CHAPTER 12
Tura grabs her bags and heads upstairs to her bedroom to settle in before revealing what she’s literally been entangled in the past few days. She wished she had a way to contact Gerry, to hear his voice and see if he’s missing her too. Everything is making sense to her now what she feels for him. Gerry definitely left his mark on her body physically as well as mentally. He tattooed her body with passion marks leaving no doubt he was making sure people knew her body belongs to someone else.
Waiting for Fahim to answer his phone, Lena feels nervous butterflies in her stomach, and another pool of wetness saturate her panties in anticipation of hearing his voice. As he says “Hola Lena” in his deep accented voice, it causes a wave of heated bliss to stir her blood. “Hello, Fahim. How are you?” Lena asks. “I’m good. It’s great to hear your sexy voice this afternoon. You’ve made my day.” “Oh, Fahim” Lena sighs “I miss you. I’m so used to you calling me every day or popping up unexpectedly to see me and say hello. I hope I haven’t run you away with my decision?” “No Lena you haven’t. I told you I wouldn’t be scared off. I also remember telling you I have business here I need to handle. I’m sure you need time to decide which man you want to be with Lena” he says a bit sarcastically. “I feel I may have bombarded you with my time and attention.”
“Fahim, please don’t do this. You know how I feel about you.” “No mi amor I can honestly say I don’t. After I left your home Monday, all I could think about is you saying in one breath how much you love me and want to be with me. Then in another breath, you tell me you want to date your white boy toy to see where things between the two of you might lead. Lena, I understand you’re scared to take a chance at giving someone your heart again. But for you to tell me I’m competing for your love and attention with another man who also happens to be white is you basically telling me you don’t give a damn about me or the feelings I have for you.”
Lena sucks in her breath saying quite loudly “Fahim, you know I didn’t mean it like that and what does Gerard race have to do with anything? Color has nothing to do with this! I do love you more than you know. You’ve shown me there is a reason to get past my insecurities about being in a romantic relationship. It will be the first because what I had with my ex wasn’t love or romantic. I’m only confused about the feelings I have for Gerard. But you need to understand the strong affection I have for you doesn’t compare to what I may or may not have with him. Why can’t you see why I have to do this?”
“Because Lena I feel like you’re playing with fire. What if your white boy toy heats your blood when the two of you are exploring your feelings for each other like I know I do to you when we are together? How do you expect me to react knowing he will be touching you and kissing you when we both know all your time and attention should be with and for me and not his white ass? Like I told you before my heart chose you, but it seems your heart hasn’t chosen me. So until you decide which man you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with, I’m won’t be available like I’ve been in the past. Maybe I will continue to see other women until you make up your mind it’s me you want, and hopefully, I will still be available mi amor!”
Lena is frozen where she sits. She is shocked by his words painting the picture she could lose Fahim to someone else by her selfish actions and insecurities. Lena begs “Fahim, please don’t do this! Baby, I just need time to figure out everything, you know, my feelings.” “And I’m giving you that time Lena. Like I said before, I’m not giving up on us because I know without a doubt it’s you I want. But I’m not going to sit back and watch you enjoy the company of another man, and I do not do the same by enjoying the company of other women. Turnabout is fair play, Lena. I will continue dating until we either become a couple exclusively or we decide it wasn’t meant for the two of us to be together and we go our separate ways.” Fahim repeats one more time. “It’s only fair Lena.”
“Fahim I don’t want you dating other women!” Lena yells through the mouthpiece of her phone. Fahim laughs which causes her to get more frustrated. She hears him say “Damn woman!!! Are you listening to yourself, Lena? You can’t have it both ways. I know you heard me say I wouldn’t give up on us and I’m not but I will repeat this again - I’m not sitting on the sideline waiting for you to become aware it’s me you love while you cozy it up with your white boy toy!” She asks loudly “Why can’t you say his name, Fahim?”
Now it’s him blowing angrily through the phone; he’s so aggravated with Lena and the conversation. “Lena,” he says trying his best not to lose his temper, “I'm as patient as I can be with the whole situation. Listen mi amor; I have a meeting with a new supplier. I’ll call you over the weekend to see how you are doing? Tell Tamisha I said hello, and I miss her.” “Fahim, we’re not done with this conversation!” Lena cries out. “Yes, we are Lena. Enjoy you’re the rest of your day, and we will talk again soon.”
Before Lena can say anything else, she hears dead air on the other end. Fahim was gone. Looking at her phone, she whispers “Oh, what have I done? What the hell have I done?” she repeats feeling sad and numb.
CHAPTER 13
When Tura returns downstairs, she finds Lena staring out the window looking sad and upset. Walking over to where she is standing Tura asks “Lena, sweetie, are you okay?” Did you get a chance to speak with Fahim?” She notices the tear stains on Lena’s face and more pooling in her eyes. Saying nothing else, she places her arm around her shoulder, concerned for her friend. Lena wipes at her eyes, sniffling through her nose and chokes out “Yes, yes I spoke with him, and the conversation didn’t go well at all. I assumed Fahim understood why I need to find out if the feelings I have for Gerard is nothing more than friendship when left my home Monday. I know deep in my heart I love Fahim, Tura but it’s a big step for me to give my heart away again to someone else.” “So if you thought you were both on the same page, what changed?” Tura asked curiously.
Lena walks back to the sofa and plops down on it causing her body to bounce on the soft cushion. “I don’t know Tura” she answers. “Fahim said once he had a chance to analyze the conversation we had Monday, mainly what I said about Gerard, he feels it’s not fair for him to wait for me to make a decision if I want to be romantically involved with him while I'm also dating my white boy toy. He also had the audacity to tell me while I’m making up my mind about the two of us being exclusive, he’s going to continue dating other women. Can you believe he said that to me? I’m so hurt and numb right now. Everything he’s told me about loving only me leaves me wondering if he’s was being honest; you know if he really meant what he said. If he loves me as he claims, why does he have to continue seeing other women? I know he will be having sex with them!”
“Did he say that Lena?” Tura asks. “No, no he didn’t say anything like that, but I know he will. Fahim has been a playboy for so long. How could he not go back to his old ways? Everything he said about me having his heart and confessing his undying love was just a damn lie!” Lena yells.
“Calm down sister before you blow a gasket” Tura yells back causing Lena’s eyes to widen before bursting into tears again. Tura sits down beside Lena hugging her as she has a meltdown. Patting her back, she says “You know I love you right and I only tell you the truth about things?” Lena leans back from Tura’s embrace looking confused as tears drip from her eyes. “What, what do you mean Tura?” she asks hiccupping. “I mean, the things Fahim said to you are correct Lena. Don’t get mad at what I’m going to say but I’m the outsider looking in. I can understand why Fahim feels the way he does.”
No longer crying, Lena frowns. “So what do you mean by you understand? Are you siding with Fahim, Tura?” Lena asks with a huff and her arms crossed over her chest. Ignoring Lena’s attitude Tura answers “You know me better than that Lena, but this is how I see the whole situation.” “I’m listening,” Lena says and waits for her explanation.
Tura shakes her head at Lena scooting away from her before explaining
. “Don’t get an attitude when you haven’t even heard what I have to say!” “I don’t have an attitude” Lena answers back with a pout on her lips. “Anyway, you tell Fahim you love him. L-O-V-E him” Tura spells out. “Then you say to him right after that you want to keep going out with this other guy who you happen to mention you’re also dating to see if the friendship between the two of you can turn into something more. Am I correct hearing what you told me?” “Go on with what you have to say, Tura!” Lena says with a harsh tone in her voice. Tura smirks again at Lena’s attitude before saying “Anyway Lena. So Fahim confesses to you he loves you, in love with you, wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You’ve stolen his heart, the first woman to ever do this. Am I still on the right path Lena?” “Yes” is all she says a bit more calmly but still with a frown on her face.
“Okay. So I believe I said this before but so be it. You admit to Fahim you love him as well and then you say right after that, but I’m dating this other guy. We’re only friends, but I want to see if our friendship can become something romantic. Yeah, that was a repeat but did I say it correctly?” “Yes, Tura” is all Lena says back, the frown deepening more in her forehead.
Tura continues. “All right, so I believe Fahim did accuse you of trying to play him, and he said he thought you were different from the other women he’s dated. You blow up on him explaining why you’re so insecure and scared and not ready to take the next step to become romantically involved with Fahim yet you do love him and want Fahim to give you time to figure things out. You still with me girl?” “Yes, Tura.” “Okay, so you’re under the assumption Fahim understood your feelings and everything between the two of you will stay as it’s always been with him calling and popping up all the time.” “Yes, that’s exactly how we left things between us. Fahim said he had to fly back home to catch up on some stuff he been neglecting in New York and he wouldn’t be returning to town before the holidays.
Tura sighs and looks Lena straight in her eyes. “Think girlfriend. Fahim has for almost a year flown from New York to Tennessee regularly to see you. He brings you flowers often. Fahim stays in contact every day. He spends time with Tamisha and even includes her in some of your outings. From what you’ve told me, you’ve been on his radar since you all were introduced at his brother’s wedding. He saved you from Wayne, Lena and it never dawned on you Fahim would seriously understand why you want to continue dating another guy especially after declaring his undying love for you! I know you ain’t that damn ignorant Lena!”
Lena opens her mouth to defend herself, but Tura puts her hand up saying “Let me finish. It should have been a red flag to you something was wrong when you hadn’t heard from Fahim since your conversation on Monday. Put yourself in his shoes. If the situation was reversed and you’re the one deeply in love with Fahim for a long while; you confess your undying love to him. Fahim tells you he loves you also but in the same breath admits he’s dating another woman and wants to see where it might lead. So tell me, how in the hell would you feel?”
Tura sits back against the sofa and waits for Lena to react or respond. She looks over to see the clarity of the whole situation absorb her brain. The expression on Lena’s face confirms the significance of what she’s done. And she may have jeopardized her relationship with Fahim because of her apprehensiveness to commit to him. Gerard was just an excuse to avoid the issue.
Tura says “Aaah!! I see you get it now huh? You would have had the same delayed reaction Fahim had. You started the ball rolling Lena. Why should you be upset with Fahim for wanting to date other women? Hell, he probably hasn’t dated anyone since meeting and being all into you all these months. Honey, what Fahim told you is probably his way of taking control of his life, of his heart you broke wanting to see if things will be better with your white boy toy. Your words and actions told Fahim you don’t trust him or his love. Get it together girl! You have broken the man’s, heart Lena.”
“I will take some responsibility, and I may have some blame in this matter with the advice I gave you. But when Fahim confessed his love to you, Lena, especially after saving you from Wayne almost attacking you, if it were me in your shoes, I would have ignored my advice and kept that bit of information about Gerard to myself. Later on, I would have given the whole situation some deep thought to see if it was worth risking losing Fahim to chase after something that may never go anywhere. Boy, what a Merry Christmas present you’ve laid on the man you claim to love!”
CHAPTER 14
Lena bows her head in shame finally grasping what she’s caused. She whispers “I don’t know how to fix this Tura. I do love Fahim, and it wasn’t my intention to hurt him. You’re right. Gerry was an excuse to buy some time to make sure my feelings for Fahim are real.” Tura head snaps quickly around to look at Lena at the mention of the familiar name causing her heart to almost stop beating. Scared to ask but to know she had to, she says “Lena, I’m not trying to change the subject or anything, but you said, Gerry. Who is Gerry?” “That’s Gerard’s nickname. Why are you asking?” “I’m asking because after taking my last test, I met this gorgeous white guy Monday at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Murfreesboro. I hate to admit this, but I’ve been his sex slave for the last few days. That’s why I haven’t been around.”
Her problems forgotten for the moment with Tura’s surprise revelation, Lena’s response is loud. “Seriously Tura! You meet a man you’ve never seen before,” staring at Tura like she doesn’t recognize her “and you’ve been having sex with him all this time? It can’t be Gerard. He’s too nerdy to be involved in something like that!” Now it was Tura’s frowning at Lena’s after her blunt comment. “Okay,” she says aggravated and asks “Can you describe Gerard’s looks? What is his last name?” Lena answers “He’s very handsome with sandy blond hair that hangs to his shoulders and he has a nicely trimmed goatee. He has full sleeve tattoos on both arms. His last name is Conway, and he works for Lovely’s husband Patrick at Hearst Trucking.”
Tura didn’t let on Gerry’s last name is also Conway, or he has tattoos not just on his arms but all over his upper body as well as several on the lower half. She also doesn’t know where he goes to work every day, but it was all too much of a coincidence. She asks Lena “Where does Gerard live?” “I’ve never been to his home, so I don’t know. Do you have his phone number? We can compare to see if they are the same.” Frustrated further, Tura answers “No, we both decided to take a break from each other to see if what happened between us is the real deal, you know our feelings for each other. We’re doing some serious soul searching. The two of us decided if we want to see each other again we’ll show up on Monday at the same place at the same time we first met to discuss things.”
Lena stares at Tura very upset she would sleep with a random stranger and find out nothing about his life. Tura notices the look on Lena’s face and says “Don’t judge me Lena or give me another one of your lectures about how I live my life. You promised. And anyway Gerry probably isn’t the same dude even if they do have the same last name. My Gerry is from a small hick town in Missouri, and he went to college in Kansas City.” “Tura, now who’s acting ignorant? You heard me say Gerard’s last name is Conway and you’re saying Gerry’s last name is Conway as well. That’s a big coincidence. If you remember, I told you Gerard is from a small town in Missouri. Sounds like the same guy to me.”
Tura drops her head and whispers “My Gerry also has tattoos. Damn Lena! How do we handle this if they are both the same guy?” “We don’t,” Lena says, and Tura head quickly snaps up staring back at her confused. “What do you mean we don’t Lena?” Lena sighs before answering. “Weren’t you the one who made me acknowledge how my feelings for Gerard are nonexistent a few minutes ago? That I was only using him as an excuse so I wouldn’t admit I’m in love with Fahim and refusing to take the next step in our relationship.”
“Tura, Fahim’s admission he’s going to date other women again was a wake-up call for me. That announcement made my hea
rt hurt. It’s still hurting. I’m so in love with that man, and I have been too afraid to admit it to myself. After you ran everything down, forcing me to see how two faced I was with Fahim, the thought of losing him and his love has made me bury those fears and face my true feelings. Nothing is going on between Gerard and me. All we can ever be is friends and nothing more.” She sighs again with her hand clasps together on her lap and continues. “I’m admitting to you and myself the day Wayne showed up, and Fahim prevented him from hurting me, the safeguard around my heart disappeared allowing it to saturate with so much love for that man. Fahim has my heart, and I’m going to make sure he knows it before I lose him for good.”
Tura perks up but is still hesitant to be hopeful. She asks “What about Gerard/Gerry? Don’t you have a date with him?” “Yes I do” she answers and notices the sadness in Tura’s eyes and quickly explains. “But it will be to explain why we can only be friends and how I’m in love with Fahim Zavala. And anyway the two of you have been screwing like rabbits. So it seems he has someone else on his mind and it isn’t me. No wonder he never returned my calls” and she laughs.
Tura still wasn’t convinced by Lena’s I don’t care attitude about Gerry. She reluctantly admits “Lena, I value our friendship so much. You’re the sister I always wished I had in my life. I don’t want to ruin our fabulous relationship over some guy who may or may not be Gerard.” “Tura you really do have sincere feelings for this guy don’t you?” Lena asks concerned. Tura sighs still feeling sad and admits “I can honestly say I don’t know Lena. I miss Gerry, though. I'm not sure if it’s from the great sex we had or if it’s him I miss. While he was at work, I stayed at his home, and it seemed so natural to be there, you know like it was my home too. We were very, very intimate to the point we had unprotected sex.” Tura waits for Lena’s reaction, and it was as she expected. Lena’s eyes widen in shock, and her lips press tightly together, and Tura quickly adds “Please don’t preach to me, Lena. Believe me; I’ve already beat myself up over what we did.”
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