Dancing with the Devil (Wild Beasts Series)

by Birmingham, T.

  Matt and Ben had an understanding. The first couple weeks, their fights had been all out claws and Clan strength, but the Taryn had quickly negotiated a fists only fight. It was only fair. The Taryn’s were mind strength. Ben had built up his own physical strength, but Matt turning into a cat and scratching the shit out of him honestly was an upper hand that Matt didn’t need to flaunt.

  So, the two still had it out a few times a week, but it was pure just beating the shit out of each other.

  Except, after helping Gem for over a month now, the fighting wasn’t helping anymore, and he needed something else. He didn’t know what he needed, but shit, he just didn’t have it in him anymore to roll around in his own self-pity when he knew what Gem was going through.

  Standing by his Gem morning after morning, when she was strong enough to get up that was, tore at his insides. His mind and his heart were at odds. And he knew what the big cat inside of him wanted. The big cat inside of him wanted out. Wanted to nuzzle her and protect her. A Luna didn’t fight their animal. They were their animal, tied to their beastie through a soul deep, spirit wired connection that couldn’t be undone even in death.

  But Matt had been fighting since he was eighteen, since he’d been sold at auction to an Other who had fed on his emotions and pain, since he’d been caged and used and abused and tortured for damn near a decade, so fighting to remain in control and keep his human skin? Yeah, shit, that was the easy stuff.

  Except, it wasn’t.

  Because Gemini wasn’t a cage in the Veil.

  She wasn’t being lost in a strange world and having to fight evil.

  No.

  No, Gemini was the strange land, and the thing she was fighting was something Matt couldn’t help her with.

  “Jesus. Fucking. Christ.” he screamed out to the universe, not caring that it was the middle of the day or that others would hear him. The day was dark, covered in rain clouds and the black, brooding nature of the sky above perfectly mirrored how his mind, his heart, his body, his whole damn soul felt.

  Angry.

  So goddamned angry.

  She’d lost her hair, that beautiful, thick, long hair that she liked to throw up in a messy bun as though she didn’t have a care in the world. She couldn’t do that anymore. And the steroid they had her on made her face look puffy and she’d gained at least twenty pounds that month. A lot of patients lost weight during treatments, but goddamn, the steroids had blown her up. Matt didn’t mind the weight, but he did hate that his mate didn’t have control over her own body.

  How awful, how fucking catastrophic, how goddamned wrong was it that a person didn’t have control over their own body?

  He punched the wall again, this time harder, making a slight crack in the building. He didn’t have the strength of the Vuković Clan, of the werewolves, but when push came to shove, the Clan were still a hell of a lot stronger than a human, and when their emotions were high, that strength, well, it became the stuff of legends.

  He held his fists at his side. He could tear down the whole world, and it still would not make the woman he loved any better. It still would not cure her of the monster, the other, taking over her tiny body, ravaging her and destroying her.

  There were some mornings when she couldn’t even get out of bed. She’d tried a couple times during the third week, when things had really started getting bad, and he’d found her, on the floor, weak and unable to even pick herself up. She’d been worried about the café, but fuck it all, if anything was going right in his little cat’s world, it was the goddamned café. Right now, there was a new worker inside serving five customers while thirty more sat at the various tables and nooks, sipping their coffees and eating their fancy biscuits and sweets that Gemini ordered from a local bakery.

  The only café in a college town.

  Yes, Gemini was making bank.

  Except she couldn’t enjoy it, and it was breaking Matt’s heart.

  He heard the retching from her room, his enhanced Luna hearing picking up what others could not, and he used his unnatural speed to race to her side, not caring that traversing sapped a supernatural creature of their strength. Not caring that it would only take him a minute to get to her side if he just walked.

  “Little cat,” he whispered, falling to his knees on the bathroom floor and ignoring her protests. He wouldn’t leave her alone. Couldn’t leave her alone.

  “I-I’m fine,” Gem croaked out, and Matt rubbed her back before going to the sink to grab some water. He helped her drink up, but as she drank, she seemed to gain some strength, and she gently removed his hand from her own. Except, as soon as his hand was gone, her own started shaking again.

  “Hey, little cat, it’s okay,” Matt said, moving into her side.

  “It’s not,” Gem said, giving him the empty cup and looking him dead in the eye. “It’s not okay.” Her eyes welled up with tears and she clumsily stood and made her way to the sink, taking out her tooth brush, and vigorously brushing, as though she could wash the tumor out of her brain. She couldn’t. Matt knew this. And he knew his little cat knew this as well. But he stayed kneeling on the bathroom floor. He gave her the space she needed. And when she was done, she didn’t look at him. She just walked out the door and back into the small studio apartment she’d built for herself.

  He had a trailer. A full double wide with a large bedroom and albeit a tiny, rarely used kitchen, but he had space, and he’d have given anything this past month to have her in his space, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. That wasn’t the way with the Clans. The bond between fated mates started as a connection and grew. It wasn’t insta-love, although some fell into it like it was. No, the bonds between fates mates were deep, forever bonds that happened over time. And it didn’t require sex, although some believed it did.

  No, it didn’t require sex, and Matt knew this for a fact. His own parents had bonded in elementary school and had loved their entire lives. They’d been simple people, both of whom shifted into housecats. Matt had left home as soon as high school was over at seventeen to travel before college, but a couple months later, on his eighteenth birthday, his life had changed forever.

  However, his parent’s mating wasn’t the only reason he knew that fated mates could bond without sex.

  Matt walked out into the studio apartment, still giving Gem her space, but staying as close as he could to her. Just in case she needed him. For something. For anything. He wanted to be the one to give her what she needed.

  She sat down at the small keyboard piano Damon had gotten her. Something Matt couldn’t afford just yet. He had just finished paying off his last gambling debt, though, and he had plans to get her something beautiful, something that would lighten her heart the way the keyboard had when Damon had brought it in.

  He didn’t hate Damon.

  He just wanted to punch him in the face most days.

  But then he’d watch the way the asshole made his little cat laugh, and he couldn’t begrudge her that honest love in her life.

  As for Matt, Gem gave him curious glances. She gave him infuriated stares. She even gave him the evil eye on occasion.

  And then there were the random smiles, the lopsided grins that made his heart lighter than it had been in over twenty years.

  But no laughs.

  Her fingers moved across the keys and she let herself fall into the music while Matt listened from his corner of the room. He didn’t intrude. He had no desire to ruin her peace, even though he wanted to be her peace.

  Instead, he closed his eyes and he listened to the music, but in closing his eyes, he found his own peace, his own surety that things would be okay.

  He saw his and Gem’s colors when he closed his eyes, and sometimes when his eyes were wide open. Her bright oranges and yellows, her sunshine, meshed perfectly with his greys and blues and dark hints of green. She was sunshine and he was the storm, but sunshine and storms were both needed, and together, they would be the balance they both sought. He just needed her to see that
they were building something in their subtle touches, in their long looks, in their conversations about her business and her dreams and his struggles.

  She’d been the one who had helped him budget and plan out a way to pay off his gambling debts. He could have done it himself, but he’d seen the way her face had lit up when she’d felt she could help him with something. And for the first time in a long time, he wanted to let someone else care for him too. He was so used to giving, but he’d been unable to receive for a long time.

  He would give his little cat anything, even his weakness, if it meant she would be his, if it meant their bond would be completed and she’d heal.

  Her music ended on a bright note, and he thanked the universe that his little cat was feeling better once again. He just had to find a way to tell her that their bond could help with her healing. Hell, to tell her what the fuck he was, and what a bond meant.

  Disappointment speared his gut. When mates, whether fated or not, bonded, they took on some of the characteristics of the other, except although their bond wasn’t complete, she should have at least been feeling some of the effects of the bond, but she hadn’t started to heal. He could tell she got some comfort from him, but she still had a tumor.

  He was worried that she hadn’t taken on elements of his immortality, and he clenched and flexed his fists in anxiety at what that might mean. That sooner or later, he’d start aging, yes, except he couldn’t find it in him to care that their bond would result in him becoming mortal. The terrifying thought that scratched at his mind was his fear of what his own mortality would mean for his Gem.

  He moved to sit next to her on the bench. They did this almost every day, sat on the handmade wood bench at the keyboard piano in her tiny apartment, silent, as though waiting.

  “Gem-”

  “Matt-”

  She smiled, and Jesus, but for the first time, he felt her laugh for him. Not at something he said, and not a long, full laugh like he’d heard her give Alexia and Devon and yes, Damon, but still.

  Her smile and laughter touched her brown eyes, and he slowly raised his hand to her cheek, giving her time to turn away. She didn’t. Instead, she reached for him first. Her hands were in his hair and her lips were against his before he could even say whatever the hell he’d been about to say.

  Her lips against his weren’t soft like the stories said a woman’s lips should be. No, they were dry and cracked from her illness, but it was still the best kiss he’d ever had. Quiet and sensual, on the one hand and yet, he felt the strength she tried to put into her movements, felt the passion she infused in every taste of his tongue. Her hands pulled at his hair, and despite her weakness, the little tugs made his cat purr inside, like a goddamned housecat instead of the fierce big cat he was. But hell if he gave a damn. His little cat, his Gem, had laughed with him and was touching him.

  Him.

  Matthew Garrett.

  The least worthy of her touch, her gentle soul, her giving heart, her adventurous spirit. He’d have once been a match for her. The Matthew Garrett he used to be would have been her perfect soulmate, but who he’d become wasn’t worth the salt she’d thrown over her shoulder last week to ward off bad luck.

  But he was working on being better.

  He was working on controlling his fighting and his gambling and he was willing to change for her, willing to fight for her instead of fighting everyone around him.

  Her breaths against his lips were harsh, ragged, demanding, and he wanted to give her something more, wanted to give her everything beautiful.

  Someday, he’d be able to afford to give her the things she deserved, but today, he couldn’t buy her anything, so he’d give her the only thing he could give. His soul, his spirit, his mind, his body. He could give her his submission and his weakness and he could make her at least a little better, maybe strengthen their bond in the process.

  He pulled her slowly into his lap, again giving her time to say no, giving her time to reject him. Instead, she clung to his standard black t-shirt like she never wanted to be separated from him and he chuckled as he lifted her and brought her the few steps to her bed.

  The queen bed hadn’t been made, and the blankets and pillows were scattered all over the bed and the floor. That was his Gem, always moving from one thing to the next.

  He laid her gently on the mattress and leaned over her. Her legs were still around his waist and he realized she was wearing a blue sundress. No bra. He could see her nipples through the fabric of the dress. And her silk blue underwear had been exposed when her dress had fallen in disarray around her as he’d lain her down. Fuck, but he needed her. Needed every inch of her unique olive skin color against his own paler skin. Needed to feel her warmth, her heat, her beautiful serenity touch his dark spots.

  Except, this wasn’t for him. This was about what he could do for her.

  He slowly, strap by strap, lowered her dress, exposing her breasts, and fuck… she was perfection. She’d always had bigger breasts. And her illness hadn’t changed that. Full and large, and so incredible, he looked at her as he lowered his head. Her gaze was unsure, but he made sure to make clear with his movements and his look that she knew she was the most beautiful person he’d ever met. Inside, yes, but fuck it all if he wasn’t just thinking about those goddamned beautiful tits right now.

  “Fucking best tits ever,” he said, and she laughed, and his soul rejoiced.

  He nipped at each, letting his tongue linger, play, and lap the right, then the left peak. She’d find out soon enough that big cats loved to play with little cats. His tongue moved to the spot in between her breasts and his little cat held tighter to the sheets and her heels dug into his back, bringing his erection closer to her center, closer to her heat. His breaths grew ragged and he heard her heartbeat increase.

  “Matthew,” she said on a sigh as he helped her get fully out of her dress. When it was over her head and out of their way and the only thing between them were his clothes and her blue, silk underwear, he felt his breath leave him. Felt his lungs seize in his chest.

  She was self-conscious now, after having gained some weight, but he moved the hand she used to cover herself away, shushing her and taking in the added curves to her arms and the extra weight on her hips, and he didn’t mind it. Hell no. He just loved that his little cat was there, right in front of him, accepting him, needing him, giving parts of herself to him, even when he didn’t deserve her.

  “How’d I get so lucky?” he whispered as he started to worship her body. He needed her lips once again, but he wanted her from head to toe, so he first kissed her forehead, sighing out in silent prayer as he moved his teeth lightly along the bridge of her nose and kissing the tip. After each nip, or tug or kiss, he sighed, he prayed, he let her feel his devotion. His lips finally touched hers, and he never wanted to leave, never wanted to let go of the moment when their breaths touched, mingled, joined in harmony. If he could give her all his life with his breaths, he would.

  She broke the kiss and her eyes met his, the brown vibrant and alive and he promised he would always treasure this moment, no matter how sick she got. His Gem was life and adventure and beauty. So much fucking beauty, he knew the smile he gave her reached his eyes in a way it hadn’t in over two decades, except when he was with her. She’d brought him to life, and he’d do everything in his power to make sure she lived as long as possible.

  He moved down her body, sucking, pulling, lapping, and placing little kisses on her jaw, her long neck, her collarbone, her sexy as sin breasts, her ribs… he skimmed his lips along her body, tasting every inch he could. He took his time, even when his little cat squirmed and purred and begged for him to take her, to be inside of her. His breath grew ragged. Jesus did he want to be inside of her. He wanted to see how their colors mingled in that moment when they both came and he gave her everything he could.

  His hands skimmed along her hips as his mouth made its way past her lower abdomen, and when he felt her body tense in anticipation, he smiled
against the sweet, salty taste of his mate. His tongue zig-zagged back and forth, teasing, torturing, and her hands tightened in the sheets. He wanted to take his time, wanted to slowly make his way to where he knew he could give her the most pleasure. His tongue played in her belly button, but he ducked his head because hell, he was a big cat, and if anything made him drop his human facade, it was lapping at his mate like the animal he was.

  He knew his eyes would be the bright green with the blue center of his cat, but unnaturally so. He hoped to share his cat with her in the future, but not during their first sexual experience together.

  His tongue lapped along the juncture of her bikini line and suddenly, Gem’s hands were in his hair and he laughed against her sex, his mouth so close to her, he knew his breaths would touch the sensitive area in a sea of new sensation that would-

  Yep, there it was. She tugged on his hair, and he chuckled again.

  He hummed and purred at her taste, taking and devouring every cry, every tug, every scratch, every moan his little cat gave him. Every movement was still a prayer, still a hope that their bond would strengthen and his Gem would heal, but this was also for pleasure, for her completion. And so, when he felt her body tighten like the ropes of a barge hitting the back end of a storm, he smiled, pushed his tongue against her and growled, adding some new tension, but applying the consistent pressure she needed to finally fly free.

  Because that’s all he wanted for his little cat. He wanted for her to be free, to be alive, to be so full of the colors and the sunshine and the hope he knew his Gem deserved.

  When he felt the last bit of tension move from her body, he looked up, and her shocked gaze met his. She looked around them, and he saw what she saw. The mingling of their energy, the mingling of their spirits, their souls. Her bright sunshine touched his storm clouds in a mingling of colors and swirls that looked like the promise of joy after a Spring rain.

  He held back his smile, afraid of her reaction. Not showing his joy over the moment was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do because he’d never been happier than he was in that moment when his Gem’s soul mingled with his. Her body relaxed, at peace in a way that she only got from her music. He’d given her some peace.