by Jillian Hart
She’d tasted like spun sugar, made him feel as bright as the sunrise, like a day newly dawning. Everything was changing around him—what he wanted, what he believed, what he’d always done to keep his heart safe. There was nothing to protect him from this ache in his heart. It wasn’t from his medical condition, because that low burning pain was a daily occurrence, but this was something bigger and greater. Something he didn’t understand. Something he had no success with.
He was in love with Julie Renton. The kneel-down-on-one-knee-and-propose kind of love. The love that came soul deep. It was more exhilarating than taking an ungroomed slope at full speed. What he’d felt for Vanessa was nothing compared to this.
He was in love for the first time.
Light footsteps padded down the hall. There she was, so beautiful he couldn’t breathe, leaning against the doorframe, looking amazing in a pair of black jeans, riding boots and another of her fuzzy sweaters. This one was a soft yellow that brought out the luster of her porcelain skin and the rich red tones in her dark hair. It wasn’t just her physical beauty that captivated him, but all of her—her goodness, her spirit, her faith.
“The limo’s here.” She winked at him. “That was really fun to say. I’m going to do it again. The limo is waiting for me. That’s hysterical. I suppose the Learjet is, too?”
“You’re having fun at my expense. I’m not sure I can permit that, not unless I make you pay.” Forgetting the socks, he snapped the suitcase shut. “I’ll have to keep your hat as compensation.”
“It’s a one-of-a-kind original. Ought to bring in a good bid at Sotheby’s. Okay, maybe on eBay.”
He loved that she made him laugh. To feel this way, to be this lucky, seemed too good to be true.
Chapter Twelve
I can do this, Julie vowed as the limo whisked them along the icy, narrow road past the village. I can keep this platonic. I can be the friend Noah needs.
He was talking on his phone—it had shrilled while the driver was stowing their bags in the trunk—and it sounded like a business crisis. On the seat beside her, dressed in jeans and an expensive green sweatshirt, he looked like the down-to-earth man she’d come to know so well. But his voice, dark and booming with authority, made it clear he was no ordinary man. He was powerful enough to run a multibillion-dollar company with ease.
“Sorry about that.” He punched off the phone. “I’m heading back to Japan anyway, but now it’s ASAP. I need to get this all squared away before my surgery.”
“You’re going to have jet lag going into the operating room.”
“They’ll give me an anesthetic, and I won’t notice the time difference,” he quipped, because she’d hit a nerve.
Then again, he was already on edge. The way he felt about her was new and overwhelming. He didn’t know what to do about it. Did she love him back? Or did she feel only friendship for him? How did he figure out which, because he’d finally figured it out. He wanted more than friendship.
He loved her. Not just for today, but for always. He needed her. More than the life he’d built in New York. More than the money he’d made and the luxuries he enjoyed.
And because he loved her, he should tell her. Let her know how he felt. And how much he needed her by his side.
What if she didn’t feel the same way?
What was he doing? He was a confirmed bachelor. Why were his thoughts running away from him? Why was he imagining a future that included love and marriage? He didn’t believe marriage was a good thing. There were bad-luck marriage genes in his family. The only thing he’d ever failed at was love.
He was terrified. The thought of marriage scared him more than the possible cancer did. He couldn’t make promises. He couldn’t offer her a ring she might not want.
The one thing he would never allow is for Julie to be as unhappy as his mother had been. That was what he knew of marriage, and just because Nanna and Hope had found joyful marriages, didn’t mean he could.
No, he couldn’t romance her. Besides, there was the surgery, and the possible cancer. He had to see how that turned out first.
So, now what? He had intended to ask Julie to come for his operation. He needed her by his side when he walked through the hospital doors. He wanted to know she would be waiting for him when he opened his eyes in his private room.
Was it wise to ask her?
His chest tightened. Pain seared through his lungs. Just another attack trying to gain strength. He took a deep breath and dug in his briefcase for his pain pills.
“How are you feeling? Do we need to take a detour to the hospital?” She didn’t look at him when she said it.
“The pills have helped. I don’t like to take them, but I haven’t had a full-blown attack since Nanna’s engagement party.”
He took the pill without water, swallowing it down. He wanted the pain to subside.
“Look.” She eased across to the far edge of the seat to peer out the tinted window. “There’s your plane.”
Was it his imagination, or did she feel so far away?
Julie gazed up at Noah’s white-and-gold plane that looked as expensive as it had to be, glinting in the morning sun on perfectly groomed tarmac. She’d taken a commercial flight here, to Colorado, because Noah had been rushing back from Japan. Didn’t he say there was a change of plans, that he had to return to Tokyo?
For some reason her feet slowed down. When he’d been with her in Montana, it was easy enough to pretend that he wasn’t much different than she was. That he was an ordinary man. Yet, when she stepped into the shadow of that sleek jet, one of many on the tarmac, she could no longer deny the truth. Ordinary men drove pickups and didn’t have vacation homes in the Rockies with a million-dollar view.
Above the whir of another small plane’s engines rose a woman’s voice. “Yoo-hoo! Noah Ashton, is that you?”
A woman trotted into sight on heeled boots, her long legs encased in taupe leather. Her matching duster draped her perfectly. Diamonds winked at her throat, on her ears and on every finger, except her left ring finger. “Noah! It is you. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since Daddy’s birthday party, and you were there ten minutes before you slipped away.”
“Hi, Marley.” Noah nodded a polite greeting. “I’d like you to meet my friend Julie.”
Friend. There was that word again. And it hurt. It hurt to greet the gorgeous woman, who was really very nice. Julie learned that Marley was the daughter of the CFO of Noah’s company. She was poised and graceful and had just returned from two months in Paris. She had a jet like Noah’s, except it was red and white.
“It’s very good to meet you, Julie.” Marley’s welcome seemed genuine. “Isn’t the skiing here fantastic?”
“Absolutely. It’s nice meeting you.” She felt plain next to this woman who was so beautiful. Perfect from her rich blond hair to the tips of her polished designer boots. Yep, Julie definitely felt plain, and out of place, and that wasn’t Marley’s fault or Noah’s.
“We’re on a time schedule, but it was good seeing you, Marley,” Noah said politely. “Tell your father he needs to call me.”
“Sure thing. You know he’ll be calling to see that I’m here safe and sound.” She tapped away, waving her long, slender, perfectly manicured fingers. “Good seeing you, Noah,” she called out, and was gone, followed by two men each pushing a huge cart of luggage.
Marley was the kind of woman Noah would marry one day. Julie wasn’t jealous of that, no.
Just brokenhearted.
“Come on,” Noah told her. “Let me show you my plane.”
“You like your plane, do you?”
“Hardly at all.” He held out his hand, taking her elbow to help her make the first step.
Always the gentleman. To his CFO’s daughter, and to his friends. That’s what she was—one of his friends. With each step Julie took, her hopes tumbled more and more until there was only a terrible sense of shame. What had she been thinking? Noah was never going to love her.
And why would he? He was wealthy. Not just rich, but megawealthy. He would never want a country girl in jeans and a homemade sweater. He’d never marry a woman who wore a knit cap with a pom-pom on it bought for two dollars at the yearly church fund-raiser.
She’d asked the Lord for a sign, and He had answered her. He had shown her how very far apart Noah’s world was from hers. The last thing she wanted was to fall in love with a man who couldn’t love her in return. Again.
Tears burned in her eyes and blurred the lovely décor of Noah’s plane. She knew he was coming up the steps behind her, and she had only seconds to pull herself together. To swallow her grief and her heartache and blink the bothersome tears from her eyes. To tuck away her dreams of what could never be.
He was a fine man. Her soul stilled at the sight of him. Wind-tousled like a pirate, as graceful as an athlete and powerful as the self-made man he was.
He would never be hers.
“You want anything to drink?” Noah grabbed a bottle of Perrier from the minibar. “I’ve got soda, tea, water. What’s your pleasure, my lady?”
“You don’t need to wait on me, thanks.”
“It won’t be long until we touch down in Bozeman. Think you’re going to be able to walk out of here?” He made light talk as he crossed over to her. “I don’t know about you, but my muscles are hurting. This fantastic skier I was with really pushed me to the limit.”
“At least I won’t be suffering alone.” She tossed him a smile, dimpled and stunning.
That was the smile he wanted to see forever. He jerked his gaze away, staring out the window. He wished he could tell her how much he needed her. What this trip had meant to him. He wanted to open up to her so much that it hurt.
He took a long drink, staring out the window at the gray, misty clouds below. Jumping from the plane without a parachute would be less terrifying.
“Do you have a busy week ahead at school?” he asked instead, because that was easier. Keep the conversation light and on the surface.
“I’m on recess duty all week, and that’s going to be a challenge with all the snow we’ve been having. Snowball fights,” she explained when Noah raised an eyebrow in question. “One or two break out every recess to keep things interesting. Plus it’s the last full week before Christmas vacation. The kids tend to be high-energy.”
“You love teaching, don’t you? You light up when you talk about it.”
She wanted to tell him about her love of teaching, but what good would it do? Her chest felt so tight, it was hard to breathe. The truth was, he didn’t love her. He was sitting here, so close she could reach out and kiss him if she wanted. He saw her as his skiing buddy. She couldn’t keep doing this, pretending to be his friend. It tore her apart.
“I enjoy teaching. I wouldn’t do anything else.” That’s right, keep it light. Don’t let him know how much you’re hurting. “When I went to apply at the elementary school, the kindergarten teacher had suddenly retired. I was lucky.”
“Teaching kindergarten is a pretty competitive job, then?”
“Not like yours, but it can be, in the world of teaching.” She averted her gaze and started digging through her purse.
Something was wrong. She seemed distant. There was no banter and no cute quips to make him chuckle. Noah picked the wrapper off the water bottle, wondering how to take this.
He ought to rejoice. After this weekend, she’d spent time with him, and realized she didn’t like him. Why else would she sit there, dragging a book from her purse, when they’d been close only this morning…
It was the kiss. While kissing her full on the lips had made him realize he loved her. It made her decide to put distance between them.
See? It was a good thing he was keeping his strictly bachelor status.
Julie didn’t love him.
Pain tore at his chest, but it wasn’t anything a pill could ease. It didn’t make any sense, because hadn’t he decided not to pursue a romance with her?
He tugged his computer from its protective case and hit the power button. Good thing he had work to do. Something else to concentrate on. To make himself useful.
But he couldn’t concentrate. The numbers on the spreadsheet meant nothing, so he closed the document and opened Solitaire. He played the game, trying to pretend that he was all right when Julie was at his elbow, so beautiful and perfect. With her bouncy hair and her elegant profile and the way she bit her bottom lip when she thought.
She didn’t look up once for the duration of the flight.
The forward momentum stopped, and Julie hit the buckle so fast, she couldn’t hear the click as the seat belt released. She was on her feet, jamming her book into the depths of her purse.
“In a hurry, huh?” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Wait two seconds. I want to thank you for a fun ski trip.”
“It was fun.” She’d had a great time, but not because of the skiing. Because of the man.
If she could, she’d pray for time to turn around and run backward and return them to Colorado. Where the air was thin and clear and the beauty breathtaking. She wanted to hold on to that time forever. The way Noah had laughed. How he’d looked wearing her hat. The cozy evening spent together watching movies.
But she had to move forward. Get back to the life she loved.
As hard as it was to descend those steps into the icy Montana wind, she did it. When her feet touched Montana ground, she’d never been so relieved. She’d done it. Finished this trip with her dignity intact. No one would ever know how close she’d come to making a big mistake.
“Hey, Julie!” Noah called, taking the steps two at a time. “I got something for you.”
Not a present, she prayed. Please, not a memento of this trip.
“Thought you might need this, since it’s a one-of-a-kind original.” He held out her hat. “Whatever happens, at least I’ve seen the sun rise in the Rockies. Thank you for sharing that with me. So I didn’t have to go alone.”
She took a shaky breath, because that was all the proof she would ever need. He hadn’t wanted to be alone; that’s why he’d invited her along. His words made her throat ache, and she hated that her hand trembled when she reached for the hat. “You take good care of yourself, and I’ll be praying for you every night.”
“I appreciate that. More than you know.”
Then he was gone, climbing the steps into the jet, disappearing into the mist of snow and wind swirling around him, her Prince Charming in a white-and-gold Learjet.
Noah watched Montana fall away below as the jet climbed through the clouds. It felt as if he were falling, too, spiraling toward earth. His chest felt empty and hollow.
The more he thought about Julie’s behavior, the more it troubled him. How could they go back to being friends after this? Every time he looked at her, he’d see the one woman he would always love.
Chapter Thirteen
I’m late. Late, late, late. Julie tossed a banana and a container of yogurt into her book bag. No time to cook breakfast. No time to pack a lunch. With the way her feet were dragging, and the new snowfall, she’d be lucky to get to school before her kids did.
Okay, keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Lights off? Check. Iron unplugged… She leaned around the corner to peer through the laundry room door. Check. Jacket? There it was, slung over the back of the chair, right where she left it after coming home from the ski trip.
She rushed through the back door, zipping her jacket as she went, wading through ankle-deep snow. There was a familiar green pickup parked to one side of her driveway, a plow attached to the front end.
There was Granddad shuffling through the snowfall, away from her open garage door. “I got your truck warming up. You’re normally long gone by now.”
She kissed his cheek. “I’m way behi
nd this morning. You shouldn’t be here clearing my drive. I have my own plow, you know.”
“Keeps an old cowboy like me busy.” He winked, jamming his hands into his coat pockets. “Did you have a good time on that skiing trip?”
“The best time.” It hurt too much to think about. “What about you? Getting married next week. Are you nervous?”
“After all these years of bein’ alone? I’m lookin’ forward to it.” He knuckled back his Stetson. “You have a good day, now.”
“Want to come over for supper?”
“I’m eating at Nora’s.”
“Sure you are. I’m going to have to get used to that.” She sprinted into her garage where her truck was waiting, the heater almost blowing tepid air.
She put the vehicle in gear and backed out of the garage. Alone, driving down the country road, the realization dawned. She was on her way to work. Her life would go on as it had. Nothing had changed. There was work and friends, and Sunday dinner with her family after church.
The only difference in her life was a big, yawning emptiness in her soul.
Her mother had left. Each man Julie committed her heart to changed his mind. Over the span of a lifetime, it was a message she heard loud and clear. But had she listened to it?
No. She’d gone right ahead and given her heart away a final time. She’d known better. She knew how it was going to turn out if she fell in love with Mr. Wrong.
And now look at her. Crying on the way to work when she could have protected herself. Could have turned down Noah’s offer to go to Colorado. Could have turned away from his kiss. She could have thrown away his flowers instead of putting them in a vase in the middle of her table. Because a part of her couldn’t stop wishing. Still.