To Take Her Pride

by Anne Brear

  Her dread of being alone in this God forsaken place kept her immobile in the middle of the floor. Aurora watched Sophia leave and the door close again. From somewhere in the building a baby cried and Aurora stifled the urge to join in. Crying wouldn’t help her, crying didn’t solve anything. And as much as she wished to be safe at home in her own bedroom right at this minute, it wasn’t possible. It’d probably never be possible again and so she had to make the best of it.

  She looked at the bed, and despite its sagging appearance the sheets seemed clean. Besides, she couldn’t imagine Sophia sleeping in a dirty bed. She might be part of the working class now, but Sophia still carried a manner about her that indicated she’d been brought up as a lady. Too tired to think clearly and too despondent to care, Aurora climbed onto the bed fully dressed and pulled the red blanket over her. All she wanted to do was sleep and never wake up.

  A loud bang and laughter woke her. The room was in darkness and for a moment Aurora couldn’t remember where she was. Scraping outside made her scrambled up in the bed and stare in terror at the door being unlocked. Soft laughter and low murmuring carried to her and suddenly the door sprang open. Two people toppled in and landed on the floor in a fit of high giggles. The stink of alcohol filled the room.

  “Christ, Soph, couldn’t you wait until we got to the bed?” The male voice sent shivers down Aurora’s back.

  “What? You’ve…you’ve never d-d-done it…on the floor before, lover?” Sophia hiccupped and giggled again.

  “I’ve done it everywhere, my honey,” the man slurred, then belched loudly.

  Horrified, Aurora, her eyes now adjusted to the night, watched as the man lying on top of Sophia on the floor began undressing her as they kissed greedily, noisily. She didn’t know whether to get up and alert them of her presence or hide under the blanket and pretend she didn’t exist. But what if they got up onto the bed, what would she do then? Her fingers gripped the blanket up to her chin. She opened her mouth to speak but the man moaned and she scooted to the furthest corner of the bed.

  “Hurry up, Fred, I’m desperate for it.” Sophia groaned huskily. “It’s been months. Con was useless.”

  “I’m coming, sweetness, wait for me.” The man stripped his trousers down to his boots, his buttocks white in the pale light spilling from the doorway. “Open wider, my sweet. Ah, that’s it.”

  Revolted, but unable to turn away, Aurora watched them rut like animals on the bare wooden floor. Their grunts filled her head until she wanted to scream.

  “Oh, shitting hell!” The man raised himself on his hands and abruptly slapped Sophia’s cheek. “Wake up you stupid drunken bitch, I’m not finished!”

  Aurora jerked with a half shout, before covering her mouth with the blanket, but it was too late. The man swung around.

  “Oh, it’s the long lost daughter. Me ears have bled from her talking about you all bloody night. Crying into her beer, she was.” He kicked off his trousers properly and stood up as though it was the most natural thing in the world to stand there naked. “You’re the reason why Miss Stuck-up Sophia was drunk earlier than normal tonight.”

  “Please, go away.” Aurora inched further away from him, her back pressed hard against the cold damp wall.

  “I’ve been wanting to get into her drawers for months and she’s kept me at arm’s length, but not tonight.” He bowed regally. “So thank you, dear girl.”

  “Just go away.” Her gaze darted to Sophia who hadn’t moved.

  The man, his features hidden in the shadow of the room, glanced over his shoulder at the woman on the floor. “She won’t wake up until morning. Likes her gin as well as ale, does Madam Sophia. It helps her forget how low she’s become.”

  “I’ll…I’ll see to her.”

  “Yes, indeed you will, but before I go, how about I see to you, hey?”

  “What?” Aurora froze. “You need to leave.”

  “Soon, petal, soon.” He lunged for her and, caught in the blanket, she couldn’t escape him. He pushed her down and ripped the blanket from her. She screamed, but he pressed his hand against her mouth and nose and she twisted, unable to breathe. “Quiet now, Missy. Just enjoy it. I’m hard as nails and it’ll be over in a minute. You’re no virgin I‘ve been told, so you know what to expect.”

  The more she struggled the angrier he became. Swearing, he flipped her over onto her stomach and tore her dress down along the buttons. The ripping sound drove her into a frenzy and she thrashed about, lifting her head to give a blood curdling scream.

  “Shut up!” His fist connected with the side of her head. Pain made her reel. She cried out again, but he pushed her head into the pillow and smothered all sound. Frantic with the need for air, she lashed out but he was behind her, pulling up her dress, his hands under her drawers reaching to touch her most sacred place. With no air, she felt the blackness coming over her, then suddenly the pressure was off her head. She lifted up and sucked in air as the man fell down beside her, a look of surprise on his face. She screamed again.

  “Stop it, Aurora, stop it!” Sophia dropped the heavy iron pan onto the bed and huddled her close to rock her in her arms. “It’s all right now. It’s over. It’s over.”

  She gripped Sophia’s blouse and sucked in air, but couldn’t get enough and panicked.

  “Calm down. Breathe slowly. Come on, steady now. I’ve got you.” Sophia’s crooning voice helped to settle her enough to find the air she needed to fill her lungs. She breathed deeply, eyes closed to block out the man lying crumpled next to them.

  “Come over to the sofa.” Sophia stood, cradling her close.

  Painfully, Aurora sat on the sofa too stunned to cry, just thankful to be breathing. She was dimly aware of Sophia moving about behind the sofa near the bed. There was a thump and Aurora turned to find Sophia dragging the man by his ankles across the floor and out the door. She stopped and grabbed his trousers and threw them over his crotch before picking up his ankles again. She dragged him out onto the landing and, with sickening repeated thuds, down the stairs. Aurora heard her vomit at the bottom of the stairs, but refused to move to help.

  Five minutes later, Sophia returned and busied herself lighting the sole lamp and starting a new fire. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

  Aurora stared into the budding flames as they curled around balls of newspaper and licked the broken pieces of a timber plank. In twenty four hours her world had turned upside down for the second time and she didn’t think she could cope with it. She felt dirty, confused, frightened and terribly alone.

  “A nice fire and a cup of tea will soon sort you out.”

  “I don’t want sorting out,” Aurora stated coldly. She raised her gaze up to the disheveled, disgusting woman who had borne her. “I want nothing from you.”

  “Listen, I’m sorry about what happened.” Sophia wrung her hands together. “It got out of hand. I had too much to drink. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  “What have you done with him? Is he dead?”

  Sophia glanced worriedly at the door. “I don’t know.”

  “Didn’t you check?” Fear made her tremble. How was this happening? She glanced at the door expecting the police to knock at any moment.

  “There wasn’t time. I had to get him out and away.”

  “But if he is dead they will know it was you. People would have seen you leave the ... the public house together.”

  “I’m sure he’s not dead, just knocked out.” Sophia shifted from spot to spot, her expression haunted. “God, why did this have to happen!” She paced the floor in front of the fire. “This is all your fault.”

  “Mine?” Wide-eyed Aurora stared at her.

  “Yes. If you hadn’t come here I would never have been upset enough to drink as much as I did. If I hadn’t been so drunk I’d never let slimy Fred Godfrey anywhere near me, let alone brought him back here. God almighty!” She pulled at her hair and groaned as if in agony, wiping her hands down her skirts as if to rid them of muck. “Why
did you come here?”

  Unfazed by her mother’s anguish and feeling amazingly calm, Aurora stood. It was as though a weight had been lifted off her. She felt beyond pain, beyond caring. “I certainly didn’t come here to be raped, that I can tell you.” She crossed over to her suitcase placed at the end of the bed and opened it. She took out a short-waist jacket to cover her ripped dress and put it on, and then picked up her case.

  “What are you doing?” Sophia frowned, her hands clutching at her skirts, the ends of which were inches deep in filth from the pub and yard.

  “I’m leaving. It’s what we both want.”

  “No. You can’t. It’s the middle of the night.”

  “I don’t care.” And she didn’t. She didn’t care about anything or anyone and she doubted if she ever would again. She simply wanted to walk and keep on walking until hopefully she died.

  “Aurora, don’t be silly. Stay until morning.” Sophia moved towards her, but Aurora jerked back and so she stopped and held up her hands in apology. “Sit back down and have a cup of tea. It’ll be morning soon.”

  “I’ll go now.”

  “It’s not safe!”

  Aurora laughed mockingly. “And it’s safe here?”

  “Look, just sit down. Please.”

  The desperation in her voice left Aurora cold. “I should never have come. You are right. There is nothing for me here.”

  “No, please, Aurora, we can talk.”

  “Good bye.” She opened the door, but Sophia dragged at her arm.

  “No, Aurora. I won’t say goodbye to you again.” Tears ran down Sophia’s face. “It broke my heart to do it the first time. I’ll not do it again. You’re my baby.”

  “I’m nobody to you.” She looked at her without pity or feeling. How could she when she was hollow inside? “I must go.”

  Sophia flung herself to the trunk at the end of the bed. “Wait, wait!” She pulled out clothes and items that rolled on the floor. “Here, have this!” Sophia thrust at her a large leather pouch. “I want you to have this.”

  “No.” Aurora recoiled. “I’ll not take anything from you.”

  “Don’t be bloody stupid!” The pleading had gone from Sophia and was replaced by anger. “Be sensible and think. You have to learn to take what is offered if you’re going to survive. How do you think I endured all these years alone?” She shoved the bag into Aurora’s hand. “There’s a lot of money in there. Money I’ve been saving for years so I could get out of this life and away from this area.”

  “I’ll not take it.”

  “Yes, you bloody will.” Sophia stood hands on hips. “It’s too late for me now, but if you won’t go home, then at least start a new life with something. It’ll be enough for you to rent a few decent rooms or sail to a new country.”

  “No, I—”

  “Think of the baby if nothing else. Start again somewhere nice. Don’t end up like me ...” A sob broke from Sophia and she buried her face in her hands.

  Aurora gazed at her bent head with its unwashed hair, the bowed trembling shoulders. She wanted to shake this woman, who wasn’t anything like she had imagined. But what had she imagined her to be? Soft and loving like Winnie? She didn’t know. Only, never had she dreamed she’d be a cold-faced drunken whore. Was this what her own life would become?

  Sophia gulped and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry for everything. You must think I am worthless, perhaps I am. One mistake ruined my life. I don’t want that to happen to you. Why do you think I gave you up? I didn’t want you at first, I admit that, but, but afterwards ... I wanted something better for you, the kind of life I had before ... before—”

  “Before you had me.”

  “I am not a bad person, please believe me.” Desperation filled Sophia’s brown eyes. “I drink sometimes to forget, to ease the pain. I sometimes will lay with-with a man to remember what it is like to be held and caressed, to be wanted and not be alone for a short time. I can’t help being lonely, sad.” Another sob broke free from her. “I’m sorry if that shames you, but it is the truth. I never wanted to be this way, to end up like this.”

  Aurora turned away. She stepped out onto the landing, feeling something bite her leg. She itched under her clothes and shuddered to think of fleas on her. A tomcat yowled and she saw two rats run across the yard. Such a hateful place. How could anyone live here and not go mad? She thought of her mother, Winnie, of how distressed she would be to know her sister lived in these dire circumstances.

  Taking a deep breath, Aurora looked back at Sophia, standing in the dim light dejected, crushed. “Is there enough for two?”

  Sophia’s head wrenched up. “What?”

  “I said is there enough money for the two of us.”

  “You want me to come with you?”

  She shrugged, not really caring either way, but deep inside she knew she couldn’t leave with this woman’s hard-earned money. “If you want to. It’s the only way I’ll take your money.” She watched the emotions and indecision flitter over Sophia’s face, then she nodded, a look of determination in her eyes.

  “Yes. Yes, I’ll come with you.”

  Chapter Nine

  They decided to stay in the room until morning. Although wary of each other, they discussed what they should do and London seemed the obvious choice. There, they could easily find work and accommodation, or at least they believed so. Now they’d had time to calm down, Sophia wanted to stop and say good-bye to Mrs Flannigan and Big Eddie. They had been good to her and she couldn’t leave without thanking them. Aurora agreed, though the thought of the despicable Fred Godfrey and what happened to him made her want to run from the place immediately. Thankfully, there was no evidence of Fred as they left the building.

  Being early, Big Eddie was asleep in his rooms above the pub, but Mrs Flannigan was in the kitchen cutting up meat for her hotpots. “I’ll go up and get him, Soph, lass. Sit yourselves down and have a sup.”

  Five minutes later Big Eddie stomped into the kitchen, his hair standing on end and the top buttons of his shirt undone. “What’s this Mrs Flannigan says about you sodding off, lass?”

  “Sorry, Big Eddie. I know it’s short notice.”

  “It’s no bloody notice at all,” he boomed, gratefully accepting the cup of tea Mrs Flannigan placed before him. “What’s the bloody rush?”

  Sophia glanced at Aurora. “This is my daughter. She needs my help.”

  Big Eddie and Mrs Flannigan looked from one to the other. “That explains some of it then.” He sipped slowly, watching them over the cup rim. “She looks like you.”

  “Yes,” Sophia whispered. “Only much prettier.”

  “Where you heading to?”

  “London.”

  “London?” Big Eddie banged down his cup, slopping his tea. “Nay lass, that’s no place to go.”

  “We’ll get work there.”

  “You’ve got work here.” He frowned, scratching his beard growth. “I might be able to give the young miss here a couple of shifts, if she can pull her weight.”

  “Thanks, Big Eddie, but she’s having a baby and…well…” Sophia blushed and wrung her hands as though it was all her fault.

  An awkward silence descended in the kitchen, broken only by Mrs Flannigan’s rhythmic chopping.

  “Listen, I’ve an idea.” Big Eddie reached for the teapot and refilled his cup. “Me sister Aggie was telling me last week at me Uncle Bert’s funeral, that me Aunty Ethel was in a bit of bother because Uncle Bert has property and stuff that she didn’t know much about.” He took a quick sip. “Anyroad, I went and saw her last Monday morning and offered to help her out, like, and on Tuesday we met with the solicitors.”

  Aurora had not been interested in anything being said, but now lifted her head to listen more closely.

  “So, this solicitor chap tells me Aunty that Uncle Bert had some terraced houses in a small lane off George Street. And I know for a fact one of those is empty because he mentioned they were all rented but one. How ab
out I see if you can rent it?”

  “George Street?” Sophia screwed up her nose.

  Big Eddie sat his large frame back in his chair and the timber joints squeaked in protest. “Nay, I know it’s not Buckingham bloody Palace, but it’s better than nowt. Two up and two down it is. A sight better than the hovel you’re in, that’s for sure.”

  Aurora watched Sophia consider it, and for one fleeting moment she wanted to say no thank you and leave. But the thought left as quickly as it came and she remained in the numb, passive state that she liked where she didn’t have to think or feel. After days of making the most important decisions in her life that got her to this point, she was happy to let others take control.

  “Think about it, lass,” Big Eddie spoke softly. “George Street isn’t far and you can still work here. I’ll make sure the rent is low enough for you to manage on. Me aunt put me in charge of the whole terrace.”

  Sophia turned to her. “What do you think?”

  “Whatever you want.” She shrugged, not really caring. What did any of it matter if she lived here or London or the wilderness of Africa? Her life was over. The plans and dreams she had of her future with Reid had gone. All that remained was a half existence with strangers.

  “Well, it might be worth a shot.” Sophia nodded. “We can continue to save and then one day perhaps move somewhere nicer.”

  “What about Fred Godfrey?” Aurora murmured. If Fred was dead then Sophia would be a murderer. Would she be an accomplice? A shiver of fear brought her out of her frozen state. The thought of her parents reading about her in a newspaper filled her with terror.

  “What’s this about Fred?” Big Eddie peered at them.

  Sophia quickly told him the story, her hands shaking around the teacup.

  Big Eddie stood. “Right, I’ll go see what’s happened to him then. I know where he lives. Stay here, I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m not letting Fred sodding Godfrey be the reason I lose my best barmaid.”

  Finishing her tea, Aurora watched him shrug on his coat and leave by the back door. A wave of drowsiness settled on her. She wasn’t only physically tired, but mentally as well. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a decent night’s sleep.