?’ His expression was friendly and warm when Tanya glanced at him.

  She met his eyes squarely. ‘I asked Jake for a divorce.’

  One dark brow shot up in surprise. ‘Why?’

  ‘Personal reasons,’ Tanya hedged.

  ‘May I ask you another personal question?’

  ‘What’s that?’ She couldn’t keep from tilting her chin at a slightly defiant angle.

  ‘Does Jake know that you aren’t John’s mother?’

  The glass slipped from her hand and shattered into a hundred fragments on the patio floor. Icy fear held her in its paralysing grip.

  ‘Obviously he doesn’t,’ J.D. said dryly.

  ‘H — how … did you know?’ she gasped, her hand slipping up to her throat in an oddly protective gesture.

  ‘Let’s say I wasn’t as willing as my son to believe that this strange girl we’d never seen or heard of before was what she professed to be, and more important, whether the baby was really my grandchild. As far as I was concerned there was a very real possibility that you were only passing the boy off as Jake’s son. Jake wouldn’t discuss it with me except to admit that the baby had been born before you two were married. So I did some checking on my own.’ His eyes looked kindly at her. ‘Why was it that Jake never asked to see John’s birth certificate?’

  ‘He did once,’ Tanya breathed, unable to believe any of this was really happening. ‘But I didn’t show it to him.’

  ‘You can imagine my shock and anger when I saw that the birth certificate listed your sister as John’s mother,’ J.D. said with a rueful smile.

  ‘Why didn’t you confront me or Jake with your discovery?’

  ‘You were legally married to Jake. No, I hinted a few times in my letters to him that there might be something he didn’t know, but he wrote back that John was his son. I guessed from that that he knew the truth. By then,’ he sighed, ‘I could already see how very much you loved the boy, as if he were really your own.’

  ‘When did you find out that Jake didn’t know?’ she whispered.

  ‘That time I persuaded him to come home. I asked him one night about your sister, and he said he’d never met her.’

  ‘He was drunk,’ Tanya murmured. All the bitterness was gone and only sadness was in its place. ‘He couldn’t remember anything about that night except meeting me.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell him the truth then, Tanya?’ he asked quietly.

  ‘Because he said he wanted his son.’ She swallowed back the lump in her throat. ‘And I knew that because he was John’s father, with the Lassiter wealth and name to back him up, I didn’t have a chance of keeping John. I loved John. Deanna, my sister, never got to hold him once. She came down with pneumonia in the hospital and died. I took care of him. He was my baby and Jake would have taken him away from me!’

  She broke into sobs and found herself being drawn into her father-in-law’s arms where he patted her shoulders and comforted her.

  ‘I understand, child,’ he soothed. As the last of the sobs faded away, he handed her his linen handkerchief. ‘And now you’re afraid to tell Jake what you did.’

  Tanya nodded, blowing her nose gently in his handkerchief. ‘Yes. He’d hate me for it.’ A blankness swept over her face as if she were beyond feeling. ‘He said I was honest, that I always told the truth. How can I tell him that I’ve been living a lie for seven years?’

  ‘I’m afraid you have to.’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ she shuddered.

  ‘My dearest daughter-in-law,’ J.D. said gently, lifting her chin with his finger, ‘my son couldn’t be more hurt or angered than he is right now because you rejected him. Do you really believe he’s going to hate you more for telling him the truth?’

  ‘I suppose not,’ she murmured. ‘I just don’t know if I can face him, or if he’ll even talk to me.’

  ‘I’ll arrange to have him come to my study tomorrow night at seven o’clock. I’ll act as a referee for the first few minutes,’ J.D. suggested.

  ‘Maybe … maybe it would be better if you didn’t tell him I was going to meet him there. He might not come if he knows he’s to meet me.’

  ‘You may be right,’ he smiled. ‘Jake can be as stubborn as the stubbornest Missouri mule. Now, I have your word that you’re going to tell him?’

  ‘Yes,’ Tanya sighed, more frightened by the prospect than she cared to admit.

  IT WAS the longest night and day she had ever lived through. It was six-thirty the following evening and Jake hadn’t arrived home yet. Tanya kept hoping he wouldn’t come even though she knew it would only prolong the agony. Now that his father knew the truth Jake would find out whether she told him or not. She almost wished she had told J.D. to tell him if it weren’t such a cowardly thing to do.

  Three times she had changed her clothes, unable to decide what to wear. When she looked in the mirror, a hysterical bubble of laughter rose in her throat. She was wearing black with her amber-streaked hair coiled on top of her head. She looked as if she was going to a funeral; it felt as if it was her own.

  She fussed with the powder, trying to hide the dark smudges under her eyes without success. She felt sick to her stomach and her hands were trembling like aspen leaves. The muscles were knotted at the back of her neck from the overwrought state of her nerves.

  At ten minutes before seven o’clock, she stepped into the hall, her knees barely supporting her as she walked down the hallway across the foyer to the secluded study on the opposite side of the house. J.D. was sitting behind the desk, his head resting against the back of the chair as he stared into space.

  ‘He isn’t home yet,’ she spoke softly from the door, bringing his startled gaze around to her.

  ‘No,’ he sighed heavily. ‘He isn’t home. You might as well sit down. We can wait together.’

  The leather-covered cushions seemed to close around her when she sat down, swallowing her up in its oversize proportions. It was a pleasant sensation marred by the ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece.

  It was half past seven when they heard the sound of a car in the driveway. Tanya’s fingers curled into the arm of the chair as she glanced fearfully at her father-in-law.

  There was a grim smile on his face as he returned her look. ‘It will all be over soon,’ he said.

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘it will all be over soon.’

  Her eyelashes fluttered tightly down over her eyes at the sound of the front door shutting. There was a sickening lurch in her stomach and she was terribly afraid she was going to be sick. She kept waiting for the sound of footsteps in the hall — Jake’s footsteps. But the clock kept ticking in the silence.

  After nearly ten minutes had gone by, J.D. began tapping a pencil impatiently on the desk top while glowering at the closed door. Tanya’s nerves were stretched to screaming point. The knock on the door brought her to the edge of her chair.

  ‘Come in,’ J.D. called, motioning to Tanya to remain seated.

  As the door swung open, the atmosphere threatened to stifle her. Jake looked so powerful in the slim-fitting brown trousers and the white short-sleeved shirt that was half unbuttoned to accentuate the bronzed colour of his skin, it took her breath away. His hair gleamed with rich brown tones, damp and slightly curling from a shower. But it was his face that Tanya stared at, so arrogantly carved and so disturbingly attractive.

  ‘Sorry I’m late, Dad,’ he said, without a hint of sincere apology in his voice as he moved through the doorway. ‘I decided to freshen up f-first.’ His gaze had moved from hi
s father to Tanya, changing from indifferent blandness to glittering cold. His mouth snapped shut into a grim line as he glared at J.D. ‘I thought you were alone. Excuse me.’

  He pivoted sharply to leave, his rigid carriage announcing his refusal to be in the same room with her.

  ‘Come back in here!’ J.D. barked.

  ‘I’ll come back when you’re alone,’ Jake retorted, the muscles in his arm rippling as he gripped the side of the door.

  ‘You are not leaving,’ his father declared in a tone that brooked no opposition. ‘And Tanya is not leaving either.’

  She saw the muscle twitching in Jake’s tightly clenched jaw and knew the tight rein he held on his temper. The knowledge that he couldn’t stand to be in her company was a physical pain in her heart.

  ‘I don’t mean to be disrespectful, Dad,’ Jake declared. His back was still turned to his father as he spoke through gritted teeth. ‘But this is none of your damned business.’

  ‘I beg to differ with you, son,’ J.D. answered with the same note of ominous softness in his voice. ‘I have a stake in the future of my grandson, so that makes me involved.’

  ‘If you’re trying to act as a marriage counsellor, I suggest you have a talk with Tanya first,’ Jake sneered, tossing a venomous look at Tanya, who cringed inwardly at the malevolence in his eyes.

  ‘I already have — that’s why I asked you here tonight. Now close that door and come in here and sit down.’ She knew that only Jake’s father could get away with ordering him around like that. No one else would dare that smouldering anger.

  The door closed with a resounding slam as Jake turned on his heel and walked to the chair near Tanya’s. He reclined his long length in it, looking amazingly relaxed, but she knew it was the watchful stillness of a jungle cat.

  ‘Let’s get this over with,’ he muttered, glancing at the gold watch on his arm. ‘I have a dinner date tonight.’

  ‘With Sheila?’ Tanya didn’t realize she had spoken the question out aloud until the harshness of Jake’s blue eyes bored into her.