A Heart so Wild - Straton 1

by Johanna Lindsey

  It took a moment for the obvious to register with him.

  “Sarah is alive, too?”

  Courtney nodded. “And married again.”

  She explained that everyone had thought him captured, that it was considered impossible for him to have survived. She told him she’d never stopped hoping, never, and then quickly recounted the last four years, and told him about seeing his picture in the old newspaper.

  “Sarah thought I was crazy, but to tell you the truth, I think she didn’t want to believe it was you. She likes being married to Harry.”

  “I’ve remarried again, too, Courtney.”

  “I know. I spent last night at the Bar M with Margaret Rowley. She told me about Ella.”

  Hands on his daughter’s shoulders, he gazed out the window. “Good Lord, I’ve got two wives! I’ll have to do something about that.”

  “And Sarah has two husbands.” Courtney said with a grin. “But I’m sure she’ll agree that one annulment is better than two divorces, don’t you think?”

  “I can only hope so.”

  “Daddy,” Courtney asked. “Why did you leave that farm? You were wounded. Why didn’t you wait there for help?”

  “I couldn’t bear it, honey, thinking you’d died in that burning house. I had to get away from there. I know it was the wrong thing to do, but I wasn’t exactly thinking coherently at the time. I didn’t even take a horse with me, which shows you the state of my mind. I wandered as far as the river, and then I collapsed. A preacher and his family found me. We were well into Indian Territory before I was lucid enough to realize they were taking me to Texas with them.”

  “So that’s how you came to Waco.”

  “Yes. I tried to forget. I made a life for myself. There are good people here.” He stopped suddenly, then asked, “How was it you stayed at the Bar M instead of coming into town last night?”

  “That was as far as Chandos would take me.”

  “Chandos? What kind of name is that?”

  The name I’ll use until I finish what I have to do. “It’s the name his sister gave him. He’s actually Fletcher Straton’s son, or rather estranged son. It’s kind of hard to explain about Chandos, Daddy.”

  “Tell me how you got here from Kansas.”

  “Chandos brought me.”

  “Just him?” he exclaimed, and she nodded. “You traveled alone with him?” p code of morals that had forced him to marry his housekeeper was evident in his shocked expression. Courtney surprised herself by getting angry with her father.

  “Look at me, Daddy. I’m not a child anymore. I’m old enough to make my own decisions. And if I chose to travel alone with a man because it was the only way I could get here, then that’s that. It’s done, anyway,” she said in a quieter tone. “I’m here.”

  “But were you-all right?”

  “Chandos protected me. He didn’t let anything happen to me.”

  “That’s not… what I meant.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” Courtney sighed.

  “ ”Daddy‘?“ came a shocked voice from the doorway behind her father. ”Edward, I thought you had only the one daughter.“

  Courtney was delighted with the interruption, timed as it was. She was afraid her father would take a typically parental attitude toward Chandos. But she wasn’t the timid creature she’d once been. She wasn’t going to apologize for something she wasn’t at all sorry for. And yet this wasn’t the way to start a new relationship with her father.

  So even though she was fully prepared to dislike the lady standing in the doorway, she stepped around her father and extended her hand graciously.

  “You must be Ella.” Courtney’s smile was warm. “And yes, he does have only one daughter—me—alive and well, as you can see. But I’ll let him tell you all about what happened. I left my bag on the porch, and if Mrs. Manning could show me to a room… ?”

  She was trying to maneuver her way around the surprised Ella and get through the doorway when her father stopped her, a warning note in his voice. “We will continue this discussion later, Courtney.”

  “If we must.” She tried to sound cheerful. “But I really would like to get settled. And I’m sure Ella doesn’t have much time right now— or is school finished for the day?”

  “No, no, I do have to get back.”

  Courtney smiled again at the bewildered lady before leaving the room. Outside the closed door, she leaned against the wall, her eyes shut. She could hear them talking inside the next room, her father explaining, and Ella sounding so pleased for him.

  Ella was quite a pretty woman, and young. Courtney hadn’t expected her to be so young, only about twenty-five. With bright red hair and pale green eyes, a vivid combination, Ella certainly didn’t look like any teachers Courtney had ever known.

  Her father probably loved Ella. And they didn’t need the upset Courtney would be bringing into their lives.

  She sighed, pushing herself away from the wall, and went to fetch her bag.

  Chapter 42

  WITH a cunning she hadn’t realized herself capable of, Courtney managed to put off any discussion of Chandos for several days. She kept her father distracted by asking him all about his life in Waco, how he’d met Ella, and so forth. Patients kept him busy—how familiar that was—so she got to see him only in the late afternoon and evenings, and even then he was often called away.

  She got to know Ella too and found she actually liked her. It was a big change, after Sarah. But Ella was busy too, with school, and Courtney found herself alone too long every day.

  It didn’t take long for her to become bored. She considered asking for Mrs. Manning’s responsibilities. After all, she was quite capable of running a house. But she heard Mrs. Manning’s life story one morning, and saw how utterly happy she was to be working for the Hartes, so that was that. But Courtney had worked too many years to be able to just laze away her days. She had to do something.

  For a few days she helped her father with his patients. He was pleased. She had always wanted to be involved in his work, but had never had a chance to learn how draining it could be. She was too sympathetic, her feelings too easily aroused. When she broke down at the sight of a crippled child, she stopped working in her father’s office.

  Ten days after Courtney arrived, she decided to leave. It wasn’t only that she felt so useless here. Fletcher Straton had been right. She wasn’t at all comfortable intruding on a new marriage. Edward and Ella had so little time together as it was, and now they were forced to spend much of it with her. They were still getting to know each other, and her presence there was often awkward.

  The nights were the worst. Courtney heard her father and Ella talking companionably in the room next to hers, then heard them make love. She blushed when she saw them in the morning. It was more than she could bear. Even a pillow over her head didn’t help. And there was no getting away from it because there were only three bedrooms, and Mrs. Manning had the third.

  Those were her reasons for leaving, or so Courtney told herself. But the fact was, she missed Chandos so much that she was utterly miserable, and it was too hard to keep on pretending otherwise.

  She told her father she was going to visit Maggie for a few days, but she had every intention of coaxing a job out of Fletcher Straton. A ranch that size, there had to be something she could do.

  Fletcher was delighted when she arrived and told him what she wanted. She’d known he would be, what with his sending a man to watch her father’s house day after day.

  She had to come up with enough courage to tell her father she wouldn’t be returning to his house after all. He would be disappointed. He would tell her she didn’t have to work. He would remind her that they’d only just been reunited. But it wasn’t as if they couldn’t see each other and as often as they liked, she would tell him. She was only four miles away from him.

  That was what she would tell her father, but the truth boiled down to one thing: she wanted to live on the ranch and draw on Fletcher Straton’s ce
rtainty that Chandos would come back. She needed that hope more than anything.

  Dinner that evening with Fletcher was enjoyable. He tried hard to make her feel at home. Maggie and Sawtooth dined with them, and everyone made suggestions as to what Courtney could do around the ranch. These suggestions included cataloging Fletcher’s library, decorating the big house, and even naming the newborn calves. Sawtooth nearly choked on his food as Fletcher swore he always named every calf.

  After dinner there was lively, affectionate reminiscing. Maggie told how Fletcher had found her in Galveston. He’d been looking for a housekeeper for a long time and knew she was the one he wanted. But she had no intention of staying in Texas, and was on her way to New Hampshire to live with her sister.

  Fletcher promised she could rule his household any way she pleased, and she knew she wouldn’t have that privilege with her sister, so Maggie agreed. But Fletcher claimed she hadn’t agreed until he’d promised her her own house, exactly like the one she had left behind in England. He kept his word, all right. She got the very cottage she left behind, shipped all the way from England, contents and all!

  With much laughter, Sawtooth told the story of how he and Fletcher had met, fifteen years ago. It was nighttime on the plains, and each thought the other was an Indian. It was a dark night, too dark to go investigating, and they’d each heard a noise. Was it an animal? An Indian? Each spent a sleepless night lying, tense, in a bedroll twenty feet from the other! Come morning, they’d had a look at each other and a good laugh over it.

  Courtney went to bed feeling better than she had in days. She needed to be near these people who were close to Chandos. Well, maybe not close. He didn’t allow that. But they all cared for him. And none of them would ever tell Courtney he wasn’t the man for her, as her father surely would if he knew she was in love with a gunfighter.

  A soft breeze stirred the curtains at the open window. Courtney turned over in bed, stretching sleepily, and gasped as the hand clamped over her mouth. A weight fell on the bed, pressing on her, heavy, frightening, pinning her arms so she couldn’t move at all. And this time she didn’t have her gun under her pillow. She had thought she was safe.

  “What in the goddamn hell are you doing here?”

  His voice was rough and furious, but it was the sweetest sound Courtney had ever heard. She tried to speak, but he didn’t move his hand.

  “I nearly killed my horse getting here, only to find you’re not where you’re supposed to be! And I just about scared the life out of the old woman a few minutes ago, thinking you’d be bunking with her. But no, you’re in the goddamn main house, the place I swore I’d never set foot in again. I must be loco! What the hell are you doing here?”

  Courtney shook her head, trying to dislodge his hand. Why didn’t he take his hand away? Surely he must know she wouldn’t scream, that she was overjoyed to see him. But no, he didn’t know that. She had run away from him. He’d tried to turn her against him, and he probably thought he’d succeeded. Then what was he doing here?

  He put his forehead down against hers and sighed. He’d gotten the anger out of his system. What was he doing here? she asked herself again.

  As if he’d read her mind, he said, “I couldn’t let it rest. I had to see if you were all right, if everything turned out the way you wanted it to. Did it? No, of course it didn’t, or you wouldn’t be out here at the Bar M, instead of in town with your father. I know he’s there. I saw him, the house, the wife. What happened, cateyes? You upset because he’s got a wife? You can shake your head, you know, or nod.”

  She didn’t. She wasn’t going to let him get away with a one-sided conversation. She bared her teeth and bit him hard.

  “Ow!” he growled, jerking his hand away.

  “Serves you right, Chandos!” Courtney snapped. “Just what do you think you’re doing, pinning me down and not letting me answer all these questions ?” She sat up and said, “If the only reason you came here was to see if I’m all right, then you can just go.” He got up from the bed. “Don’t you dare leave!” she gasped, clutching his arm.

  He didn’t. A match flared and he located the lamp by her bed. In the seconds it took him to light the lamp, she feasted her eyes on him. He looked terrible, his dark clothes were dusty and there were tired lines around his eyes. He hadn’t shaved. He was every inch a hard, dangerous, gunman, yet to her he was a splendid sight.

  He looked down at her and Courtney felt a tension begin in her belly as those pale blue eyes moved over her. She was wearing a modest white cotton nightgown she had bought when Ella took her shopping. Her deep, golden tan glowed against it, and her eyes were only slightly darker than her skin. Her brown hair was loose and sun-streaked.

  “How come you look… prettier?”

  She tried not to let him see how flustered the question made her.

  “Maybe because it’s been so long since you’ve seen me?”

  “Maybe.”

  Neither of them considered that ten days wasn’t such a long time. He had been through hell, as she had. Ten days had been an eternity.

  “I thought I would never see you again, Chandos,” she said quietly.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He sat down on the side of the bed, forcing her to move over and give him room. “I had every intention of heading down to Mexico after I left San Antonio,” he told her. “And a day, one goddamn day’s riding, that’s as far as I got before I turned around.”

  She had been hoping for a declaration, but he was angry because he had returned, for whatever reason, against his will. Disappointment sparked her temper.

  “Why?” she demanded. “And if you tell me again that it was just to see if I was all right, I swear I’ll hit you!”

  He almost but not quite smiled. “After the way we parted, I didn’t think you’d accept any other reason.”

  “Try me.”

  “I couldn’t leave it alone, cateyes,” he said simply, looking her in the eye. “I thought I could. I thought if you hated me, that would be enough reason for me to stay away. But it didn’t work. Where you’re concerned, nothing has ever worked to keep me away.”

  Hope returned. “Is that so bad?” she asked softly.

  “Isn’t it? You can’t have wanted to see me again.”

  She knew he was hoping for a denial, but after what he’d put her through, she wasn’t letting him off that easy.

  “If you believed that, I’m surprised you had the gall to come.”

  He scowled. “So am I. But I’ve already said I must be loco. Especially for coming to you here—here!” He gestured, taking in the whole Bar M.

  “God sakes, you act as if this place is a prison,” she retorted. “No one’s going to force you to stay here, least of all your father.”

  He froze. Then his scowl darkened. “You know?”

  “Yes. I don’t see why you couldn’t have told me. You must have known I’d hear about the rebellious Kane Straton.”

  “Don’t presume to judge by what you’ve heard, cateyes. You’ve heard only the old man’s side of it.”

  “Then tell me yours.”

  He shrugged. “He thought he had me, that I would want all this and would take anything he dished out just to stay. So he punished me for my mother’s sins, punished me because she preferred life with the Comanche to living with him. He took all his hate and bitterness out on me, and then he wondered why he got back only contempt.” He shook his head at the stupidity of it.

  “Are you so sure that’s the way it was, Chandos? Weren’t you biased before you even got here? Your mother must have harbored resentment against Fletcher for giving her no choice but to leave here, and some of that had to rub off on you. After all, you were only a child. So maybe your father’s behavior was just a reaction to the way you were behaving toward him.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, exasperated.

  “I know he loves you,” she stated flatly, “and he regrets all the mistakes he made with yo
u. And I know he’d give anything for another chance with you.”

  “You mean another chance to turn me into what he wants me to be,” he said, giving her a cynical look.

  “No. He’s learned his lesson. Oh, God sakes, Chandos, this is your home,” she said in exasperation. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you? It means something to me. It’s why I’m here.”

  “Why? Because you thought this was the one place you could hide from me? That I wouldn’t risk coming here?”

  That stung. “No!” she cried. “Because this is where you left me, so I felt closer to you here.”

  He certainly wasn’t expecting that. The declaration robbed him of the head of steam he’d been building, leaving him deflated. Strangely, it also left him feeling elated.

  “Cateyes.” His voice was rough.

  His hand touched her cheek, his fingers gliding into the soft hair around her ear. He leaned closer. His lips touched hers, and it was like the breaking of a dam. Passion flooded them, drowning out everything else.

  In mere moments their clothes were shed and their bodies were clinging as tightly as their mouths, each body suffering an agony of impatience. Chandos made love with a fierce possessiveness he had never shown before, and Courtney welcomed him with a savage intensity she had never equaled before.

  They spoke with their bodies, saying all they couldn’t say in words, each offering the other all the love and want and need that had always been there.

  Tomorrow their lovemaking might be only another memory. But tonight, Courtney was Chandos’s woman.

  Chapter 43

  CAREFULLY, quietly, Courtney opened the door to her bedroom a few inches and peeked in. Chandos was still sleeping, and no wonder. Since he’d left her, he had gotten thirty hours of sleep, which wasn’t enough for five days, let alone ten.

  She closed the door quietly and stood there gazing at Chandos for a moment. She was going to let him sleep as long as he liked. She wasn’t going to tell anyone he was here, either. Maggie knew, but she wasn’t going to warn Fletcher. She’d said it would do the old coot good to be surprised. Maggie was sure Chandos wouldn’t just take off.