Total Control (Losing Control Series Book 3)

by Wilder, Desiree

  As she passed by me she ran her fingers across my stomach and gave me a wink and a shy smile, her face even turned a little red. I was curious, because I knew by then that she wasn’t shy in front of me.

  “I’ll drive!” she said as we got to the bottom of the stairs. She hopped out the doorway excitedly, like she’d just gotten her license or something. I smiled and shook my head.

  When she turned the key, “Kickstart My Heart” blared from the speakers. She reached up quickly and turned it down as she gave me an apologetic look. I laughed. “It’s okay, Gia, this is your car and you like it loud. Don’t apologize for that.”

  She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I got the feeling no one had ever let Gia be Gia. What a shame! When Gia was being Gia, she was alive and fun and sexy. Those were the times she outshined every star and cast out every doubt. She leaned over and kissed me. “You’re a sweetheart,” she said.

  As we headed across town I had to ask, “Why did your face turn red when you looked at me in the doorway?”

  She smiled and her face turned red again. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, no…” I laughed. “You know exactly what I mean!”

  She laughed nervously. “I’ve never done what we did today. I guess when I thought back about it, I felt naughty and a little embarrassed. I don’t know why, I guess I’d thought about doing that with someone before but it seemed too, well, too naughty.”

  Her face was still red and she squirmed in her seat. It excited her just thinking about it. She liked being naughty, I could tell, and I liked it. “I’m assuming you’re talking about the sixty-nine position?”

  She nodded, still smiling.

  “Well, from the looks of you right now, you really enjoyed it, right?”

  Another nod, but with a crimson face..

  I chuckled. “Maybe you’re naughtier than you thought?”

  Her smile grew even broader.

  “I had a first today, too,” I said.

  Her eyes got big and she turned her head slowly to look at me. “Tell me,” she whispered.

  “Gia, you act like I’m a gigolo or something.” She raised her eyebrows. “Okay, well back to my first…I’ve never had intercourse without a condom on.”

  She gasped. “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously, I’m a responsible guy. What’s so surprising about that?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re very responsible and I appreciate that, especially about an hour and a half ago.” She paused, as if she was having a daydream. She’s so sexy. “Anyway, how was it?”

  “It was so good I couldn’t wait for you,” I told her, half embarrassed myself.

  Her face lit up with a huge smile. She stared straight ahead, even though we were stopped at a light. I smiled too as I stared at her and wondered how I’d gotten through life so far without her.

  ***

  “Home sweet home,” she said as we pulled into a long driveway. It led us to an older, yet very well kept two-story white house with matching over-sized two car garage. I noticed the big front porch with the porch swing and white wicker chairs with padded seats in them. The big tree to the left had a tire swing and flowers bloomed everywhere.

  “Are you sure your name’s not Rockwell?” I suddenly felt a little nervous about meeting a normal, loving family.

  She noticed my hesitation. “They’re going to love you,” she told me. “And they’re very supportive of me, so even if they don’t, they’ll act like they do!” She laughed and kissed me. “Sorry, just kidding. We’re a very normal, easy going, and accepting family. All my family wants is for me to be happy and to be surrounded by people who respect and care about me. You respect and care about me, right?”

  “Very much,” I told her.

  She smiled and we got out of the car. “I can’t imagine anyone they’d love more than you.” She took my hand, entwined her fingers with mine, led me up the sidewalk, and through the front door.

  It was very homey and welcoming. Just like where you’d want to be raised if you had a choice, and then where you’d want to raise your own family someday. It smelled of food cooking and fabric softener. I loved it. There were family pictures everywhere. I couldn’t wait to look at all of them and see Gia as she was growing up. The floors were old oak but had been redone nicely and I could imagine Gia sliding down the hearty oak banister which lined the stairway.

  “Your favorite daughter’s here!” Gia called out.

  “We’re in the kitchen!”

  Chapter 6

  Gia

  “Mom? Dad?” I thought they said they were in the kitchen.

  “Right here, Gia.” Mom came through the back door. “I had to run something out to your dad.” She saw Ethan and beamed.

  “Mom, this is Ethan Lockwood. Ethan, this is my mom, Ruth.” Mom grabbed him and gave him a huge hug.

  “I’m so glad you could make it, Ethan! It’s very nice to meet you!”

  “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Anderson. You have a beautiful home.” He seemed a little nervous and I felt bad for him.

  “Thank you, Ethan, and please, call me Ruth,” Mom said. “Honey, come in and meet Ethan!” she hollered toward the back screen door.

  Dad came in with a huge smile on his face. He held out his hand to Ethan and I introduced them.

  They did the usual meet and greet. Dad grabbed them a couple of beers and out the back door they went. “Well, that went well,” I said and we chuckled. Mom just stood there smiling at me. “What?” I said.

  “Gia! He’s gorgeous!” she whispered loudly, pushing her hand against my arm.

  I laughed at her. “Yes, Mom, he’s gorgeous.”

  “Wow, nice body, too.” She was looking out the back window.

  “Mom! Stop it!” I rolled my eyes. “Honestly, why are all the women in this family such horn dogs?”

  Mom laughed. “That includes you, ya know!”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Auntie G! Grandma!” Carly and Joey came running in and hugged us. Right behind them were Lill and Pete, hand in hand. They were a great example of how a couple should be together.

  “Hey guys!” I said as I grabbed Pete and gave him a huge hug. “How’s my favorite brother? I haven’t seen you since the last family day. Every time I come to the house you’re at work!”

  “I know. It’s been crazy lately, but I think things are slowing down a little. How are you? Did you have fun at the Rock Festival?” He was such a sweetheart. I loved him like a brother, and if anything ever happened between him and Lill, it would break my heart. He was quite the looker, too. In fact, if Lill hadn’t snatched him up, I probably would’ve tried.

  “It was great! C’mon, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I grabbed his hand.

  “Hey! Where are you going with my husband?” Lill teased.

  “Don’t be greedy, sisters are supposed to share, remember?” I teased right back.

  We went out the back screen door and Ethan and Dad looked up from the grill. Dad smiled and grabbed Pete. “Hey Pete, good to see ya, son.”

  “Ethan, this is Lill’s husband, Pete. Pete, this is Ethan,” I said.

  Pete looked at me. “And who is Ethan, Gia?” He was such a shit. He wanted to embarrass me by making me say Ethan was my boyfriend, but I wasn’t going to give in that easily.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I started, “Ethan is the owner and operator of The Lock and Wood Campground—you know, Pete, where we go to all the great concerts.” I raised my eyebrow to him as if to say, “Are you sure you wanna mess with me?”

  “Nice!” Pete said as he shook Ethan’s hand. “But I guess what I meant was, why is he here on family day?” I saw him wink at Ethan. He wasn’t very good at this.

  “He rode with me,” I said nonchalantly.

  “Gia, what have we told you about picking up strangers?” he said, like I had a history of doing that.

  “You’re such a butt!” I told him, laughing. “Ok
ay, Pete, Ethan is my boyfriend, is that what you were after?” I winked at Ethan, he was grinning from ear to ear. I just shook my head and gave Pete, who had a smug smirk on his face, a punch in the arm and went back inside.

  “Your husband loves to try to embarrass me,” I told Lill.

  “That’s because he loves you,” she said, giving me a hug. “I’m gonna miss you! I wish I could go with you.”

  “Me too,” I said. “Where are my favorite niece and nephew?”

  “Mom’s pushing them in the tire swing,” she said. “We’re supposed to be shucking the corn for her.”

  “Oh, okay, let’s take it outside.” We went out back with the guys and shucked the corn while we joked around and laughed. Ethan was a welcome addition to our clan. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Everyone obviously thought he was great. As I watched him talking with my dad, I remembered when he’d brought up his own family to me and how I’d gotten the feeling he wasn’t very close to them, especially his dad. It was hard to imagine him not getting along with someone. What happened between them?

  Mom came out to get the corn ready for the grill. “Need some help?” I asked.

  “Nope, everything else is ready,” she sang, so I grabbed a beer and relaxed.

  The kids came out, so I turned my chair around and watched them play in the back yard. I wished I’d been able to have my own, but it just wasn’t in the plan for me and I’d accepted that. I didn’t dwell on it anymore, and having Carly and Joey around helped a lot.

  “How’s my girlfriend doing?” Ethan whispered in my ear. It made me smile.

  “You enjoyed that, didn’t you?” I asked.

  He knelt beside me. “I wasn’t sure how it was gonna play out, but yes, I enjoyed the end. Pete’s a riot. Your whole family is really great—thanks for bringing me.”

  “Thanks for coming. You fit in nicely.”

  “Let’s eat!” Dad yelled and we all gathered around the table. We had one of the best family dinners ever. Everyone was in a great mood, we had new blood to tell old stories to, and it was just really rich. After dinner we all pitched in with the clean-up and then Ethan wanted to look at the pictures Mom had all over the house.

  “Okay, but you can’t make fun of me.”

  “Well, he better not even look, then!” Pete said and everyone laughed.

  “Ha-ha, Peter.” I knew he hated being called that. He stopped and looked at me. I raised my brows.

  “Well played,” he said. We smiled at each other.

  “You two! I swear you’re like true sister and brother!” Lill said, laughing.

  I took Ethan into the living room. He was in awe over all the family pictures. There were holidays, vacations, school pictures, family portraits, goofy faces, and he wanted to see them all! We went up the stairway where most of the older ones were. I showed him my grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. He loved them.

  “Do you want to see my old room?” I asked him when we got to the top.

  “Yeah.” He nodded.

  I opened the door and walked in. It was a spare bedroom now and all my stuff was gone, but it was where I spent a lot of my time growing up. I plopped down in the window seat and watched Ethan look around.

  “It was pink back then and my bed was there. I had a bookcase here and posters of John Stamos and Rick Springfield all over that wall over there,” I told him. “It was even before Jessie’s Girl came out. I was really into soap operas. Then, when I turned into a rock-n-roll loving teen, they were replaced with posters of Bret Michaels, Nikki Sixx, and Jon Bon Jovi, of course.”

  He laughed. “I actually met Rick Springfield, nice guy.”

  “Do you think you could introduce us?” I asked him as seriously as I could.

  “I don’t think so,” he said as he sat beside me. “He’d fall for you and then I’d never stand a chance.”

  “Well, maybe if you could get a small part on a soap or something…”

  He picked up a pillow and hit me with it. I grabbed his face and kissed him. We leaned back and watched the kids play down in the yard. I loved watching Mom and Dad chase them around. It took me back to when I was a kid and they chased me and Lill around.

  “I’ll bet you sat here a lot growing up,” Ethan said. “Probably writing notes to your boyfriends and stuff.”

  “Well, not so much back then, but I’d stay here once in a while when I was still married and yeah, I spent a lot of time looking out this window wishing I could go back and start over.” I just stared into the yard. “After my last miscarriage I spent three days here. It was really hard to go back to me and Lex’s, but I thought that was what I had to do.” I looked down at my hands. “That was when I took the pills.” I wiped a tear from my eye. “I really didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain to go away.”

  Ethan took me in his arms. He smelled good and it soothed me when he held me. He was good at not asking too many questions. I liked being able to tell him a little at a time, whatever I was ready to share with him, whenever I was ready.

  “Lex didn’t show up at the hospital to get me. I couldn’t get ahold of him and no one knew where he was. One of his buddies worked for the sheriff’s office. He happened to be up at the hospital and offered to give me a ride home. I had a weird feeling about it and I told him I’d call my dad to come get me but he insisted.” I felt Ethan squeeze me a little tighter. I could feel his heart pounding against my cheek and it gave me the courage to keep going. “When we got to his patrol car, he said I had to sit in the back because of department regulations or something, so I did. I noticed he was going the wrong direction and told him I wanted to go to my parents’ house because no one knew where Lex was and I wasn’t supposed to be alone.” I started to cry, but I took a deep breath and felt Ethan’s strong arms around me, and I stopped.

  “He told me he knew my little secret about purposely killing my babies to hurt Lex. He said I was punishing him for wanting a baby more than he wanted me.” I had to stop and take another deep breath. “He drove around for what seemed like an eternity. At one point he’d driven me up to a deserted area behind the ball fields, and when he stopped the car and got out I thought he was going to hurt me, bad.” I felt Ethan take a deep breath and I knew that was hard for him to hear. “But then he got back in the car, turned, and looked at me. He told me that the next time I wanted to kill myself, I should use a gun or a noose and get the job done right. At least then Lex could move on and have a chance at happiness. He also said if I told anyone about the car ride, he’d have me arrested for murdering my three babies. Then he dropped me off here.” I hated telling that story, not many people knew about it.

  “Mom and Dad ran out when they saw the cop car tear out of their driveway. I was crying but before I could tell them anything, Lex showed up. He said he was very sorry he didn’t show up to get me and blah, blah, blah. It was his usual begging for me to forgive him for everything, which I always did. He had a way of turning it around on me, though. He’d tell me he was so distraught because I’d lost the baby or because I couldn’t get pregnant, and that was why he did this or that or treated me like dirt. I believed it too, for a long time. And when I took the pills, well, he really liked to throw that one in my face because he knew how ashamed of it I was. That was the beginning of the end for us, although we still lived together for about a year after that.”

  “What about Lex’s buddy from the sheriff’s office?” Ethan was pissed.

  “After Lex showed up here with his apology and excuses, and I calmed down, I told them what had happened. My dad grabbed Lex and they took off. Apparently they picked up Pete and went and found him. He resigned from the sheriff’s office immediately and moved out of the city about a week later. Lex put on a good show at first, but Dad, Pete, and I knew he’d had a hand in what had happened. Too many things didn’t add up. I don’t think he wanted me to get hurt, physically, but I think he wanted to punish me somehow, for putting him through years of heartache and loss. I d
on’t know what Dad and Pete said to him, but he treated me differently after that. He just stayed out of my way and there was no more talk of the future, we knew it was over. It took me a while, but I finally had enough strength to leave him, and I had plenty of support from my family when I did, of course.”

  “Why did you stay with him for so long?” Ethan sounded really sad.

  “I guess I got so into the having a family thing and Lex was really different in the beginning. He was fun and loving. As he ‘grew up,’ he became less fun and loving and more serious and controlling. I didn’t see it coming, it was a gradual thing. I just learned to be what he wanted me to be and pushed aside what I wanted. It wasn’t something I did knowing I was doing it. I thought I could make our marriage stronger and make him happy again. But I got tired of being ‘grown up,’ that’s not really me.” I had to smile at that.

  “That’s one of the things I love most about you,” he told me.

  “What?”

  “When you’re carefree and like a kid. It makes me feel young, too. It’s very sexy and you shine when you’re being yourself. Don’t ever change for anyone again. Find someone who loves you just the way you are…like me.” He hugged me tight and kissed the top of my head.

  I squeezed him back and we sat a little longer. “We should go back downstairs, my parents are probably wondering what’s going on up here.”

  “Okay. Thanks for this, Gia. When you open up to me it makes me feel even closer to you and I love that feeling a lot.”

  “Me too. Thanks for having patience with me.” I kissed him and took him by the hand. I led him back downstairs and out the back door.

  “Auntie G! Look!” Carly yelled and did a cartwheel.

  “Awesome!” I said as I picked Joey up and spun him around and around. I played with them for the rest of the evening. I was going to miss them. I’d never gone more than a week or so without seeing them. Every time I glanced over to the patio, everyone was talking and laughing. This is what it’s all about.

  “We should get going. It’s getting late,” Lill said. The kids had a fit. “I know, you’re having fun, but say your good-byes.”