Thousands

by Pepper Winters

  The rest of the money had a job to do—earn itself three times over so I had funds for my revenge, my family, and to pay back my debt.

  A few weeks later, after extensive research into what fields would pay best dividends, I decided to purchase a super yacht business. The numbers thrown around by billionaires for flashy toys was obscene.

  I’d invest the first five hundred million into making the best yacht I could. I’d sell it for profit. I’d earn a reputation. I’d do it again and again until everything was back to rights.

  The moment I decided Monte Carlo was the place to reinvent myself and plot my enemy’s demise, I turned my back on America and boarded a plane to Monaco.

  “Elder? El...you’re scaring me.”

  I blinked.

  Pim slowly came back into view. Her eyes strained; mouth pinched in pain. Looking down, I snatched my hand from hers. I’d squeezed her so hard her fingertips were white from blood loss. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She rubbed her fingers, half-smiling, half-grimacing. “You disappeared on me there. Are you all right?”

  Was I all right?

  I’d thought I was. It’d been years since I fully relived where the money had come from. I’d even managed to live with the guilt—justifying it because I paid Oliver Gold and still managed to build my yachts to earn more.

  Touching the money to give Pim the origami lesson had somehow shot me down bitter memory lane.

  Why? What was on my mind?

  Fuck, everything is on my mind.

  Perhaps, it was because I was sick of waiting for the Chinmoku to make the first move. Perhaps, I was over begging for a fresh start with my family. Perhaps, I was done trying to hold myself back where Pim was concerned.

  Selix had told me once to go easier on myself. To accept the good as well as the bad. I’d been fighting Pim since the day my heart first took notice of her. She was the opposite of me. She was everything good, and the more I fell for her, the worst I dragged her into my world and made her bad.

  Goddammit, I’m exhausted.

  Jamming my elbows onto the table, I held my head in my hands. My mind formulated lies and discarded them. Only the truth tasted decent on my tongue. “Everything you see? Everything you know...it’s all a lie.”

  She froze. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean the Phantom, the submarine, the warehouse in Monaco...it’s all fake.”

  “What do you mean fake?”

  “I mean I stole it.”

  Pim fell silent for a moment before she lowered her voice. “How do you mean stole it?” She shook her head. “That can’t be possible. I saw your logo on the wall in that warehouse. I saw how the staff loved you. I saw your house on the hill where your mother stayed. I saw—”

  “You saw nothing. It’s all stolen.”

  “How can you say that? I can feel your sweat and blood in everything around us, Elder. I know how hard you work. How meticulous your designs are. How many clients you’ve delivered product to. Something like that can’t be faked or stolen.”

  Sitting taller, I forced myself to be rational and start at the beginning. “The warehouse, the company...you’re right, those are real. I created those from nothing, and they generate incredible wealth. I am the reason that company exists.”

  “Then what do you mean—?”

  “I mean I could never have afforded to buy that house or the warehouse or the lumber and staff and machinery required to build such vessels without first stealing the money from someone else.”

  Taking her hand again, I begged her with my eyes to let me touch her. She didn’t shy away—if anything, she leaned forward with no judgement or criticism on her face.

  If I didn’t already love her, I’d love her for that alone.

  Her gaze turned forest green with earnest acceptance. “Tell me.”

  The only way to do it was to spit it all out. “I stole a man’s wallet in New York. Inside was a lottery ticket. It turned out to be a jackpot of over half a billion dollars.” My head hung. “I kept it when I should’ve given it back.”

  She fell utterly silent. She stared gobsmacked, her head shaking slightly.

  My heart died, believing this was the point where it was all too much for her. Where she finally said...’thanks but no thanks.’

  Instead, she blinked as things shifted over her face, solidified in her mind, and were once again accepted with no questions asked.

  Who the hell was this girl? How could she be so kind and generous with her boundaries of right and wrong? How could I ever repay her?

  Squeezing my fingers, she murmured, “This makes so much sense.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The guilt you carry. The shame I don’t understand. You’ve never accepted the crime, so you pay for it constantly.”

  I didn’t admit she was right on every level or tell her that in another few years, I would’ve paid off the man I robbed in full. I’d turned his winnings into double the amount. Soon, my debt would be clear, and I could finally admit I used him as an interest-free loan to get ahead, provide for my family—even if they didn’t want to be provided for—and right the sins of my past.

  I inhaled deeply, ready to deliver my final confession. Weren’t revealing truths you’d harboured for years supposed to leave you light-hearted?

  Somehow, I felt heavier, more tired than I’d ever been.

  Bringing her hand to my lips, I whispered against her knuckles, “The man who saved you is a fraud doing his goddamn best to make up for all the shit he’s done. But...it’s never enough.”

  Tears sparkled in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut in, needing to finish, needing to end this. “Even my name is a lie.”

  She gasped.

  “You are Tasmin Blythe. That is your true name even if you don’t want it. I understand that more than you know. Ever since I met you, I’ve done my utmost to steal your letters, rob your past, and learn everything about you. Yet, I’m a fucking hypocrite.”

  “El—”

  “No. Listen, Pim. I get that you’re not ready to use your old name. Just like I’ll probably never use mine. I’m no longer that boy. And good fucking riddance.”

  Cupping her cheek, I couldn’t tear my gaze from her lips. I wanted so badly to kiss her but after this confession—this completely unplanned and shockingly stupid confession—I had no willpower anymore.

  All it would take was for her to lean forward and press her mouth to mine.

  And it would be all over.

  The dishes would be on the floor, Pim would be on the table, and we’d have an entirely different dinner than the one we’d come here for.

  My voice tore with a growl as I fought myself yet again. “I demand to know everything about you. Every scrap of thought and fragment of memory I want to hoard. I need to make it mine. But to balance such a demand, I should be willing to share myself. But I’m not ready. I might never be. I have so much I wish I could erase. So many things I never want you to know. And because of that, whatever we have will forever be unequal. I’ll always demand more from you than I can give, and that is yet another debt I’m struggling to bear.”

  I needed to leave before I told her anymore incriminating failures.

  Letting her go, I stood and kissed the top of her head, lingering over the soft scent of vanilla and sea salt. “I need to be alone, Pimlico. Don’t come find me.”

  I left before I could change my mind.

  Before I could drag her into my lap, beg her for forgiveness, and bury myself inside her.

  I left before I could create any new mistakes when I was trying so fucking hard to rectify my old ones.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ______________________________

  Pimlico

  FOR FORTY-EIGHT HOURS, I did my best to give Elder some space.

  I’d found him in his office the next day, but after a stilted, distracted conversation about the weather, I’d left him to drown himself in work.<
br />
  The rest of the day, I’d relaxed on my balcony and watched the horizon blur into one magical line where tide met sky and sizzled with sunshine.

  The next afternoon, I headed up on deck only to find Elder at the bow with binoculars pressed to his eyes, his back rigid, and the faintest outline of another vessel on the horizon.

  When I tiptoed beside him and stared at the faraway vessel, my skin prickled from the crackle of energy he gave off. His whole persona was tense and brittle, ready to shatter at any moment. Only, when he shattered, I had an awful feeling he’d take out entire cities with his rage and regret rather than just implode.

  I stood beside him for twenty minutes before I got up the nerve to ask if he knew who manned the boat behind us.

  He ripped the binoculars away and gave me a look so black and bleak, I struggled to catch a breath.

  A moment later, he returned to looking through the magnifying glass only to mumble something about an urgent meeting with his captain then vanish to the bridge.

  Something nasty gnawed at him. Something that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his past.

  Chinmoku.

  Did he expect them to find us here? Was his worry over going to war or their involvement in the QMB and my fate?

  My questions sank to the depths of my belly and made me nauseous.

  That night, I ate alone even though he sat beside me. We exchanged salt and pepper, we commented on how fragrant the chicken laksa was, and once again, we shared awkward pleasantries on the weather.

  Ever since the botched origami lesson, he barely made eye contact with me. I knew in his mind it was out of respect...to give me time to get used to the idea that his entire wealthy existence was based on a lie, but his lack of friendship left me stranded and chilly.

  I was lonely even as I shared dinner with him.

  The questions in my stomach curdled until all I wanted to do was hug him and say I didn’t care if his name was fake and his wealth was stolen. All I cared about was him. The man I knew right here, right now. The man who could have nothing and no one and I would still love because I recognised his soul as one that I valued and respected.

  When dinner was over and I’d burned more calories in stress than I’d consumed, I tried to ask why the presence of another boat unsettled him so much. His eyes once again blackened with protection and temper, delivering a harsh chuckle designed to sound light-hearted and carefree but was the heaviest blood-icing laugh I’d ever heard.

  For the first time, I didn’t find comfort in his presence; I only found frustration from not being allowed to share his burdens.

  I stood and said a quiet goodnight, only for him to escort me wordlessly to my room.

  And then, after we parted painfully outside my door, I locked the handle for the second time.

  I willingly accepted what Elder told me to do and withdrew a little. I locked the door because he told me to. Because he wanted that barrier between us. Well, he’d successfully erected one by cutting me out of his problems.

  With my heart raging, I padded onto my balcony and stared at the starry sky. No signs of another boat. No lights on the horizon or billowing sails.

  We’d travelled past other yachts and schooners before, especially when we left Morocco. Therefore, I couldn’t understand why Elder had gone from exchanging friendly horn blows to glowering at them through binoculars.

  If he truly believed the Chinmoku would attack at sea, why was he worried? He said so himself that the Phantom had more weaponry than it needed.

  That night, I didn’t sleep well. Dreams of pirates and kidnapping and men in black masks kept me company. By the time morning came, I was relieved to open my curtains to a bright sun and empty horizon.

  Once again, I had breakfast on my own.

  My mind returned to the secret Elder had told me. His biggest secret perhaps. If it wasn’t, I didn’t know how I would endure yet more heart felt revelations. If I was any other person, I might judge him for taking a life of financial security from one man and claiming it for himself. If I hadn’t seen how pure he was beneath his temper, I might’ve pulled away.

  But I didn’t.

  And then Selix found me and told me the parts Elder hadn’t.

  After finishing a simple breakfast of muesli and yoghurt, I strolled the deck looking for something to keep me entertained. Looking over the railing, I spotted Elder as he swam in the ocean below, cutting through the tide like a great white shark.

  Resting my elbows on the balustrade, I settled to watch the man I loved pummel his frustration and anger out on unsuspecting waves. Selix found me mulling over rights and wrongs and how I could accept some but not others.

  He mimicked my position, watching companionly as Elder did his best to outswim his demons. For a few minutes, I tensed, still mildly uncomfortable where Selix was concerned.

  What did he want?

  I doubted he wanted to talk. He was too loyal to Elder for that. However, it didn’t mean I had to obey such rules.

  “You know, don’t you?” I twisted to face him. “Where the money came from?”

  His eyebrow rose as he kept his eyes on Elder. “Do you?”

  I looked back to the sea where small splashes from Elder’s arms and feet ruined the otherwise marble appearance of the ocean. “He told me.”

  “Did he also tell you that crime made him reassess everything? That he went from being a brilliant thief to reformed overnight?”

  “Not in so many words.”

  Selix fell quiet.

  I didn’t know if I should ask what other skeletons rested in Elder’s closet, but Selix gave me a snippet of information that released my heart from the anchor Elder had attached to it.

  His voice was low—barely audible over the sea breeze. “Do you also know he’s almost paid back what he stole?”

  “What?” My jaw fell open.

  “He would never have accepted it if I hadn’t convinced him to look at the money as a loan rather than a heist. He’s referred to his success as a debt ever since.”

  “A debt?”

  He shrugged. “The crime.”

  My eyes widened as his words sank in. “You mean...Elder found the guy and paid him back?” The concept that anyone would do that, and could somehow take one wealth and turn it into double blew my mind.

  “He wanted to give it all back, but I talked sense into him.” Selix smirked. “Then he wanted to give most of it and keep a few million for his family. I told him life had given him this break. He could borrow it without issue if he couldn’t outright steal it.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  So that was why Elder worked so hard. Why he sailed the world dealing with ruffians and criminals and created such beautiful floating pieces of art. Not because he had a need to be in the underground world but because he knew that crime paid and he needed pay checks to service a debt.

  “I know he’s told you about the Chinmoku, so I’m going to give you a word of advice.” Selix turned to me, looking over his shoulder to make sure Elder was still power swimming around the yacht. “Over the years, he’s built up a fearsome reputation, pissed off people, befriended others, and lied through his goddamn teeth. All he wanted was to go home and live in peace, but that isn’t how revenge works. He’s playing a long game, and the big match is coming.”

  Moving away from the rail, he paused as his shoulder brushed mine. “They’re coming. He knows that. I know that. You might as well know that because when they come for him, he’ll need all the fucking help he can get.”

  My hand shot out as he moved away, latching around his forearm.

  He looked down with a quizzical look as if shocked I’d touched him.

  Before he could request I unhand him, I asked, “What can I do? How do I help him?”

  “Not for me to say.” He shrugged, his face aloof and slightly cold. “You left because you thought it was the right thing for him. That makes you a good person, and I won’t try to stop him f
rom being with you. But you need to find a way to stop hurting him. He needs to have a clear head when they come. Because they are coming, Tasmin Blythe. Mark my words. And if he’s not ready, he’ll die. And then his family will die. And you will die. And everything he’s fucking created from nothing? It was all be for nothing—he might as well have burned with his father and brother just like his family wanted.”

  Removing my hand, he muttered, “He’s lying to you. Don’t take his bullshit and you’ll help him far more than by giving him what he wants.”

  My heart grasped at his advice, soaking it in with desperate knowledge-thirst. “Is that what you do?”

  “That’s what friends do. And I’m many things, but first and foremost, I’m his friend.”

  He strolled away, jamming his hands into his pockets as if we’d never spoken. As if he’d not given me clues on how to seduce the very same man who’d painted himself in the blood of my old master and claimed me.

  A gust rose from the sea below, revealing Elder as he completed yet another lap. I wrapped arms around myself as a shiver worked down my spine.

  Selix had used my real name.

  It hadn’t been comforting or inspiring.

  It had been ominous and unsettling and done exactly what his words had failed to do.

  The Chinmoku weren’t going to let Elder get away with what he’d done.

  And I wouldn’t leave Elder.

  Eventually they would enter my life, and I no longer had umpteen time to figure out if Elder could sleep with me safely and finally find a place of peace.

  A stopwatch had started.

  Ticking fast.

  Running toward a finish line that I didn’t know would end in victory or bloodshed.

  * * * * *

  That night, I woke to calamity.

  One moment I was curled beneath warm blankets, the next the door slammed wide, footsteps pounded to my bed, sheets were ripped off, and I was jerked into powerful arms.

  My eyes flew wide.

  My mind shut down.

  Horror and panic drenched me.