Madison Johns - Agnes Barton 02 - Grannies, Guns and Ghosts

by Madison Johns

  We dropped her off and waved, watching her until she walked inside.

  “Sister huh?” El began. “Hate to tell you that I told you so.”

  “You just did, dear.”

  “That man is in love with you.”

  “Perhaps he is, but that just complicates matters. I’m not so sure how I feel. I mean he makes me feel like a school girl and all, but what if we actually hooked up for keeps I mean.” I cleared my throat. “He doesn’t live here you know, what if he wanted me to move to Detroit.”

  “You’re kinda putting the cart before the horse here, Aggie. You need to win back the man first.”

  “Martha is staying with me and my trailer was trashed if you remember.”

  “Of course, I remember, that just happened today.”

  “You are eighty-two after all.”

  “You running down the hill pretty fast enough yourself, old girl.”

  “Not fast enough that I don’t have time to have a little fun. Andrew is the only diversion I want from our investigating.”

  “I suggest you take it slow, Aggie. I’d hate to see you get hurt.”

  “Too bad you don’t have the same sympathy for Mr. Wilson.”

  “Ahh, he’s such an animal, you’d be surprised, Aggie.”

  “I’d rather not have that mental image in my head if you don’t mind.”

  “Rocking camper is all I have to say to that. Talk about disturbing.”

  “Most people think we are disturbed and I’m beginning to wonder if my friendship with Elsie is over now.”

  “Don’t be like that. Things blow over pretty quick. Maybe we should find a man for Mildred,” El suggested.

  “Who do you hate that much?”

  She paused as if in thought. “Sheriff Peterson’s dad.” She smirked. “Not that I hate him, but he is rather randy at least. Remember when he thought we were hookers?”

  “Don’t remind me, please.” I frowned at her. “Did you forget that he’s at the County Medical Facility.”

  “No he’s not. I heard Sheriff Peterson sprung him on a trial basis. He hired an around the clock companion for him, Raul.”

  “Does the Raul have a last name.”

  “Not that I heard of, he’s from Cuba—legally they say.”

  “Hmm, Hal Peterson who can’t keep his willie in his trousers and bat shit crazy Mildred, sound like a match made in Hades and highly unlikely.”

  “Stranger things have happened.”

  “I can’t see it, sorry.”

  “We could introduce them.”

  “Elsie would run us outta town on a rail. I’m thinking more like being chased by townsfolk carrying pitchforks and torches.”

  We rolled into my parking space and Martha and Sophia practically flew from the camper. I barely got out of the car before they went to lecturing me.

  Martha was panting something fierce. “Where? Why?” Her hands planted on her thighs and she leaned over like trying to catch her breath.

  “Sit down Martha before you fall out.”

  Sophia helped her to the picnic table, her own eyes shooting fire. “Seriously, Gramms, you could have told us you were leaving. You were just released from the hospital today.”

  “Yes, and with your trailer being ransacked, I thought some goon came and grabbed you,” Martha added.

  Goon was a word I could do without. “No more goons here in town.”

  “You’re right, Aggie, just a bank robber, possibly a double murderer, ghosts and ghost ships being spotted. It’s another day in East Tawas.”

  “I don’t need you to remind me that there seems to be a theme going around here,” I exclaimed.

  “Yes, ghosts,” El said. “It’s like the whole town has gone crazy over ghosts.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s only going to get worse.”

  “You got that one right,” Martha added. “You received a call while you were gone and someone reported a ghost was spotted in an oven over at Tim Horton’s donut shop.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ghost sightings at Tim Horton’s, really? I can’t believe this is happening. I was completely off track with my original case, the death of Herman Butler, but shrugged it off. I’m a go-with-the-flow type of investigator.

  I threw up my arms. “Now this is just crazy. Okay who is going with me?”

  All hands shot up and we filed into the Caddy that had room enough for all of us. I raced to the scene of the apparition and when we got there, G.A.S.P., was on scene along with half of East Tawas it appeared. We wrangled our way inside via the back door. Word was that Tim Horton’s kitchen air conditioning was on the blink, so I had heard that they kept the back door open.

  The manager’s eyes were round and I wondered what he was more shocked about, the ghosts or our sudden appearance.

  “What happened?” I questioned the manager.

  He rolled his eyes. “Great, Agnes Barton is here. What next, the clown patrol?”

  “What’s your beef, young man?” Eleanor shouted. “You’re lucky to have us here to do a proper investigation.”

  “That’s what they’re here for?” He pointed at the ghost hunters.

  “Fiddlesticks. I’m wondering who called in the 911 in on this one.”

  “I certainly didn’t,” he arrogantly stated. “Wherever the two of you turn up, trouble follows.”

  “What did you say your name was, Mr-Manager-trying-to-hinder-the-investigation?”

  “This is not a criminal matter, and I’m not telling you my name.”

  “Joshua Ferguson,” one of the workers said. Her uniform was covered with frosting and flour, but her rosy cheeks and bright smile brightened up the kitchen nicely.

  “Don’t tell her anything, Anna, or you’re fired.”

  I glanced around the kitchen, which was tidy for the most part, considering how hot it was in here. I felt sorry for any poor soul who did the cleaning. I then narrowed my eyes at the man and thankfully, he shut his trap.

  Joshua pulled up his brown trousers a bit at my observation, adjusted his tie to loosen it, and swept a hand over his comb over to put it back in place. It was so hot back here that the man was visibly sweating with damp patches beneath both arm pits.

  Evy started, “If you don’t mind, Agnes, I’ll wait outside.” She laughed. “This heat will ruin my hair,” she gave it a careful pat.

  “Great idea,” Sophia said and followed her back outside.

  I nodded expecting no less from her. We’ll all need a shower after this one. I turned back to Anna, “Can you tell me what happened?”

  “When I opened the oven a-a weird mist appeared. I was so scared that I dropped a whole tray of donuts.”

  I spied the evidence of this scattered on the floor. “There will be some upset deputies in town today,” I said with a snicker.

  The manager stomped his way out of the kitchen and we were free to observe Nate and Jake from G.A.S.P. with their gadgets in hand. The counter moved and the duo of clowns, including the one with the larger than life hair jumped up and down like children.

  “Did you see that?” Nate exclaimed.

  “I certainly did, Jake.”

  “Who are you?” Nate asked. Static came out of a hand held radio of sorts.

  “Show yourself!” Jake demanded.

  We waited while the two looked inside the oven. He whirled and moved around the room checking for a cold spot. I think that’s what they call it on Ghost Adventures.

  “Good luck finding a cold spot in this hot kitchen,” I whispered to El.

  I whirled to Anna again. “Are you sure it wasn’t just steam rising out of the oven?”

  Anna’s eyes shifted to Jake and Nate. “I really wanted to meet the members of G.A.S.P. and maybe get out of work early.” She shrugged.

  The ghost hunters whirled at that. “You mean you called us out here just to meet us,” Troy said.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to cause this much ruckus. I promise I won’t do it aga
in.”

  “That is completely cool, but this ghost business is serious stuff for us.” Nate winked.

  “Thank God,” Martha exclaimed, It’s hot as hell in here.”

  We all walked outside where Anna continued to talk to the G.A.S.P. members, giggling like a school girl, not much of a stretch since she was quite young from the looks of it.

  Martha migrated over there as well. “Hey look, El, it’s the ghost hunter groupies,” I said.

  “I see that and your daughter is one of them,” El observed.

  We walked back to the car and I called out, “Coming Martha?”

  “No. I’ll catch up with you later, Mom.”

  My brow twitched in response to Martha’s hasty retreat and we went back to my camper minus Evy, who walked up the street to her hotel room. When I walked inside, the air conditioning was a welcomed relief.

  We literally fell on the couches while Sophia excused herself saying she needed to get ready for her jog tonight with Bill.

  “Jogging with Bill again?” I wrinkled my forehead. “Why don’t they just give me the skinny and get over it?”

  “Because it’s none of your business,” Eleanor said.

  “Who says it’s not, she’s my granddaughter!”

  “You is who says.”

  “Still, I wonder why Sophia won’t tell me?”

  “Because you’ll overreact.”

  “Damn right I will. Sales needs to find someone his own age and leave her alone.”

  “It’s none of your business, Aggie, just like it’s none of our business who you decide to shack up with.”

  “I’ll have you know that I just don’t shack up with anybody.”

  “And Andrew?”

  “I’m not sure what I’d call that.” I gathered a breath. “It’s complicated.”

  “Welcome to the life of romance and such after the age of sixty.”

  “You seem to be enjoying the ‘and such’ part these days, El.”

  “Things sure change. It’s about companionship more than anything, Aggie, but you just can’t let those little opportunities pass you by if one comes knocking on your door you know.”

  “Oh, I know all right, dear. I just hope I haven’t burnt all my bridges in that respect.”

  “Next plan of attack is?” El lounged back, Duchess jumping next to her meowing a response that we couldn’t understand.

  “It would be a great day for a swim after sweating like a hog at Tim Horton’s,” I said.

  “That would be a great way to cool off.” El sprung out of her chair and dashed outside, returning a minute later with the spare swimsuit from her trunk. Within minutes, the purple floral pattern barely covered her breasts and her plus-sized belly looked more pronounced. When I put my suit on, I covered it with a sarong. I just didn’t have the Devil-may-care attitude about my body that El had. I rather envied her for that. I carried a paunch around my lower belly like most women that had children. My breasts were spared from the downward motion at this point, so I reveled in that.

  We grabbed a few towels and made our way toward the beach, passing the gypsy Leotyne who waved at us this time. “She certainly is playing hot and cold,” I told Eleanor.

  “Yup, maybe distance is all you two ever needed. Next time you decide to start a fire, warn me ahead of time so I can bring marshmallows.”

  “You are on fire already.”

  “I don’t think so, Aggie. You don’t see me mooning over a man.”

  “I’m not mooning over him, but I’m just not sure how and why I will run into him again.”

  As we cleared the tree line, Andrew and Evy were on the beach seated in lounge chairs.

  Evy waved us over. “I was telling Andrew about our little adventure today.”

  “What part was that, dear?” I asked.

  She winked. “Well the ghost hunt at Tim Horton’s donut shop, of course.”

  I laughed nervously. “Yes, that was a real waste of time.”

  “That’s not true. Martha might have found a social connection to keep her outta of your hair,” El said.

  “Great, more rumors to deal with.”

  “What other rumors could there be?” Andrew asked.

  “I’m not at liberty to say at this time.”

  “More of the same I see, you haven’t changed a bit.” He winked.

  “Yes I have, I’m just more guarded than I once was.” I needed to stop this conversation before it got out of hand. I had no intentions for it to turn into a disagreement. “We’re gonna take a dip.”

  El and I walked toward Lake Huron where I shucked my sarong receiving a wolf-whistle from Andrew who looked like sex on a stick in his speedo. Speedos should be banned—and in front of his sister no less.

  My dentures chattered. “Damn it’s c-cold in here.”

  “Quit being a baby, dear, just keep wading in deeper.”

  Small pieces of driftwood and minnows moved by our feet until we were in waist deep. When it was deep enough to swim, El and I splashed each other and enjoyed just being friends and not crime solvers constantly on the move until screams pierced the air.

  “What’s going on?” I screamed.

  “Something slimy over there touched my leg!” a woman shouted, pointing out an area twenty feet from where we were.

  I waded over there to investigate and noticed a dark shadow below the surface. And when I gingerly touched it, I screamed.

  “What is it, Aggie?” El asked giggling. “It’s probably driftwood.”

  “I-I d-don’t think driftwood has fingers!”

  “What?” El waded to where I stood. Sure enough, dark hair fanned out from a body just beneath surface. El screamed and made her way toward the beach.

  Andrew swam out there and I treaded the water until he reached me. The body bobbed against us, layered in seaweed, perhaps the reason it hadn’t floated to Canada.

  A horrified expression came over my face. “What should we do, Andrew?”

  “Someone call 911,” Andrew shouted as a crowd had begun to gather. He then turned to me. “We should stay with the body so it doesn’t float off.”

  “W-We c-could pull it to shore,” I suggested, to which we tried giving it a tug, but it was so tangled in driftwood and seaweed that it wouldn’t move. It was then that I noticed the maid uniform. Although scared half out of my wits, I searched for something, anything that would identify this body as that of the maid from Robinson’s Manor, the one who never showed up to work, and was potentially missing.

  Andrew’s eyes widened. “Maybe we better leave it to the sheriff’s department,” he said.

  Tears welled up and fell.

  I continued to feel my way along the body, working under the seaweed until my fingers brushed against a circular, hard object. I jerked it out and clasped it tightly in my hand. “Got it!”

  “What in tarnation are you doing, woman?”

  “I think I know who this might be.”

  “Who?”

  “The missing maid from Robinson’s Manor.”

  “You’re losing me.”

  “Oh, Andrew, I’ll explain it when the sheriff gets here.” No sense in explaining it twice is my thinking.

  It was getting darker now, and even the orange and pink sky wasn’t soothing me like it usually did. I just wanted the sheriff to get here fast.

  Siren’s split the air as the Sheriff Peterson and state police were on scene, not a one of them wearing wetsuits. They just carried a metal basket into the water and took over while we waded to shore.

  “Please, don’t be nasty to me for once, Peterson,” I cried as I finally made it to shore and sunk to the sand. Eleanor quickly covering my trembling body with a towel and Andrew took her place trying his best to warm me by rubbing my arms vigorously.

  Peterson waded into the lake, barking orders. I couldn’t see anything from my vantage point. The sheriff’s department had their own watercraft, but the water wasn’t deep in the area they were concentrating on.


  I shook my head. “This is just eerie.”

  “Aggie, this is Lake Huron not Lake Erie,” Eleanor said.

  I glared at her. “Is that your way to cheer me up?”

  “It’s the best I could do. So what does it feel like to have touched a real dead body?”

  “It’s overrated.”

  “How did you even see it out there?” Andrew asked, now rubbing my shoulders.

  “I didn’t, a woman screamed and I went to check it out.” I trembled. “There was a shadow on the surface and—”

  “Floater,” El added. “It’s not like we were fishing for bodies, Andrew,” El spat. “They better hurry, it’s getting mighty dark.”

  “How right you are, El,” I said.

  The sheriff’s department began moving toward shore carrying the basket, which was quickly covered with a tarp of some sort.

  Eleanor frowned. “Aww, I wanted to see the body.”

  “El, that is just awful. I can’t imagine it would look so good if it was in the water for any length of time.”

  “You have that right, ladies,” Trooper Sales said as he joined us.

  He was dressed in gray jogging attire, his sneakers with glow in the dark stripes.

  “I hope Sophia isn’t here.”

  “No, she went home when this was called in.”

  “Who found the body?” Peterson asked as they carried the body past us.

  I bent my head.

  “Thought as much, come along, Agnes. We can question you back at your camper, too many ears around here.” He coughed. “The crime lab will be here soon and will be taking over here.”

  “Agreed,” I said.

  We walked back to my camper and positioned ourselves on the picnic table while Peterson sat across from me. He went through the standard questions like my name, age, and address. Then he asked. “So how did you find the body?”

  “We just came back from Tim Horton’s—”

  “Somebody claimed a ghost was in the oven if you can believe that,” El said.

  I glared at El. “We decided to take a dip in the lake to cool off.”

  “And then?”

  “We just waded out and were having fun until a woman screamed. I went to check it out and it was a solid, slimy object. I thought at first it might be a dead fish or something.”

  El went and fetched us ice tea, presenting us each with a tall glass.