Total Control (Losing Control Series Book 3)

by Wilder, Desiree

  Dana got back and insisted we have some champagne with her to celebrate a successful meeting she’d had. That glass turned into two and in no time they were ready to hit the club and meet up with the guys they’d been partying with all weekend.

  “Actually, I have plans to hang out with Sean,” I told them. “You guys have fun.”

  “No, Gia, this is the last night before you check in. We need to spend it together!” Dana said.

  “Well, I made plans with Sean. You two are welcome to hang with us if you want, but I know you’d rather go to the club. Let’s not turn this into a good-bye night, that’s just depressing. We’ll have our good-bye in the morning.”

  We all hugged and they headed off to get ready for the club. I decided to take one more Jacuzzi bath before I had to say good-bye to it in the morning. I planned to soak for at least an hour. I added extra bubbles that time and took my champagne in with me. I slowly lowered down into it and laid back. I closed my eyes and relaxed.

  “Gia?” My eyes opened and Sean was standing there.

  “Shit, Sean, I must’ve fallen asleep. I’ll be right out.” How the hell did he get in here?

  “Or I could come in?” he said as he started to take his clothes off.

  “Uh, I don’t think that would be wise, Sean. Just give me a minute to get out and get dressed.” Fuck, his body is amazing.

  He pulled his boxers down and I realized it was true what they said about guys with large hands. He stepped in and sat across from me. He took my feet, one at a time, and massaged them. He kissed them and ran his hands up my calves. He came toward me, ran his hands up my thighs, squeezed my hips, and ran them, finally, to my breasts. As he cupped them, he lowered his mouth to them. I watched as he sucked my nipples and ran his tongue back and forth between them.

  “Gia, I want you. Please tell me I can have you.” He was at my mouth then, his lips were on mine and his tongue was eager. I kissed him back, thinking the whole time that it was wrong, but it felt so right. His kiss was strong, but somewhat unsure. He knew it was wrong, too, but he didn’t want to stop. He smelled fabulous, as usual, and I went to his neck, sucking and biting all the way. He loved it, “Yes, Gia,” he said. I pushed him back to the other side and stood in front of him.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Please, tell me you want me, too.”

  I straddled him and whispered, “I want you, Sean.”

  “Gia!” I jumped so hard I splashed water out of the tub. Dana and Jo were both standing there laughing.

  “You must’ve been having some dream!” Jo said. “We both had to scream your name to rouse you. You just didn’t want to wake up.”

  “Shit,” I said groggily. “Must’ve been the champagne and the hot water.” I could feel my face flush. “What’s up?”

  “You left your phone in the living room. Sean called and is on his way over. We’re heading out. Don’t fall asleep again, you could drown!” Dana scolded.

  “I’m getting out right now. You two have fun and be careful!” I scolded right back.

  I quickly toweled off, got dressed, and did a small amount of hair and makeup. I didn’t know if we were going out somewhere or just hanging here, so I was prepared for either. Just in time, too, as I heard a knock. I looked out the peephole and saw the same goofy face as last night. I opened the door.

  “Chinese?” He held up a bag. He looked sexy as hell. Faded blue jeans, tight t-shirt, brown leather jacket, flip flops, and a huge smile.

  “You’re spoiling me.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him in.

  We sat in the living room and ate right out of the cartons with the disposable chopsticks. “What did you do after lunch?” Sean asked.

  “Jo and I hung out. We painted our nails, did our hair, you know, girl stuff. It was nice.”

  “Good. I’m glad you had a nice day.” He smiled.

  “How’d your day go?”

  “Besides my lunch hour, it seemed to drag on and on.” We traded boxes.

  “I ate so much when we had lunch that I didn’t think I’d be hungry again today. But here I am, eating again. It’s delicious, too. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. What do you want to do after we eat?”

  “I don’t know. What are my choices?” I figured we’d just hang out and watch a movie or something.

  “We could go to a movie, or go bowling, maybe catch a local band somewhere. I could take you to my place if you want to see it, or we could go swimming. Have you seen the beach? It’s really cool at night. The sky’s the limit, Gia. Whatever you want to do, I’m game.” He was so full of pleasant surprises. A genuine sweetheart, that’s what he was.

  “Wow, this is quite an offer. So many fun choices to pick from. I feel like it’s my birthday or Christmas or something. Are you always this eager to please?” That sounded wrong, I hadn’t intended it to be a sexual innuendo. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. I was probably being overly cautious because of my dream about him in the tub.

  “I don’t usually have a beautiful woman in front of me willing to spend the evening together. If I did, then yes, I’d be eager to please her.” He kept eating, not seeming to notice the reference. “Hey, I wanted you to tell me about Ethan.” He seemed excited that he’d remembered.

  “Okay, but I’ve decided what I want to do tonight, so after I tell you, will you take me for a drive?” I wanted to see the city from the bottom, since he’d shown it to me from the top last night.

  “Of course. Like I said, whatever you want.” He got comfortable and waited for me to begin.

  I told him all about Ethan, how we’d met, what we’d shared, the things he’d said to me, the way he wanted to take care of me, how I’d opened up to him about some personal stuff, all of it. I had to tell him a little about Lex, being as he was a part of the Ethan story, not a ton of specifics, but a quick low-down. He listened to every word. His facial reactions were all telling and I already knew what he thought of it before he spoke.

  “First of all, Lex is a douchebag, and I’d like to spend some alone time with him. Secondly, I’m so sorry about your losses, Gia.” He leaned forward. “You’ve been through hell and I can’t wait until you get the help that you so desperately need. Last, but certainly not least, don’t think for one second about throwing in the towel with Ethan.” I thought of the email I’d sent. I wondered if he’d read it yet.

  “Gia, it sounds like you two have quite a connection. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other. Don’t pay any attention to people who mock that. I knew within two hours of meeting Gretchen that I was going to fall in love with her and ask her to marry me. There are people who, for some reason or another, connect so strongly, so quickly, that it blows other people’s minds. Unless you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to believe or understand. Sometimes it’s love at first sight, sometimes it’s a lifetime friendship, either way it’s pretty cool. In fact, as soon as I saw you, I had a connection to you.”

  “Really? Why?” That surprised me.

  “Because you reminded me of Gretchen.” That made me smile, which made him smile. “Something about your mannerisms, I can’t say specifically what, but it’s there. Then, when you opened your mouth…” He laughed. “…your smart-ass, flirty, say-whatever-you-feel mouth, you reminded me of her even more. I’m not comparing you to her, or wanting to be around you just because of that. It just made me take special notice of you right away. Then, when you flirted and talked to me in the elevator, it made me feel good. I like to surround myself with people who make me feel good.”

  “I felt a connection with you, too,” I said. “I tried not to flirt with you a couple of times. It was actually uncomfortable for me when I tried to ignore you. Now that I know you a little better, I think it had a lot to do with your fun personality, sense of humor, and the way we can give each other a boatload of shit without thinking twice about it. At the onset, though, it was definitely a physical attraction.” He was very easy to be honest with.

 
“Okay, you’re embarrassing me. Back to Ethan.” He turned very serious. “When you told me about how he’d come to your apartment the night you were totally distraught, I was rooting for him to get through to you, and he did. You told him some ugly truths, and he didn’t bat an eye, he’s good for you. He sees you for what you really are, not for what you’ve done, and that’s a rare find, especially because he hasn’t lived it himself. It’s very selfless.”

  “What’s your opinion on the way he reacted to Zane and me?”

  “That’s easy. It broke his heart, completely tore him up. People act irrationally when they lose everything. That’s what you are to him, his future, his everything.” He said it so matter-of-factly. I felt like the scum of the earth.

  Tears streamed down my face. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

  “He already has. He’s just trying to figure out how to deal with it. He can’t let you go, Gia, it’s not even an option for him.” He seemed so sure of that. It made me feel a little better.

  “This is just my opinion, Gia. Take it as seriously or as lightly as you wish, I’m not an expert on relationships. I have, however, had some similar experiences in my life. I think the counseling you’re going to receive in therapy will help you understand Ethan better. You won’t just learn about your own feelings, but those of your loved ones, too. Be completely honest, they’re there to help you, not judge you, so you have nothing to be afraid of. They’re on your side. So am I, by the way.” He winked at me and smiled.

  “You really should be a counselor or therapist.” He was so good at making me see and understand what I’d questioned over and over.

  He beamed. “Actually, I’m going to be. I graduate in a year. I want to help people like you and I, because we deserve to be happy, too.”

  “Holy shit! No wonder you’re so brilliant, Sean. Congratulations!” I couldn’t imagine a job he’d be better at.

  “Thanks.” I could tell he was very proud, as he should’ve been.

  “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want you to think I was only interested in hearing your story because I wanted to practice on you or something.” He shrugged. “I wanted to hear your story because we’re friends and it’s nice to have someone to confide in. I got the feeling last night when I told you my story, that maybe you wanted to share some of yours. Some people would rather talk to a friend than a wanna-be therapist.” He smiled.

  “That’s true. Thanks for the advice. I hope you’re right about Ethan.” It felt good to talk to Sean. I didn’t tell him everything, but I felt I’d told him enough. “Do you still feel like taking me for a drive?”

  “Of course! Let’s go.”

  ***

  “Holy shit! This is your car?” I said as he walked me up to a silver Corvette.

  “Yeah, you like it?” He opened the door for me.

  “Hell, yes!” I got in and checked it out. It was kickass.

  Sean took me on an awesome two hour tour. I loved it. The city was beautiful, but I couldn’t live there. Too much traffic, smog, and people. On our way back to the hotel, he pointed out the apartment building he lived in. It was quite upscale and expensive looking.

  “Are you a spoiled rich kid?” I asked.

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. Does it make you think less of me?”

  “No, not less, but maybe differently.” I wondered why he worked in a hotel elevator.

  “Why?” He seemed bothered by that.

  “Not different in a bad way. It makes me wonder why you do what you do.”

  “The hotel is close to home, it’s stress free work, I meet a lot of different people, I have free access to the gym, my co-workers are good friends, I can use the pool anytime, and I needed something to do all summer.” He laughed.

  “I like that. Okay, I don’t think differently of you, either.” I smiled at him and he pulled back into the hotel parking garage. “Thank you so much. That was awesome.”

  “You’re welcome. Want some ice cream?” He was such a kid.

  “I’m still full,” I answered. He frowned at me. “What the hell, yes, I want some ice cream.”

  We stopped at a little ice cream shop in the hotel and got twist cones. We licked them all the way up to the room. I was tired and hoped Sean wouldn’t mind if I just wanted to check my emails and watch a movie.

  “Sounds perfect, actually,” he said.

  I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. When I came out, Sean went in. I noticed he’d fluffed the pillows on the bed like he had the night before. He’d turned the TV on and the list of available movies was up on the screen. I crawled into my spot and opened my laptop. I hoped to see a response from Ethan when I opened my email. No such luck. He may not respond at all. When I’d finished my email with “Good luck,” it didn’t really scream “Get back to me ASAP.” Since I check in tomorrow morning, I have to face the very real possibility that I won’t know anything for over a week. I sighed.

  “What’s wrong?” Sean asked as he hopped up on the bed.

  “Ethan hasn’t answered me. I’m not going to be able to talk to him for ten days or so.”

  “I’m sorry, Gia. I know that sucks for you right now, but you’ll be all right. Don’t let it ruin your concentration on your treatment.” He put his arm around my shoulders.

  I leaned my head against him. “I won’t.” I logged off and put my computer to sleep. “What are you watching tonight?” I giggled.

  “I take it you’re gonna fall asleep on me again?” He squeezed my shoulder.

  “I’m worn out. I’ll try to stay awake, though.”

  “It’s okay, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. It’s the first day of the rest of your life!” He was excited.

  “Do you have to work in the morning?”

  “Nope, but if you want alone time with the girls, I can leave early.”

  “No. I like having you around. I need you in the morning.”

  “I’ll be here, then. How about a romantic comedy?”

  “You’re kind of a girl when it comes to movies. What’s up with that?” Most guys would’ve wanted some action packed thriller.

  “I like what I like, what can I say?” He shrugged his shoulders. I liked that he was comfortable with who he was, and he didn’t try to pretend he was someone else.

  “I like you, and who you are.” I hugged him. “Thanks for being here.”

  “I like you, too, Gia. I hope to keep in touch through the treatment and beyond. The more positive supporters we have in our lives, the better. We can be that for each other.”

  We decided to watch Grown Ups. I didn’t want romantic so much as comedy, and Grown Ups had some of my favorite comedians. I watched most of it before I dozed off. I dreamt about Ethan. He came to California to tell me how much he still loved me. I told him how sorry I was and that he was the one man who could give me what I needed to be happy. When I looked into his eyes I felt completely adored, and when he kissed me I knew I was.

  I awoke before Sean. I started coffee and took a shower. I was nervous, but excited. I wished my dream was real, but I knew it was my fault that Ethan wasn’t there with me. I wondered if he’d answer his phone that morning, knowing that it was his last chance to talk to me for a while. I had butterflies as I contemplated whether or not to make the call.

  “Good morning!” Jo and Dana were both at the bathroom door, grinning. I smiled at them.

  “Good morning,” I said. “Look at you two, all showered and dressed already. I didn’t figure you’d be up yet.”

  “We wanted to make sure we had plenty of time with you this morning since we’ve been out late the last two nights without you.” Jo felt guilty.

  “That was my choice,” I said. “Plus, I had great company.” I glanced over at Sean, who had just woke up. He looked at us, smiled, and rubbed his eyes.

  “I’m done in here if you want to shower,” I told him.

  Th
e girls and I gathered up our belongings, which were strung throughout the living area, and packed them. They asked me about Sean and I assured them that we were just friends. He was pro-Ethan and too young for me, anyway. I felt that we had a lot in common and although we flirted and teased, it was innocent. I didn’t tell them about the dream I’d had in the tub, they’d have analyzed it and I didn’t want to go there.

  “Do you two mind if he comes to breakfast with us?” I asked.

  “Whatever you want, Sweetie,” Dana answered.

  We went to breakfast in the hotel. The girls asked Sean a million personal questions, but he was a good sport and entertained them with his answers. I was relieved to have the focus off me for a while. I still hadn’t decided on whether or not to call Ethan. Sean insisted on buying, which the girls had a fit over, but he wasn’t backing down, so they caved.

  Sean held my hand as he walked with us to the limo. I wished he could come with me and hold my hand through the next thirty days. He knew so much about the process, and he had a way of making me feel easier about it. He told the girls good-bye and then he faced me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

  “Gia, don’t doubt for one second that you’re worth what you’re about to receive. Everything you’ve been through has led you to this moment. Please make the most of it, learn all that you can about yourself. Discover who you are again so you can live your life. I’m a phone call away, so don’t hesitate to call me when you can. I’m here for you and I’m on your side!” He hugged me long and hard.

  “Thank you, Sean. You’re making this so much easier by being here. Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was so grateful for his unconditional friendship.

  ***

  We were met with smiles when we walked into the facility. I told the lady at the desk who I was and she welcomed me. She said someone would be there in five minutes to get me, so I’d better say my good-byes quickly. I turned to Jo and Dana and immediately got teary-eyed. We huddled together and tears streamed silently as they gave me a pep talk and told me how much they loved me. I watched them drive away. I felt alone.