MM02 - Until Morning Comes

by Peggy Webb

  The odd thing about her hand being on his knee, he mused, was that she didn't even seem to be aware of what she was doing. She was the same laughing, friendly Jo, but she was different in a way that he couldn't explain. True, she was beautiful and sensuous and, of course, she still had her hand on his knee, but none of that seemed to be directed specifically at him. Even his bit of Apache poetry hadn't moved her to more than a casual smile.

  He began to wonder if Jim had been wrong. If they'd all been misreading Jo Beth McGill.

  “I'm so glad you put me here, Colter. And I'm looking forward to another of those nice massages.”

  “I could give you one now.”

  “Please.” She held up her hand. “Don't bother.” She smiled sweetly. “I'll wait for one of the nurses... or some nice young intern.”

  That statement was enough to send Colter off the bed. He prowled the room. It was one of the few times in his life he hadn't known exactly what to do. Finally, after she had watched him in complete silence for a small eternity, he sat in the uncomfortable chair beside her bed. The chairs had been designed to discourage long hospital visits, but he wasn't about to let a chair defeat him.

  “Are you staying a while longer, Colter?”

  “Yes. Since you're from out of town and don't have anyone else...”

  He left the sentence hanging in midair, for Jo Beth chose that moment to yawn and stretch her arms above her head. The stretch almost brought him out of his chair. He clenched his fists at his side. As if the stretch hadn't been enough to make him forget he was in a hospital, she executed a series of upper-body movements that almost sent him right through the ceiling.

  “Sleepy, Jo?”

  “I could use a little sleep.” She lifted one languorous arm and let it sort of float through the air. Colter fought another battle with control. “Women in my condition need their rest, you know.”

  “No doubt.” He tried to read her mind in those wide, innocent blue eyes. He half-rose from his chair, then sank back down.

  “You're leaving, then?”

  “You're sure you don't need anything, Jo?”

  “Positive.” She smiled, but it was not the smile of a sick woman.

  “Then, good night.” He got out of his chair and started toward the door.

  With his hand on the door handle, he dawdled, waiting for her to call him back. When she didn't, he left quickly, trying to tamp down both confusion and disappointment.

  He walked the familiar halls he'd walked a thousand times before, but it was the first time he'd never seen a thing. Habit told him when to turn left at the nurses’ station.

  “Oh, Dr. Gray.” Nurse Martin lifted her hand and hailed him. He never even heard her.

  His moccasins didn't make a sound as he walked quickly toward the elevator. It came on the first punch of the button, and whisked him down to the parking garage. Habit carried him to his slot where the Porsche waited, and habit carried him through the streets to the bay. Only when he reached his houseboat did he come to his senses.

  He sat down on his bed and stared at the dark porthole on the opposite wall, thinking. Maybe Jo Beth would start trying to capture him tomorrow.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jo Beth had just had her morning bath and changed into a sizzling black-lace gown, when Colter walked through the door. She didn't even have time to jump back into bed and recline.

  “What brings you here so early, Colter?”

  “Your massage.”

  Jo Beth thought he sounded and looked a little tense. That was good, because she couldn't stand much more waiting. If he didn't make his move soon, she'd have to.

  “I thought that intern was coming.”

  “No. He's busy with other things.”

  “You came to tell me I won't be getting a massage. How sweet of you, Colter.”

  “I came to do your massage, Jo. Are you going to get into bed or shall I carry you?”

  She hopped into bed. She hadn't counted on this turn of events. Maybe it was a good sign.

  He bent over her, and she saw all his fire and passion in his face. It was an unspoken invitation that she found hard to resist. She closed her eyes to shut out the sight, but then he put his hands on her. His touch was not professional—it was pure seduction.

  “Relax, Jo. Just relax.” She felt him slip her straps over her shoulders. His hands moved across her bare skin like music.

  One more minute, two at the most, and she knew she'd be pulling him down onto the bed, all her resolutions forgotten.

  “Dr. Gray, Dr. Gray. Report to obstetrics.” The harsh voice over the intercom brought the massage to a halt.

  Jo sat up, her straps still hanging over her shoulders. “Obstetrics, Colter?”

  “It must be Jim and Hannah.”

  “The baby.” Jo hopped out of bed and grabbed her robe. “I'm going with you.”

  Jim Roman met them in the hall outside the waiting room. His shirt was buttoned up wrong, his hair was mussed, and his shoes didn't match. He grabbed Colter's hand and squeezed.

  “What if something happens in there? What if she doesn't make it? What if something is wrong with the baby?”

  “Hannah is a perfectly healthy woman doing what hundreds of women do every day. It's going to be all right.” Colter led him to a chair in the waiting room. “How long has she been in there?”

  “Since three o'clock this morning.”

  “I’ll scrub and go in.” Colter had just started to leave when Hannah's doctor came to the door. “Jim Roman, you have a nine-pound baby boy. Mother and son are both doing fine.”

  “When can I see them?”

  “You can go in to see your wife now. The baby is on his way to the nursery.”

  Forgetting his recent need for friendly bolstering, Jim rushed off to see Hannah.

  “I love babies, Colter,” Jo Beth said. “Let's go see.”

  Colter led Jo Beth to the nursery. He pointed to the crib that said Roman and glanced briefly at the baby. It looked like all newborns, its color was good, and it had a lusty howl. The person who held his interest was Jo Beth.

  She had her face pressed against the glass, cooing at the baby. She positively glowed. What would she be like if the baby were hers? He'd heard of the radiance of motherhood, but he'd never paid it any attention. He glanced at the tiny bundle that so fascinated Jo Beth. Suppose that were his son in the nursery? Would he have his shirt buttoned wrong and his hair uncombed?

  Suddenly Colter was filled with a longing he'd never experienced. He longed for a home with curtains at the windows and gingerbread in the oven. He longed for the welcoming kiss of a wife and the happy laughter of children. His wife. His children.

  He'd never dreamed of those things before. He'd only dreamed of making Jo Beth his woman. He glanced at her radiant face once more. It was time to put an end to all the waiting, to put an end to all the games.

  “Jo Beth.” When she looked up, he held out his hand to her. “Come.”

  She followed him. Whether it was out of habit or because of the look on his face, she didn't know. Nor did she care. It was time, time to clear the air.

  He hurried her through the halls and back to Room 306. Then he closed the door and leaned against it. He tugged Jo Beth's hand and pulled her closer. When she was standing before him, he put his hands on her shoulders.

  “You're my woman, Jo. You always have been.”

  Her eyes widened, but she didn't say anything.

  “What we had in the desert was not a September affair,” he continued. “It was love. I love you, Jo, and I want you to be my wife. I've always intended for you to be my wife.”

  Still, she was silent. He smiled.

  “I assume silence means consent.”

  Color shot into Jo Beth's cheeks. “Well, you assumed wrong.” She jerked herself out of his grasp and put her hands on her hips. She had a hard time to keep her lips from trembling. She had just turned down the thing she wanted most in the world—a proposal from Colter
.

  But she wanted more, so much more.

  She gathered her strength. It was time for the big gamble. If she could have seen any signs in his face, she would have felt better. But Colter was inscrutable, as always.

  “Love means trust, Colter, and sharing. You shut me out when you had a problem. You sent me away. When I marry, it will be to share the bad times as well as the good.” She bit her lip and added, “I don't even know what you've decided about your future.”

  “I'm going to tell you, Jo.”

  “When?”

  “When I have all the details worked out.”

  “I can't live like that, Colter, never knowing what's going on in your mind, never knowing where your next journey of the soul will take you.”

  “I'm rebuilding the clinic.”

  “I found that out... but not from you.”

  His hands tightened. “Jo, you said you'd be willing to live anywhere with a man if you loved him enough.”

  “Colter...” She reached out and tenderly stroked his face. “Don't ever think that I don't love you. I do. You made me believe in love. You made me believe in miracles.” Her fingertips circled his lips. “When I went back to Mississippi I lay awake at night, listening for the call of the turtledove, knowing it would never come. I didn't cry. I just lay there listening.”

  “I'm sorry, Jo.”

  “I'm sorry too.” She pressed her palms against his cheeks, and her expression was fierce. “I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love a man, but I can't be your pretty little plaything, somebody who is good enough to share your blanket but not good enough to share your life. I want to share your life.”

  “I want you to share my life. That's why I'm asking you to marry me.”

  “Then talk to me, Colter.”

  He pulled her into his embrace, pressing her so close she could hardly breathe. “Don't you think I would tell you if I had everything worked out?”

  She stayed in his arms a while longer, feeling the steady beat of his heart underneath her cheek. She'd gambled and lost. It was time to go.

  “Let me go, Colter.” He released her and she stepped back. “I think this charade has gone on too long. I'm going home.”

  “Back to the houseboat?”

  “No. Home to Mississippi.”

  He retreated into one of his long, deep silences. Then he turned and left the room.

  o0o

  Nurse Turner saw him coming. “Good Lord, Geraldine. Look quick, because you'll never see it again. Dr. Gray is actually showing his anger.”

  Geraldine Martin looked up. “That's not anger, Tilly, that's a cyclone and an earthquake all rolled into one.” She stuck her head into her charts and pretended to be working when he stopped at the desk.

  “Nurse Martin.”

  “Sir!”

  “See that the patient in Room 306 does not leave this hospital. I'm holding you personally responsible.”

  He left without another word.

  Colter had always given his patients more time than they actually required. Today, however, he merely saw to their complaints and prescribed their treatments. By midafternoon, he had cleared his office. Leaving his astonished secretaries and nurses in charge, he left the clinic.

  Movement was what he needed. Action. Since he didn't have his white stallion, he rode his Porsche through the streets. He drove hard and fast, thinking, thinking. On the reservation, life had been simple. It had been defined by rules and taboos and enhanced with myths and poetry. In the world of the white man, life was complex, with no rules, few taboos, and a set of laws that smart people knew how to circumvent and manipulate. The myths and poetry were there, but they were sometimes hard to find admidst the roar of parties and the clamor of television.

  Jo Beth was a product of the white world. She was complex, and he'd tried to impose simple rules of behavior on her. Now he'd lost her.

  He couldn't lose her. He refused to let her go. But how could he get her back? He drove for a while, letting his mind drift, trying to open himself to the truth, trying to find the answers. When the answer came to him, he knew it had been there all along, waiting to be discovered.

  His hands relaxed on the wheel and his foot lightened on the accelerator. The winds of change swept over his soul, and they felt good.

  o0o

  Jo Beth paced the floor for an hour, waiting for Colter to come back. Then she realized he had patients to see. She'd give him a while longer. She picked up her book and tried to read. The clock ticked on, mercilessly slow. Finally she decided he was not coming. She had truly lost Colter Gray Wolf.

  She knuckled her hands into her eyes. She couldn't cry, not yet, not until she was safely on a plane. She jerked her bag down from the hospital closet and slung it onto the bed.

  Nurse Martin came into her room with her chart. “Going somewhere, Jo Beth?”

  “Home.”

  “I'm afraid that's not possible. Dr. Gray hasn't released you.”

  “I don't need a release.” Jo Beth wadded her gowns and tossed them into the bag. Then she threw her toiletries in after them, not caring whether the powder spilled and the toothpaste squirted out.

  “Why don't you finish packing, and I'll give his office a call.”

  “Thank you, Nurse Martin. You do that.”

  Geraldine Martin hurried down the hall, wringing her hands.

  “Lord, Tilly, Dr. Gray is going to skin me if that woman leaves.” She sat down at her desk and picked up the phone. The receptionist in his office told her to try his home. She got his answering machine at his home. She was about to try his office again when she spotted him strolling down the hall.

  “Dr. Gray, I've been looking everywhere for you.”

  He leaned across the desk and smiled. “Nurse Martin, I want to talk to you in private.”

  o0o

  Jo Beth had her hands on her suitcase, and was ready to walk out the door, when she realized she was still wearing her black-lace gown and robe. She jerked off the robe, then began to lower her gown straps.

  “I’ll do that for you.”

  Her hands stilled and her heart stopped... almost. Colter Gray Wolf was standing just inside her doorway. He was wearing jeans, moccasins, and a buckskin shirt. All he needed to look as if he had stepped down from the canvas of a Remington was his white stallion.

  He walked silently across the room, taking his time. When he was within touching distance of her, he stopped.

  “Hold out your hand, Jo Beth.”

  She wanted to believe in the triumph of true love, but as always, his face was unreadable.

  “What's the matter, doctor? Do you want to take my pulse?”

  “No.” He placed a small object in her palm and closed her fingers around it. “I want to give you this.”

  It was a small glass bird, its wings tinted yellow.

  “Colter, it's beautiful.” She caressed the shiny surface of the bird, daring to hope but not daring to guess his mind.

  “So are you, my Yellow Bird.”

  He came to her then. Taking her free hand, he gently pulled her into his arms. “From the time I stalked you in the desert, I knew you would be my woman. It took me a long time to realize that claiming you entailed responsibilities.” He stroked her hair. “I'm ready to share my life with you. I’ll hold nothing back.”

  “Are you planning to leave San Francisco for the mountains, Colter?”

  “I don't know that yet. At first I was certain I would, because of my promise to my father. And then I realized it was not a promise I would have made if he had been well.”

  “It wasn't a promise—it was a kindness. You're a kind man, Colter Gray Wolf, and I'm happy to accept your proposal.”

  “If you hadn't said yes, Jo, I would have taken you captive.” He kissed her then, and would have gone on kissing her forever, but he knew there were things still unsaid. He lifted his head and looked down at her.

  “I'm considering several options, Jo. Setting up scholarships
and letting interns work the clinic; working there part-time myself; finding a good physician looking for a more relaxed practice, almost a semiretirement. I simply don't know yet what I will do.” He looked down at her and smiled. “What we will do.”

  “We'll work it out together.” She leaned her cheek on his chest and caressed his back. “A year ago my father would have loved you as I do. Now, he'll never understand.”

  “I can live with that, if you can live with my mother trying to turn you into an Apache.”

  His hands moved to the straps of her gown.

  “Colter, what are you doing?”

  “What does it look like?” He slid her gown off and reached for his shirt.

  “You wouldn't dare.”

  “I dare...”

  She smiled. “What will the nurses say?”

  “If any of them can get past Nurse Martin, they'll say plenty.”

  He pushed the button that lowered the hospital bed. Jo Beth started to laugh, but Colter put a hand over her mouth and pulled her down onto the bed.

  “Shhh.”

  The sheets settled over them. He caught her face between his hands and whispered, “I will cover you with my blanket and make you mine.”

  Soon the musical whisper of Apache poetry filled the room, and there was no one to hear except the small yellow bird on the nightstand.

  Epilogue

  The entire McGill family had gathered in the White Mountains for the opening of Colter's clinic. Jo Beth and Colter stood in the center of the newly painted reception area, talking to the doctor who would be setting up his practice there.

  “I can't tell you what this means to me, Dr. Gray... not having to wear a tie every day.” Dr. Richard Raymond, only recently of Detroit, pushed his hand through his gray hair and chuckled, showing a line of white, even teeth. “It's a beautiful place to spend the sunset years of my life, and working with you six weeks every summer will be the icing on the cake. You've quite a reputation.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Raymond.” Colter shook his hand, then led Jo Beth away.

  “That's what I think, too, Dr. Gray. You've quite a reputation.”