I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

  Shaking my head, I finish the glass and set it down. “I’m never drinking vodka again.”

  She laughs. “Famous last words. Pretty sure everyone has uttered that at some point in their lives.”

  “Vodka is the devil,” Trinity, the other server, says with a smile. I haven’t worked too many shifts with her, but so far, we’re getting along. “Tell me you’ve eaten something greasy today.”

  “Food?” I widen my eyes. “No, thanks. Coffee and flat Diet Coke has been enough for me to live off of.”

  Ashley and Trinity look at each other. “Rookie,” they say in unison.

  Having two girls that are obviously younger than you call you a rookie at anything is not a boost to the self-esteem.

  After Ashley brings her drinks to her tables, she disappears behind the kitchen doors, only for a second. A plate is shoved in front of me, filled with crispy, fried tater tots, smothered in bacon and melted cheese. I raise a brow to her.

  “Trust me. You’ll feel better.”

  I pick one up, eyeing it suspiciously before popping it into my mouth. I can feel the grease squish out of it, coating the roof of my mouth. One turns to two, which turns to five, and before I know it, the plate is half gone. Good thing I’m waiting for my tables to finish eating.

  Ashley smiles as she points to the plate. “See, I told you.”

  “Guess you were right.” It’s only been a couple minutes and already my stomach isn’t hurting as much. Looks like grease was the answer.

  “Troy, are you ever not here?” I finish rolling the last of the silverware and set it in the box. He smirks and slides a shot my way.

  “Heard you may need a little hair of the dog.”

  “Quit changing the subject.” The shot mocks me; it’s sickeningly sweet scent floats toward my nostrils. “And what in the hell is this?”

  “Electric Smurf,” he says with a grin. “And no. I’m always here because if I wasn’t, this place would fall apart.”

  “Says you.” The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as Henry takes the seat next to me. “I think I may have something to say about that.” Troy slides a glass in front of Henry.

  “Whatever you say, boss. We both know the ladies are coming here for me. You stay locked in your cave the whole night. I’m the one wining and dining them.”

  I roll my eyes. “Please, it’s getting deep in here. And what exactly is an Electric Smurf?”

  “Just drink the shot and be quiet. You’re awfully whiny tonight.”

  Ashley slinks up to the bar and grabs a glass. “Someone’s still hung over.”

  “Didn’t you eat greasy hash browns and eggs this morning? Or take Advil with a gallon of water last night?” Since when is Troy the guru on everything dealing with hangovers?

  Henry catches my glance, his lips tipping up in a grin.

  “Yes, I took Advil. No, I didn’t eat anything greasy until Ashley gave me the tots earlier. I was under the impression that coffee was the only way to cure a hangover.”

  Troy laughs. “That’s what sobers you up. Stick with us. We’ll learn you.” Everyone raises their glasses and toasts to the joys of alcohol and the quick fixes for the morning after.

  I take the shot, choking down the sweet liquid. Trinity smacks Troy’s arm.

  “Quit with the fru-fru drinks. Next time, I want something stronger.”

  Troy raises a brow. “Oh, I’ve got something stronger for you,” he says, putting the used glasses in the dishwasher before rounding the bar to stand next to Trinity.

  Trinity shoves him away. “Never going to happen. Keep dreaming.”

  “Oh, I will. And my dreams usually consist of nakedness and ropes.”

  “Ugh. Don’t tell me you’re into the kinky shit.” Judging by Trinity’s face, she’s into it too, though she’s trying like hell to hide it.

  Troy weaves his arm around her waist. “Come on, baby. One night with me and I’ll show you the universe.”

  “Tempting,” she says, sliding his arm off her body. “But I have a date with BOB.”

  “BOB?”

  She smiles. “He knows exactly how I want it and never lets me down.”

  “At least until his batteries run out.” Ashley snickers behind her, earning a slap on the shoulder.

  The three of them walk away, still arguing the finer points of real versus fake dicks while wishing us goodnight.

  And then there were two.

  Things couldn’t be more awkward.

  I should leave. Save us both the trouble and embarrassment of talking about last night and my highly inappropriate behavior with my boss.

  “Obviously we found something other than Star Wars that makes you pass out at night.” His teasing smile eases the tension in my shoulders and I relax into the chair.

  “Ha ha, you’re a regular comedian.” Henry gets up and heads behind the bar, pointing to the wine glasses. I shake my head as my stomach flips. The shot was one thing. Adding more alcohol on top of it will be my demise.

  “So are we going to talk about this?” He slides a glass of water my way instead and I eagerly take it. Henry takes his seat back and leans against his propped-up hand, watching me drag out my sip.

  “Can’t we just say I was drunk and that’s it? Pretend it never happened?”

  To me, that’s a perfectly acceptable response to the mess I’ve made. It seems he disagrees because he sighs at first then folds his hands in front of him on the bar.

  “What’s going on? There were a couple of things last night that didn’t make sense and I’d like to clear them up.”

  “Okay…” The nagging feeling in my stomach is back, churning the shot I just drank with the fear I may end up revisiting it.

  He takes off his hat, setting it on the bar. “First off, why’d you text me when the others were texting their husbands?”

  I look away, focusing on the dried water stain on the bar. “He wouldn’t have gotten it. In fact, he would have yelled at me for being stupid and childish.”

  Henry hooks a finger under my chin, tilting my gaze toward him. “Listen, I’ve kept my mouth shut because it’s none of my business, but I feel like something needs to be said. Over the last few weeks, you’ve been different. Happier. Normally your eyes are shrouded in shadows, but lately, they’ve shone with a light I’ve always wanted to see. Last night confirmed two things for me. One, you’re not happy at home. Two, the reason for your unhappiness isn’t there anymore, is he?”

  What? How-how could he know? “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” When in doubt, play dumb. Denial is so much easier than admitting the truth.

  “You had me go into your bedroom last night to get Advil. One side of the bed was slept in; the other looked like it had been made for a few days.”

  “Maybe I make my side each morning.”

  “Unless Mike keeps romance novels on his side, I’m going to call bullshit on you right now.”

  Damn him for being observant.

  “Were you snooping?”

  He looks up, clearly frustrated with me. “No. Your bed is across from the bathroom. I had to walk by it first.”

  Oh. Right.

  “Okay, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

  Henry scoots his chair closer. “I also noticed a toothbrush missing in the cup by the sink.”

  I gulp. “He-he’s out of town.”

  His voice is quiet, gentle, non-accusing. “Look,” he starts, grabbing my hand. “I’ve been through this before with Wendy. Probably not exactly like what you’re going through. But she pulled away for months before we split up. I wasn’t sure what to think or say, so we just avoided each other. She slept upstairs while I slept in the basement. The kids started noticing the changes in us. That’s when she decided she’d had enough. Told me out of the blue she was leaving.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “Yeah, it hurt, but in all honesty, it was the best thing she ever did. We get along better now than we did when we were married. The kids are happier, she
’s happier.”

  “And you? Are you happier?”

  He shrugs. “Sometimes. The restaurant keeps me busy so I never have to dwell on it. Until nighttime when the house is quiet and I’m left alone with my thoughts.”

  I chew on my bottom lip. “I kicked him out a month ago. He’s not a bad man, but he’s, I don’t know, unhappy? I guess that’s a way to put it.”

  “No, he’s verbally abusive to you. Joss, I’ve seen the way he treats you in public. On multiple occasions. The first time I dismissed it as him showing off to his buddies. Then it happened again. And again. And again. Each time I’d watch you try to mask the hurt, but you never could. Not fully.”

  How could he see the things I tried so desperately to keep hidden from everyone? Perhaps I’m not as clever as I thought I was. Here I thought only Jacob saw it. But then Ann asked about it last night. Now Henry.

  Everyone knows our little secret. We’re not the perfect family I try to portray.

  A tear slowly rolls down my cheek. Henry wipes it away with his thumb. I gulp and blow out a quick breath. “He’s filed for divorce.”

  Stunned silence greets me. “When?”

  I chew my bottom lip. “Two weeks after I threw him out.”

  Henry studies my face. “He hasn’t tried contacting you since?”

  I shake my head. “Only through our lawyers.” Understanding and sympathy float across his eyes. “You’re the first person outside of my mom that I’ve admitted it to.”

  Henry nods then looks down. “Last night was a rush for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything resembling that. Your text was surprising but completely welcome. And that dress…”

  Heat coats my cheeks again. “I told you it was too short.”

  “No,” he says, shaking his head. “It was perfect. You looked incredibly sexy. That shade of blue is your color and those heels made your legs look sky high.”

  “No mother should wear an outfit like that.”

  He leans closer; his hot breath beating against my cheek. “You should wear that. As often as you can.”

  No one has given me a compliment like that in…ever. I’m not sure how to respond, so I lick my lips and nod. Pretty sure my voice is gone at this point.

  “Then you kissed me. It took everything I had to stop us before we got too far. I had my suspicions but wasn’t sure where you were with your situation. I’m not that kind of guy, Jocelyn. I won’t be a reason for you to cheat. You and I both deserve more than that.” My shoulders sag at the finality of his words. Once again, he tilts my face to meet his. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere. You intrigue me like no one else. Your quirks are adorable and I want to know the rest of them.”

  “What are you saying?”

  Henry clears his throat and puts a slight amount of distance between us. “I want us to start hanging out more. Get to know each other. Build this friendship until you realize we could be more. I know you’re unhappy and kicking Mike out is a start. But I need to protect myself in this, too. So, friends?”

  He sticks his hand out, expecting a shake. His logic makes sense. I’m the wishy-washy party who can’t make a firm decision on how to proceed with my life. Friends means no kissing, or dirty text messages to each other. That’s probably for the best.

  I place my smaller hand in his and shake. “Friends.”

  Henry smiles, but it fades as he closes the small distance between us with a kiss. Short. Sweet. And completely unexpected.

  “Sealed with a kiss.” He winks. Seriously. And with his hat off, his sexiness is off the charts.

  “That doesn’t help.”

  The man has no shame. His only response is that panty-dropping smile.

  I drain my glass and push away. “Well, now that we have that settled, I need to go relieve my babysitter.”

  We shut all the lights off, checking everything twice before finding our way to the parking lot.

  “If you want, on Saturdays, we can share babysitters if I have the kids.”

  Always thinking of ways to help. “It’s a sweet offer, but I have a plan in place that I’m hoping to hear back on. Soon.” He nods and opens my car door. “You know, I am capable of doing that myself.”

  He shrugs. “As am I, so just let me help you.” There’s a double meaning in his statement. The more I spend time with him, the more I’m willing to allow the offered help.

  “Okay, fine.” He shuts the door, but signals for me to roll down the window.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” His breath curls in front of his face.

  Looking to the ceiling, I try to go through my schedule. “Nothing, why?”

  “Wendy is bringing the kids back and I thought maybe they’d like a play date together. Lauren has been bugging me to see Cassie outside of the restaurant.”

  Something blooms in my chest. Hope. For a better, more normal life for my kids.

  “Sounds great.”

  Henry’s smile is electric. “Perfect. I’ll bring dinner.”

  Dinner?

  Before I have the chance to question it, he disappears into his car and pulls away.

  Since when did play dates involve dinner? Isn’t that usually reserved for an…

  Actual date?

  It would be nice if houses came with a self-clean button. Then I wouldn’t be here scrubbing my bathroom on my hands and knees while looking at my watch every twenty seconds.

  Henry said he’d be here around three, but Murphy’s Law has struck my house. A stubbed toe, burnt toast, a dozen eggs dropped on the floor, and an exploded vacuum bag hit all within the last few hours. The odds of ever getting this house clean are slim to none at this point. Jacob and Cassie volunteered to clean the kitchen after I had a meltdown in the living room.

  The doorbell rings and I scrub faster. No, they can’t be here yet. It’s too early. Within seconds, footsteps come pounding my direction.

  “Mom! Guess who’s here?”

  I wipe my brow with my elbow. The last thing I need is to get whatever is on my gloves all over my face. Few things make me cringe. Bathroom floors with young boys is one of them. A shudder runs through me at the thought.

  “Who?”

  “Jocelyn?” Her quiet, familiar voice is not what I was expecting.

  “Mom?” Abandoning my cleaning supplies, I strip off the gloves and wander into the living room. Lying in the middle of the floor are three large suitcases and one garment bag. Next to them stand my parents, covering my kids in kisses and hugs. Cassie can’t stop telling my mom all about drama club while Jacob and my dad discuss some football game.

  Mom looks up and smiles. “There you are.” Within a few steps, she envelops me in a bone-crushing hug, leaving me little choice other than to hug her back. It’s either that or get crushed to death. For a woman in her seventies, she’s still as strong as an ox.

  “You’re early.”

  “Only by two weeks.”

  I blink because I don’t know what else to do. She says it like it’s no big thing. Showing up two weeks early is a huge deal. It’s company I wasn’t expecting. Not that I don’t appreciate the help, but a little warning would have been nice.

  “Hello, Pumpkin.” Dad sweeps me into his arms, taking in his familiar scent. Even though it’s a complete surprise, I’m so glad they’re here. We don’t see each other enough and I’ve missed them. Especially with all that’s been happening in my life.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  Once all the hellos are out of the way, I instruct the kids to take their luggage to Jacob’s room.

  “Which means you’ll have to sleep in Cassie’s room for now.”

  “Aww, man.” Jacob drags a suitcase behind him while Cassie bounces along, telling him all about their new arrangement.

  Actually, what I should do is give them my room and I’ll sleep on the couch. Not like I haven’t done it before.

  “How long are you staying?” I ask, ushering them into the kitchen. I start fumbling wi
th the coffee maker before Mom shoves me aside to do it.

  “A while.”

  I turn to Dad, silently pleading with him for a straight answer.

  “A few weeks. At least until the new year.”

  Weeks? Not days?

  Yep, I can’t displace the kids that long. Not to mention they’ll kill each other. There’s a futon downstairs I can use. It’s at least more comfortable than the upstairs couch.

  “Oh, super. What made you decide on the extended visit?”

  The heavy scent of coffee fills the room and Mom turns to start unloading the dishwasher. “Our last phone conversation. Your father and I discussed it and we felt it was time to come up and help you.”

  Not see. Help.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  Mom shuts the dishwasher and turns to me with the only look I’ve known my entire life. One that speaks without words, saying she would do practically anything for me. Without warning, a tear streaks down my cheek.

  “When people offer help, you say thank you.” Always the wise one.

  I hug her again while burying my face into the crook of her neck. “Thank you.” Instantly, my heart feels lighter. All the pain and turmoil I’ve gone through doesn’t seem as bad.

  “Now, what can we do for you?”

  “First, you’re taking my room so the kids can stay alive.”

  Dad shakes his head. “No, Pumpkin. You don’t need to do that.”

  “Yes, I do. I’ll take the futon in the basement. It’s fine.”

  “We don’t want to disturb you.” Mom takes a sip of her coffee.

  I smile. “You’re not. Like you said, you’re helping me.”

  “Well, we have a car so you can take running the kids around off your list. And you don’t have to worry about taking them to work with you, either. They’re going to learn a new normal, one they should have had before…”

  She leaves her sentence hanging in the air. I know what she means. There’s nothing more I want for them other than to adjust to this new life. Jacob will be eleven soon, which means Cassie won’t be too far behind. And with both in double digits, they’d be able to stay at home by themselves for a few hours, assuming I won’t be working two jobs.