To Take Her Pride

by Anne Brear

  “Oh aye, Mrs Ellerton would like that.” Peggy pushed him away with a gray soapy hand.

  “Watch out!” Merv jumped back quickly and brushed at his dark brown suit with a slim white hand. “This suit cost more than you could earn in six months.”

  “Then I need a rise in me wages, don’t I?”

  “You’re quick, my girl. I like that.” He laughed and then gave a long look at Aurora. “Still with us I see, Aurrie.”

  “As you see.” She turned her back on him, hating how his eyes would darken with desire whenever he looked at her. She knew, with an inborn woman’s sense, he wanted her. She wished she could be bold towards him like Peggy, but it wasn’t in her nature.

  “One day I will have a smile from you, Miss Barton,” he spoke quietly from behind her.

  “I wouldn’t hold your breath,” she murmured low, head down.

  When he’d gone through to the kitchen, Peggy sidled up to her. “Don’t cut him dead every time he speaks to you, Aurrie.”

  “I can’t help it. He’s revolting.” She scrubbed vigorously at the pan with soda. “I don’t know how you can play up to him. He makes my skin crawl.”

  “I do it to keep me job, simple as that. I told you to be careful around him, but if you keep cutting him dead when he merely looks your way will anger him and you’ll be out on your arse.”

  “There are other jobs.”

  “Not paying this kind of money as you well know. Besides, no other job will give me food too, or these hours. Mrs Ellerton is as tough as nails, but she knows of me situation and turns a blind eye if I’m late sometimes. She knows I’ll make it up to her tenfold.”

  Aurora nodded. In the last few weeks she’d learned more about her co-workers. Peggy lived with her invalid grandmother, who she cared for by herself, having no other family to help. By starting at seven in the morning, she had time to give her grandma breakfast and a wash before coming to work and her wage was enough for them both to survive on. Nancy lived in a tenement on the other side of York, with her thirteen brothers and sisters. She stayed at the eatery because food was scarce at home and here she had two meals a day, and after handing over most of her pay to her Ma, she still had a bit left over to buy the odd special treat.

  Peggy began to sing, something she did often and which everyone enjoyed. She had a delightful voice, pure and sweet, which was at such odds to her sometimes bawdy behavior. Sometimes the kitchen staff would join in and at other times, they were content to listen. Aurora, who couldn’t hold a note, was in awe of Peggy’s talent and told her repeatedly she should be on the stage. But like a lot of the people she was beginning to know in this area, many had talents that would be never recognized due to poverty and the grinding neglect by those with power.

  It made her more determined to live out in the country, where even if she was poor, her child would have clean air to breathe and not the choking smog of the polluted city.

  The following day, being Sunday, the eatery was closed. After early church service Aurora spent the morning cleaning the house with Sophia.

  “You know this being the Sabbath we should be devoted only to prayer?” Sophia joked, sweeping the stone flags of the little back yard.

  “I’m sure God will turn a blind eye to us washing out our smalls and doing a bit of sweeping.” Aurora pegged another petticoat on the line strung between the house and the gate leading to the cut.

  “My mother would be outraged that we aren’t spending all of today inside a church.”

  Aurora bent down to the basket and picked up a wet chemise. “Grandmama was very religious?” She had faint memories of a small woman who smelt of cloves.

  “Extremely. They both were, of course, Father especially. That’s why I was shown the door when I was…when I found out about you…” Sophia swept forcefully. “I don’t blame them. I behaved wrongly. However, they could have dealt with it better, I think. I could have been sent away and returned later. But my father wouldn’t hear of it. The moment he found out he said I was no longer his child.”

  “My real father…who is he?”

  Sophia stiffened. “Nobody.”

  “That’s not fair.” She stood hands on hips. “Why can’t you tell me?”

  “What good would it do now? He was a liar and in the end not a nice person.” Sophia swept out through the gate.

  “He wouldn’t marry you?” Aurora asked softly, pegging out a stocking.

  “He couldn’t, unless he became a bigamist.”

  “He was married.” Aurora picked up the empty basket. Saddened by the news, she watched Sophia sweep. “Did you know?”

  “Not until it was too late.”

  “Did he break your heart?”

  “Oh, yes. He did that very well. I believed everything he said, but in the end he deserted me. Once, after I was shown the door by my father, I went to Alexander’s home ... yes, that’s his name. From the road I saw his wife and baby enter a carriage while Alexander spoke to a groom.” She looked down at the pile of dirt she had swept. “I knew from that day that I could never rely on anyone and only I could provide for myself.”

  “I am sad that my real father is such a cad.”

  “So am I.” Sophia glanced at her, a worried look in her eyes. “You won’t try to find him, will you?”

  Aurora shook her head. “No. I have no desire to see him.” She meant every word and hitched the basket up higher on her hip. “Anyway, I think I have enough to deal with at the moment. I don’t need a man such as him in my life.”

  “I’m pleased to hear it.” Sophia gazed up to the clear blue sky. “Shall we go for a walk down by the river? It’s such a lovely day.”

  An hour later they were walking alongside the River Ouse, casually watching the boats riding at anchor or the odd one plying the river. Many people were taking advantage of the warm sunny weather. Young couples strolled, concerned parents kept close watch on running children, old people sat under any shade available. A relaxed atmosphere filled the air as though the city was snoozing for a few hours.

  “The father of your baby. Will you see him again?” Sophia asked, as they ambled along a narrow path.

  Aurora glanced at her from under the brim of her straw hat. She had wondered how long it would be before Sophia wanted details. “I don’t know.” Reid clouded her mind, making her chest ache with loss. “It’s all so difficult. I shouldn’t hope that we will meet again. I need to let go of the past, but it’s hard. No matter what I do or where I am, Reid lingers at the back of my mind and heart.”

  “And there is no possible way you can be married?”

  “No. Reid has a full life, an important life. I want him to do well, be successful, which he will be. He doesn’t need me and my tainted history to bring him down. I couldn’t be that selfish. It is better for me to forget him. He is likely to be engaged or even married now to Miss FitzGibbon and making his family happy.”

  “What about your happiness?”

  “I’ve done the right thing for my family. I haven’t brought scandal to their door. I know Mother will have told our friends that I am holidaying in Europe or somewhere and my absence will not cause them harm. That eases my guilt. I ask for no more than that.”

  “You cannot be on holiday forever though. One day they will have to tell people something else. Unless, you plan to return home at some stage in the future?”

  “I don’t see that happening for some years.” Aurora stared out over the water, thinking of her family, imaging what they were doing right now. “I do like the thought of visiting them again one day. I miss them.”

  “Yes, of course you do.”

  “However, it cannot be for a while yet. At least not for a couple of years. Letters will have to suffice for now.”

  “But you never put on your address for them to send a letter to you in return.”

  “I will. When we’re in the country.”

  Sophia sighed deeply. “Life is so very unfair at times.”

  “How true.�
��

  They walked on in silence for a few moments, each with their own thoughts.

  “I would prefer it if you stopped working at the eatery, Aurrie. The work is too hard for you now.”

  She placed a hand on the small swell of her stomach. “I am hardly showing.”

  “Nor will you be, working as hard as you do.” Sophia tutted. “The baby is due in January, but you’ve hardly a stomach to show for it.” She stopped walking and stared hard at Aurora. “You’re not … not trying to kill it, are you?”

  “Lord, no!”

  “Then why do you continue working such a demanding job?”

  They continued strolling, the sun hot on their backs. Thirsty, Aurora felt like a cup of tea. “Jobs aren’t so easy to come by when you have no skills. And as I’ve told you two wages will help towards the cottage in the country, and not only that but once the child is born, we’ll only have your wage to live on. I need to do my bit while I can.”

  “Everyone in the lane will find out about the baby shortly. Some will not tolerate you, unmarried and with child, to be living amongst them.”

  “I know. I’ll deal with that when it happens.”

  “Do you want to move? We can go somewhere else and say you’re a widow.”

  “And start again?” The thought depressed her. “It’s taken weeks for us to make the house habitable. I can’t do it all again so soon. I don’t have the energy for it. No, we’ll stay where we are.”

  They came to the end of the path and had to turn up towards the city streets again. Sophia hesitated on the street corner, her eyes full of worry. “You know that whatever happens, I will always be there for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “This wasn’t the life I wanted for you, that’s why I gave you to Winnie, but now you are here, I don’t think I could live without you being in my life again.” She ducked her head, her face red.

  “It seems we are stuck with each other then.” Aurora smiled, touched by the words. She knew Sophia wanted a close relationship with her, but she still held back a little. Perhaps in time she would think of Sophia as a mother figure, but not yet. It was too soon and she felt disloyal to Winnie. She could manage the whole situation as long as she didn’t think too hard about it and took one day at a time.

  The sun disappeared behind the one lone cloud that had suddenly appeared and Aurora shivered for no reason as its shadow fell over them. “Shall we go for a cup of tea somewhere?”

  With the sun not yet peeking over the rooftops, Aurora stood behind Lily at the tap, who was filling her buckets. “Why isn’t your father doing it like he always does?”’

  Lily sighed and moved one full bucket away to place the empty one under the tap. “He’s asleep. We’ve had a bad night. He was up with a toothache and me, I had heartburn. So, I let him sleep in a bit since I couldn’t get back to sleep. My back has been giving me hell this last week.”

  “You’ve not long to go now, have you?”

  Lily straightened and stared at her, frowning. “Me dad told me last night that he knows you’re having a baby.”

  “He knows? How?” Aurora whispered, looking over her shoulder, but the lane was empty.

  “I didn’t tell him.” Lily glanced down at the filling bucket. “Apparently Sophia told him in the bar.” She gave Aurora a queer look. “You know they are very friendly with each other?”

  “They are?”

  “I think me dad is soft on her.”

  “Sophia’s not mentioned it before.”

  Lily turned the water off and shifted her buckets away to allow Aurora to place her bucket beneath the tap. “What do you think about it?”

  She watched the water gurgle from the spout. “I don’t know to be honest. I never gave it any thought before. Sophia has remained single all this time.”

  “Maybe she hasn’t found the right man?”

  “Perhaps.” Aurora nodded and swapped the buckets over.

  “Are you annoyed about it?”

  “Not annoyed, no…”

  “What then?” Lily stood with her hands on her hips. “Isn’t he good enough then?”

  “Don’t be silly.” Though traitorously she blushed and she quickly bent her head to hide it. Noah was nice enough, but he was working class. Is that what Sophia wanted for life? But then what alternative did she have? Her own middle class society was closed to her, had been for over twenty years. A decent man like Noah was likely to be the best offer she’d ever have.

  “Me dad’s a good man. He’s honest and loyal and hard working.”

  “I know.”

  “I can tell you’re not happy about it.”

  “It’s not about Noah, Lily.” She straightened and looked at her. “It’s just that I didn’t expect Sophia to form a relationship at this time.”

  “Well I hardly think they’ll be getting married next week.” She laughed.

  “No.” Aurora forced a smile. In truth, she didn’t like the idea that Sophia might give her attention and affection to another. It was self-centered, she knew, and she didn’t particularly like herself for thinking such things, but selfishly she believed that she and Sophia would be together always, just the two of them, or the three of them when the child came. Now, she was painfully aware that Sophia was free and able to have an association with a man and maybe one day marry him.

  Where did that leave her?

  “Women in the lane have often asked why you call Sophia by her name and not mother.”

  “What did you tell them?”

  “That you were adopted and only recently found out about her. I hope that’s okay?”

  “It’s close enough to the truth.”

  Together they carried their buckets back towards their homes. Jane Fulton came out of her door and wished them a good morning, her tin pails clanking in the early morning stillness.

  “I don’t know how you’re doing it.” Lily grinned.

  “Doing what?”

  Hands full, she nodded down towards Aurora’s stomach. “You’re hardly showing. It’ll be a small baby, I’ll wager. Unlike mine.” Lily smiled ruefully and thrust out her big bump. “It’s a good thing you’re not showing. It saves listening to them lot going on about it.” Lily tossed her head in the direction of the other doors in the lane. “The time will come soon enough for their looks and whispers.”

  “There is that I suppose.” Aurora paused as Mrs Murphy came out of her door carrying a bucket. “Where’s Anthony this morning?”

  Mrs Murphy, pain in her eyes, hobbled towards them. “He’s away.”

  “Your legs bad, Mrs Murphy?” Lily asked putting down her buckets.

  “Sure an’ it would be the worst time for them to do so with me boy gone.” The older woman sighed.

  Aurora placed her full buckets by her own door and then took Mrs Murphy’s empty one. “I’ll fill it for you.”

  “Blessed be you’re an angel sent straight from heaven, Aurrie Barton.” Mrs Murphy smiled, going back inside her door.

  “I’ll pop over after you’ve finished work, Aurrie,” Lily said, heading towards number 10. “I’d best get me dad up before he’s late.”

  Aurora returned to Mrs Murphy’s door with the filled bucket. Going inside she noticed the house was the same layout as her own and Lily’s and probably all the houses in the lane. Religious pictures were hung in the hallway and through the open door into the front room Aurora saw Jesus on the cross above the fireplace.

  “Come away in, lass.” Mrs Murphy called from the kitchen.

  She carried the bucket down the hallway and into the kitchen, which was warm and cheery. The walls were papered in a dark pink print and a thick piece of blue swirl carpet was laid under the table. On the hob, bubbled a small pot of porridge and next to it in the frying pan was sizzling bacon.

  “Care for some breakfast?” Mrs Murphy sat on a chair warming her legs before the fire. Her ankles were swollen and lumpy, reminding Aurora of lumps of uncooked dough.

  “No, thank
you. I have some waiting for me next door.” Aurora placed the bucket in the scullery.

  “Thanks muchly for fetching me water, lass.” Mrs Murphy’s shrewd eyes raked over her. “You’re as thin as a pikestaff, so you are. You’re not eating enough.”

  “I’m eating more than I was.”

  “Well, double it, lass, for Ellerton will run you till you’re nowt but skin and bone.”

  “Will Anthony be gone long?”

  “A week or so. Things got a bit too heated for him so he’s lying low for a while, you know how it is.”

  The diversion worked and Aurora raised her eyebrows in interest. “Heated?”

  “Big Eddie tipped him off that the polis were looking for him. ‘Tis all over some illegal card games. My Tony knows nowt about them. ‘Tis that spalpeen Roddy Doyle from Hope Street that’s been organizing that. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, my lad is all I have left. How can I cope without him? But I’d rather he was away than in some stinking jail, so I do.”

  Aurora nodded dutifully, but believed that Anthony probably had something to do with the card games. Lily had told her the Murphy lad was forever walking a narrow line where the law was concerned. She thought of the bath he’d given her. Was it stolen? What if the police came looking for stolen goods? Her skin prickled at the thought. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine she would be living amongst thieves and petty criminals.

  Mrs Murphy poured out some tea and added a dash of milk. Her white hair was in a tight bun at the back of her head and she wore the same black dress she always did. Her eyes were kind and gentle and wise. How would she survive without Anthony? On good days her legs could carry her as far as the little shop on the corner, but no further and on bad days she couldn’t get out of bed. Compassion filled Aurora. “If you need anything while Anthony is away, just knock on the wall and I’ll come over.”

  “To be sure you’re an angel.” Mrs Murphy waved to the chair at the table. “Sit yourself down, lass, or are you away to that job of yours?”

  “Yes, I should be going or I’ll be late.”

  “You watch that randy ole Ellerton, won’t you lass. Holy Mother of God he’s a bad “un as there ever was one. He’ll be roasting that body of his in the fires of Hell one day, you mark my words. Him and that Roddy Doyle.” She stirred the porridge and lifted it off the heat. “I’ll say a prayer for them both at Mass, so I will.” She ladled out the gray sludge and Aurora repressed a shudder. Porridge without milk was hard to get accustomed to, but then wasn’t everything like that in the lane?