“How did she get hot?”
“I was…carrying her,” Caleb said.
“Why?”
“She was really sleepy and didn’t feel very good.” He often carried Shay up to bed when she was sleepy. She’d understand that.
“Oh, that’s good.” Shay reached for her juice. “But you should cuddle her. That makes me feel better when I don’t feel good.”
Caleb cleared his throat. Not only because cuddling Lexi sounded like a fantastic idea—a fantastically horrible idea—but because, honestly, he needed to know that he could make something better for Shay. He very much needed some reassurances today that he could still help his girls.
“Did she sleep here because she’s sick?” Shay wanted to know.
“No.” He glanced at Jack. “Jack’s grandma moved away and they need a place to stay.”
“They’re going to stay here?” Shay asked, her eyes round as she stared at Jack.
“Yeah.”
Shay’s grin was huge. “That’s good! Our house is so big! We have extra rooms! And they come here a lot! Oh, yay!”
Because it really was that simple.
Or it should be, anyway.
Caleb smiled at Shay. God, she was beautiful. She looked so much like Cassie it made his heart hurt. Cassie, who, at age twenty, had agreed to become his guardian when their dad’s job moved him and their mom to Singapore. Without Cassie, Caleb would have had to move to another continent, away from school and his friends and the only home he’d ever known, and start his life over again at age fourteen. Cassie had believed he was the best person to raise her daughter. Cassie had seen a love and loyalty in him he hadn’t even known existed.
Shay hadn’t had the brain injury when Cassie had made that decision, though. Would that have changed her mind? Would Shay be better off with her grandma and grandpa? His parents still lived in Singapore. That would take Shay away from her home and friends and what she knew here. But she was four. She would adjust. And his mother was a teacher. She hadn’t taught since moving to another country more than a decade ago, but surely her background in education would be better for Shay than Caleb’s firefighting experience. His mother probably wouldn’t have missed that Shay was behind in learning her letters and numbers or that she was weak on the left side. She was right-handed so it had always made perfect sense to Caleb that she used her right hand and arm far more than the left. And how the hell was he supposed to know how many letters Shay was supposed to know by this point?
“All kids develop at different rates, Caleb, and you haven’t done this before. You can’t be so hard on yourself,” Dr. Franklin had said.
“Can she catch up if we work on it now?” he’d asked.
“I think we can expect to see some changes,” the doctor had hedged.
“But she won’t catch up with the other kids her age?” he’d pressed.
“Research shows that kids with severe injuries don’t catch up and can even fall further behind their peers,” the pediatrician had admitted. “But Shay’s injury is not classified as severe. She was classified mild. But—”
“But?” Caleb had asked.
“She was only eighteen months old, and they estimated that the accident happened more than thirty minutes before emergency personnel got to her. Her age means that it’s impossible to accurately measure any post-injury amnesia she might have had, it is very difficult to compare her personality and temperament prior to the accident to after, and there’s no way to know for sure if she lost consciousness for any period of time,” Dr. Franklin had explained. “A CT was done, and it didn’t show a brain bleed or skull fracture. That’s about all we know.”
Even remembering the conversation had Caleb’s gut in a knot. He’d always hated the knowledge that there was at least thirty minutes between the accident and when emergency personnel had shown up. Had Cassie and Stephen died instantly, or had they been alive for a while? Shay had to have been terrified. He hated thinking about all of it.
“So they knew she had a brain injury,” Caleb had said.
“Yes. It’s in her chart.”
Penelope Franklin was a pediatric neurologist. She’d never seen Shay before being referred by Shay’s pediatrician almost two weeks ago. That was a good thing. Or so Caleb would have thought. No one wanted their child to need to see a neurologist. But, in this case, he couldn’t help but think that if Penny Franklin had seen Shay, they could have started intervening and helping her with her issues earlier.
“Why didn’t they tell me?” Caleb had asked.
Dr. Franklin had looked at him with sympathy. “I’m sure they did. But you were going through a lot at the time,” she’d said. “It’s possible they didn’t explain the implications fully. Or perhaps it didn’t sink in for you. But really, Caleb, it’s okay. We can do what needs done now.”
That hadn’t made Caleb feel much better. They should have been working on things before this. The pediatrician Shay had been seeing with Cassie and Stephen had moved to Houston and with Caleb she’d seen a rotation of doctors at the clinic, just depending on who was there when she had an ear infection or a cough. But she really didn’t get sick much and, in spite of her stumbling, she didn’t get hurt.
Now that he knew what was going on with her, Caleb realized that Shay was a quieter kid who preferred to sit and color or watch television or play on her tablet possibly because physical activities were challenging for her and she didn’t enjoy them.
Or maybe she was just a quieter kid.
Fuck if he really knew.
Despite what Dr. Franklin had said, Caleb couldn’t shake the idea he should have been paying more attention. He’d actually started noticing things, and getting concerned, as Jack got older. Now that he was two, a little older than Shay had been when she’d come to live with him, Caleb had been noticing the things that Jack could do that Shay hadn’t at his age. But for a long time, Caleb had been chalking it up to Jack being exceptional. Maybe he was just naturally more graceful and coordinated than the average child. Maybe he was genetically athletic. Or maybe he wasn’t. How was Caleb supposed to know what to worry about and what was fine?
Of course, the answer was obvious.
He pulled his phone from his back pocket, pulled up Google, and typed in how many letters should a four-year-old know?
Thirty-seven articles popped up in two seconds.
Like many parents, you may be wondering what developmental milestones to be watching for.
Yeah, he clearly should have been wondering. His eyes scanned the list of things a four-year-old should know. He paused over can walk heel-to-toe and run. He’d never had her try heel-to-toe, but she could run. She stumbled a lot, but how was he supposed to know that wasn’t normal? Dammit. And the standing on one foot for four to five seconds? Yeah, he knew she couldn’t do that.
Caleb blew out a breath and made his eyes keep scanning.
May be quick to get angry but tries to control it or express it through words.
Okay, see, this was what was frustrating. Shay had a short temper and was easily frustrated and Dr. Franklin said that could be part of her injury. But it looked like four-year-olds generally had some trouble with that. No, Shay didn’t really try to control it, but surely other four-year-olds had that problem, too.
Knows what tasks are expected but may lose focus on following through.
Yeah, she had that. So her difficulty with concentration might be her injury, but it might not.
He muttered a word he did not want either kid to learn and shoved his phone back into his pocket.
“So, since Lexi is still here, she might need her clothes back,” Caleb said to Shay, finally taking a drink of his coffee.
“She’s okay for now.”
He whipped around to find that Lexi had come into the kitchen when he hadn’t been paying attention. And she was dressed. Kind of. She was covered, anyway. In one of his shirts. And that was almost as bad—as in sexy—as her in bra and panties only.
3
Caleb swallowed and came to his feet. “Uh...”
Lexi crossed to Jack and kissed him on the head. “Morning, Boo.”
Jack grinned up at her as Lexi reached into the side of his diaper and removed a small corner of toast.
Caleb sighed.
Then Lexi looked over at Shay. “Like your new dress, Shay-shay.”
Shay giggled. “I just got it.”
Lexi laughed and looked at him. “Hope you don’t mind.” She plucked his white T-shirt away from her breasts. “I had to borrow something.”
His shirt hit her nearly at her knees and hung loose on her small frame. Though her magnificent breasts still pressed against the front. And the bagginess did nothing to dim his memory of those glorious things encased in fitted blue silk. Or the memory of one bare, the hard nipple wet and shiny from his mouth. Or the memory of the sound she made when he sucked on it.
“That was in the guest room?” Did his voice sound hoarse?
She headed for the coffeepot, her bare feet padding against the floor. “No. I got it from your room.”
She’d been in his bedroom? In only her bra and panties? Yeah, that was fine. Great. No problem at all.
She filled her cup and then turned to face him. “I went searching for my own stuff but I realized that some of it was down here.”
The memory of her stripping off the blue top as he carried her up the stairs hit him again. He cleared his throat. “It’s fine.”
She lifted a brow, clearly noting that he didn’t sound fine. “I didn’t rummage around in your room or anything. I knew exactly where to find them,” she pointed out. “I’ve put them away more than once.” She lifted the cup to her lips.
That was true. She’d done laundry at his house many times. He’d done her laundry, too, though he just folded it into the basket and left it for her to take home while she actually put the clean clothes away in his and Shay’s rooms. But he was fairly certain she’d never put his laundry away wearing only her bra and panties.
“Besides, if I wanted to look for your secrets, I’ve had plenty of opportunities.”
Also true. Good thing he didn’t have any secrets. That he could think of.
“Guess you shouldn’t have left your top down here,” he commented. She definitely should not have left her top down here. He never would have seen her bra and breasts if she’d kept the thing on. He wouldn’t have needed to taste her. He wouldn’t have—
“Did you get hot with Uncle Caleb down here?” Shay asked, interrupting his thoughts.
And Caleb realized that he and Lexi didn’t have many conversations around the kids. At least not about things that the kids shouldn’t hear and understand.
Lexi shot Caleb a look, then looked back at Shay. “Well, yeah, I guess I did.”
Caleb coughed in spite of his effort not to react. Or read things into her comment.
Shay nodded. “I get hot when I cuddle Uncle Caleb.”
This time Lexi coughed. “Well, Uncle Caleb and I weren’t cuddling,” she said.
“I told her that,” Caleb felt compelled to add for some reason.
Lexi looked confused. “He, um, helped me up to bed.”
Shay nodded. “But he should have cuddled you in your bed. He cuddles me when I don’t feel good.” She looked up at Caleb. “Why didn’t you do that?”
Caleb knew that there was no way his little niece had any idea how complicated her question really was. “Well, Lexi just—” He didn’t have an answer.
Okay, that wasn’t true. He didn’t have an answer that was appropriate for a four-year-old. Because the answer was that he’d realized Lexi really would have let him do anything he wanted to do to her. And that if he’d done that last night, it would have been because he’d been left out of a part of her life. He would have wanted to consume her. To prove that he could. He would have wanted to fill her up—her mind, her imagination, her body—so that she never thought of leaving him out of anything again.
He dragged in a breath.
“It’s been a long time since I needed to be…cuddled,” Lexi said after a moment, in answer to Shay’s question.
Caleb’s eyes flew to her and she winced slightly, as if realizing how that sounded. At least to the other grown-up in the room.
“Cuddled by a guy, I mean.” Again she winced.
And this time Caleb smiled a little. Because the kids had no idea that any of this sounded like an innuendo. So really this was just about him and Lexi. And he kind of, probably stupidly, liked the idea that her mind was in the same naughty place his was.
Lexi looked stoically at Shay. “I mean, I love cuddling with you two,” she said pointing from Shay to Jack. “But that’s all I need.”
“I think you’d change your mind if you knew what a good cuddler I am.”
Lexi’s gaze collided with his and her mouth dropped open.
Okay, why the hell had he said that? But he didn’t regret it a bit as a blush stained Lexi’s cheeks. They never teased. Or flirted. Or used innuendo. Or stood around in his kitchen talking while she wore one of his shirts and looked fucking adorable in it. Then again, they never did, well, any of the stuff they’d done in the guest bedroom last night.
So he did something else unprecedented. He gave her a wink.
Lexi’s eyes grew wide and Caleb realized he was having a really good time. Which, considering everything, including the helplessness and frustration, was really amazing.
Lexi took a deep breath. “Uncle Caleb gave me water and medicine,” she told Shay. “So he did take care of me. No cuddling required.” She shot him a little frown.
It just made him grin. Because she’d liked the cuddling they had done and she’d been willing to do a lot more. And now, in the light of day, when she was sober, and he was proud of himself for holding back last night, the idea of taking her to bed and listening to her tell him everything she wanted and needed was hotter than hell.
And probably inevitable.
“Did he make you feel better?” Shay asked Lexi.
Caleb waited for the “yes.” But it didn’t come immediately. He arched an eyebrow. Lexi seemed to be thinking about the question.
“Lex?” he asked. Had he made her feel better? He’d kept her from having to climb the stairs. He’d given her ibuprofen. He’d made her moan and writhe and pant. And hadn’t ravished her in her inebriated state. “Do you feel better?”
She met his eyes as she said, “My head feels okay. But some other things hurt.”
Some other things hurt? He immediately frowned. “Are you okay?”
She shrugged, looking away from him. “I will be.”
There was something in her tone and the way she emphasized head that made him frown. What the hell was she getting at?
“What hurts?” Shay asked, before he could. Bless her.
“My pride,” Lexi told her.
Caleb frowned.
“What’s that?” Shay asked, wrinkling her nose.
“It’s what feels bad when you do something you wish you hadn’t done,” Lexi said.
Wait a damned minute. She’d done things last night that she now wished she hadn’t?
“Like when I took the marker away from Jack and he cried?” Shay asked.
Lexi tipped her head. “Kind of. But that’s called guilt. You feel bad for something you did to someone. Pride is…like embarrassed. Do you know what embarrassed is?”
Shay shook her head.
“Caleb?” Lexi asked, looking from Shay to him. “How would you explain embarrassed?”
He lifted a brow. She was embarrassed? Oh, hell no. Everything she’d done and said last night had been hotter than anything he’d had in…he couldn’t even remember. But he couldn’t say that. They were with the kids now. But this was equally interesting. They also didn’t talk to the kids much together. “Embarrassed is when you did something wrong or silly and then people find out about it and they might make fun of you or be mad at you for it.”
Shay scrunched up her face.
“Would it make you feel even worse if you knew that your friends knew you’d taken that marker away from Jack?” Lexi asked.
Shay thought about that. “Maybe.”
“Because then your friends would know that you were mean to Jack,” Caleb said. “And that might make them think you’re not nice.”
Shay nodded. “Yeah. I guess.”
“And that would make you feel embarrassed. It’s a yucky feeling when everyone knows something about us we wish they didn’t,” Lexi added.
Caleb felt a strange emotion ripple through his chest. He and Lexi were teaching Shay something. Together. They didn’t do that. This was…nice. And they fell into the conversation together easily.
That shouldn’t surprise him, he knew.
Shay nodded again. “Okay.” She looked over at Lexi. “Did your friends find out you did something bad or silly?”
“Kind of. One of my friends found out that I wanted to do something with him. But he doesn’t want to do it with me. So I feel embarrassed that he knows I want to do it,” Lexi said. “And that he wants to do it with other people, but not me.”
Caleb felt surprise rock through him. He knew that she was talking about him, but there was nothing she wanted to do with him that he wouldn’t want to do with her. In fact, his list of things he did want to do with her would very likely shock her.
“Like you want to play with him, but he wants to play with other people instead?” Shay asked.
“Yes, that’s exactly what it is.”
Caleb swallowed wrong and coughed while Lexi nodded solemnly.
“But,” Shay said, going up onto her knees on the chair, her expression suddenly earnest. “Why doesn’t he want to play with you?”
It was clear that Shay couldn’t imagine a world in which someone would not want to play with Lexi.
He concurred.
“Are you bad at the game?” Shay asked.
Caleb choked again and set his coffee cup away. He was going to kill himself if he kept trying to drink during this conversation.
Lexi lifted a shoulder. “I don’t think so. But I’ve only played it with one other person. He thought I was good at it. But I’m not sure if he really knew.”
Nice and Easy: Boys of the Big Easy book three Page 6