2 Heroes & Hooligans in Goose Pimple Junction

by Amy Metz

  When she hung up the phone, he said, “Where could they have gone?”

  “I surely don’t know, but do you know when the last time I couldn’t find my daughter was?” She walked to the window, and he followed her.

  “No, ma’am, I reckon I don’t.” He patted her back consolingly as they looked out the window.

  “It was the day she and Tess were kidnapped. Does that tell you anything?”

  “Yes, ma’am. It tells me you usually can find her, but today you can’t. It’s not time to panic yet, you hear? Don’t go getting your socks on over your boots.”

  She nodded and gave him a hug.

  “What are we going to do?” She pulled back from the window, rubbing her forehead.

  “You’re going to stay here and mind the shop, and I’m going to go out and look for them. I’ll call you the minute I find them.”

  “Bless your pea-pickin’ heart. You’re good people, Johnny.”

  “Thank you, Lou. Maybe you could put in a good word with your daughter?”

  You can’t tell much about a chicken pie until you get through the crust.

  ~Southern Proverb

  Johnny cruised through town, stopping periodically to ask someone if they’d seen Martha Maye or T. Harry’s green truck. After thirty minutes with no success, he headed south on a road leading to farmland. He racked his brain thinking where they might have gone, but he came up blank. He told himself to calm down. It was pretty obvious T. Harry had a crush on Martha Maye, but he couldn’t see the man hurting her or Butterbean.

  After twenty miles, he did a U-turn and headed back toward Goose Pimple Junction. He propped his elbow on the door and rested his head on his hand. Estherlene’s earlier comment about possibly seeing a green pickup truck had been bothering him all day. T. Harry had a green pickup truck. But Martha Maye said he hadn’t come to town until two days after the murder. He couldn’t remember where she said T. Harry lived. Could he have possibly snuck into town, killed his brother, and snuck back out? But why would he kill his brother?

  He didn’t like the thoughts he was having, or the possibility that Martha Maye was very likely with someone nobody in town knew very well, and he really didn’t like the fact that no one knew where she and Butterbean were. Why hadn’t she called someone? And why hadn’t she returned my calls?

  He rode back through town and then took a road that led north. He stopped at a few houses to ask if they’d noticed a green pickup truck drive by, but as one person put it, “We’re in the country. There’s a green pickup truck for every four people in town.” He got tired of explaining he was on a leave of absence and saying no, they hadn’t caught the murderer.

  Feeling defeated, he rode back into town at dusk. He decided to go by Martha Maye’s house one more time, and then he would go to the station and call the staties for help. Chief or no chief, he could call in a few favors.

  He turned onto Marigold Lane and relief washed over him. The green truck sat in the driveway, and lights were on in Martha Maye’s house. He parked his car behind the truck and jumped out, stalking to the door and pounding on it. T. Harry opened it.

  “T. Harry,” Johnny said flatly. He was breathing hard and hoping his eyes conveyed as much anger as he felt.

  “John,” T. Harry said for the second time today. Johnny heard the disdain in the man’s voice.

  Johnny took a deep breath. “T. Harry. I’d like to speak to Martha Maye.” He held up a hand signaling T. Harry not to say another word. “I mean to see her tonight. If she’s indisposed again, I’ll wait.” He opened the screen door wider. “I mean to see her tonight, even if it harelips the governor. Now I’ll wait right here while you go get her.” Johnny held onto the screen door and glared at T. Harry.

  “Harelips the governor? Whatchew talking about?” T. Harry tried to step outside and close the front door behind him. Johnny put his hand on his chest, stopping him.

  “It’s an expression. Now. Go. Get. Her.” Johnny matched his tone with the look in his eye. Tired of playing nice, he was not leaving without making sure Martha Maye and Butterbean were all right.

  “Hey now, don’t have a duck fit. I think Martha Maye’s in the sh—”

  He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Martha Maye appeared behind him. “Johnny! It’s so good to see you!” She pushed past T. Harry and took one look at Johnny’s face. “Is everything all right? Is Mama . . . Aunt Imy—”

  “Everything and everybody’s fine, Martha Maye,” Johnny assured her. “We were just worried about you because nobody knew where you were all day.”

  “Oh!” she clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. You’re right, I shoulda called Mama and them and said we were going on a hike and a picnic. T. Harry rushed me so much, I guess I just forgot. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to worry y’all. Why didn’t y’all call my cell?” She pulled it out of her pocket. “Oh. It’s been turned off. Hmmm. Wonder how that happened.”

  Johnny was struck by how lovely she looked. It had been a while since they’d spent any time together. He’d missed her and couldn’t believe how grateful he was that she was all right. Glancing past her, he saw T. Harry leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching them and listening in. He looked back at Martha Maye.

  “Martha Maye, do you suppose we could go for a short walk? Just you and me?” He hitched a thumb over his shoulder.

  Her smile washed all his worry away. Suddenly everything was right with the world.

  “Sure, I’d like that.” She turned to her brother-in-law. “T. Harry, you mind staying here with Butterbean while we go out for a walk?”

  T. Harry looked at his watch. “I don’t know, it’s getting kinda late, Marty—”

  “Hey, if you need to leave, go ahead. Martha Maye and I can sit here and talk,” Johnny offered. He could see T. Harry’s thoughts all over his face. T. Harry was kicking himself for falling into that trap.

  He recovered quickly, though. “No, no, y’all gwon. I’ll stay with Carrie until you get back.” T. Harry made a shooing motion with his hands. “Just don’t be long.”

  Martha Maye shot him a smile, and Johnny felt himself begrudging him. She shouldn’t grace that no-good lying ferret face with one of her smiles.

  As Johnny closed the door behind them, Martha Maye said, “How’ve you been, Johnny? It’s been a while since we talked. I was getting worried about you.”

  “Really? I called you a couple of times and even left messages. And I left one with T. Harry today. Didn’t he tell you?”

  She looked confused. “You did? When?”

  They walked past Estherlene’s house and waved at her in the front window. Estherlene made a motion with her hand to her ear miming, “Call me.”

  “I wonder why she wants me to call her,” Martha Maye turned her head to look at the woman as they kept walking.

  Johnny waved, and said, “She might’ve meant me. She wants to help on the investigation.”

  “Oh.” She glanced up at him. “Anyway, when did you call, Johnny?”

  “Uh, I guess the first time was the day after the funeral.”

  “And you left a message with T. Harry? How odd. He never gave it to me.”

  “Must’ve slipped his mind,” Johnny said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

  “Hmm, I guess so. His brother was just killed, after all. I guess he’s had a lot on his mind.”

  “How long’s he staying in town? Doesn’t he have a job to get back to?”

  “He hasn’t actually said how long he’ll be here. He’s a self-employed carpenter, so he can take off pretty much whenever he wants. I guess he could find work here, too, if he was so inclined. I keep assuring him we’re fine, and to tell you the truth, I wish he’d gwon back home, but I don’t have the heart to tell him so. He’s been so good to us.”

  “I could tell him,” Johnny said through thin lips.

  “No.” Martha Maye shook her head. “I just couldn’t hurt his feelings.”
/>   “Are you sure you trust him, Mart?” Johnny glanced sideways at her.

  “He’s family, Johnny. Of course I trust him. Why on earth wouldn’t I?”

  “Tell me something.” He took her hand and kept walking, trying to act like it was a perfectly natural act, and praying she wouldn’t pull it away. “Did he tell you I came by the house this morning?”

  She stopped walking and looked up at him. “You were by this morning?”

  “Yep. He didn’t tell you, did he?”

  “Well . . . no. I thought I heard someone at the door, but he said it was the Jehovah’s Witnesses.” Looking up at the almost-black sky dotted with stars, she said, “I can’t believe he lied to me.”

  She sounded so hurt, Johnny just wanted to wrap his arms around her, which is exactly what he did. He was relieved when she didn’t pull away. Actually, she held on tight.

  “Oh, Johnny, it’s been a rough couple of months, what with one thing after another, but I never dreamed my brother-in-law would lie to me. Why would he do that?”

  “He’s not worth a hat full of rotten eggs, Martha Maye.” He smelled her sweet perfume and felt her hair tickle his chin. “I think he’s got a thing for you,” Johnny said softly, still holding her. When she was silent, he went on. “I see how he looks at you, and he hasn’t been civil to me since the minute I met him. The fact that he’s not giving you my messages and he’s been trying to keep us apart just clinches it for me.”

  She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “Johnny, I’m scared. After what happened with Henry Clay and now T. Harry, my goodness, what a horrible judge of character I am!”

  They began walking again, holding hands and leaning in close to each other, Martha Maye seeking reassurance and Johnny offering it.

  “You’re just a good person who doesn’t see the evil in people. You want to believe what you see is what you get, because that’s the way you are, honest and true, but some folks aren’t like that. Most of the time, you can’t tell much about a chicken pie until you get through the crust.”

  Softly, she said, “Are you who you say you are, Johnny?” Her question cut through him as if she’d hacked at him with an axe. He stopped walking again, pulling on her hand so she faced him. With his hand under her chin, he tipped her head so she’d look at him. “Martha Maye, I swear to you I am what you see. I don’t have a dark side, I don’t have any secrets, and I certainly don’t have a mean streak. I will not lie to you, and I promise you never have to be afraid of me.”

  She nodded, and they walked on in silence. He looked up at the sky and saw the prettiest sliver of a moon and a bright star next to it. He pointed to it. “Look, that’s Jupiter.”

  “Oh, it’s beautiful. I’ll have to tell Butterbean. She’ll love it.” Her head snapped to Johnny, a terrified look on her face. “You don’t suppose he’d do anything to Butterbean, do you? I left my baby with that liar!”

  “Come on, we’ll go back. It’ll make you feel better. But no, I don’t think Butterbean’s in danger. You said yourself he’s been good to y’all, and Butterbean is his niece. I don’t see him hurting her.”

  They were quiet again as they passed several houses, and then she said, “What am I going to do, Johnny?”

  “About T. Harry?” Johnny grabbed her hand again. He was finding it hard not to touch her.

  “Yeah. I’m not saying he’s dangerous or anything, but what you told me tonight gives me the creeps. I don’t think I want to be alone in the house with him anymore.”

  Johnny nodded and said, “Here’s what we’ll do: I’ll come in with you while you tell him you need to go stay at your mama’s house. You could tell him it’s on account of your aunt. Make something up. Just go to Lou’s. If you’re not at home, he can’t hang around, and Louetta certainly won’t put up with his foolishness.”

  “Do I really have to go to Mama’s? You think that’s necessary?”

  “Yes, I do. Tell him you need to pack, and then show him to the door. I’ll leave, too, but I’ll stick around outside your house until he’s gone tonight. Then you pack a few days’ things for both of y’all and go to your mama’s house.”

  “What if he comes over to Mama’s?”

  “Ha! Like I said, Lou won’t put up with his shenanigans. Once he sees he can’t follow y’all around like a lost puppy, maybe he’ll get bored and go home.”

  “And if he doesn’t?”

  “Then he and I will have a come-to-Jesus talk. You may not want to hurt the man’s feelings, but if he keeps carrying on, I will be talking to him.”

  She nodded.

  Johnny said, “You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.” She didn’t laugh, but she smiled. That was enough for Johnny.

  They got back to Martha Maye’s house and stood on the front porch. Martha Maye took her hand from his and reached for the door. Seeming unsure of what to do next, she turned back to Johnny, then reached for the doorknob again.

  “Uh,” Johnny said at the same time she said, “Well . . .”

  They both cracked up laughing, and Johnny caught her hand in his. Their laughter died down, and he brought her hand to his face and kissed her knuckles.

  “Thanks for the walk, Johnny, and the advice.”

  “I am so relieved you’re okay,” Johnny said, holding her hand to his chest. “How about I come in with you while you get rid of T. Harry. Then I’ll sit out in my car over there until I see him leave.” He thought a minute and then said, “No, I’m gonna sit out there until you and Butterbean get in your car to go to your mama’s,then I’m gonna follow you. Just so you know and don’t think I’m stalking you or anything.”

  “Well, if I had to have a stalker—” Johnny’s kiss cut off Martha Maye’s sentence.

  He pulled back a little and said, “I’ve thought of nothing but you, Martha Maye. I can’t get you out of my mind.”

  “Do you need to?” she asked, kissing his cheek and then the spot right under his ear.

  He closed his eyes and relished her touch. “Sooner or later, I’m gonna have to get back to work—”

  The front porch light began flashing on and off.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Martha Maye said. “I’m not a teenager, and T. Harry isn’t my daddy!”

  “Mart, he’s showing such possessiveness, I don’t want you wasting any time getting rid of him.”

  She nodded. “All right, but you don’t have to wait in your car. You wait inside the house, okay?”

  He kissed her again. “Ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” She’d opened the screen door and was just about to open the main door when Johnny said, “And just in case he asks, I’m taking you and Butterbean out trick-or-treating on Monday night.”

  She smiled and said, “Thank you, Johnny. That’ll be real nice.”

  The cotton patch doesn’t care which way you vote.

  ~Southern Proverb

  “Happy Halloween, lady policeman. Hireyew doing today?” Junebug greeted Velveeta as she sat down at the diner counter on Monday morning.

  From the kitchen, Slick yelled, “That’s an oxymoron, Junie. She can’t be a lady and a policeman.”

  “Oh, shush. You’re an ox and a moron. Just concentrate on slinging hash and let me talk to the customers.”

  Velveeta stared at Junebug wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

  “Oh, don’t look at me that way. Slick and I banter about all the time. He knows he’s the mint to my julep. Just like I’m the macaroni to his cheese.” She called over her shoulder, “Right darlin’?”

  “You’re the cream to my coffee,” Slick hollered through the open window.

  Junebug turned to Velveeta. “See? It’s just our way.” She slung a dishtowel over her shoulder. “Now, what can I getcha, sweet thing?”

  “Just coffee, please.”

  “How about a donut to go along with the joe?” Junebug suggested. She plucked a chocolate iced donut with orange and black sprinkles out of a glass cak
e dome. “It’s on the house.”

  “Well, if you insist,” she said, as Junebug put it in front of her.

  Junebug placed a cup and saucer in front of Velveeta, went for the coffee pot, and returned to fill the cup. “Did you catch that nefarious criminal yet?”

  Slick called out, “Junebug, do you know any criminals who aren’t nefarious?”

  “Oh, shush, you,” Junebug said over her shoulder. “Or I’ll come back there and fix you a knuckle sandwich.”

  Velveeta shook her head, chuckling. “No arrests yet.”

  “Y’ont cream, or do you like it unadulterated?” Junebug asked.

  “Just sugar, thanks.” Velveeta looked around the diner, then back at Junebug.

  “Listen, I’m trying to track down the chief’s whereabouts on the night of the murder. He said he answered a call about a theft here?”

  “Yeah, honey. He sure did. He was here for about, oh, I don’t know. Hey Slick, how long you think the chief was here the night of the Oktoberfest after those hooligans nearly robbed us blind?”

  Slick came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel tucked into his pants. “Oh, I’d say about thirty minutes.”

  “Did he say where he was going after that?” Velveeta studied Slick and then Junebug.

  “Naw, can’t say that he did.” Slick rested a hip against the counter in front of Velveeta.

  “You can’t think the chief had anything to do with the murder.” Junebug’s hands fisted on her hips.

  “I don’t, but I do need to establish his alibi so it won’t look like I didn’t investigate this fully. I have to be able to cross him off the suspect list legitimately.”

  “Oh. Well, we can vouch for about thirty minutes that night, right around eight, eight thirty.”

  “Okay.” Velveeta took a sip of coffee and watched Slick return to the kitchen, his gray ponytail bobbing as he walked. “Where are Clive and Earl today?”

  “It’s free samples day over at Piggly Wiggly. They go shopping every Monday so they can eat for free.”

  Velveeta broke the donut in half, dunked it in her coffee, and slurped the coffee off the end before she bit off a piece. “I was wondering, Junebug. Did Lenny ever come in here with anybody other than his wife and child?”