“What do you need, Lex?” he asked huskily.
“You.”
He looked up and gave her a little head shake. “Tell me what you want. Exactly.”
“You. Touching me. Taking me.” The words tumbled out without her really forming them.
His eyes flared at her answer. “How?”
“Anything. Whatever.” Relief was right there. She swore that if he just sucked a little harder, or circled his hips just right, or even just said something dirty, she’d be there.
“Anything?” he asked. There was something new in his tone. And his eyes. He looked more turned on and more intent than before.
“Anything,” she agreed, breathlessly.
“Would you spread your legs and touch yourself?” he asked. “Would you slide your fingers inside your pretty pussy and let me watch you make yourself come?”
The word pussy from this man’s lips, the idea of him watching her touch herself, made a shudder of pleasure ripple through her. Damn right she would do all of that. And somehow she knew it would take about three seconds if he was watching her. She wet her lips. “Is that what you want? Just tell me.”
What she really wanted was to have those red fuzzy handcuffs here right now, Caleb clamping them around her wrists, and doing any dirty thing he could think of to her while she was restrained. But she wasn’t quite ready to tell him that for some reason.
The heat in his eyes intensified. “What if I told you I wanted you to bend over the end of the bed so I could get on my knees and make you come with my tongue?”
God, yes. Caleb’s tongue. His commands. The very idea of all of that made her pelvic muscles clench hard.
She lifted her hips again, pressing against him. “Yes. That. Whatever.”
He groaned. “Jesus, you would, wouldn’t you?” He lowered his head again and took her nipple in his mouth, sucking hard.
His hand squeezed her hip and at first Lexi thought it was him just touching her, but when she tried to lift up against him again, she realized he was holding her down. Heat flooded her system and she moaned.
He lifted his head, giving her nipple a last lick. “I want to blow your mind, Lex,” he told her. “I want to do anything and everything you need.”
Of course he did. That was Caleb. Always wanting to give her what she wanted and needed. But in this case, she really just wanted him to take her.
“I want you to tell me,” she said, nearly panting. “I want you to just take over.”
“Can’t.” He shook his head. “I need it to be exactly what you need.”
She almost groaned in frustration. He was a good guy. A protector. The only male in her life that wanted to take care of her. And she should be wallowing in that. Instead, she wanted him to tie her up and say something like, You know, all this time I’ve been taking care of you? Time to pay up. And then fuck two years of car repairs and childcare and groceries out of her.
Caleb would never think, not to mention say, something like that. Which was exactly the reason she completely trusted him and at the same time, wanted him to tie her up and do any dirty thing he could think of to her.
It was very confusing. She wanted to be dominated by the one guy who would do anything to protect her and cherish her.
“You are what I need. Anything you want. All of it,” she told him, breathlessly, moving restlessly against him. “Just tell me what to do.” Her entire body was vibrating.
But just as she was anticipating him pulling the comforter off of her, she felt him freeze. She frowned. He knew she trusted him. Implicitly. “Caleb—”
Before she could finish the sentence, he looked down at her partially bared breast, swore under his breath, and pulled her bra back up. Then he shifted back and got off the bed. He pulled the comforter up and then, only when she was completely covered, looked into her eyes.
“Good night, Lex,” he said simply. But he shoved a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. He took a step back from the bed. “Take the ibuprofen, okay?”
“Um…” What the hell? It was clear from his fly that he was still rock-hard. He ran a hand over his face, looking pained.
“Now, Lex.”
Suddenly her cheeks were burning.
He was rejecting her.
She’d kissed him, he’d gotten wrapped up and carried away, but as soon as he’d realized just how ridiculously crazy about him she was, willing to do anything, he’d realized he’d better get away.
But he still wanted to boss her around. Not in the “get on your knees” way, but in a “take your medicine” way. She sighed. Of course he did.
Lexi threw the comforter back and turned so she could reach for the water bottle lying on the floor. She leaned over—which was almost a mistake as her brain swished in her head—and then sat up again. This fucking mattress was too tall for her to reach to the floor. She slid off the bed, grabbed the bottle, then climbed back up. She reached for the ibuprofen, took the medication, and then set the bottle down. She pivoted her legs back up onto the mattress, but didn’t cover up.
Caleb was still there. He was looking up at the ceiling instead of at her.
Well, excuse the hell out of her double-Ds.
She frowned and grabbed for the blanket and pulled it up, tucking it under her arms.
“You should get some sleep,” he said.
“Yeah, I really should.” She slid down under the covers.
He pulled the door open and flipped off the light. “’Night, Lex.”
All that was missing from him putting her to bed like a little kid now was him saying something about bedbugs. She frowned. “’Night.”
“I’ll handle the kids in the morning. Sleep as long as you want.”
Of course he would. He was taking care of her. At least her basic everyday ibuprofen-and-roof-over-her-head needs. As usual.
“Okay.” She turned to her side and closed her eyes.
He seemed to hesitate, but a few seconds later she heard the door shut.
Well, great. Tomorrow morning—and every morning after that, pretty much forever—wasn’t going to be awkward at all.
“Shay! Breakfast!” Caleb called into the TV room that was just off the kitchen.
The house was a big old Victorian in the lower Garden District, and he was forever wishing there was less space. A tiny little girl could find lots of nooks and crannies to get into. She’d found the cupboard under the stairs. She’d found the cupboard under the window seat in the main living room. She’d found the cupboard in the pantry. And she’d found the attic. Thank God she hadn’t found the dumbwaiter yet. But Caleb was ready for it.
He’d finally put bells on her. Literally. Thank God Shay was into cats. He’d bought two cat collars, with bells, and threaded them through her shoe laces. Now she could pretend to be a kitty and he could find her wherever she was. That idea had come from Addison, in one of the support group meetings. Because of course he hadn’t thought of it. But parenthood had a way of making a guy swallow his pride and take whatever tips and tricks other people would hand out.
He wondered if Addison would have any ideas about how to strengthen Shay’s left side, or help with her balance, or work on the learning disabilities that the doctor had said were “inevitable.”
But no, that was what the therapists, who were scheduled to evaluate Shay a week from now, were for. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy had all been ordered by the doctor, and Caleb couldn’t wait to talk to them and get some answers.
He also dreaded talking to them.
As long as their evaluations were still in the future, then nothing was for sure. He could still pretend it was all going to be fine. That the doctor had simply given him the worst-case scenario. That Shay could catch up.
Caleb beat the chocolate powder into the glass of milk far harder than it needed to be stirred.
“Hi!”
He looked over his shoulder to see Shay coming into the room. And she was wearing Lexi’s tank and top
from last night. Along with Lexi’s shoes. Without bells.
“Hi,” he greeted with a smile, despite the memories of Lexi stripping off those clothes last night thundering through his mind. “What are you doing?”
“I’m Lexi!” Shay told him with a huge grin. She started across the hardwood floor in the too-big shoes, sliding them along so they’d stay on her feet.
He noted that she dragged her left foot even more than the right. Now that he knew it was because her left side was weaker than the right, it seemed completely obvious. But he’d missed that for four years. Caleb felt his neck knotting up and worked to breathe and relax.
Even before she’d been in his care full-time, he’d watched her learn to roll and crawl and walk. Of course, that had been before the accident. He assumed she had been on track then. Just like he’d assumed she was fine afterward.
“Geez, Lexi, you got a lot shorter,” Caleb told her, making his tone light, watching her climb up onto her seat at the table, losing the shoes in the process.
She couldn’t keep the shoes on, but she could climb onto the chair. It wasn’t like her physical weaknesses were that obvious.
She’s only four. It’s hard for a first-time parent to know all the functional milestones, especially when a child is young and still developing so much of her strength and coordination. Don’t beat yourself up, Caleb.
He heard Dr. Franklin’s voice in his head. He knew she was right. Everything she’d said to him yesterday about it not being his fault that he’d missed the indications that Shay was lagging behind in her physical function and learning was true. He’d never been around kids her age before. She had barely been walking and talking when he’d become her guardian. How was he supposed to know that she should have been doing more at that point? And all the points since?
“No Wexi!” Jack declared, pointing his spoon at Shay.
Caleb gave him a grin even though only half of his mind was on the conversation with the kids. He screwed the lid onto the sippy cup of juice and set it in front of Shay. “She’s not? How do you know?”
“That Shay!” Jack pointed his fork at Shay, scrambled egg bits flying across the table.
He was in the high chair at the table, wearing only his diaper. That was how they fed him every single meal, because Jack had the odd habit of putting food in his pockets. When it had been things like pretzels or raisins, it was one thing. The raisins got warm and sticky, but they were easily removed—once they’d finally remembered to start checking the pockets before putting his clothes through the washer and dryer. But Jack didn’t just put hard, or even semi-hard, food in his pockets. He stashed whatever he had that he might want to save for later. They’d found Jell-O, grapes, noodles, and even pudding in his pockets. They’d caught that last one pretty early because getting pudding into his pockets had made a huge mess all over everything else as well. But it was amazing what the kid could get into his pockets. And how.
Caleb wiped up the egg chunks and nodded. “You’re right. That is Shay. But why is she wearing Lexi’s clothes?”
“Mommy wear Shay cwothes!” Jack decided, then shoveled a handful of eggs into his mouth.
Yeah, Shay’s clothes wouldn’t cover even one of Lexi’s gorgeous breasts. That he’d seen mostly naked last night. Caleb coughed and handed Jack the blunt-tipped fork.
“Fork, buddy.”
It was probably completely inappropriate to be thinking about the kid’s mom’s breasts while feeding him eggs. Then again, dads probably thought about their wives’ breasts while feeding their kids once in a while, right?
But he wasn’t Lexi’s husband. And thinking about her breasts—regardless of if it was appropriate with Jack right next to him—was a bad idea.
Jack took the fork and used it for the next bite. But it scooped up fewer eggs than he could get with his hands, so he dropped it and took another handful. Caleb sighed and went to the stove for Shay’s breakfast. As he brought her the eggs and toast, his foot kicked one of the shoes under her chair.
Even seeing those shoes lying on the floor made his gut tighten.
Because they made him think of Lexi’s tank and shirt that Shay was wearing. And the fact that Lexi had stripped them off and dropped them as he’d carried her up to bed. And the way she’d been sitting in that bed in nothing but a pale blue bra and panty set. And the way she’d tasted, and sounded. The way her nipple had been perfect against his tongue. The way she’d arched and ground into him like she’d never needed anything more. The way he’d needed to satisfy every need she had. And the way she’d agreed that she’d do anything he said.
He’d believed her. Even now, the idea of it knocked the air out of his lungs. She would have stripped naked and let him do anything he wanted to her.
And that was a big part of why he felt a mix of emotions he didn’t want this morning. Frustration and worry and knotted-up-desire unlike any he’d ever felt before. And, of course, fatigue. Because he hadn’t slept worth a shit last night. And because he was failing Shay.
And maybe Lexi, too.
Lexi had needed to move out of her mom’s house and into an apartment that was completely inappropriate for a two-year-old and hadn’t said a word to Caleb.
His gut knotted and he had to take a deep breath.
But…fuck.
Caleb forced in another breath. He was not failing Shay. He’d missed a couple of things. Shay was behind in some areas of development and if he had intervened before this, maybe she’d be a little further ahead. But she had a brain injury from the car accident that had killed her mom and dad and that meant that some of her deficits were just…deficits.
Even thinking the words brain injury made Caleb’s stomach drop. They wouldn’t necessarily get better. She was only four, which meant that her chances of learning to compensate and adapt for her limitations were better than an older kid or an adult. But the changes in her brain were permanent. And because she was so young, things like major physical disabilities and personality changes and memory problems that older kids and adults experienced after a traumatic brain injury were muted in Shay. It was hard to see a personality change in someone who had still been developing their personality when the injury happened. Eighteen-month-olds didn’t have amazing long-term memory anyway, nor did they have the language to talk about things they remembered—or didn’t—so it would be almost impossible to notice memory issues in her. And she’d just been learning to walk well. She hadn’t been running, jumping, kicking or climbing when she’d come to live with Caleb, but neither were other kids her age.
And he was a first-time dad, starting eighteen months in, while having to change his entire life and mourn his sister’s death, all at the same time.
The doctor insisted on cutting him some slack, but Caleb wasn’t feeling that generous with himself.
On top of all of that, yesterday he’d found Jack and Lexi living above a bar, essentially abandoned by her mother, and then, in the process of giving Lexi ibuprofen, for fuck’s sake, he’d almost stripped her bare and buried himself balls deep inside her. While she was exhausted and drunk and…grateful.
Jesus, Lexi being grateful to him was the thing that made him happiest and the most frustrated. He loved helping her. But he’d also love to have her begging him to fuck her when he hadn’t just saved her ass.
And he definitely hadn’t missed the fact that Lexi and Shay’s situations were feeling pretty fucking similar. They were both people he took care of, who depended on him to have the answers, who had shit going on with them that he’d been clueless about.
As Shay picked up her fork and started eating, a thought—specifically the thought of Lexi being naked in his house and all the issues that could raise—occurred to him. “Hey, Shay, don’t you think Lexi is going to need her clothes?” He was barely holding it together just thinking about her upstairs in nothing but that bra and panties. If she came down here looking for her clothes with nothing else on, he was going to lose it.
Yeah, okay
, he’d gotten over her being too young for him. That had just been an excuse anyway. His attempts to not get involved with her were more about his worry that he’d use his influence to talk her into something she didn’t really want. But hey, if she wanted to initiate things, without any pressure from him, he wasn’t going to say no.
Shay shook her head. “These are extra.”
“They…are?” Caleb looked at his niece. “What do you mean?”
Shay shrugged. “She left them here.”
Oh, right. Shay didn’t realize that Lexi was actually here. Because Lexi was never here when Caleb was here. And if Lexi’s clothes were here and she wasn’t, they must be extra.
“Actually, Lexi didn’t leave them here. She slept here last night. In the guest room,” he added quickly. Though he wasn’t sure a four-year-old would even question where Lexi had spent the night. Or care. It probably wouldn’t even occur to Shay that Lexi might sleep in his bed. Because why would it? There was no reason for Shay to think that Caleb and Lexi might share a bed. She was four. Just because in his mind Lexi could quite possibly end up in his bed…
“Why did she take her clothes off?” Shay asked.
That was a fair question. And the reason was innocent. He didn’t think that Lexi had done it to torture him. She’d been drunk and hot, so she’d taken her clothes off. “She said she was hot.”
“Oh.” Shay chewed a bite of eggs.
Caleb started to reach for his coffee cup. Yeah, oh. It made sense. You get hot, you take your clothes off. Simple.
“Were you cuddling?”
Caleb froze with his cup halfway to his mouth. He looked at his niece. She bit into her toast as she looked back at him.
“Lexi and I were not cuddling, no.” At least, not the way Shay meant it. And now all he could think about was cuddling with Lexi. Even real, regular cuddling. The type Shay was talking about. That would be…awesome. Lexi smelled amazing, she felt amazing, and he was sure that he would get very, very hot.
Nice and Easy: Boys of the Big Easy book three Page 5