“I don’t want a clean one. I want this one, please?” Of course I couldn’t deny her, so I nodded and it made her very happy.
***
Sean took me on the same ride as he’d taken Gia. It was dark when they’d gone, but it was still the same route. We talked about Gia’s therapy and what she’d gone through. He knew a lot about it, and I appreciated him for letting me ask a thousand questions.
“It’s all right, man. It’s all for her, and I know that you make her happy, so I want to help you, help her, if I can.”
“You love her, don’t you?” I knew the answer.
“Yes. I do. Like I told you, we have a connection, but it’s different than the love you and her share. You two have a magnetic thing, you’re drawn to each other in every way.”
“Why didn’t she have nightmares when you were beside her?” It had been bothering me, and even if he didn’t have the answer, I needed to know what he thought.
“She wasn’t hiding anything from me. She wasn’t trying to make me love her, and she wasn’t afraid of losing me.” He was so matter of fact.
“I’m gonna stop with the questions, I promise, but I have to talk about something personal that’s really got me.” I felt like I was in therapy.
“I’ll do my best.”
I told him about that first night. The one where Gia and I tried to have sex, but couldn’t. She wanted me to hurt her, and she talked to me the way Lex made her talk to him.
“That had to be tough to hear today,” he said. “It was the first time she was going to have sex since Lex, right?”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. I couldn’t help but feel like she was thinking of him that night, instead of me.
“Ethan, think about it. She was programmed, robotic, when Lex came after her in bed. He told her to say those things to him. At some point during whatever you two were doing, she very likely went back to what she’d become accustomed to for, who the hell knows how long. If I had to guess, which, of course, is all we can do, I’d say she was having an inner conflict. She wanted to have sex with you, she wanted to prove to herself that she was desired, but she didn’t believe it herself. She was unsure, maybe even had decided she didn’t want to, whatever, something made her pull up her programmed response, and it protected her.” My heart felt uneasy, knowing Gia wasn’t ready that night, even though she was begging me. Thank God I stopped! Thank God.
“I know you’ve had a bit of experience with women, Ethan, so I hate to have to give you a lesson on female sexual health.” He chuckled a bit. Oh, here we go. I rolled my eyes, but was interested in what he had to say. “When a woman is sufficiently aroused, her vagina actually lengthens and becomes wider, more receptive, and I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you right now.” His face was red and we both chuckled. “The bottom line, Ethan, is that she wasn’t okay with what she was doing, even though she tried to be. The subconscious is very powerful.” Shit, this kid knows everything. It was a relief to have someone to talk to, and the fact that he was a therapist, almost, was priceless.
“I’m gonna owe you a fortune. Do you charge by the hour, or the questions?” We laughed.
“Oh, didn’t Gia tell you? I’m a ‘spoiled, rich kid,’ so don’t worry about it.” He shook his head. It must’ve got to him a little when she’d called him that. I chuckled.
Chapter 21
Gia
I took extra time getting ready. I was excited for my Sunday family visit time with Ethan. I showered, shaved, put on a little mascara, dried my hair, and put on my favorite shorts and I ♥ To Rock at the Lock tank. When I walked into the family room, he was waiting right by the door and grabbed me. I laughed as he picked me up and held me so we were face to face.
“You’re absolutely gorgeous, Gia.” He kissed me.
“So are you. Sexy as ever.” I kissed him.
“I brought you some stuff.” He set me down and picked up a bag. I was giddy as I took his hand and pulled him outside. We found as private a spot as we could and sat on the grass. I opened the bag and pulled out his shirt from yesterday. I held it to my nose and closed my eyes. It was perfect. Ethan just shook his head, smiling. It made me giggle.
He laid on his side and rested his head on his hand. I reached into the bag and pulled out a manila envelope. I looked at Ethan. He was just smiling, not giving anything away. I opened the envelope and there were all kinds of cards and letters from my family and friends! I was surprised and felt so lucky to have a man who thought of such a gesture. I reached in the bag again and pulled out two pieces of artwork from Carly and Joey. They were covered with their little drawings and words. My heart was full to bursting as tears rolled down my cheeks. I slowly put everything back in the bag and laid beside Ethan.
“Aren’t you going to read them?” he asked.
“Later. Right now I’m going to enjoy you, and only you.” I ran my fingers through his hair and got lost in his eyes. I saw something in them and asked him to talk to me about it.
He took a deep breath and told me about what had happened last weekend at The Lock with Bridget. I was in shock. I could see the guilt in Ethan, he felt totally responsible. He wasn’t, though, he could no more control what others did to us than I could. Something came over me, calmness, and contentment. I was going back to no money, no home, and no job, but I was okay with it, because I had people who loved me, unconditionally. I looked up at Ethan’s guilty face and smiled. His eyes grew wide and he looked confused. I laughed.
“I’m a strong, independent woman,” I said. “Some may look at it as going home to nothing, but I’m getting a fresh, new life, and that’s everything.” It was exciting!
Ethan looked shocked. He hugged me so tight I could feel every beat of his heart. I loved that. “There you go again,” he whispered in my ear, “Never ceasing to amaze.” I had goose bumps.
We laid there, in the grass, talking, laughing, flirting, like we were the only two people on earth. As long as I had him, I’d have everything. When it was time for him to go, I had a fleeting moment of panic, but I knew I’d be with him soon, it wasn’t a question anymore.
The week went by quickly. I was working on forgiveness in therapy with Laura, and studying women’s health and relationships in my classes. I called Ethan every day after I worked out and he helped me with my ‘release’ when I was overly frustrated. He said maybe I was right about being a nympho, since it happened every day, but he could live with it. Sean and I were texting a lot and I talked to my family and Dana and Jo. I never told anyone about my repressed memories and I knew neither Sean nor Ethan would ever repeat what they’d witnessed.
Ethan was there for family visit on Sunday. I told him he shouldn’t waste his money, but he said it wasn’t even an option, if he had a chance to see me, he’d swim to China if he had to. He was so smitten. Sean came for about an hour, too. We had a good time playing cards, the three of us. I was glad they got along so well with each other, although I felt that Ethan was a tad bit jealous every once in a while, but I understood that. I wouldn’t like to watch him have a close friendship with a beautiful younger woman, it would make me crazy jealous. He did a good job with it, and I appreciated that. Before Ethan left, he picked me up and twirled me around. “The next time I see you, you’ll be a free woman!” He was so excited to get me home. I laughed and the butterflies were wild as I thought of what my life was going to be like.
The last week flew by. A lot of the women who were there when I came were gone then, but there were other women in their places. Laura surprised me on Wednesday with the news that I could leave on Friday at noon.
“The weekend is primarily private and family time anyway,” she said. “You’ve exceeded all our expectations, Gia, and it’s time for you to fly.” I was ecstatic! I was actually expecting to be there a full thirty days, but she said no, it’s a full four weeks, twenty-eight days to be exact. I tried to change my airline ticket to leave on Friday night, but the best I could do was Saturday
noon. I couldn’t wait to tell Ethan. I thought of surprising him, showing up at The Lock Saturday night, all rocked out, and rock his world, but I couldn’t contain myself. I sucked at keeping secrets all of a sudden. I texted him.
Who’s playing Sat nite?
Warrant & Firehouse. Why???
Do u have a date? I loved teasing him.
Why???
I luv Cherry Pie. It was my favorite Warrant song.
My phone rang. I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it. “Guess who’s getting out early for good behavior?” I answered.
“Gia, don’t tease me…” He tried to sound threatening, but I laughed.
“I thought you liked it when I teased you.”
“Please tell me you’re being serious.” He didn’t know for sure.
“Baby, I know what I can tease you about, and what I can’t. I wouldn’t do that to you. Can you pick me up at the airport at seven on Saturday night?”
“Holy shit, you’re coming home! Hell, yes, I can pick you up. Then you’re coming back to The Lock, with me?” He was happy and hopeful. I had butterflies.
“Of course. We have some catching up to do. A few days should cover it, and then I’ll need to start packing up my apartment, I suppose.”
“Don’t worry about any of that, just get home safe.” Then it hit him. “A few days of catching up?” I could tell he was smiling. “I better be rested, huh?”
“Uh-huh,” I warned him.
I texted Sean. He was excited to spend some time with me before I left. He said he’d pick me up at noon sharp. He asked if I wanted him to get me a room at the hotel, or if I felt okay to stay at his place. I thought about how it might make Ethan feel if I stayed at Sean’s. Sean was reading my mind.
“Do you think you’ll lose control and take advantage of me or something?”
I laughed. “I was just thinking the same about you.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve got mad self-control skills. I’ve slept in the same bed with you, all night, twice, and was a perfect gentleman, remember?” He was such a shit.
“Yeah, I remember. I’ll stay at your place. You’d probably insist on staying with me if I stayed at the hotel, anyway.”
“Yeah, probably.”
***
Sean was right on time. He put my things in the car and told me to take a minute before I got in. I didn’t know what he meant, but as I looked over at the women taking their smoke break on the grass, I got it. I thought about that first morning when Dana and Jo dropped me off, and each morning after that. Some were good, and some were not so good, but they were all necessary to get me where I was then. Those women were fighting their own battles, and I prayed that they would soon be standing where I was, feeling the way I was. I smiled and hopped in the ‘Vette.
Sean looked at me and I nodded. He put it in gear and I never looked back. We went to the hotel and had our burger, fries, and milkshake lunch. I ate about half as much as I had the last time, remembering how full I was afterwards. Plus, I’d been eating healthy and working out hard for the last four weeks and I was in the best shape I’d ever been in.
“Your body’s like a brick shithouse,” Sean said. “You must’ve been serious about all the working out you were doing.”
“Thanks, I think.” I wasn’t sure if the shithouse part was a compliment or not. “It was actually one of my favorite times of the day.” I smiled as I thought about Ethan in my routine.
“Are you done? We’ve got a lot to do.” Really? I nodded.
We went bowling. I got a ninety-four, and he got a two-nineteen. What a show-off.
We went to a movie, Friends With Benefits. “Seriously, Sean?” I raised my eyebrows at him.
“It was the only thing good at the cheap seats,” he said. “I’m watching my spending.”
“Whatever!” I shook my head and he laughed.
We went to a little bar and listened to a local band for a while. We had two beers and danced a couple of times. It was so much fun. I’d talked him into visiting Ethan and I sometime before the summer was over. I told him I’d let him know what the concert line up was, and he could decide when he’d come.
Sean stopped and picked up a pizza. The next thing I knew, we were at the hotel.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
We got on the elevator with Carl. “All the way up, Carl,” Sean said. “Thanks for covering for me tonight, by the way.”
“No problem. When you said it was important, I couldn’t say no.” Carl winked at me.
“You were supposed to work tonight? Why didn’t you tell me?” I felt bad.
“Carl said he’d trade with me. I’ll just work tomorrow night instead. It’s no big deal.” He shrugged his shoulders. I felt really special. He’d gone to a lot of trouble for me.
“Did he really refer to me as ‘important’?” I asked Carl.
“Yes, Gia. I think ‘really important’ were his exact words.” Carl and I laughed as we teased Sean.
“Okay, you two,” Sean said. “Break it up.”
We made it to the top and Sean grabbed my hand that time and we walked to the door together. He pulled two diet A&W’s out of his jacket, and we sat on the roof and ate pizza. When we were finished, he looked at me very seriously.
“Gia, the last time I brought you up here you nearly froze because you got so lost in it, remember?” I nodded. I’d tried to memorize it, so I could come back there, in my mind, like Sean said, and release things, when I needed to.
“You’ve come a long way since then, and I thought you might like to come back up here and finish what you started a month ago.” I nodded and walked back to the spot I’d stood that night. It was even more beautiful. I felt tiny again, in the vastness of the sky. I did what Sean told me to do. I threw it out, watched it float away, and I was done with it! Wow! It felt freeing. I’m free. I turned my head and looked at Sean. He could see it in my face and he gave me a huge smile. I reached my hand out to him and he joined me. We stood, holding hands, and stared out into the infinite sky.
“Do you know how much your friendship means to me?” I asked him.
“Yes.” He squeezed my hand. “The feeling is mutual.”
“Don’t ever minimize the importance you’ve had on my recovery. Not even as a joke. You saved my life. The only way I can ever repay you is to be your friend, is that enough?” Tears welled in my eyes, but I kept them forward.
“You’ve repaid me ten times over by giving me back something I’d lost a long time ago.” His voice cracked and the tears ran down my cheeks. “I’d given up on that kind of love, the kind I’d had for a split second, and lost. The therapy saved my life and I came to terms with the accident and the loss.” He took a deep breath. “But there’s no therapy in the world that can make you experience feeling again. That comes from within. You put it back in me. Then you and Ethan proved it to me.”
We faced each other, hand in hand. We had a bond that would last a lifetime, and we knew it. He put his arm around me and we made our way to the elevator. As we rode down in the elevator, I told Carl, “Thank you for covering for Sean tonight, it was really important.” Sean squeezed my hand and smiled.
“Will I see you again someday?” Carl asked me.
“Not unless the spoiled rich kid gets me a room. I can’t afford this place!”
“Yes, you’ll see her again, Carl. You can count on it,” Sean said.
I raised my eyebrows. “Hmm, interesting,” I said.
“Until next time then, Gia,” Carl said.
I gave him a quick hug. “Carl, take care of my little Richie Rich, okay?” He nodded.
***
When we got to Sean’s place, we were exhausted. I put on my sweats and Ethan’s shirt. “Sorry,” Sean said, “I wouldn’t have washed Ethan’s sheets in the guestroom if I’d have known you’d be staying. What’s with that, anyway?”
“What’s with what?”
“You a
nd smells.”
I laughed. “I just like the way you and Ethan smell. Your scent is hot, I love your cologne. Ethan’s is like soap mixed with his own scent, fucking hot.”
He shook his head. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Oh, let me guess, The Graduate?”
“Good one, Gia.” He was laughing. “No, I was thinking maybe that new one with the girl from, what the hell is the name of that? You know, with that dude from SNL?”
“Oh, yeah, that one.” I rolled my eyes at him. “You know I’m gonna fall asleep anyway, so whatever you pick is good for me.”
He pulled open the hide-a-bed and threw some blankets and pillows on it. “Do you want some popcorn? Or ice cream?”
“No, I’m good.” I got comfy in my spot.
He hopped into his spot next to me and started the movie. He handed me a spoon and took the lid off the Ben & Jerry’s. I dug my spoon in and got a big bite.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said, smiling.
“Well, you gave me a spoon!”
“You would’ve just taken mine if I hadn’t!”
“Mmm, it’s delicious, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Thank you for staying with me. I love the company, your company.”
“I love your company, too. We need to find you a woman. Hey, what did you think of Brynn? She asked about you after you left.”
“She seemed nice; cute, too. What did you think of her?”
“I love her. She was my closest friend there. Played the shit out of volleyball, too, for such a tiny thing. Can I give her your number? Please?” I was excited about that idea.
“I don’t know,” he hesitated. “Are you sure she was interested?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” I stared at him, waiting for an answer.
“Gia, settle down. I’ll think about it and let you know tomorrow.”
My phone beeped. It was a text from Ethan.
Total Control (Losing Control Series Book 3) Page 22